


Traitor

by Alison_Parker



Series: an honest enemy is better than a lying friend [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Bisexual Disaster Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual Suki (Avatar), Bisexuality, Developing Friendships, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone is Gay except Katara, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Language, Minor Azula/Reader, Minor Injuries, Minor Suki/Reader, Misunderstandings, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Strained Friendships, Verbal Abuse, Y/N has chemistry with everyone and I can't help it, physical abuse?? listen her dad is a pos, sokka and reader don't have any interactions until the 5th chapter, this was supposed to be only for me but i decided to post
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 90,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25077733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alison_Parker/pseuds/Alison_Parker
Relationships: Sokka (Avatar)/Reader
Series: an honest enemy is better than a lying friend [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855543
Comments: 141
Kudos: 340





	1. Chapter 1

“Do you remember when we first met?” Azula asked. She was lounging on a chaise near the window cleaning her nails with a sharp blade. The sun was setting behind her basking her in a glowing, warm light. It made her gold eyes brighter, gold eyes that were staring intensely at her, waiting for an answer. 

“Of course I do. I came to the palace for a party with my parents,” Y/N responded. She was a ways away on Azula’s bed lying on her stomach. She flipped over and hung her head off the bed letting the blood rush to her cheeks. Azula was smirking at her. 

“No, at school. When I chose you.” Azula tossed the knife she was using and it thudded into the dark wood of her door frame. A door frame that was sliced with notches of where the girls–her, Azula, Ty Lee and Mai– would measure their heights when they were younger; or where Azula would stab her knife deep in the wood,  _ for safekeeping, _ she would always say. 

_ Chose _ . That was a word that Y/N was familiar with. It usually meant that you were special, but to her, to Azula and the girls and Y/N’s parents, it just meant she was lucky. 

“Of course I do,” Y/N repeated.

Y/N started at the Royal Fire Nation Academy for Girls later than most. She was already nearly ten and had always had a slew of private tutors. But her father had been recently promoted to Commander and it was insisted that his daughter, his progeny, had the right type of upbringing–and apparently that meant not running through the forests of Ember Island barefoot. 

She not-so-fondly remembered the heavy uniform they wore, so different than her thin cotton pants and tunic she was used to. The Capital City was in the same climate as Ember Island, so why did they wear silk? It was so hot. Y/N had hated moving back to the Capital City, and out of their summer home that had become her year round home the minute her mother decided it was much better to be away from the city. 

“That first week was hellish. I’d never had to listen to authority before, or hang out with children my age and suddenly that’s all I had. You saved me.”

“ _ Saved you _ ,” Azula scoffed. “I do remember you being quite the little heathen.”

“Hey! I just meant from lashings from the teachers,” Y/N laughed and threw a decorative pillow at Azula’s head. She caught it quick as a cat-snake with one hand and brought it to her chest. 

They sat in an easy silence, Y/N wondering why Azula had brought up the moment they met. The first words that she’d ever said to Y/N echoed in her mind. “ _ We’re going to be great friends.” _

Azula wasn’t wrong when she prophesied that they were going to be great friends. Azula wasn’t necessarily the ‘welcome with open arms’ type, but she did whatever was closest to that with Y/N. She became a part of them, almost instantly. They had class together, they ate lunch together, they went back to the palace and trained together. Everything, together. Ty Lee was the most friendly of them all, she often braided Y/N’s hair over and over, taking it out and braiding it back, just to have something to do with her hands. Mai was sweet once you got past her glum exterior. Azula was, well, Azula. She was cold one minute and hot the next, literally. Her emotions changed as quickly as the weather. She might throw a fireball at your head if she was mad. But the next moment she’d sweeten you up with fruit tarts she’d stolen from the kitchen and all would be forgotten. 

Y/N kept thinking about Azula’s words as she trained with one of the palace guards later that evening. He wasn’t the best with a sword, but he was a fire bender, and that gave her a better workout. 

Y/N was a non-bender, but masterful with a sword. It was her father’s favorite hand to hand weapon and he had insisted on her training with it even at a young age. By the time she started at the Royal Academy, she was able to beat her trainers regularly.

Becoming friends with Azula gave her access to some of the best fighters in the Fire Nation, and even that was becoming boring. 

Y/N slashed at the guards neck. He threw a fireball at her that dissipated harmlessly where she once stood. She landed in a crouch and kicked her leg out at the back of the guards knee, it buckled and he fell. She bounced to her feet and pointed the tip of her sword at the back of his neck. She saw a swatch of pale skin there which dripped with sweat. A small part of her wanted to dig her sword in and draw bright red blood. 

A slow clap echoed through the courtyard that awoke her from those dark thoughts. Y/N smiled at her friend and patted the guards shoulder. “See you later.” 

She jogged to join Azula who was starting to walk away. “Come to watch and fawn over me for old times sake?” Y/N giggled and wiped the sweat off her brow. She sheathed her sword and felt the familiar weight bounce against her hip. 

“You give yourself far too much credit.” Y/N could tell Azula was in a good mood. A better mood than she’d seen in a while. They reached Y/N’s room and she dropped her sword on the bed.

“Why are you so chipper, ‘zula?”

The left corner of her mouth tilted up in the ghost of a smile. “Father wants to speak to you.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. “Me?”

“I think I know what it’s about but I won’t ruin the surprise. Come on, we don't want to keep him waiting.”

Y/N’s stomach turned. She’d only stood in front of the Fire Lord a handful of times. The first being the first time she traveled to the palace when she was very young. At the time she didn’t know the weight of what she was doing, now she did and she was filled with terror. What in Agni’s name could he want with her? She was just a Commander’s daughter who had befriended his daughter. 

The throne room was cold despite the summer heat outside and the fire burning around the Fire Lord. It was dark as well, the black marble floor and columns absorbed the only light from the flames licking upward to their Master. The only sound was the crackling fire and the click of Y/N’s boots; Azula was always so light footed she hardly made a sound. 

A drop of sweat leftover from Y/N’s workout dripped down her spine and she shivered at the feeling. Ten yards away from the throne, Y/N dropped to one knee and bowed her head. Azula bowed slightly and stood behind Y/N’s right shoulder. 

“Fire Lord, it is an honor to be in your presence,” Y/N said. She could feel the heat from the flames now that she was closer. Whether from nervousness or the warmth that filled her face, she began to sweat. 

“You may stand.” The Fire Lord’s voice was higher than she remembered. It didn’t fit the aura he gave off and he sounded bored. Y/N stood with her hands behind her back at attention. She didn’t want to have any excuse for Azula to chastise her when they left. “Azula tells me that you are gifted at sword fighting.”

Y/N fought the urge to send a questioning look to her friend. Azula talked to the Fire Lord about her? She stared at the black outline of his tall figure seated in his enormous chair. “I’m adequate, sire.”

“Beating every single one of my palace guards is more than what I would call adequate,” the Fire Lord remarked.

“Your palace guards are extremely well trained in fire bending but not in sword fighting, sire.” Y/N grimaced and ducked her head, cursing internally at her mouth that was too quick for her brain.

Azula chuckled softly behind Y/N. Now she did turn around to stare at her friend. She whipped her head back not knowing how disrespectful it was to turn your back on the Fire Lord. 

“Azula will be leaving tomorrow for the Earth Kingdom to capture my brother, General Iroh and the Fire Prince Zuko. I want you to go with her.”

Y/N paused for a beat.  _ Capture them? _ The last she heard was that they were on a pointless mission to catch the Avatar. Iroh was disgraced and went with Zuko when he was banished because Iroh couldn’t face his brother when he abdicated the throne for his failure at Ba Sing Se. What could they have done searching for a dead Avatar that could get them into more trouble? Y/N could feel Azula’s sharp nails dig into her arm behind her back and she knew she had waited too long to speak. 

“It would be an honor to accompany Fire Princess Azula on this mission, My Lord.” Y/N clasped a fist in her left hand and held it below her right palm and bowed deeply. 

If the Fire Lord was pleased with her, his tone didn't show it. “Wonderful. You’re dismissed.” 

Y/N couldn’t get out the room fast enough. 

Azula was more excitable than ever on their walk back to their rooms. She grabbed Y/N’s arms and tugged like she was a small child. “This is going to be so amazing for me, Y/N! For us!”

Azula seemed to notice Y/N’s hesitation to agree with her. This earned her a sharp look. “Don’t you want the honor and recognition that bringing home two traitors would give you? You’d be promoted higher than your father.  _ Agni knows you’d be more deserving of the title.” _

Y/N gave Azula the smile she was waiting for. “Of course. I guess I’m still a little shell shocked at the Fire Lord giving me such an amazing opportunity.”

“Well you can thank me for that.”

Y/N stopped at the door to her room. “Thank you, Azula,” she said before she could snatch the words back. Azula rounded the corner to the stairs that would take her to her room and Y/N took a deep, calming breath, working hard to push away the anger the Azula had incited. 

Azula was good at that, doing and saying things that made you want to yell back. It was her favorite thing to do on purpose and had become like second nature by accident. Y/N, in response, had become very good at holding her tongue over the years, and very good at calming herself when she wanted to lash out. More than once when they were children Azula had lobbed a fireball in her direction that had singed the clothes or skin it was aimed at. 

She slid down the wall inside her room. Did Y/N want the honor and glory that Azula talked about? She  _ should, _ with how she was raised, but now that it was offered on a silver platter, Y/N wasn’t so sure that it was for her. Recently, it became  _ all _ Azula wanted to talk about. Training and war meetings had become her life so suddenly. And if they were Azula’s life, they were Y/N’s life as well. Y/N wasn’t allowed to sit in on the war meetings but it didn’t matter because Azula always came back to relay what happened in them. ‘Relay’ was the wrong word, more like  _ brag _ about them. Azula was anything but informative when she spoke. Y/N tried to find some interest in the things the Fire Nation was accomplishing but to Y/N it just turned her stomach. She’d never admit it to anyone,  _ especially _ Azula but she was sickened by the war. 

When did life become this way? All about war and capturing cities and cleansing the world? She wished things were back to simpler times when the girls ran the palace wild and teased Zuko and the maids. She knew that in the past three years since Zuko’s banishment, Fire Lord Ozai had been calling on Azula more and more frequently, upping her firebending training to half the day. But Y/N never thought it would come to this. 

Y/N skipped out on dinner that night, just told the maids to take the tray of roast turtle-duck back to the kitchen. Her stomach had been in knots since leaving the throne room. Her and Azula were  _ leaving _ . Sure, Y/N hadn’t lived with her parents in years; this would be her fifth year of calling the palace home, but for some reason, she didn’t feel like she was going to come back. 

Y/N instead slid into a hot bath that she drew for herself for once and mulled in her thoughts. As if the steam in the room was steeping her memories like tea leaves she thought of what this mission was supposed to entail. Things that happened around the palace and behind closed doors were usually hidden from her unless she heard gossip from the servants or occasionally, Azula. But she didn’t seem like she was going to give up any information about it. What did Iroh do to betray the Fire Nation? He was one of the best General’s they’d ever had, even after his defeat at Ba Sing Se. And what did Zuko do that was even worse than his banishment? 

_ None of that matters, _ she told herself. Her previous ideas about the kind of men they  _ were _ didn’t matter anymore. If the Fire Lord said that Zuko and Iroh needed to be captured, then that’s what needed to be done. 


	2. Chapter 2

After a night of dreamless sleep, the maids woke her with tea and breakfast. They helped her dress this morning, unlike every other day. They drew her armor out of the armoire and began strapping it around her body. Y/N watched in the mirror as they put it on her. The armor was black leather, a gift from Azula for her fifteenth birthday a month before. Y/N vaguely wondered if there was a reason it had been given to her. If something had been planned weeks in advance. 

A pauldron covered her right shoulder and upper arm, to protect it while fighting with her sword. The chest piece was tighter than she would have liked, it made it hard to breath. It ended at her waist, the lower half of her torso was covered in a thick leather belt that held her sheathed sword. She waved away the skirt and leg armor almost laughing in the maids faces. The likelihood that she was going to get into an actual fight was minimal. Why else would the Fire Lord be sending two young girls. The armor was just for show. 

After taking a palanquin ride to the docks, Azula and her walked side by side to the boat without a word between them. Y/N’s parents and younger brother were there to send her off. When her mother saw her dressed in her leather armor and her sword hanging at her side she frowned, clearly displeased. She had always been more passive about things, wishing that Y/N had become a prim and proper Fire Nation girl who would marry well instead of a fighter. Her father, however, beamed with pride. 

“You’re doing something great for your Nation, Y/N,” her father said. Y/N smiled and hugged him. Then why did it feel like she was doing something wrong? She waved to them from the back of the boat until they disappeared from the horizon. Then, she walked to the front of the boat and met Azula. She was standing at the helm like she owned the world. Y/N let her hand rest heavily on her sword at her side as they stared out to sea. 

“How long?” Y/N asked. 

“Until we get to the Earth Kingdom or how long we’ll be gone?”

“Either one,” Y/N murmured. Whatever the answer, it didn’t matter. This was Azula’s mission, Y/N was just a ride along. 

“Three days,” Azula said simply. 

\---

Y/N spent the next two days training on the deck of the ship. The crew here were better with swords than at the palace. Her knees hit the deck with a bang. Kaito held his broadsword to her neck. For the second time in a row Y/N had lost. 

“Lady Y/N, do you need me to go easier on you?” Kaito chuckled.

“It’s this armor! It’s too heavy, I can’t move as fast,” she growled. She ripped at the straps of the chest protector and cursed herself for not practicing while wearing it before. Now she looked like a fool in front of the rest of the crew and Azula. She threw it to the side feeling more free. 

Kaito stood en garde once again, not even breaking a sweat. On the other hand, Y/N was sure there was a sweat stain on her shirt that outlined where the tight armor fit her. She wiped her forehead with her arm.

“You fight like you’re putting on a show,” he chastised. “You need to fight like you’re trying to save your life.”

She crossed swords with him for a moment. All was still. Even the wind had stopped it’s relentless blowing to watch. He attacked first. A series of overhead blows that otherwise might have knocked her to her knees again, but she stayed standing with newfound anger. She was on defense, she  _ had _ to switch to offense to have any chance. She threw her arm up and blocked his next strike with her wrist guards. The absorption of the impact sent a sharp pain all the way to her shoulder, but it was enough. Using her arm like a shield, she pushed his sword away and began her attack. She sliced her sword in arc, pushing Kaito back from her. She advanced swinging her sword; Kaito blocked everything. She did a quick disarming technique, twisting his wrist so his sword clattered to the metal deck. But Y/N wasn’t done there. She was mad. She didn’t like being made a fool of. She kicked out at his chest. Kaito caught her foot with his hands and the next thing she knew, Y/N was on her back, the back of her head aching where it smacked the deck. She saw stars. 

“Don’t kick your opponent when they have both hands free,” Kaito shook his head and retrieved his sword. Y/N scrambled to her feet and readied herself again.

“And maintain focus. Do not let your anger show when you’re fighting. That’s how you lose.” Y/N sheathed his sword. 

“I’m not done!” Y/N protested.

Kaito smiled, it was not unkind but it felt like he was teasing a small child. “You’re done for today. You have time to beat me tomorrow.”

Y/N sheathed her own sword with shaking hands. She worked on taking one breath in at a time. Anger surged through her body, but Kaito was right, she needed to control her anger. 

Azula approached on her left. Y/N went to pick up her armor and slid it back on. “I haven’t seen you lose since we were kids. Zuko used to beat you all the time.”

Y/N brushed invisible dirt off her arms. “Zuko beat me the first month after I moved into the palace because he fought with two swords. After I learned how he fought I beat him every time.”

“Don’t be so touchy,” Azula sneered.

“Everyone loses sometimes, Azula. It’s called a learning curve.” 

“Not me.”

Y/N sighed and left the deck, going back to her room. Sometimes Azula was too much. She liked to push and push until you snapped and Y/N was not going to let it work on her. 

Y/N talked Kaito into training for hours the next day. Soon they were going to dock the ship in the Earth Kingdom and Y/N wanted to learn everything she could from the only man to ever beat her. 

Y/N walked around Kaito in a circle. Her sword was out but they weren’t fighting. Not yet. “You said I fight like I’m showing off. What does that mean?”

Kaito threw his head back and laughed. Y/N wanted to kick the back of his knee and knock him off balance for that. “Exactly what I said! You’re soft. You know what you’re doing, I’ll give you that. And you’re good, but you’ve only ever fought for show. You’ve never had to fight for your life. It shows.” Kaito faced her and pulled a serious face. “You do all the right moves, but with a flourish that hinders you. Keep it short. Stop trying to  _ show _ how good you are with fancy moves and  _ prove _ how good you are by beating your opponent.”

Y/N took this into consideration as she readied herself. She did a quick flip of her blade that earned her a smirk from Kaito. “That’s exactly what not to do.”

“Just didn’t want you to forget it.”

\---

Y/N played Kaito’s words through her mind with every blow she made or strike she parried. She tried to anticipate his moves before he made them like she learned when she was younger. Kaito was right, she’d become soft fighting the Fire Lord’s guards. She was too used to playing with them like she was the cat-snake and they were the rabbit-mice. This was the first challenge she had since Zuko lived at the palace. 

Round and round they continued to circle each other. Neither one gained much of an upperhand. Every now and then another crew member was forced to jump out their way with a shout. For the first time she noticed Kaito actually concentrating. His brow furrowed, his eyes narrowed at her. Sweat dripped off both of them. 

And then, Kaito made a mistake. And it was just the mistake that Y/N was waiting for. He stepped towards her with his left foot to jab at her side. Y/N easily side-stepped and blocked this blade. Just then a large wave hit the boat, rocking it from side to side. Kaito slipped, just slightly, on the wet deck and then she saw it.  _ He favors that left knee from an old injury.  _ Her mind supplied. 

Kaito was able to recover from the slip, but now it was all Y/N could see. Every thrust, every strike, he was lighter on that foot like the injury never quite healed right. She played to that side over and over making him twist and turn at odd angles to block her and keep his footing. Then she made her move. She faked a thrust deep to his right side. Just as she suspected he turned, leaving that side open, much too far for him. Y/N hit the pommel of her sword into the notch between his shoulder and neck making him groan and lower his sword. She grabbed the fabric of his shirt and pulled him close, trapping his sword hand between their bodies. She pressed her sharp blade into his throat. His Adam’s apple bobbed. One wrong wave hit and he’d be dead. 

“Very good, Lady Y/N.” Kaito backed away and bowed deeply. “You waited and listened to yourself. You fought like it meant something.”

Y/N was pleased to say the least. She glanced around the deck to see if Azula had seen her win and found her at the helm of the ship talking with the captain. She sheathed her sword and made her way to them. 

\---

“–I’m afraid the tides won’t allow us to bring the ship into port before nightfall.”

“I’m sorry Captain but I do not know much about the tides. Can you explain something to me?” Azula asked. 

Y/N sidled up next to her and the Captain gave her a questioning look. Y/N raised her eyebrows and he looked away. “Of course, your highness.”

Azula narrowed her eyes and looked over the water. “Do the tides command this ship?”

“Um, I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“You said the tides would not allow us to bring the ship in. Do the tides command this ship?” Azula gave the Captain a glare over her shoulder. 

“No, Princess.”

“And if I were to have you thrown overboard, would the tides think twice about smashing your body against the rocky shore?”

“...No, Princess.” the captain bowed his head in disgrace.

Azula twirled a piece of hair around her finger. She still stared out into the water but Y/N could see a small smile playing on her lips. “Well, then maybe you should worry less about the tides who’ve already made up their mind about killing you and worry more about me, who’s still mulling it over.” She turned to face him and gestured to Y/N. Y/N placed her hand on her sword at her waist and smiled at the captain. 

He looked between them before bowing deeply. “I’ll pull us in.” He took off in a run back to the bridge. 

Azula glared at his back the whole way. Blue flames danced across her fingertips, nearly catching Y/N’s pants. “I don’t know why they all undermine me.”

“You’re young,” Y/N patted Azula’s shoulder in an attempt to show comfort. She could feel Azula’s skin–hotter than normal–even over her clothes.  _ And you’re a girl. _ Y/N wanted to add. “They don’t know that your fire could probably melt this whole metal ship.” Y/N stomped on the deck for good measure.

A devilish smirk crossed Azula’s face. “You’re right.”

\---

That evening, their ship pulled into the shallows at port, Azula trained on the main deck. Y/N sat with Azula’s two advisors, Lo and Li, far away from her. The sun was setting to their left casting a red glow on the water. Y/N snacked on an apple as she watched. Azula moved gracefully, conjuring blue sparks between her hands suddenly she pushed them outward, creating a horizontal lightning strike over the edge of the ship. Y/N could feel the energy sapped from the air and smelled ozone. 

“Almost perfect–” Lo said.

“–one hair out of place,” Li finished.

“Almost isn’t good enough,” Azula growled. She reset herself and swooped her hands in large arcs before stabbing forward with two fingers. A larger bolt of lightning than the last crossed the deck and reached out over the water. Y/N jumped at the  _ crack _ ! it made, the water and the cliffs around them only amplifying the sound. Her heart raced a little before slowing down. She’d seen Azula throw lightning before, albeit this was the most advanced she’d ever seen her, but the lighting wasn’t directed at her. Y/N had nothing to worry about. Their enemies on the other hand, should watch out. 

Azula, apparently pleased with her progress, shooed away Lo and Li. She joined Y/N on the upper deck and sat lotus style. “Tomorrow we head onto shore.”

Y/N closed her eyes and laid back splaying out her legs. She soaked up the last rays of sunlight before darkness came. “What’s the plan?”

“They aren’t going to come easily if they think they’re prisoners. So we’re gonna act like they’re heroes,” Azula said. 

Y/N chuckled at the idea. She could see the looks on their faces already. But then she immediately felt bad. She knew the reason Zuko was banished in the first place. She knew that his job was to find the Avatar so he could regain his honor and be accepted back into the Royal Family by his father. This trick would hurt him more than she could ever understand. 

“Hey Azula, think fast.” Y/N drew her arm back and threw her apple core as high and as far as she could. Fast as–well–a streak of lightning, Azula launched a small lightning bolt at the apple core like a knife. It exploded on impact, raining black ashes down to the deck like dirty snow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments give me life ❤️


	3. Chapter 3

_ Y/N found herself outside in the palace gardens. She was running from something, but it wasn’t scary. She was laughing and she heard other girls laughing around her. She began to climb a tree, stifling her giggles the entire time. For some reason, she had to be quiet. _

_ “You’re going to get in trouble for being up there,” Someone said from below.  _

_ Y/N looked down between the branches to see a boy her age. He was wearing a high ponytail held with a small fire pin.  _

_ “Why?” she asked. She jumped down to the lowest branch and sat there hanging her legs over the side. She didn’t want to get down just yet.  _

_ He arched one eyebrow. “Just ‘cause. If the palace gardener sees you climbing the trees, he’ll yell at you.” _

_ “Well I’ll just tell him that my new friend is Princess Azula and that’ll shut him up.” Y/N laughed again and made a start to go back up the tree. _

_ “Well, I’m her older brother Prince Zuko and I’m telling you, you’re gonna get in trouble.” He looked like he wanted to emphasize his sentence by sticking his tongue out at her.  _

_ “Why aren’t you playing hide-and-explode with us?” Y/N asked. She jumped down and landed lightly in front of Zuko. They were the same height, which made her feel oddly proud.  _

_ “I don’t like playing games with Azula,” Zuko said. “I’m ten–” _

_ “–well I’m nine and a half and I can still have fun,” Y/N interrupted.  _

_ “You’re almost my age and you’re friends with Azula? What happened? Did you get held back?” Zuko taunted. _

_ “No!” Y/N made a face. Suddenly, she felt very self conscious. She didn’t know what ‘held back’ meant but it didn’t sound good, not when he was laughing at her. “This is the first time I’ve ever gone to real school. I just got put in her grade.”  _

_ Suddenly a fireball landed at Y/N’s feet; sparks flew up and singed her pants and burnt her legs. She squealed, a mix between surprise and pain.  _

_ “Azula!” Zuko snarled. He half stepped in front of Y/N, all hints of the earlier teasing gone. Zuko produced a similar fireball and threw it at Azula’s feet but she kicked it away, making it land in a nearby bush.  _

_ “You’re it, Y/N,” Azula ordered.  _

_ “It’s not fair, Azula. She’s not a bender,” Zuko argued.  _

_ “Neither are Mai and Ty Lee. And they don’t whine like babies.” The last part she directed at Y/N with a sneer.  _

_ “I’m not whining!” Y/N protested. She pushed Zuko out of the way and covered her eyes, beginning to count to twenty. She peeked at Zuko at fifteen. All the girls had already scattered but he just stood there watching her. “I’m faster than Azula anyways. I can catch her.”  _

_ She paused and looked at Zuko who stood there awkwardly. “Are you going to hide or what?” She asked. When she covered her eyes again she heard him run away, looking for a hiding place. She waited a beat before counting again, “–SIXTEEN, SEVENTEEN..” _

\---

Y/N woke to darkness. But it was always dark below deck. The only light came from candles and lanterns hung in the hallways. Her own candle was only an inch high and fading fast from the accumulation of wax. She could feel the familiar rock of the ship lulling her back to sleep… Y/N sat up quickly. She could tell that it was morning, possibly very early but she couldn’t risk going back to sleep. She tucked the covers under her neck and over her shoulders to snuggle down to ask the important questions. Why was she dreaming of Zuko? 

The day they met was probably one of their most innocent and least notable moments. At least that’s what she thought. Or it was possible her brain was trying to make her feel guilty about what she and Azula were going to do today. That day wasn’t the last that Zuko had tried to protect her from his sister, it actually set the stage for years of him standing up to Azula in her place. Not that she needed it, she could hold her own plenty, but it felt nice to be protected. 

Sometimes she wondered if they had more time together, if they’d have become better friends than her and Azula. Even though he was a fire-bender too, he spent a lot of training with his dual swords. Time that was spent with her on the training grounds. They sparred daily until his banishment; spirits, Y/N was sure they’d even sparred the day of the war meeting that started everything. Now she was going to find him, and lie to him, knowing that what awaited him at home was not a crown but a prison cell. Y/N shook her head to clear it and slid out of the bed and into her clothes. No use in thinking of the past when her future was all that was necessary. Honor and glory and all. 

\---

Y/N could hear Iroh and Zuko arguing a mile away. Azula and her had gotten there an hour before and broke inside the little cabin they were living in. They’d not so inconspicuously gone through all their stuff and upon not finding anything worth while, sat around just waiting. 

“We don’t need any more useless things. You forget we have to carry everything for ourselves now!” Zuko lamented as Iroh dumped a bag of seashells on the table by the door, that looked suspiciously like the same seashells next to Azula on their dining table. Neither one had looked up to see them inside. 

“Hello, brother,” Azula said. “Uncle.” Both of the men jumped. 

“What are you doing here?” Zuko asked as he stepped his body in front of Iroh’s. He looked from Azula to where Y/N was sitting in the window sill behind Azula. Her stomach dropped. This was the first time she’d seen his scarred face. Pink and red scars circled his left eye and wrapped far back enough to cover his ear. His hair was no longer long, but shaved around his ponytail. He looked so much older even though it had only been three years. Y/N wasn’t sure what made him look so different, whether it was a scar that marred his face or the anger that seeped deep beneath his pores. 

“In my country we exchange a pleasant hello before asking questions.” Azula picked up a seashell and inspected it. She glided across the room to stand in front of him. She was so much shorter than Zuko and Y/N but she carried so much power. “Have you become uncivilized so soon, Zuzu?”

“Don’t call me that!”

“To what do we owe this honor?” Iroh spoke up, breaking up the fight between the siblings before it started. Y/N moved to stand behind Azula. 

“Hmm, must be a family trait. Both of you are so quick to get to the point.” Azula was still playing with the men like they were rabbit-mice. She snapped the shell she was holding in her hands. “I’ve come with a message from home. Father has changed his mind. Family is suddenly very important to him. He’s heard rumors of plans to overthrow him–treacherous plots.” Y/N looked to Zuko to gauge his reaction. His face had softened at hearing the news from his Father.

“Family are the only ones you can really trust,” Azula told him earnestly. “Father regrets your banishment. He wants you home.” Azula paused to look out the window. 

Zuko caught Y/N’s eyes like he wanted to ask her a million questions. But she was too embarrassed about everything to hold his gaze. She looked away hoping she didn’t look too guilty or shameful. She joined Azula in staring out the window. The cherry blossom trees were in bloom. They covered every square inch of sky as she looked out. It filled the room with a sweet scent that Y/N knew was going to permeate their clothes when they left. If she let her eyes go unfocused it looked like there was a raging fire in front of her. 

When no one said anything, Azula whipped her head back around to stare at her brother. “Did you hear me? You should be happy, excited,  _ grateful _ . I just gave you great news.”

“I’m sure your brother simply needs a moment–”

“Don’t interrupt, Uncle!” Her voice changed from sickeningly sweet as she plied Zuko with the words he wanted to hear to savage as she screamed at Iroh. Azula had never learned to be patient, and she wanted them on the ship  _ now. _ “I still haven’t heard my thank you,” She growled at Zuko. “I’m not a messenger. I didn’t have to come all this way. I could have sent Y/N for this.”

Y/N tensed at her words. She bit her tongue so hard that she tasted blood. How dare Azula think she was  _ her _ messenger hawk?

“Father regrets? He wants me back?” Zuko muttered. Y/N felt like this was a conversation with himself that they were all intruding on. Y/N had to admit that the words that Azula used to trick them were sweet as honey, but also not very believable. 

Y/N touched the back of Azula’s arm. “I think that he needs time to take this in. It’s all very sudden for him.” She sent a smile in Zuko’s direction that he did not return. 

“I’ll send Y/N to call on you tomorrow.” Azula concluded and she and Y/N took their leave. 

“Why are you sending me tomorrow?” Y/N asked once they were out of range of the house. 

“Zuko trusts you more than he does me,” Azula admitted. “I figure even if he decided he doesn’t want to come, you’ll be able to sweet talk him down the hill to our little ship.”

“Zuko and I were–” 

“Oh shut up, Y/N. You two always had an eye for one another.”

Y/N felt her cheeks heat up. “I–”

“Besides that’s the reason my Father wanted you to come anyways.” They had reached the wooden dock that the ramp to their ship rested on. 

Y/N stopped dead in her tracks. “What?” 

Azula cocked her head. “Well, I figured you’d caught on to that already the way you were making moony eyes at my brother up there.”

“I wasn’t–How was I supposed to know I was only brought here to flirt Zuko’s ass all the way back to the Fire Nation?!” 

“Just back to the ship. Once he gets here we’ll put him in a jail cell.”

“ _ AZULA!” _

“Look,” she snarled. “You’re good with a sword but what the  _ hell _ is that going to do against a fire bender? It’s a fact that you being a non bender means you’re a liability in a fight.” Azula turned and marched up the ramp. That was the end of the discussion even if Y/N had more to say. 

She looked down at her toes at the blue-green water between the slats. She could feel her eyes burning with unshed tears. She blinked them away and followed Azula onto the ship. 

Y/N fisted her hands in her tunic and stalked to her room.  _ Control your anger, control your anger _ she repeated over and over in her head. She wasn’t like Azula or Zuko, she couldn’t make something with the anger that grew and festered in her chest. She couldn’t throw a fireball at the nearest wall and hope that her anger dissipated like the sparks that fell to the floor. She shut her door and immediately balled up her fist and let it slam home against the wall. The thin metal crumpled easily under her hand. It stung, but that was good. Y/N let out a breath she thought she’d been holding since the dock. She collapsed onto her bed and pulled her knees to her chest. 

It wasn’t a secret that she was a non-bender. But it’s not like it didn’t hurt to be reminded that she wasn’t as worthy because she was one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave kudos and comments because I'd love to talk to you guys :)


	4. Chapter 4

Zuko met Y/N on the steps away from the house. He had a single bag slung over his shoulder. Birds chirped off in the distance and if Y/N really listened she could hear the ocean slapping against the sand. 

“I’m glad I don’t have to convince you that coming back is the right thing to do.” The corner of her mouth turned up. This was the first time she had directly addressed him in three years. “Where’s Iroh?” Y/N asked. 

Zuko picked at his tunic. He had yet to meet her eyes.“He’s not coming.”

Y/N’s eyebrows shot up. Azula said that Zuko and Iroh had been inseparable since Zuko’s banishment. She couldn’t go back to the ship with only one of the captives. “What do you mean?” 

Zuko sent a look back to the house and started down the stairs that led down the mountain. “Let’s get going.”

Y/N huffed out through her nose and jogged to catch up with Zuko who’s pace was frighteningly fast down the steep stone stairs. “Why doesn’t Iroh want to come back?” 

He kept his eyes trained on the ground as he answered. “He says he’s never known my father to regret anything.”

“I was there when he told Azula. He does.” The lie slipped off her tongue easily. 

Zuko’s eyes widened and he stopped in his tracks. He didn’t say anything but his eyes asked the question his mouth couldn’t form:  _ Really? _

He’d always wanted to make his father proud, ever since they were children. Even after all that the Fire Lord had done to him, he was still so desperate for his approval. 

Y/N spoke the words she’d practiced in the mirror before heading up the mountain. “It’s very important to him that you come home, Zuko.” Y/N couldn’t stomach another lie. And technically, this one wasn’t a lie. It was a half-truth. It  _ was _ important to the Fire Lord that Zuko go back to the Fire Nation, even if it was under the guise that he’d be welcomed back with fanfare. 

Zuko turned to look out at the sea of cherry-blossom trees and rocks to the ship on the water. The ship that he thought was god-sent. 

“Wait! Don’t leave without me!” Iroh shouted as he came down the stairs. 

“Uncle,” Zuko beamed up at him. “you’ve changed your mind.”

“Family sticks together, right?” Iroh asked as he placed a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. 

“We’re finally going home,” Zuko murmured under his breath in amazement. 

The sight of them both staring out onto the water made Y/N bite her lip. She wanted to tell them that they needed to turn back and run but she kept her mouth shut. It was her duty.

“Finally going home,” Iroh repeated as Zuko stepped away and resumed heading down the mountain. He looked to Y/N who worked to keep her face neutral. He didn’t look as fooled by her as Zuko was. 

In front of them the guards lined up on either side of the dock. They stood at attention with their traditional helmets and masks on. Y/N walked ahead, they were almost home free; just a few more steps before she hit the ramp. She walked to stand next to the ship’s captain as Azula addressed them. She was smiling at her victory already.

“Brother, Uncle, welcome” Azula bowed deeply which Iroh and Zuko returned. “I’m so glad you decided to come.”

The captain faced Y/N and nodded at her to go up the ramp first. Excitement burned in her chest as she squinted through the sun at Azula and made her way back to the ship. 

“Are we ready to depart, your highness?” The captain asked. 

“Set our course for home, Captain.”

“You heard the Princess! Raise the anchors,” the captain shouted from behind her. “We’re taking the prisoners home.”

Y/N had just reached Azula. Their faces mirrored one another from shock to outrage. Y/N whirled around on the captain who looked like he wanted to die on the spot. “You idiot,” she growled. She landed a swift kick to his stomach, effectively pushing him off the ramp and into the water. Her cheeks heated up in anger. Had he just  _ shut up, _ Zuko and Iroh would be on the ship and in cuffs down below deck. It would have been easy for Y/N to get over her guilt about capturing them if she didn’t have to look in their eyes and face them. Now there was going to be a fight. 

Iroh had already turned on the guards around him, dodging fireballs and knocking them into the water with the grace of a much younger man. 

There was no one between Zuko and Y/N on the ramp. Y/N still hadn’t pulled her sword. It wouldn’t have been much good against his firebending anyways. “You lied to me!” he bellowed. His eyes burned into hers like he was shooting flames out of them. Y/N felt like she couldn’t use her voice, it had suddenly disappeared between the mountain and the dock. 

It didn’t matter, Azula assumed he was talking to her and answered for Y/N. “Like I’ve never done that before.” She grabbed Y/N’s arm and wrenched her back onto the ship, leaving Zuko to fight the guards that had just been flanking her. Azula gave her a little push to the upper deck and when she removed her hand Y/N realized her arm was burning where Azula touched her. She was geared up for a fight all along. 

Zuko’s anger fueled his fight. He stood on one foot and kicked one guard in the chest and punched the other, flames cracking as they left his hands and feet. Y/N stood on the upper deck watching it all unfold below her. Zuko ignited two knife-like flames from his hands. Azula’s back was still to him and Y/N knew immediately that whatever Zuko had planned was no match for Azula’s fight. 

“Zuko! Let’s go!” Iroh shouted from the dock. 

He ignored his uncle and began attacking Azula with fervor. He punched and kicked and sliced with his fire but each strike just missed Azula by a hair. She weaved around him like cat-snake in the reeds. She blocked a downstroke and pushed him away. 

“You know Father blames Uncle for the loss of the North Pole,” she taunted. “And he considers you a miserable failure for not finding the Avatar. Why would he want you back home except to lock you up where you can no longer embarrass him.” For a moment, Y/N thought that Zuko might surrender, or at least run from Azula and her guards. 

Instead he attacked again. 

Just as before, Azula evaded every strike and she had yet to throw any fire against Zuko. But Y/N was sure that wasn’t because she didn’t want to hurt him, she was just waiting for the right moment. They slowly made their way up the ramp to the upper deck. Y/N held her ground, she wasn’t afraid of a little heat. 

Suddenly Azula grabbed Zuko’s wrist, Zuko tried to jerk away at the last second, knowing what she was going to do, but she held fast. She shot a line of blue fire just over his head as he rolled backwards down the ramp. Y/N caught his expression when he landed in a crouch. Shock. He’d never seen her make blue fire before.

Zuko was still as Azula swirled her arms around her body creating a circle of energy. Lightning crackled around her, ready to be released. 

“Azula, don’t!” Y/N yelled. She didn’t know what made her do it but Y/N couldn’t watch as Azula killed her brother with that stupid fucking lightning. 

Her voice was enough to make Azula falter. The lightning faded for a moment before coming back stronger than before. Y/N drew her sword and started towards Azula unsure of what she was going to do to stop Azula, but Iroh got there first. As she pointed her lighting at Zuko, Iroh grasped her hand and Y/N watched in horror. Surely he would die from that. 

But he didn’t. Azula’s lightning traveled through his body and out his other hand straight into the side of the cliff, exploding rocks everywhere.  _ He had redirected it. _ He twisted Azula’s arm around and kicked her in the chest, over the edge of the ship.

And then there were three. 

Y/N was caught in a stare down between the two men. She, the only non-bender on the Agni-damned ship, was the only one left standing to fight. But...Y/N realized she didn’t want to fight them. Any adrenaline she’d mustered up to go to battle evaporated. Slowly, without taking her eyes off of them, she let the tip of her sword fall. She watched as Iroh helped a still stunned Zuko to his feet and together they ran off the ship and into the cherry blossom forest. She swore Iroh had thrown a wink back in her direction...

Later, Y/N would tell herself that it was all a defense tactic; that the only reason she let them go was because she didn’t stand a chance against two fire-benders, one of them being the Dragon of the West, a man who could  _ redirect lightning _ . She would absolutely deny any claim that she let them go because she didn’t want to see either of them imprisoned. That was absolutely  _ untrue _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think about Y/N letting Zuko and Iroh leave? Kudos and comments are much appreciated ❤️


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First chapter with the gaang!! Y/N thinks Sokka is cute and he hates her Fire Nation guts.

“Lo and Li have advised me that it isn’t smart to go after Zuko and Uncle with a Royal Procession.” Azula leaned in the doorway to Y/N’s room. Her hair was a black curtain around her pale face. Y/N ran her fingers through her own loose hair before replying.

“It would be less conspicuous without guards flanking us on all sides. Do you think that the two of us could do it ourselves?” She asked hesitantly, thinking back to just a day earlier when Azula said she was a liability. Y/N wasn’t even planning to fight when she agreed to come! She thought it was going to be easier, she didn’t expect Iroh to be so suspicious of them from the get go. Apparently, neither did Azula. She was so mad when they pulled her from the sea, the water was steaming off of her clothes and skin. 

Azula smiled and sat in the chair to the small, empty writing desk in the room. “I need a small, elite team.” She tapped one pointed nail on her chin. “I think it’s time to call on some old friends, don’t you think so?”

“Mai and Ty Lee?” Y/N questioned. The last time one of them was mentioned Azula set fire to the napkin she was holding at dinner and pointed a butter knife in Y/N’s direction telling her never to mention their names again. 

“Of course them.” Azula rolled her eyes and cracked her fingers. “They’re our  _ friends _ , Y/N. They’ll do anything I  _ want _ .” Her voice was low and even though it wasn’t meant as a threat, it sounded like one. 

Azula shut the door to Y/N’s room with a sharp click. She leaned back against her pillow and crossed her arms. This was not going to go well. 

Anytime she and the girls exchanged letters, the answer was always the same. Neither Mai or Ty Lee were planning on coming back to the palace any time soon. They never explicitly said that Azula was the reason–one could never know who was reading your letters–but Y/N could see the subtext. A taste of life outside of Capital City and outside of Azula’s influence had spoiled them. Y/N had never felt like that before, but every day, she got a little bit more understanding as to why one might want to leave. 

It was still dark out when Azula came into Y/N’s room the next morning. She tapped Y/N’s cheek with her nail. “Get up, we’re leaving soon.”

She glared at Azula from under the very warm covers. “Why so early?” 

Azula’s gold eyes flashed with humor. “It’s a long ride into town. I’ve got us a carriage.” She grabbed the blanket that Y/N was clutching and threw them off the bed, leaving her shivering. 

“Every time,” Y/N muttered as she pulled her night clothes off and her red tunic and pants on. 

“Every time what?” Azula asked. Y/N thought she could hear a smile in the other girls words but she was currently too busy looking cross-eyed at the laces of her boots to check. 

“Why are you such a morning person?” Y/N knew the answer that Azula was going to give, but it didn’t make the question any less relevant in her mind. She  _ hated _ mornings. 

“More like a question as to why  _ aren’t _ you?” Hands slapped Y/N’s own fumbling ones away and tied each boot deftly. Before Y/N could even utter a ‘thank you’, Azula was grabbing her sword from where it was propped in the corner and tossing it in Y/N’s direction. 

She caught it just a moment before it smacked her in the chest. Her reflexes were delayed from her sleepiness but also from the realization that her Fire Princess just had dropped to her knees and tied her boots for her. “Easy. I’m not a bender. I don’t need the sun.”

Azula had only tied the boots because she wanted to get going, Y/N decided. Probably.

“You sound like one of those Water Tribe savages. Next thing you know, you’ll be howling at the moon.” Y/N laughed with Azula no matter how awful she thought the joke was and basked in the warm that her friend gave off. She was always so much nicer in the mornings. 

\---

The sun was just rising as they set off, probably purposeful if she knew Azula. Y/N stared out the window the whole trip. She’d never been to the Earth Kingdom before and she was so intrigued by everything she saw. There was greenery  _ everywhere _ . It made her heartache for her childhood home on Ember Island. The climate was different, here it was much cooler and the wind ruffled the leaves on the trees every now and then. And Ember Island was hot and muggy year round. But she couldn’t miss the similarities of the two places. Every now and then she’d catch an animal she’d never seen before run past and she’d all but hold her head out the window to get a second look. Azula was much more regal, which was unsurprising though she wasn’t sure if Azula had ever been to the Earth Kingdom either. She sat in the seat across Y/N with her arms crossed and her feet on the bench next to Y/N. Azula had her eyes closed the whole time, reclining in a beam of sunlight coming in through the windows, but Y/N knew she wasn’t sleeping. 

She thought Azula looked much better like this; with her face softened in relaxation. No furrowing of the eyebrows or pursing of her lips. Occasionally, the wind would blow in the windows and ruffle her usually pristine hair. Y/N thought Azula glared and frowned way too much for a fourteen year old girl, Fire Princess or not. Just then Azula cracked open one of her eyes like she knew Y/N was thinking about her. But Y/N didn’t look away like she usually would have done. She just stared and smiled at her friend until Azula closed that eye again and settled further down into the seat. Y/N chose to ignore the light tap of Azula’s toe on her elbow, but not the small smile that was now on her face. 

After reaching the town it wasn’t hard to find the circus. Azula and Y/N just followed the noise and the  _ smell _ . They were set up in a large field where they could have enough room to set up their tall tents and keep their platypus-bears and scorpion-lions. 

Ty Lee was in the middle of it all. 

She didn’t see them when they first approached. Y/N thought it looked like Ty Lee was flying as she flipped head over heels in the grass. She held herself in a perfectly still handstand. Y/N’s abs ached just watching. 

“Azula! Y/N!” Ty Lee rushed forward, hastily bowed, before crushing Azula in a hug. Y/N received the same tight–albeit longer–hug. “It’s so good to see you!” Ty Lee chirped. 

“I’ve missed you!” Y/N did realize how excited she was to see her old friend until she was in her arms. She smelled the same, like rose perfume and the rosin she used in her tricks. Letters were nice, but they took weeks to travel to each other. Something always happened between them, and when it was time to reply, that ‘something’ was never important anymore. 

“Don’t let us interrupt… whatever you’re doing.” Azula raised an arched eyebrow.

Ty Lee took that as permission and backflipped back into a forearm stand and began scissoring her legs in the air. She held herself on her elbows and rested her head in her hands like it was the easiest thing in the world. 

“You look like you’re having the time of your life here, Ty Lee,” Y/N said. The glow on the girls cheeks and the permanent smile on her lips was obvious. She was always bubbly, but she’d never been like this.

“What is the daughter of a nobleman doing  _ here _ ?” Azula asked, gesturing around to the tents and people who walked by. A hurt look erased Ty Lee’s smile, one that Azula didn’t pay attention to. She jumped right in, never caring for small talk. “I have a proposition. I’m hunting a traitor. You remember my old fuddy-duddy uncle?”

“Oh, yeah!” Ty Lee exclaimed. “He was so funny.”

“I would be honored if you would help me and join my mission.” 

Ty Lee’s feet, which moment’s ago rested on her head, slipped as she lost balance and nearly fell forward on her face. She looked to Y/N for assistance but like a coward, Y/N looked at the grass under her boots. The glance lasted half a second, maybe even less but it still made Y/N tense next to Azula as if she was caught with her hand in the bowl of unfried dough by her mother. This was between Ty Lee and Azula.  _ Any  _ indication that Ty Lee and Y/N had spoken since she’d left would. Be. Bad. 

“Oh, you know Azula, I would love to.” She flipped back to her feet. “But the truth is I’m really happy here. My aura has never been pinker!” Y/N smiled. Leave it to Ty Lee to lighten the mood by talking about her auras. It was incredibly smart, to make it seem like you were dumb to avoid consequences. Y/N wished she could pull that card with Azula sometimes, but she knew her too well. And Y/N knew nothing about auras. 

“Well,” Azula frowned. “I wouldn’t want you to give up the life you love to please me.” 

Y/N ground her teeth. She looked up through her lashes at Ty Lee. This was somewhere she finally fit in. Y/N knew the story with Ty Lee’s sisters and how she felt like part of a matched set. This is where she needed to be, not traveling the world with Azula on some mission that wasn’t going to do anything for her. Y/N didn’t have a choice. Ty Lee did.  _ Don’t fall for it! _ Y/N wanted to scream. 

Maybe it was Agni, or maybe Ty Lee just had more self control and a self-preservation that Y/N lacked. She placed one fist against her open palm and bowed deeply. “Thank you, Azula.” 

Azula was bristling beside Y/N as they walked away. “Of course before we leave we’re going to catch your show. Aren’t we, Y/N?” Azula gripped Y/N’s arm like a vise. 

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Y/N said. 

\---

Y/N wasn’t sure what Azula told the ringmaster, but every seat in the tent was empty that night. 

High above their box, a square frame filled the stage. Lanterns hung around the frame, illuminating the whole tent. A tightrope spanned across it; a tightrope which Ty Lee was currently balancing on. 

“We are so pleased to have the Fire Lord’s daughter here tonight to see our humble circus. Please tell us if we can do anything to make it more enjoyable.” the ringmaster bowed and left the stage. 

“I will,” Azula muttered. Y/N furrowed her brow in Azula’s direction but she stared straight ahead like she didn’t even notice.  _ What was she planning?  _ Y/N wondered. 

Ty Lee was perched on a pole that rolled along the tightrope like pulley. She slowly switched from hand to hand, posing with a split in the air. Her costume glimmered under the candle-lit lanterns and her full dancer’s skirt bounced as she moved. 

“Incredible. Do you think she’ll fall?” Azula asked Y/N. 

Y/N scoffed at the question, never taking her eyes off of Ty Lee. “Of course not!”

“Then let’s make it more interesting. Ringmaster! Let’s remove the net at the bottom.”

The man’s grey eyes widened. “Remove the net? The thing is–the performers–”

Azula waved a hand. “You’re right. That’s been done. Set the net on fire.”

“Azula, don’t you think that’s a little much?” Y/N asked warily. She wasn’t sure what her friend was playing at but risking Ty Lee’s life wasn’t the answer. Y/N, however, didn’t get an answer. The ringmaster had already done what she had asked. 

For a second, just as the fire reached all the corners of the net below, Ty Lee seemed to teeter, before regaining her balance. Azula huffed, almost like she expected the other girl to fall. “Brilliant. And ringmaster, what kind of dangerous animals do you have here?”

“Azula, I don’t think–” Y/N started only to be cut off by a hand waving in her face. 

“Well, Princess, our circus boasts an assortment of exotic–”

“Release them all,” Azula smiled. 

Y/N sat in horror as she watched saber-tooth moose tigers, scorpion-lions and even an elephant-bear get released below the tight-rope. 

\---

How Ty Lee managed to finish her act without falling was a mystery to Y/N. When she reached the opposite platform she even blew a kiss in their direction before climbing down and ceding the stage to the rest of the performers. 

Azula had only been interested in Ty Lee’s performance and ignored the rest of the performers, finding filing her nails into sharp points more interesting. Y/N wasn’t much better, her head was still spinning at what Azula had done. This was her  _ friend. _ Someone who ignited such a rage in  _ leaving her _ that Azula had threatened Y/N with fire if she ever mentioned her name. Was that why she did it? Was this some type of revenge for running away to the circus?

For a second she allowed her mind to think of what would have happened if Ty Lee hadn’t been such a good acrobat. What would either of them have done had she fallen into the flames? The net was in tatters, blackened and burned away. It couldn’t have held her weight from a fall that far, would have been like it wasn’t even a net at all. Plus she would have been on fire! Y/N had just watched Azula try to publicly kill her, and Y/N had just sat there and watched. 

\---

As soon as the performance ended Azula dragged Y/N out of the tent. The air was full of black smoke from the net being burnt away and it blotted out the stars above. They made their way to Ty Lee’s tent. 

She was sitting at her vanity peeling jewels sticky jewels off her face and wiping away layers of makeup. Y/N stared at the stain of ash that coated her gold-plated headband.

Azula leaned against the table forcing Ty Lee to look up at her. “What an exquisite performance. I can’t wait to see how you’ll top yourself tomorrow.”

Ty Lee caught Y/N’s eyes in the mirror and Y/N knew what she was going to do. 

“Unfortunately, there won’t be a show tomorrow.”

Azula widened her eyes in mock-surprise at Y/N.  _ “Really?” _

Ty Lee stood to hang her headband above the mirror. “The universe is giving me strong hints that it’s time for a career change. I want to join you on your mission.”

And that’s when it all clicked for Y/N. That net being set on fire and the animals being released wasn’t about killing Ty Lee. Sure, it _ would have _ killed her if she had fallen, but the real motive behind it all was worse. 

She could tell by the smirk on Azula’s face that she had gotten exactly what she wanted. Because during Ty Lee’s show, Azula was putting on her own. She was displaying the power she held over them. Telling them without so many words what would happen if they proved disloyal, or stepped out of line. She was in control. And suddenly, Y/N was very fearful of her friend; even as she allowed herself to be pulled into a hug. 

“Let’s go get Mai.” Azula tucked a stray hair behind Y/N’s ear and nodded at them to follow her out of the tent and back to the carriage. 

\---

Azula made the carriage take them back to the ship that night. The mountain roads were too small for a carriage as large as theirs to carry them to Omashu, where Mai’s father governed and they needed to dock the ship at the city’s port. This time, Azula entered on a palanquin. Ty Lee and Y/N marched behind it as they entered the palace grounds. 

“Please tell me you’re here to kill me.” Mai bowed to Azula as they approached. She looked at Azula seriously, before smiling and laughing. 

“It’s good to see you too, Mai,” Azula confessed. 

Ty Lee rushed past both of them to hug Mai. When Y/N could tell that the hug had lasted long enough for Mai, she gently pulled Ty Lee off and replaced her. 

“I thought you ran off and joined the circus?” Mai asked Ty Lee. “You said it was your calling.”

Ty Lee smiled brightly. “Well, Azula called a little louder.” 

“And you–” Mai gripped Y/N’s bicep. “Swinging that stupid sword must be all you do. You’re built like a guard.” A comment like that coming from anyone else might have offended Y/N, but from Mai she knew what it really meant– _ you’re still in one piece. _

\---

Mai was quick to join their team. Y/N knew from letters that Mai was bored with Omashu, and this was a perfect opportunity to get out from underneath her parents. 

“You guys came at the right time,” Mai said as they entered the palace. “My brother was kidnapped by the resistance last night.”

“Oh no!” Ty Lee gasped. 

“Why would they take Tom-Tom?” Y/N asked. There had to be a motive behind kidnapping a baby. Omashu might have been taken over by the Fire Nation but surely the people here wouldn’t resort to anything...murder-y just for their city back. He was just a baby! 

Mai looked back at her and Y/N noticed dark circles under her eyes she hadn’t seen before. She didn’t sleep at all last night knowing someone had her brother. “We don’t know.”

As she led the three of them to the throne room where Ukano and Michi were waiting, she caught them up on everything they needed to know. The room smelled like dust, clearly sitting unused since the governor took over the city. The three girls, as well as Mai’s parent’s knelt on pillows as Azula ascended to the throne. 

They all bowed before sitting up. Mai continued, “We’ve offered up an exchange; we sent a messenger hawk last night. We have Omashu’s King in the prison–Bumi.”

Azula turned to Ukano. “I’m so sorry to hear about your son. But really, what did you expect by just letting all the citizens leave?” She clasped her hands together and crossed her legs. Y/N noticed she didn’t look sorry at all; her face was cold, angry even. 

“Princess–” Ukano bowed his head respectfully. 

“My father has trusted  _ you  _ with this city, and you’re making a mess of things.” She stepped down from the throne and the girls all rose to meet her. “Mai will handle the hostage trade so you don’t have the chance to mess it up. And there is no more Omashu.” Azula growled. “I’m renaming it in honor of my father. The city of New Ozai!” She strode out of the room with all three of them on her heels. All three of them ignored the tears in Michi’s eyes.

\---

They met on the landing of a construction project. Looking up, Y/N could see what it was. It was a giant statue of Ozai. It was mostly covered in scaffolding but Y/N still shuddered just looking at it. Though this Ozai was made of stone, the eyes were the same, cold and dead. Mai took the lead flanked to left with her and Azula, the right with Ty Lee. 

Even from a distance Y/N could tell that these weren’t members of any resistance. They were kids, probably her age, but maybe younger. Two were wearing Water Tribe blue–the boy in the middle though–was wearing yellow and orange. Y/N had never seen anyone wear those colors before. She could hear Azula hum thoughtfully next to her. 

A crane from above lowered the metal box that held former King Bumi. Y/N noticed he seemed rather chipper for being locked in a metal coffin with only his head sticking out. 

“You brought my brother?” Mai asked. Her low, raspy voice carried over the distance between them. 

“He’s here. We’re ready to trade,” The one in orange answered.

Azula turned to Mai. “I’m sorry, but a thought just occurred to me. Do you mind?”

Mai tensed. “Of course not, Princess Azula.”

“We’re trading a two-year-old for a king. A powerful, earthbending king. It just doesn’t seem like a fair trade, does it?”

Mai’s eyes narrowed, searching over every inch of Azula’s face. Her jaw tightened and slowly she turned to look back at the ‘resistance’ members. “You’re right. The deal’s off.”

Ty Lee and Y/N shared a look. What was Mai thinking? This was her  _ brother _ . 

As King Bumi was once again lifted into the air, the boy in orange ran towards them, a swirling mass of dirt trailing him. Azula stepped out and threw a ball of fire at him. Or at least where he should have been. He jumped and then flew? high above them, floating on air currents with his staff that was now a glider.  _ He was an airbender.  _

“The Avatar!” Azula exclaimed. “My lucky day.” As Azula took off after the Avatar, Y/N ran to the Water Tribesmen, Ty Lee and Mai hot on her tail. She drew her sword and cut an ice dagger in half that the girl threw at her head. She ducked a rope of water and slipped past the waterbender, leaving Mai and Ty Lee to take care of her. Y/N was going to get Tom-Tom. 

The Watertribe boy was furiously blowing on a silent whistle and trying to wrangle the squirming baby in his arms. He turned and ran but tripped over a loose board and slid backwards to the edge. Y/N was nearly there, her fingers inches from grabbing the baby when something wet wrapped around her ankle like seaweed and pulled her hard in the opposite direction. She hit her chin on the wooden boards and lost her grip on her sword which skittered away helplessly over the edge and down to the ground. 

She kicked out but there was nothing for her foot to hit. The waterbender had grabbed her foot with a water rope to stop her and went back to fighting Mai and Ty Lee. She had her hands full with them, dodging chi blocks and blocking knives so she was protective of the boy–loyal to him.  _ Her brother. Use it.  _ A voice in Y/N’s head that sounded too much like Azula’s told her.

Y/N pushed herself to her feet, ignoring the sting of her chin and slid down the ladder just as the Water Tribe boy had done seconds earlier. 

He stood at the bottom looking to the air like he was waiting for something. He watched her come near but didn’t move. That’s when she saw her sword laying a few feet away. He saw her see it at the same time. 

They both rushed to it. Y/N grabbed the hilt but couldn’t pull away. He’d crossed his club over it holding the blade down.

“Don’t.”

“Then I won’t.” She kicked his club away and pulled her blade back. They both backstepped giving each other space. She held her hand out to him. “ I just want the baby.” 

“Not a chance.” His bright blue eyes watched her every move. He shifted Tom-Tom on his hip.

“Please, it’s my friend’s brother. What would you do if this was your sister?”

“Don’t talk about her!” He shouted. But Y/N didn’t miss his eyes flicker to the platform. 

“I can talk to Princess Azula. I can tell her to make the deal. Bumi for Tom-Tom. Just trust me.”

“Trust  _ you _ ?” he echoed. Then he laughed. Y/N didn’t get to ask him what he was laughing about because she was suddenly hit with something large in the ribs and thrown under the scaffolding. She grunted as she sat up and crawled through the broken beams she was thrown through. In the sky was a flying bison.

“Damn it.” 

\---

After climbing back up the ladder, Y/N and her friends met in the middle of the platform, Azula nowhere in sight. 

Y/N shook her head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get Tom-Tom.”

Mai massaged a bruised wrist and shrugged. 

“But why would Azula cancel the deal?” Ty Lee asked. “We want Tom-Tom back just as much as they wanted King Bumi!”

“Azula didn’t,” Mai spat. 

Y/N sighed. “Why’d you let her do it, Mai?”

“You know why.”

“It’s not fair.” Ty Lee slung an arm around Mai’s waist. Y/N mirrored her on the other side. They walked back to the palace in silence. Nothing needed to be said, they knew what one another were thinking. 

\---

“We have a third target now,” Azula announced from inside the palanquin as they marched out of the city. “We’re going after the Avatar.” 

“Ooh, I’d  _ like _ to see that cute Water Tribe boy again, wouldn’t you?” Ty Lee nudged Y/N in the ribs with her pointy elbow. Y/N smiled,  _ he was pretty cute, _ she thought to herself. 

Her smile grew to a grin. “Yeah, but I bet Mai’s more excited to see Zuko.” Y/N poked Mai in the arm and watched the girl who tried her hardest not to show her emotions flushed a deep red. 

Ty Lee and Y/N fell into a fit of giggles. Y/N missed her friends. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments! I love to hear from you guys ❤️


	6. Chapter 6

“What do you think this is?” Ty Lee held up something with two fingers to show Y/N and Mai. Something that was sopping wet and disgusting.

They had stopped along the river to stretch their legs and get some fresh air while Azula conferred with Lo and Li. Ty Lee was currently wading back to the bank from the river where Mai and Y/N were basking in the sun, still clutching–whatever it was. 

“Always rule number one: don’t pick up dead things, Ty Lee.” Mai waved her away when she got near. 

“Ew, get it away from me!” Y/N shrieked and giggled when Ty Lee tossed it in her lap. 

“It’s not dead, it’s fur or something.” Ty Lee said defensively. She sat between them and crossed her arms. 

Y/N poked it with one finger. She was right, it wasn’t anything dead, just a clump of white fur. She could tell that it was soft, even though it was wet. Y/N looked around them. There were more clumps in the water floating away with the slow pace of the river, there was even some blowing in the wind on the bank. Y/N threw the wet patch of fur away and ran to grab a dry piece. She rubbed it between her fingers as she walked back to the other two girls. 

“What are you thinking?” Mai asked. 

“I think that this is a way to find the Avatar,” Y/N said absentmindedly. 

“How is that patch of fur going to help us find the Avatar?” Ty Lee asked. 

“I think it will help us track them. Look around–” Y/N gestured to the clumps of white all over. There was more than she had seen before, “–it’s everywhere, even in the tops of the trees. I think that maybe it’s fur from their sky bison.” 

Ty Lee gasped. “Let’s go tell Azula!” She shot to her feet and did a celebratory cartwheel in the direction of the machine. 

“Does anyone know why we’re even going  _ after _ the Avatar?” Mai asked. She hadn’t moved from her spot in a patch of sunlight. She raised one sharp eyebrow waiting for their answer. 

“Because Azula–”

“No, Ty Lee, not why  _ we _ are searching for him. But why does he need to be captured at all? Why was Zuko sent after him when he was banished?” Mai shrugged like the answer didn’t really matter. 

Y/N looked around nervously. They were alone, but it didn’t mean they were able to talk freely. “We shouldn’t concern ourselves with the  _ why _ . The only thing we need to worry about is doing what we’re told.” It was the answer that Y/N was expected to give. And any other time it would be the answer that satisfied her. But this time it didn’t. What Mai said stuck with her, she wondered the same thing: why  _ were  _ they doing this?

\---

That question continued to swirl in her head as Y/N pretended sleep that night during her allotted shift while the other girls kept watch. She just laid there listening to the metal contraption roll and creak over the ground. It wasn’t her place to question orders, and most of the time she didn’t; she listened and did what was asked of her. So why was she so worried about it now? 

Y/N had learned in school about the Avatar and what their mission in the world was. Peace and prosperity sounded nice, but something had happened long ago, when the war had started. Y/N could never be sure, stories were different, but she thought she remembered hearing that the airbenders had amassed an army and  _ had _ to be eliminated because the Fire Nation feared their destruction. Now it was the job of the Fire Nation to spread that peace and prosperity between the nations. But, the other nations were resistant to it. It had been one hundred years,  _ why _ were they all still fighting? Y/N had to admit, the way they were going after the Avatar and his Water Tribe friends wasn’t sitting right with her. It felt vaguely like a hunting party…

These were all questions she wasn’t supposed to think about, much less ask outloud. Azula had the answers but that didn’t mean she was going to give them up if Y/N opened her mouth. She turned over on her other side and tried to push everything out of her mind; to ignore all those nagging thoughts about how  _ this feels wrong!  _ and just get some sleep. Morning and daylight would bring clarity. And surely once they actually caught up to the Avatar all would be revealed. 

\---

It felt like she had just closed her eyes when someone shook Y/N’s shoulder. She gasped and sat up quickly. “What’s happened?” 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Mai yawned.

“Is it your turn?”

“No, we spotted their camp. Come on.” 

“These things terrify me.” Y/N patted the hide of her lizard-hound and watched the skin shiver over layers of hard muscle. 

Azula rolled her eyes and huffed. “Just get on.”

Y/N wrinkled her nose as she slid her foot in the stirrup and kicked her other leg over the saddle. She could feel the lizard hound already tugging at the reins, only held back by her two hands, lucky that she would get the one who desperately wanted to escape. 

The wall of the car that they were in lowered and the four of them led their lizard hounds down the ramp. It was still pitch black out, save for the moon which lit their way. They were in the mountains now. A thin road ahead of them led to three–wait,  _ four _ kids standing on the edge of a cliff looking over them. Y/N kicked the lizard hound and together they all started running. 

Each of the four kids got into fighting stances and suddenly large rocks erupted in front of them. Their respective lizard hounds scaled the rocks easily without direction and continued running. Apparently, the Avatar had found an earthbender to travel with. 

Three of them ran back to the sky bison, while the last one, a girl in green raised a large rock wall meant to cut Y/N and her friends off.  _ So, a really good earthbender. _

Next to her, Azula dropped her reins and shot a bolt of lightning at it, crumbling a section for them to climb through. Mai threw four knives at the earthbender that were deflected by another rock that launched the girl into the sky bison’s saddle. Azula’s streak of blue fire she opened up on them just missed as they flew away. 

The four girls sat and watched as the Avatar and his friends flew out their grasp once again. The white speck of their bison got smaller and smaller until he disappeared on the horizon. 

Azula let out a frustrated scream and turned her lizard hound back around and ran back to the machine. Mai sighed loudly and the three of them shared a look and headed back themselves. 

“Too bad we don’t have a flying bison,” Ty Lee said, dejectedly. 

“They’ll get tired flying all night.” Y/N looked to the east and saw the pinky hues of an incoming sunrise. 

\---

“More wads of wet fur,” Mai mused. “How delightful.” The girls had pulled off at the banks of the same river that they had found the wet fur in first, just much farther upstream. Azula bent down to pick them up and wandered off to look around. 

“They’re not wads, more like bundles or–” Ty Lee screwed up her face as she searched for a word. 

“Clumps?” Y/N supplied. 

Ty Lee jumped into her arms and hugged her tight. “Yes! Clumps!”

Y/N laughed at her as she hugged back and watched Azula study the trees over Ty Lee’s shoulder. 

“The trail goes this way.” Mai pointed off to the right. 

Azula looked to the trail of fur and then back to the trees. “The Avatar is trying to give us the slip. Mai, Ty Lee, you head in this direction.” Azula pointed to the trees she was looking at seconds before. “Y/N and I will follow this trail.” 

Before parting ways, Y/N pulled Ty Lee aside. “You two be careful.” she tugged softly on the other girl’s braid. 

“You too,” She said brightly. Y/N looked back at Azula who was already mounting her lizard hound and getting ready to leave Y/N behind if she didn’t hurry up. 

Y/N sighed. “Yeah, let’s hope.”

\---

They traveled through the forest, into the mountains and into the desert before they saw it. A little derelict town on the edge of civilization. The buildings were worn and falling apart; and sitting right in the middle of it was the Avatar. His staff lay across his lap and he looked exhausted. _ Good, _ Y/N thought.  _ It’ll be easier to convince him to come back to the Fire Nation if he can’t think too hard. _

“All right you’ve caught up with me. Now who are you and what do you want?” He asked. His voice was high, he was young. Just a kid. Azula and her both slid off their lizard-hounds and walked closer, dust raised with every step. 

“You mean you haven’t guessed? You don’t see the family resemblance? Here’s a hint–” Azula covered her left eye and deepened her voice. “–I must find the Avatar to restore my honor.” 

When that didn’t get a rise out of the Avatar, she smiled. “It’s okay. You can laugh. It’s  _ funny _ .” 

Y/N didn’t think it was.

“So what now?” the Avatar asked.

“It’s over.” Y/N said. “You’re tired and you have no place to go–”

“–You can run, but we’ll catch you.” Azula added. 

“I’m not running.” he stood up with his staff.

“Do you really want to fight me?” Azula taunted.

“Yes, I really do,” A husky voice said from the shadows of a worn building. 

Y/N gasped. “Zuko..”

He jumped down from his ostrich-horse and threw his wide-brimmed hat to the side. His ponytail was gone, his hair was close cropped to his head. The significance of it didn’t evade her. Zuko had cut off his topknot. He’d cut off the Fire Nation. 

“I was wondering when you’d show up Zu-zu,” Azula used his childhood nickname to cut him a little deeper. Y/N could hear the Avatar giggle from where he stood. 

“Back off Azula, he’s mine.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Y/N slowly started sliding away from Azula. She didn’t need to be part of this sibling rivalry. If she could just edge to the side and get to the Avatar…

“Don’t act like I can’t see you moving, Y/N.” 

She drew her sword slowly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Using his distraction to her advantage, Azula launched a blue fire ball at Zuko. He blocked it with his own fire but was still thrown backwards, tumbling through a pole. 

The Avatar opened his glider up and tried to fly away but Azula threw a whip of fire on top of him forcing him back to the ground and to use his staff to blow the flames away. Azula then climbed onto the roof and ran along the edge to drop down closer to the Avatar. 

Y/N focused on Zuko. He readied himself to throw fire at Azula’s back when she knocked his arm away with the flat of her blade. The fire flew left and caught one of the buildings on fire instead. “Just let us have him!” She yelled.

“No!” He drew his dao blades and slashed. They danced around each other like old times. Though both of them had a longer reach and more strength behind each blow it felt exhilaratingly like back when they were children. Y/N missed the challenge of fighting against two blades. 

She blocked, stabbed and twisted her wrist just right to disarm him of his right-handed blade. He punched with a fist of fire and she was too slow to dodge. She ducked and tried to block most of it with her sword but she still felt flames lick her arm. She yelped as she felt her sleeve sear into her flesh. 

Zuko froze. 

Y/N knocked his other sword from his hand and punched him in the face. He fell to his back and she ran, following Azula and the Avatar inside of one of the buildings. 

Her arm was numb. That was expected

What she didn’t expect was to fall through the floor. She twisted midair to grab the ledge. She made to pull herself up but ducked as she saw Zuko come barreling in. He fell right to the first floor with a yell. 

She dropped down next to him and Azula was knocked down by a blast of air. The Avatar ran out of the building and Y/N followed. “Avatar! Stop!” She ordered. 

He didn’t. But they both turned when they heard an explosion behind them. Zuko lay in the street unconscious and Azula walked towards them unharmed. Blue flames danced on her fingertips. 

But he still wasn’t giving up. The Avatar jumped between two buildings to avoid the fire Azula threw at him. Until she cut away the building he was climbing with her fire and he fell in. 

Y/N followed behind Azula as they entered the building. Azula lit two fires along the walls of the room, surrounding the Avatar in fire. He was trapped more ways than one. There was also a beam that had fallen and was keeping him from bending. 

Y/N tugged on Azula’s arm. “Let‘s get him and go. This has been more trouble than it’s worth.” 

“Just wait,” she commanded. She held up two fingers and stalked towards the airbender.

Just then, a rope of water shot out of the doorway pulling her arm back. 

“Again?” Y/N groaned. She cut the rope of water, and ran after the waterbender with Azula hot on her heels. 

The waterbender took a quick turn to the right and Y/N was surprised by the waterbender’s brother who came out swinging. She blocked one blow which made her arm shake with effort. She caught the hook of his club with her sword on his upstroke and pulled it straight out of his hands. She grabbed his club mid-air and threw it far enough away that he couldn’t run and get it. 

“Really?” she asked, exasperated.

“Really,” he echoed, pulling his boomerang out from behind his back. Y/N began to back away. 

Azula stepped in front of Y/N blocking the airbending and waterbending assault coming at them. Y/N worked to find a way  _ out _ . 

That is, before the ground was pulled out from beneath them like a rug and they fell into one another. That earthbender was back.

Azula and Y/N rolled off of one another and ran, Azula threw balls of fire behind her to keep the others a bay. And Y/N thought they were home free until she ran into someone large enough to knock her down. Iroh and Zuko stood over her. Azula grabbed her arm and pulled her up. They were cornered, literally. 

Iroh, Zuko, the three benders and the water tribe boy stood in a half circle trapping them. 

“Well, look at this, Y/N. Enemies and traitors teaming up against us. I’m done. I know when I’m beaten.”

Y/N gaped at her friend standing there with her hands up in surrender. “Um, I’m not done?” She looked out to the people surrounding them. She raised her sword. If this was a last stand it was going to be a hell of a fight. She remembered words her father had all but burned in her mind.  _ You never, ever surrender. You die before kneeling in front of the enemy. Promise me you’ll do as I say, Y/N… _

Y/N blinked and she almost missed it. 

She just caught the tail end of a fireball hitting Iroh in the chest. He fell into a heap on the ground. 

The next thing she knew, Y/N was raising her sword to block the boomerang aimed for her head and she was engulfed in flames. 

Azula’s blue flames. 

They surrounded both of them like a shield from the other benders who released everything they had against the two of them. 

There was an explosion as the four elements bombarded their shield. And then black smoke filled the town. Azula grabbed Y/N’s hand and they ran, using the smoke to cover their escape. 

Y/N wasn’t sure how her legs were still working. They mounted their lizard-hounds that had run out of the town from the fight and were waiting nearby and they galloped through the desert back in the direction they came from. 

Y/N’s mind  _ raced. _ She kept turning over what she thought about this morning. All would be revealed.  _ All would be revealed.  _ Azula had just tried to kill her Uncle, hell Iroh  _ could _ be dead for all she knew. And it wasn’t an accident.  _ And _ Azula had used her as a distraction to do it. 

She knew the response Y/N would have to surrendering. She knew what Y/N would say if she was asked to stand down. Y/N had just fought side by side with someone she didn’t recognize anymore. 

Tears blurred her vision as they rode their lizard-hounds through the mountains. It was dark, the sun had set hours before, but she still hid her face. Azula couldn’t see her cry. 

She didn’t even know what she was crying for. Her arm that burned like it was still on fire? Iroh whom, she barely knew? Zuko, who for the first time ever, had looked at her like  _ she _ was the enemy? Or was it because she was confused? Because Y/N had never been so conflicted in her life. Fighting was easy, but feelings and emotions and  _ ideas _ were getting in the way. 

The same fear that had burned in her when Azula lit the net on fire underneath Ty Lee built up in her chest again. It made it so hard to breathe. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just a dash of gay

Y/N didn’t speak about what she saw Azula do. 

Ty Lee and Mai recounted fighting the waterbender and her brother and how they had lost, but when they asked what had happened with her and Azula, she just smiled and shook her head. And Azula was too angry about the loss of the Avatar for them to even ask her.

Mai patched her shoulder up. She was the best one for the job; she had the most experience, since knife throwing was a dangerous weapon choice. She peeled away bits of Y/N’s sleeve that were embedded in the wound and cleaned it and applied a special burn cream that made Y/N’s arm go numb. And the best part of it all? She didn’t talk. She didn’t poke at Y/N’s silence and try to weed out the details. 

Y/N wouldn’t have known what to say anyways. How do you tell your friend that you think your other friend murdered her Uncle?  _ And _ how could Y/N explain her thoughts on it all when she didn’t understand them herself. Even the idea of not trusting Azula explicitly made her feel like a traitor. She wanted to think that everything was Agni’s will; that everything happened for a reason. So she took her feelings and buried them. She buried them so deep that they were never going to see the light of day. 

\---

That was weeks ago. 

And Y/N didn’t feel any better. 

In fact she felt worse. Her spirit and excitement for the mission was fading with each passing day as Azula’s will and determination grew. The drill was a brilliant plan. And it had  _ failed _ . The Avatar and his gang of friends had foiled yet another one of their plans. Y/N was tired. She desperately needed a night of uninterrupted sleep. 

She was plagued with nightmares of blue–and red– fire, consuming her, eating her alive. She would wake up sweating, her now healed burn scar itching, reminding her that fire is dangerous and should not be messed with. 

After what happened at Ba Sing Se, the girls retreated to the woods just outside of it. They camped and licked their metaphorical wounds and planned for whatever was going to happen next. They didn’t just need a way into the city, they needed a way into the palace. 

It was chilly in the woods. The trees around them were tall and blocked most of the sun high above them before it could reach the forest floor. Y/N brought her knees to her chest and stared at Azula, who was pacing back and forth in front of their campfire. She was muttering to herself, obviously irritated by their lack of progress. Azula wasn’t one to sit around idly when she had a mission. She was patient, but not this kind of patient. 

“What are we going to do?” She growled. And Y/N realized she was talking to her. 

She shrugged. “I still think our best bet is faking being refugees.” She held up a hand to stop Azula from interrupting her. “I know, I know, we need to get to the palace but right now we aren’t even in the city. We can plan something more elaborate while we’re inside the walls.”

“Applying to be a refugee requires that we have papers, passports. We don’t have that kind of time to fake it. I  _ need _ to show my father I’ve  _ done _ something.” The fire next to her grew ten times it’s normal size from her frustration. 

“I don’t think we’ll need to!” Ty Lee danced her way up to their campsite, Mai walking slowly behind her. 

“While we were out scouting, we found this.” Mai held up a familiar looking white tuft of fur. 

Azula grabbed it greedily. “So the Avatar has left Ba Sing Se. I wonder why…” she murmured. “Come on, girls. Let’s go find out.” 

\---

“These woods are vast. We need to split up to cover all the ground before they get away  _ again _ .” Azula pointed each girl in a different direction and they each galloped into the trees on their lizard-hounds. 

Y/N would never get used to the movement of a lizard hound and the moment she found something that looked like a track she jumped to the ground, happy to be off it. She inspected the dirt and noticed there was more than one disturbance leading off to the left near a patch of bushes and trees. 

Y/N drew her sword as quietly as she could and listened for any sound or movement ahead. She peeked behind a pair of trees, but all she could hear was the swishing of the leaves in the wind and the croaking of a badgerfrog. 

Y/N was just about to turn around and backtrack to see if she missed something when she was wacked in the face with a metal shield. 

She fell backwards on the forest floor, rocks and sticks digging into her spine. She groaned and rolled to her feet just in time to deflect a blow from the girls metal fan. 

In front of Y/N stood a Kyoshi warrior. 

Y/N extended her sword completely, keeping the other girl at a distance. She was going to have to get really close to fight with her fans and Y/N didn’t want to toy with their razor sharp edges. 

The first time Y/N had heard of the Kyoshi warriors, she wanted to be one. She begged and begged her mother to take her to Kyoshi Island to train with them. Even when her mother told her she couldn’t because they were part of the Earth Kingdom and Y/N was Fire Nation, that dream didn’t fade. Even now, Y/N couldn’t definitively say  _ she didn’t _ want to be one, but she doubted they would take her now. 

The one in front of her was glaring at her, Y/N could tell through the greasepaint. Y/N’s head was pounding from her earlier fall. She knew that the Kyoshi warriors were friends of the Avatar. That had to be why they were out here in the woods. 

“Where is he? Where’s the Avatar?”

The warrior frowned. “Not here.” She tested Y/N’s reflexes faking an attack to the right and coming at her left. 

“I don’t believe you,” Y/N kept her at a distance. She noticed the girl had a  _ katana _ at her side and wondered why she hadn’t pulled it yet. “We found fur from his sky bison. We know he was here.”

The warriors eyes widened a fraction of an inch. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She had seen Y/N look at her sword sheathed at her waist. She folded a fan and drew her  _ katana _ but just brushed the edge of it against Y/N’s raised sword. It seemed like she wanted a fight just about as much as Y/N did. 

Y/N felt a stab of...something deep in her gut as she looked at their crossed swords. She couldn’t put a word to it; it was more than sadness, more than remorse, more than fear. It was that sinking feeling you get when someone you love walks in the room and says  _ I have to tell you something _ . It completely took her breath away. And Y/N suddenly realized this wasn’t just some girl dressed up as one of her heroes in front of her. This was a  _ person _ , someone who was  _ supposed _ to be an enemy and Y/N just  _ didn’t want that.  _ She didn’t want any of this. She was tired of seeing enemies around every corner. She wanted to be able to  _ dream _ about being a Kyoshi warrior, not  _ fight one. _ And that nagging question that never seemed to stray far from her mind came back hard–why was she fighting at all? 

Y/N didn’t know what to do; she half-wanted to curl up into a ball and just let the girl carve her up with her fans because anything would feel better than the crushing weight of the realization that  _ everything everything everything  _ was so messed up–but she wouldn’t because Kyoshi warriors were noble; no, that something that Y/N does, has done and will do. The other half of her wanted to fight until there was nothing left. But she was pretty sure they both came from the same place.

Both of them were surprised when Y/N’s sword slipped out of her hand and fell into the dirt. Sometimes your muscles make the decision for you when your brain is too slow to think and she  _ wasn’t _ going to let Azula punish these girls for losing the Avatar. 

Y/N was fueled by pure panic as she pushed the girls still blade away with her hand and shoved her up against a tree. The warrior’s hands were trapped between their chests still clutching her katana. She struggled a bit, “What are you–get off!” 

“Shhh, shush,  _ shut up!”  _ Y/N pressed her hand over the girl’s mouth smearing greasepaint everywhere. She looked around wildly to see if anyone had come running during their scuffle. 

When she turned back to face her, Y/N realized how close they were. Their noses brushed and Y/N’s eyes widened. She backed off a little but all she could smell was the sweet-resin scent of the warriors painted face. Y/N could feel her cheeks heat up because of their proximity where she could see that, yes, the Kyoshi warrior  _ was _ really pretty even under all the greasepaint, but also because it felt like her heart was pounding out of her chest and the back of the girls hand was pressed up against it and surely she could feeling it thumping against her ribs–

And then Y/N saw her face soften, just a bit, as the warrior searched her face trying to find an answer as to why they were currently pressed against a tree in the middle of the woods. Her gaze settled on Y/N’s lips. “What are you doing?” 

Y/N didn’t really know how to answer her. She  _ didn’t _ know what she was doing all she knew is that–

“I’m afraid for you.” Y/N stared into her brown eyes. 

The warrior cocked her head, she had a ghost of a smile on her lips like the thought of someone being worried about her was funny until she took in Y/N’s fire nation clothes, and the sword still lying on the ground behind them and the fact that she was  _ looking _ for the  _ Avatar _ . The warrior shoved Y/N back as far as she could with a bewildered look on her face. Y/N tripped over a tree root and fell. 

“You’re one of those crazy girls who are trying to kill Aang!”

“No, no!” Y/N stopped. “Wait, who is Aang? We’re not trying to kill anyone!”

“But your friend is and you’re just as bad as her!” The warrior stabbed downward at Y/N but only hit dirt as she had already rolled out of the way and to her feet. 

Y/N didn’t make a move for her sword. She didn’t want the warrior thinking she was trying to fight so she held her hands out, hoping the girl would trust her. “I’m trying to warn you! You need to find the other Kyoshi warriors and get out of here!”

“Why?!”

“I don’t know!” Y/N wanted to cry. This was so frustrating. 

“Sure, you try to kill my friends and now you just so happen to want to  _ help _ me?”

“No, that’s not it at all!” Y/N didn’t know how she was going to get the girl to listen to her. She ducked and the katana whipped over her head. Y/N dove for her sword. 

But the girl was on top of her before she could reach it, pressing her to the ground. 

Y/N grabbed the girl’s face smearing more greasepaint and pushed her away, rolling on top of her and trying to snatch the blade from her hands. Somebody was going to get hurt with that. She kneed Y/N in the stomach and rolled back on top of her, sitting on her stomach. The warrior’s headband had fallen off and her short, auburn hair tumbled into her face.

Y/N grabbed the girl’s hand which was guiding the blade toward her neck and pushed back with all her might, trying to save herself a few more seconds. 

“No, you don’t want to kill my friends or no, you don’t want to help me?” The Kyoshi warrior pressed her full weight onto the blade and Y/N could feel it kiss her neck, drawing blood that dripped into the hollow of her collarbone. 

“I don’t want to kill them,” Y/N whispered. “I never wanted to.” Y/N kicked her right leg up and used it to push the girl off her. She ripped the sword from the warriors hands and threw it. Y/N straddled her and held her arms down. “If you would–”

A snap of a stick caught both their attention. 

“I see you found their leader,” Azula mused from the tree line. 

Y/N froze. A million thoughts entered her head and then immediately exited. Azula can’t know Y/N tried to help her. “Yes I did.”

Azula took in the blood on Y/N’s neck, their ruffled hair and smeared greasepaint and raised her eyebrows. She tossed a length of rope. 

“Tie her hands. We have the rest over there.” She nodded her head back the way she came. She glared at the Kyoshi warrior on the ground. “And if you try to run...” Azula held up her hand and created a ball of blue fire. 

They had to hike a quarter of a mile. Down a small hill, and in a valley were the rest of the Kyoshi warriors. Their hands were bound and they were all tied to trees. There were only about seven of them. 

Y/N tied their leader to a thick gingko tree and dropped her katana and fans in a pile Mai, Ty Lee and Azula had made. 

Azula motioned to Ty Lee and Mai who were already dressed in Kyoshi warrior uniforms and painting one another’s faces. “This is how we’re not  _ only _ going to get into the city, but  _ straight _ into the palace. All we have to do is tell them we’re there to protect the Earth King.” Azula smirked.

“That’s… actually a great plan.” 

Azula elbowed Y/N. “I always have great plans.” She turned around to the warriors. All of them gave Y/N a death glare. “Now which one do you think is as tall as you?” 

\---

The dress was a hair too short, but that didn’t bother Y/N. She took a moment to look around at her friends and realized just how good of a plan this was. They had been friends for  _ years  _ and she barely recognized them in their red and white greasepaint. 

Azula approached Y/N as they were loading the extra katanas and fans on their lizard hounds; in her hands she held the golden headband of the Kyoshi warrior’s leader. 

“You get this for the capture of their fearless leader.” The corner of Azula’s mouth turned up in a half-smile. She was saying it like it was a joke, but Y/N knew the truth. That girl had almost beat her out there. The cut on her neck still stung. Y/N felt the weight of her guilt fall on her shoulders like a lead blanket as she let Azula place the headband on her head and tie it in the back. What was Y/N supposed to do now? How could she be thinking of betrayal when Azula was rewarding her? She felt proud and disgusted with herself at the same time. She’d promised this girl–okay so maybe she didn’t  _ promise _ her, but she had told her that she was going to help her and now she was wearing her headband like it was a trophy!

She looked at Azula and didn’t see that monster that she had imagined her to be the last few weeks. Y/N saw a girl that was ambitious and powerful and that wasn’t a bad thing. Y/N had always wanted what was best for Azula, so why was she so willing to sabotage all of it? She was torn in two, and she’d never had that happened before. She had never had to decide between herself or Azula. 

“Do me a favor.” Y/N was snapped out of her thoughts by Azula’s voice. 

“Anything,” she lied.

“Go check all of their ropes. Make sure they’re tied up tight.”

“Sure, but why?”

“I sent a messenger hawk to a nearby General. He and his troops are going to come here and take these captives to a Fire Nation prison.” 

Y/N did what Azula asked. She checked everyone, and tightened the ropes that she thought were tied just a little too loose. An idea came to her last minute, and she didn’t realize she was going through with it until it was already done. 

“What’s your name?” Y/N asked the Kyoshi warrior’s leader as she redid the knot tying her to the tree. She took her time looping it through, waiting for an answer, but the girl stayed silent and turned away. She moved on to the warrior’s hands. She made sure her back was to Azula and the girls as she spoke.

“My name is Y/N and I’m loosening the rope on your hands. When we leave, take your warriors and get out of these woods. The Fire Nation army will come here looking for you. Don’t give them a reason to catch you.” Y/N slowly slid one of the fans out of her waistband and under the kneecap of the warriors outstretched leg. 

She looked into the girls brown eyes for the last time and gave her the slightest nod. Their faces were reflections of one another from before; this time it was Y/N in the facepaint and the girl with a nearly bare face. It felt cathartic, hiding her real identity; pretending she was someone else. It made betrayal so much easier, because she wasn’t Y/N, she was just another Kyoshi warrior. And they did good things. 

“It’s Suki,” the girl whispered back.

\---

Y/N knew she was going to have to face the wrath of Azula one day. It was constantly on her mind. Azula would find out somehow, she always did. For now, all Y/N had to do was keep her mouth shut, a smile on her lips and her guilt for what she did, hidden deep within her chest. It was easy, she’d already been doing that. 

Y/N didn’t think of anymore ‘ifs’ after that.  _ If she would betray Azula, if she could leave Azula, if she would hurt Azula.  _ Everything became a  _ when. _ And that was the scariest part, because Y/N didn’t push that thought away like she had all the others. She accepted it, she took it and held it close. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's done is done ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The Earth King had welcomed the four of you, no questions asked, into his court. The disguises were working and for once it felt like things were going in your favor. Y/N knelt at the foot of his throne with Azula, Mai and Ty Lee, as King Kuei recounted all that happened. Y/N had to admit, he was a little dramatic as he gestured around wildly, so much that he was constantly pushing his glasses up his nose. Y/N was surprised the bear didn’t take his hand off when he came too close. 

“You couldn’t have come at a better time. My  _ most trusted _ advisor Long Feng and his Dai Li agents tried to take control of Ba Sing Se from me.”

Azula shook her head. “It’s terrible when you can’t trust the people who are closest to you.”

Blood rushed in Y/N’s ears like the thumping of drums. Surely Azula wasn’t talking about her? Right? No. No, she didn’t know. She couldn’t know. Y/N was careful when she gave Suki that fan. It was just a coincidence that The Earth King had just been betrayed by his long time friend and close confidant at the same time that Y/N had done the same thing to Azula...

“–luckily the rest of the Dai Li are absolutely loyal to  _ me _ , and we haven’t had a problem.” Kuei leaned over to pet his bear on the head. “Isn’t that right, Bosco?” he placed a kiss on the bear’s nose. 

“Ew,” Mai muttered beside her. 

Y/N bit her lip to stifle a snicker, she heard Azula do the same on her right. Y/N felt a twinge of sadness for what she had done. Here she was, laughing with her friends like she’d done nothing wrong. 

\---

The Earth King gave the girls a separate house to stay in while they were there. It was next door to the palace but Azula was happy for it; it was outside of any prying eyes and ears there might be. 

Ty Lee and Mai were seated at the large vanity cleaning their faces of the thick greasepaint. Y/N was on the balcony looking at the stars, and Azula was pacing and plotting behind her. Their faces were already scrubbed bare, having raced to the mirrors first. 

“We have come across an extraordinary opportunity girls.” Azula drawled as she approached Y/N. 

“Mai finally gets to wear makeup that not totally depressing?” Ty Lee giggled. 

“Ha. Ha.” Mai glared at her and then held her cloth out to Y/N. “Please come get this off my face.” She demanded. Rings of black circled her eyes and she still had white paint on the tip of her nose. Y/N brushed past Azula–who went to stand where Y/N was before and wiped gently under Mai’s eyes. 

“I’m talking about conquering the whole Earth Kingdom,” Azula said as she stared out at the palace grounds. All three girls jerked their heads around to stare at her. 

“For a hundred years, the Fire Nation has hammered away at the walls of Ba Sing Se from the outside. But now we’re on the inside and we can take it by ourselves.”

“Gosh, you’re so confident. I really admire that about you.” Ty Lee gushed. Mai and Y/N looked at each other and simultaneously rolled their eyes.

Azula continued. “From the inside we’re in the perfect position to organize a coup and overthrow the Earth King. The key is the Dai Li. Who ever controls the Dai Li, controls Ba Sing Se.”

“How do you know?” Y/N asked. She reached for Mai’s chin and continued wiping her face. 

“The Dai Li work as a team. They wouldn’t be divided in who they were loyal to. I bet that Long Feng still controls them from prison.”

“So what’s your plan?” Mai asked.

“Glad you asked.” Azula’s gold eyes glinted dangerously in the light. 

\---

Ty Lee and Mai both had said good night and went their rooms about a hour ago. But Y/N couldn’t make herself get up and leave. She laid on the floor of Azula’s room on her back, staring at the wooden beams above her. It didn’t matter how tired she was or how much she wanted to sleep in a bed, once her head hit the pillow, sleep would evade her. Guilt would poke at her until her head ached and the sun was rising. 

She wished she had a way out. A way to leave Azula and the girls and go back home without getting in trouble, but she knew couldn’t have both. She couldn’t leave and still be friends with them. There way no easy way for her to tell them either. The only way she could leave is if she snuck away. 

“I appreciate you coming with me,” Azula said from the balcony. She rested her head on her hands and looked out at the earth kingdom, land that she was about to claim for the Fire Nation. 

“I wasn’t aware I had a choice in coming.” Y/N replied. 

“You didn’t. Still. It’s much better to be doing this with friends at my side.”

“Yeah,” was all Y/N said. 

“I trust you, explicitly.” Azula turned from the balcony and towered over Y/N.

Y/N rolled to her feet. “Yeah?” She was taller than Azula, but she always felt like she was looking up to the younger girl. There was a little skip in Y/N’s heartbeat. That... was unexpected.

“I know that you would do anything I asked you for.”

“Azula I–” Y/N bit her lip. She held back everything she wanted to come flowing out of her.  _ Azula, I’m leaving. Azula, I’m sorry. Azula, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Azula, I love you. _

Instead Y/N asked something safer, but had the same heaviness about it. “Azula, why does everything fall to you? To us?”

“Because whose else could do it?” Azula narrowed her eyes. “Zuko is a  _ failure _ . Iroh is a  _ failure. _ Everyone  _ fails. _ Except for me. Taking Ba Sing Se will be the first of many victories I will take in my father’s name.”

Y/N didn’t know what to say to that. She just nodded like she understood. She kind of did, her father always needed proof that she was good enough too. But he was nothing like Ozai. 

Y/N packed her bags that night. She didn’t have much, just a few changes of clothes, her sword and her armor. And then she sat there. All night, awake staring at nothing until her eyes burned with sleeplessness; until the sun peeked over the horizon. 

Then she painted her face and got dressed in the Kyoshi warrior dress and pretended that she didn’t mean to leave at all. Because that was just who she was. 

Y/N was a coward. And she hated herself for it. She could feel her soul being ripped apart at the idea of staying. But she wasn’t strong enough to stand up for herself and she wasn’t strong enough to leave. She was  _ loyal _ to Azula. So she was going to do the only thing she knew how to at this point, and it was conform; obey.

Hearing what Azula had to say last night made her feel  _ worse  _ that ever. Azula had said she  _ trusted _ her, and that meant a lot. She sometimes showed that she lay trust in Y/N, but  _ telling her? _ Someone who was normally so headstrong and independent admitting that she was putting her faith into Y/N; she could tell it was difficult for Azula to admit. 

\---

They sat in the throne room laughing. Their plan was going to work. The Dai Li had heard Mai and Ty Lee talk about being from the Fire Nation while Azula and Y/N hid in the shadows. They slunk off to tell their boss quickly after that. Azula was going to take Ba Sing Se for the Fire Nation and Y/N couldn’t say she wasn’t happy for her friend. This was something that her father would be proud of. Y/N’s dad would be proud too, and if he told her that, Y/N was sure that she wouldn’t stop smiling for a week. 

It felt weird to follow along with their plan and laugh and joke but she  _ cared  _ for these girls. There was no doubt about that. They were her family, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt them. She had pushed away that pesky guilt before, she could do it again for their sake. 

The door opened with a bang. The watertribe girl they’d been after, came running in, a flying lemur was perched on her shoulder, chattering noisily. 

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here, Suki!” the waterbender was looking directly at her. Y/N touched Suki’s headband self-consciously. 

“Something terrible is going on. The Fire Nation has infiltrated the city. I just saw Prince Zuko and his uncle! We have to tell the Earth King right away!”

Y/N let in a sharp intake of breath. Zuko was in the city? Iroh was alive? She looked to Azula who was already walking towards the girl. 

“Oh don’t worry. I’ll be sure to let him know.” 

Something changed in the girl’s face. She didn’t look comforted by the sight of them anymore, she looked scared. Something about Azula had tipped her off that they weren’t the real Kyoshi warriors. She turned like she was going to make a break for the door but Ty Lee was already there, chi blocking her. 

The waterbender fell to her knees in front of them, her arms hanging limply, and uselessly at her sides. The flying lemur had taken off, leaving at the first sight of danger. 

“So Zu-zu’s in the city too? I think it’s time for a family reunion.” Azula stood over the girl. “So while we’re dealing with Uncle and Zuko. What are we going to do with you? Y/N?”

“Yes?” Y/N stepped forward and stood next to Azula. The watertribe girl gave her a look that could kill. 

“I want you to kill her,” Azula murmured.

“What?!” Y/N looked at her incredulously.  _ That was not something that Y/N would do.  _

“ I want the  _ Avatar,  _ not some water tribe savage. She is in my way. Take out your sword, and do as I tell you.” Azula was amused even as she said it. 

Y/N wanted to drop to her knees. _Azula knew._ She had to know everything. Y/N was not a master at lying, she never had been but she thought she was hiding her torment well enough. As the realization dawned on Y/N’s face, a smile lifted on Azula’s. 

“Don’t be so caught up on the killing part, Y/N.” Azula reached up to touch Y/N cheek but she jerked away. “You already killed all of those Kyoshi warriors.”

A tear slipped down Y/N cheek. “No…”

“You thought I didn’t know about that?” Azula threw her head back and laughed. “I know everything about you. I know when you’re nervous, when you’re scared. You haven’t been able to look at me  _ since. _ It was obvious.” She pointed at the water tribe girl. “So do what you’re meant to do and maybe I can find the strength to forgive what you’ve done.”

Y/N didn’t know what Azula expected her to do. This was  _ never _ part of the plan. None of this was. These were all just schemes that Azula made up along the way to give her something to win at. If this is what loyalty was, Y/N didn’t want that. This was not something you asked of your friends. This was a game to Azula. A test to see the kind of person Y/N could be. And Azula acted like she already knew the answer. 

“No.”

“What?” Azula growled. Y/N had shocked Azula and herself. She had shocked everyone in the room. Y/N was Azula’s lap-dog. She didn’t tell her  _ no _ , nobody did. 

She couldn’t force herself to do it, not for anything. The alarm bells that had been tinkling before, were ringing full force in her ears now. “I won’t kill someone that doesn’t deserve it. It’s not right.”

“I’m not asking for your opinion on the morality of murder. You need to learn your place!” Azula’s voice was dangerously calm. It was worse than if she had been shooting flames at her. 

Y/N was the complete opposite. She was enraged that Azula would even suggest she kill for her. “If this is my place, then I don’t want it! I don’t want this!  _ We _ were the ones who attacked  _ them _ in Omashu.  _ We _ have been chasing  _ them _ . They have only defended themselves against  _ us. _ I think that makes us the bad guys, Azula!” Everything was spilling out now. “If you want her dead,  _ you can kill her yourself.” _

“Where do your loyalties lie?” She asked it slowly, mockingly, through her gritted teeth. It was  _ her _ . It had  _ always  _ been her. Except for now it wasn’t. 

“They used to lie with you.”

Smoke rolled out of Azula’s nose as she tried to control her breathing. Control was what she was all about. Controlling those around her but also controlling herself. She’d never let anyone know that she was spiraling because of the words that came out of Y/N’s mouth. 

Azula never took her gold, piercing eyes off of Y/N. “Mai, take her sword. Ty Lee, get the Dai Li and have them escort the savage and the traitor to the crystal caves below the palace.” Her voice shook with anger.

“You were my friend,” Azula spat in Y/N’s face. 

“Friends don’t order their friends around like their personal guard.”

“I  _ chose  _ you. You betrayed me.” And Y/N thought Azula might cry there in front of her. That word–chose–used to mean so much to Y/N. It used to feel special to only her. Now it just felt like an insult, a kick while she was down. 

“I choose me.”

Y/N didn’t look away. Not like she might have done a few months ago. Not when Mai stripped the belt that held her sheathed sword off of her, not when she forced her to kneel in front of Azula like she was a prisoner and not an old friend who had come to her senses. Y/N was done. She was free. But now she felt more trapped than ever. What had she just done?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm literally giggling as I upload this because you are not ready :)

Neither girl knew what to do with one another. 

The cavern was large and they kept each other in sight as they explored it separately. Green crystals grew out of ground everywhere Y/N could see. They shined like glow-moths and lit up the cave with an eerie haze. It was cold and damp too, and all she could smell was wet dirt. 

She reached up and touched one of the crystals. It was the tallest of it’s bunch and thick as her wrist. She ran a finger along it. It was angled on top, it’s sides were sharp.

Y/N found a foothold and pulled herself up to be eye level and tugged on it. 

“What are you doing?”

Y/N gasped and slipped off the rock she was standing on. She felt something sharp dig into her belly and pulled herself back up. She turned around and looked at the watertribe girl who was standing there with her hands on her hips.

“Don’t run up on someone like that. You scared me. I almost impaled myself on another one of these dumb crystals.”

“I didn’t–what are you  _ doing!”  _ She exclaimed as Y/N pulled hard on the crystal, this time her hands slipped off the slick surface and she had to jump down backwards before she fell on her back. Maybe she needed to try one that was smaller. 

“Are you trying to find a weapon?” the waterbender asked her. Apparently whatever made her want to stay away from Y/N a few hours ago was gone, she followed Y/N close on her heels as she inspected other rocks in the cavern.

“No.”  _ Yes _ , Y/N very much was. 

“Well, they took my waterskin so I don’t have anything to bend. You shouldn’t be worried.”

“I’m not.” Y/N wiggled a smaller crystal but it was rooted just as deep as the last one. She had a feeling they were all going to be like that. “Besides there’s water all in the air, can’t you smell it?”

The girl’s voice was small when she answered. “I don’t know how to bend water out of the air.” 

“Oh. Well, what a time to learn,” Y/N muttered. She bunched up her dress around her and sat down heavily in the dirt. She really needed to learn when to stop talking. “What’s your name?” Y/N asked, trying to be polite. She didn’t really know what else to do. They were stuck in this cave and weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. 

“Katara,” she sat down across from Y/N, an arm’s length away. She wasn’t too hard to read. She looked like the person who held all her emotions on her sleeve. She wasn’t mad at Y/N, she just looked suspicious of her. Y/N was sure she looked the same. They represented two sides of a war. Wait, could Y/N even say that anymore? Were they two opposing sides? Or side’s adjacent now?

“I guess I should say thank you?”

Y/N waved her away almost immediately and Katara looked grateful that she didn’t have to say anything else. Y/N picked her words carefully. “I think that we both helped each other.”

Katara raised one eyebrow and stayed silent. A clear indication she wanted Y/N to continue. Y/N sighed. “I was… planningonleaving,” she said it quickly, like the words would burn her mouth. It was the first time she admitted it outloud and it felt surprisingly nice. Like when you’re underwater running out of air and you finally reach the surface. “But, I couldn’t do it. I was scared of leaving. You gave me an opportunity to get away.” 

“Then why don’t you seem happy about it?” Katara’s face was so open, she looked like she genuinely wanted to hear about what Y/N was going through. She didn’t think she had ever met anyone like that before. 

“That’s the worst part of it.” Y/N whispered like there was someone around to hear her admit it. “I have regrets. Not everything but–and I know,  _ I know _ it’s stupid of me to think that but, I just wish I had kept my mouth shut and done what she had told me to do.” Y/N put her head in her hands. How could feel like that? One minute she was weightless, the next moment she couldn’t breathe from the pressure in her chest. 

“Like kill me.” Katara frowned. 

“No.” Y/N recovered quickly. “That was  _ never _ something I would have done. I—I thought that my guilt would be gone if I was, and it’s  _ not _ .”

“Because that’s not how feelings work. You can’t just wish them away. They’re going to stay until you can let go of them.” 

“That’s...” Probably true and definitely deeper than Y/N wanted to go. Because Y/N  _ wanted  _ to let go, so why hadn’t she? What were the claws of guilt hooked on? Where had everything gone wrong?

Neither of them slept fully that night. The cave had too much light for Y/N to feel like it was night time even though her body told her it was. Everytime she closed her eyes, she tossed and turned fitfully. She woke up from dozing one time and Katara was sitting up looking off in the distance with tired, unfocused eyes. Another time Y/N sat up and Katara was sleeping nearby, her head pillowed on her arms. The third time Y/N was jerked out of her sleep she swore she woke up to Azula’s voice but after looking around, realized that she wasn’t there. It felt like she was hallucinating, her dreams mixing with reality. 

The last time Y/N woke up it was for good. Her sleeves were covered in greasepaint from rolling around in her sleep, using her elbow as a pillow. Her stomach ached with hunger pangs. She leaned her head back against some rocks. “They could have at least given us food,” she groaned.

Katara’s stomach echoed her sentiment from where she was pacing with a low growl. She grimaced. “Maybe let’s not talk about food. It’ll only make it worse.”

Just then, above them, there was a loud rumbling as a rock was removed from the entrance of the tunnel they were dropped down from. Y/N went to stand next to Katara. They squinted up at the blinding light that came in through the hole. “You’ve got company,” One of the Dai Li shouted down to them. They watched as a figure was pushed and rolled down the tunnel to a stop at their feet. 

The red scar on his face was unmistakable. “Zuko!” 

\---

Zuko pushed himself to his knees and scowled at them. Katara slowly started backing away from them. She looked between Zuko and Y/N defensively. Y/N could tell she was feeling outnumbered. “No, Katara wait–” Y/N started to say.

“What are you doing here?!” Zuko grabbed Y/N’s arm and turned her around to face him. 

She shook his hand off. “What?”

“Why are  _ you _ here?” He asked again. “Is this one of Azula’s tricks?”

Y/N watched his mouth move and heard the words he said but Y/N just stared. Of course he wouldn’t know. Last thing he knew, Azula and her were joined at the hip. 

It seemed the answer was clear as day on her face. His eyes widened and then his face returned to his usual frown. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

Y/N had taken a few steps back, creating a large distance between the two of them. She kept looking between him and Katara–who was eyeing them closely from across the cavern. 

“Had what?” she asked, confused.

“The ability to defy her.”

It was Y/N’s turn to scowl. “I’ve always had it in me,” she said defensively. “This is just the first time I’ve used it against her.”

She’d always had a streak of defiance. That’s what Azula liked about her in the first place. But all these years of being friends with her had made Y/N compliant and malleable because those were the types of friends Azula needed. Y/N’s rebellious streak of never listening to her teachers or parents had faded when she realized the kind of trouble it could get her into when you were friends with a young firebender with a temper. 

Zuko sat against a rock and set his head in his hands. Y/N noticed his hair was longer than before, scruffy looking. He didn’t look sad, just  _ beaten _ . 

“I’m sorry,” Y/N blurted out. When both Katara and Zuko looked at her. She sighed inwardly. She hated that she had so many people to apologize to. She groaned and fisted her hands in her air. She paced back forth between them. “I’m sorry for… what do I even say? I’m sorry for chasing you around the Earth Kingdom and trying to capture you? I’m sorry for lying and being deceitful and… fuck!” Y/N kicked the toe of her boot into a rock. The sharp pain did nothing to distract her. Y/N didn’t know why it was so hard to find the words she wanted to say. 

Zuko didn’t look at her as he spoke. “Kind of hard to not do what the Fire Lord orders.”

“Well, you’re not the only one who was chasing after us.” Katara glared at Zuko.

Zuko glanced at Katara with his one good eye and looked back at his hands. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No, I do! You’re always following us, hunting Aang, who is by the way, the world’s last hope for peace! You’re a terrible person. But what do you care? You’re the Fire Lord’s son. Spreading war, violence and hatred is in your blood.” 

None of this was directed at Y/N but she was rocked by the powerful words Katara spoke anyways. Every word she said rang true. The Avatar–Aang, was not someone who was meant to be captured, and Y/N was sure in this moment she couldn’t trust or fight for a Nation that wanted him all to themselves. She didn’t know how she didn’t see it before. 

Katara was crying softly in the corner she situated herself in. “The Fire Nation killed my mother. It doesn’t matter what you say, you can never tell me they’re fighting for good.”

Y/N felt a pang of sympathy for Katara. She hated seeing other people cry. She wanted to move closer and comfort her but she wasn’t sure how well that would be received. 

“I’m sorry.” Zuko lifted his head to look at Katara. 

She looked taken aback. She wiped her eyes and the three of them sat in companionable silence. Y/N felt so miserable for the three of them, sitting in a cavern together. Two sides of the war and one girl who was now stuck in the middle, looking for a way out of it all. Two, who had worked for and acted in place for those more powerful and had no choice in anything. And the one who took the hardships for it all. 

\---

Y/N heard a rumbling over her right shoulder, and in an instant, the wall was knocked down. Through the rubble and dust she saw the Avatar and Iroh. 

“Aang!” Katara beamed. She ran and hugged him. “I knew you would come. 

Iroh walked over and hugged Zuko, which Y/N was surprised to see him return. “Uncle, I don’t understand. What are you doing with the Avatar?”

“Saving you, that’s what!” The Avatar quipped. 

Zuko snarled and Iroh had to hold him back. “I think we need to talk, Zuko.” Iroh nodded at The Avatar and Katara. “Go help your other friends. We’ll catch up!” 

The Avatar grabbed Katara's hand and they began jogging back through the tunnel he had made. 

Y/N looked between them, unsure of what to do with herself. She wasn’t friends with Katara, she was in fact better friends with Zuko, but it felt weird to stay, like she was listening in on a private conversation. But she thought they were starting to make some headway. They hadn’t tried to kill one another while locked in the catacombs yet. And she missed him, she wanted to stay with him, to see if she could make up for the mistakes she made while with Azula. 

“Y/N,” Katara called from the tunnel. “Come with us.” The Avatar stood next to her, looking at her like she had grown another head. 

Y/N looked at Zuko and Iroh, people she  _ knew, _ people who were where she was from, people from  _ home.  _ “Why?”

“Where else are you going to go?” Katara asked. 

Y/N sent another look to Zuko. He looked like he wanted to say something, maybe tell her not to go with them, but he didn’t and Y/N ran off with Katara and the Avatar. 

\---

They ran into a larger cavern, much like the one they were just in. Next to them was an aqueduct and from somewhere Y/N could hear trickling water filling it. 

“We’ve got to find Sokka and Toph!” Katara said to the Avatar. 

They were two steps ahead of her, and Y/N kept looking over her shoulder to see if Iroh and Zuko had caught up yet. Instead she saw the last person she expected. 

“Duck!” She yelled. A ball of blue fire was blocked by a slab of Earth the Avatar brought up. Katara ran around the stone and used her bending to drag a wall of water up from the aqueduct and pummel Azula with it. Flames hit the water and evaporated it instantly. Y/N stuck behind the wall feeling helpless in the fight. 

Azula jumped and ran across a row of crystals above them. Y/N noticed she was no longer wearing the Kyoshi warrior uniform. She was wearing a Dai Li uniform and had Y/N’s sword strapped to her back!

A white-hot streak of rage shot through Y/N. She didn’t even know how to use one and she was carrying Y/N’s around like a trophy! 

Azula jumped a small space between the crystals she was balanced on and a large tower of rock. She threw three fireballs at Katara and the Avatar who blocked it with a water shield above them. 

Azula landed in a crouch on a small ledge and as soon as the water fell around them, the Avatar used earthbending to knock the tower down. Azula jumped at the last minute to avoid being crushed and landed between Katara and him. 

Before a thought could even go through her mind, Y/N launched herself out from behind the rock and ran full speed at Azula. She hit her with a grunt and tackled her to the ground. They landed in a pile of writhing limbs. 

“Give it back!” Y/N screamed. She yanked her sword out from under Azula and kneeled on her chest, the sword posed over her throat. There was a beat, and then another. Every sound in the cavern was blocked out by the blood rushing in Y/N’s ears. She was elated to see the look of shock and terror that crossed Azula’s face. Y/N wasn’t able to enjoy it for long.

An explosion next to her knocked her of Azula and she went rolling away. It could only have come from one person. Zuko stood in the entrance of the cavern, still poised like he was ready to throw another fireball. The five of them looked between each other and Y/N broke into a smile when she saw him. 

But he didn’t return it. 

Suddenly, he threw a fire punch at the Avatar.

He blocked it with a gust of wind but was still thrown backwards from the force of it. Upon seeing her brother fight for her, Azula began a fight with Katara. 

And Y/N just watched it all unfold in front of her, helpless in the bending war that was going on. 

Zuko threw fire-punch after fire-punch at the Avatar. She could see the anger in his eyes as The Avatar evaded the flames each time using earthbending and airbending to jump and weave around fireballs. He bowled over Zuko with a large gust of wind and jumped to perch on a crystal at the top of the cavern. Zuko yelled in frustration and jumped to his feet. 

He set his feet and threw the largest fireball she’d ever seen him make at the Avatar. He bent the crystals around him but the energy from the fire still hit it, knocking him into the cavern wall. He jumped around the top of the cavern on ledges, avoiding Zuko’s fire whips. He used earthbending to knock a stalactite down from the ceiling, causing Zuko to dive to the side. 

Azula was having just as much luck as her brother. Katara had waterbent shackles around one of Azula’s arms and one of her legs. She tried to yank out of their grasp but there was no use. 

Y/N thought back to a time when seeing her be incapacitated would have scared her, she would run to Azula’s aid even if it was the middle of danger. Now, she just watched as she struggled. 

Suddenly, the shackles were cut away with fire and Zuko jumped in the fight, and Y/N saw her chance. 

She jumped in, ducking under a fire whip. She sliced at his leg and cut Zuko. He stumbled a bit and threw fire at her that was quickly extinguished by Katara’s water. Together they worked to push Zuko further back, Y/N waving around her sword in his face, occasionally catching some skin and Katara extinguishing any flame that got too close to Y/N. With Y/N as a distraction, Katara was able to encase one of his arms in water. He thrust the other in Y/N’s face but she carved upward with her sword and cut the middle of his palm. He winced and pulled it to his chest. 

All of a sudden, Azula jumped down from above Y/N and shot a fire blast at her. She jumped away but the edge of her Kyoshi dress caught fire. She patted it out quickly and looked to see that Azula had turned on Katara, shooting fire blasts her way. She was forced to let go of Zuko’s trapped hand to defend herself. Y/N ran to Katara reaching her just in time for her to throw a watershield around them. With the onslaught of fire from Azula and Zuko though, the shield busted and they were thrown into the rocks. 

Y/N’s vision went fuzzy. She could tell something was happening in front of her but her eyes wouldn’t focus and the ringing in her ears was too loud. She felt something warm roll down the side of her face. What was that? Next to her, Katara was lying motionless, her hair loosened from it’s braid. Y/N reached out and shook the other girl’s shoulder. 

“Hey, Katara, we have to get up.” She groaned and blinked her eyes open. 

Y/N grabbed her wrist and pulled Katara to her feet. They were instantly surrounded by Dai Li agents. Katara pulled water from the aqueduct and encircled them with it. She flared her hands out and tentacle-like projections waved around them. Y/N hefted her sword but it hadn’t been much use and it still wouldn't have been when the Dai Li trapped her like a stone mummy.

On the other side of the aqueduct the Avatar faced down Azula and Zuko and more Dai Li agents. There were too many of them for the three of them to fight off. She watched as he turned away from them and created a crystal tent. Then, the crystal tent began to glow. 

It was blinding. The crystals exploded and the Avatar rose in the air. Everyone stopped to look in awe. Y/N saw now that it was  _ him _ glowing, his eyes and tattoos lit up the cavern like a small sun.

And then the lightning hit. The Avatar’s body jerked in the air as lightning coarsed through him. Someone screamed. It might have been her, but Y/N wasn’t sure. And he fell. 

Katara didn’t miss a beat as she created a large wave that flooded the cavern, knocked over most of the Dai Li and carried the two of them to the Avatar. She caught him before he hit the ground. She held him like he weighed nothing, his clothes were torn and burnt. Y/N couldn’t tell if he was alive or dead. Katara looked up at Y/N with tears in her eyes. Y/N’s face was wet too; she knew what she had to do. She turned her back on them. 

_ Last stand it is, _ she thought to herself as she raised her sword against the army of benders in front of her. But a wall of fire blocked them from attacking. 

Iroh jumped down in front of Y/N. “You have to get out of here. I’ll hold them off as long as I can!” 

Y/N grabbed the Avatar’s other arm and threw it over her shoulder. Together, her and Katara dragged his limp body to the waterfall where she bent the water and lifted them up. 

\---

They landed in the grass behind the palace. High above them, circling like they were looking for something was the Avatar’s sky bison and the rest of his friends. 

Y/N stood and waved her hands above her head. “HEY!” she screamed. “Over here!!” 

Someone on the sky bison heard her and they turned their way. 

Y/N turned to Katara. She was still holding the Avatar in her arms. Her hand shook as she pushed his shirt aside and looked at the wound on his chest. It was red and laced outwards. Y/N looked away. 

She grabbed one of Katara’s hands. “You can heal him.” If she was as good of a healer as she was a fighter, the Avatar would be fine. 

“I–” 

“You can.”

The sky bison landed next to them and Katara and Y/N lifted the Avatar up to her brother to be pulled on. 

He grabbed Katara’s arm first and pulled her up onto the bison. He looked down at Y/N’s outstretched hand and hesitated. But then he grabbed it anyways. They needed to get out of here, they needed miles and miles between them and Ba Sing Se and Y/N was coming with them whether he protested it later or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, comments and kudos fuel me, and I'll love you 3000 if you left them ❤️


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by the a:tla comic, "the bridge".  
> Sokka hates Y/N's fire nation guts :)

“I told you Sokka, she helped Aang and I. She’s staying.” Y/N could tell Katara’s patience was waning. Two days aboard the Water Tribe ship and she had told her brother and the earthbender–Toph—what had happened in the catacombs four times, and yet Sokka was still persistent that Y/N needed to leave. The four of them were sitting below deck in the mess hall drinking tea from thick ceramic mugs. It was colder being on the water and Y/N was grateful for the warmth. 

“Look, we can even be nice and give her one of the canoes!” Sokka countered. He gave Y/N a pointed look. “You know, as opposed to throwing you out of sea.”

Y/N nodded. “Yup, I caught that. Thank you.” Y/N really didn’t like that they were talking about her like she wasn’t sitting next to them.

“Snoozles, I think you need to give it a rest,” Toph said. She sipped out of her tea cup and pressed her knee into Y/N’s. The girl had either taken a quick liking to Y/N or she really liked to piss Sokka off, and Y/N guessed it was the latter. 

Sokka ignored her. “We should leave it up to Dad whether we take her as a prisoner or not.”

“He has more important things to worry about, and so do I!” Katara yelled. She stood, nearly spilling her teacup. She pressed it into Sokka’s hands. “And she’s not a prisoner!” She left the room fuming, likely to go check on Aang who was unconscious in the healer’s room. 

Y/N looked around the room awkwardly. “Does this boat even have, like a place to hold prisoners?”

Sokka glared at her. 

“Yeah, so this is fun, but I’m going to go find anything else to do.” Toph moved to leave only to have Sokka pull her back down. 

“I want to hear it again. From her, not Katara.”

Y/N couldn’t help but groan. “Again?”

“Why do you need me here?” Toph sat down again. 

“Tell me if she’s lying.”

 _“She_ isn’t interested in lying to the people who are keeping her safe right now. I’m a _fugitive_ ,” Y/N said angrily. “I watched someone who I used to call my best friend nearly kill her uncle. I watched her become a person I didn’t recognize anymore because of this mission. Except,” Y/N turned her empty cup over in her hands. “I’m beginning to think she was always that person, and it wasn’t her that changed, it was me.”

“She’s not lying, Sokka.” 

He didn’t look convinced. “Look, all I know is that the Fire Nation is full of evil people. You can’t just expect us to forgive you–”

“I don’t,” Y/N interrupted. “I know you’re mad. I can see the looks the crew gives me. I don’t expect forgiveness from anyone. I don’t even think I forgive myself yet,” she painfully admitted. “I just need redemption.” 

What she had said didn’t look like it had convinced Sokka any and Toph’s expression was the same as it was before. 

“Come on, let’s go for a walk on the deck, Toph.” 

They left, and Y/N was alone. Y/N picked uncomfortably at the hem of the tunic Katara gave her to wear. The green pants were three inches too short when she bent her knees and the actual tunic was almost immodestly tight but it was the kindness that Katara showed her by giving them to Y/N, even if they were just some Earth Kingdom clothes she was given while she was in Ba Sing Se. 

Everything about being on the boat made Y/N uncomfortable. She had fought with Katara and Aang in the crystal cave proudly, but now that she was out in the open and more people knew what she had done, she felt like an imposter. She still held the weight of regret high on her shoulders, especially now that she realized that no one was ever going to fully trust her. Nobody was going to trust someone who was willing to change sides in a war. She would always be a traitor whichever side she landed on. 

\---

Y/N wandered below deck after leaving the mess hall. There wasn’t much to see, the ship wasn’t as large as a Fire Nation ship, just one hallway and a smattering of doors that she probably wasn’t allowed in. Ahead of her though, was a door that was cracked open; the healer’s room. Y/N peeked through the crack at Katara kneeling over Aang. She must have just finished a healing session with him, and she was muttering to herself. 

“–have to get better.”

The boat rocked as it crested a wave and Y/N bumped into the door startling Katara. She lifted the water from the basin she was using and then immediately dropped it when she saw who it was. 

Y/N, caught now, closed the door softly behind her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” She pretended not to see Katara blink tears out of her eyes.

“I was finished anyways.”

“How is he?” Y/N asked, unable to come up with anything else to say.

Katara looked back at him and Y/N followed her gaze. He looked like a little kid, not the all powerful Avatar she had seen a day ago. 

“The same as before. Hey,” she pointed at Y/N’s head. “Do you want me to heal that cut some more?” 

Y/N lightly traced the gash on her forehead that she’d received when her and Katara were thrown into the rocks by Zuko and Azula. It reached into her hairline and the only reason she let Katara use her healing powers at all was because it was still bleeding when they’d boarded the ship. She’d only had the energy after healing Aang to close it enough for it to stop bleeding.

“No, don’t worry about me.” Y/N smiled and left without another word, feeling like an intruder. She didn’t need any more hospitality from them. 

\---

There weren’t any spare hammocks on the ship for them so the four of them slept on the floor in the crew cabin. They laid out fur pelts underneath their sleeping bags to make it softer; and much like the night before, Y/N was in the middle between Katara and Toph, Sokka at their feet. 

Y/N knew this arrangement was purposeful. They were still suspicious of her, and if she was surrounded by them she would have a harder time getting up and leaving. She wasn’t a prisoner, but she wasn’t free to roam either. 

For the first time in a long time, she dreamt of home; of playing on the beaches and swimming in the warm ocean. She was happy and Y/N realized she hadn’t felt like that in a long time. She didn’t even mind when she was woken up by Toph kicking her in the shin the next morning. 

“Come on, we need to go above deck.”

“Why?” 

“They spotted a Fire Nation ship.”

Y/N had never pulled her boots on faster. She braided her hair on the way as they ran up the steps. It seemed like the whole crew was milling around the deck, muttering in small groups, all eyes turned to the east where a trail of black smoke announced the arrival of enemies. 

Hakoda nodded at her as Y/N and Toph approached. He’d been just as cautious with Y/N as the rest of the crew, but nicer to her than his son. “Do you know what kind of ship that is?” 

Y/N tied off her braid and threw it over her shoulder she squinted and leaned on the rail. “Looks kind of small, maybe a scouting ship?”

Hakoda hummed. “That means we’re going to be outnumbered fast.”

“We won’t be able to fight them, ‘Koda,” Bato warned. “And we can’t run, our sails are torn to shreds from our last fight with them.” 

The two shared a look. Surely, they weren’t thinking of surrendering, were they?

Katara evidently thought the same. “We have to think about Aang, Dad. We can’t let the Fire Nation have him! We _have_ to protect him.”

“We will! All we have to do is think of a plan.” Sokka seemed unusually happy for their situation.

Beside him, Toph punched his arm. “Alright, idea guy! Lay it on us.” 

“If we can’t beat them, join them!” Sokka beamed.

Y/N let out a humorless laugh. “You can’t possibly be suggesting that we switch sides.”

“What, are you excited about seeing some of your Fire Nation buddies?” he asked, his voice was light, almost joking, but she could hear the accusation. 

“Sokka!” Katara clenched her jaw. 

He held up his hands. “Okay, okay, sorry!” He did not sound sorry. “What I _meant_ is that we just switch _boats._ ”

Katara, Bato and Hakoda stared at Sokka like he was insane. Toph gave him another punch on the arm. “ _That’s_ your plan?!”

Y/N on the other hand, nodded her head. “Huh.”

Hakoda looked at her like he was looking at Sokka moments ago. “You think that this could work?”

“Yeah, I do actually,” Everyone seemed surprised that she agreed with Sokka. Especially Sokka. “I mean, scouting ships have soldiers on them but they aren’t the best fighters and they don’t station firebenders on them. Their job low risk; just to scout out enemies and relay messages back to bigger ships. If we could find a way to sneak up on them it is very possible that you have enough warriors to take them out and steal the ship.” 

Nobody had anything to say to that. Hakoda grabbed Sokka’s shoulder. “Alright, what’s the plan, son?”

\---

Sink the fleet.

Y/N still couldn’t believe that this was Sokka’s “brilliant” idea. And she _really_ couldn’t believe that Hakoda had let them go through with it.

Y/N looked back from her place at the front of the canoe to the smashed wooden ships behind them. The point was to make it look like the Water Tribe had already been beaten, so Katara and Toph had used their bending to flood and crush the ships. It was sad for her to watch it all happen, she couldn’t imagine what it was like for the warriors who had called the ships ‘home’ for years.

A sharp kick to the bench under her jerked her out of her thoughts. “Keep paddling! You’re making us turn the wrong way.” 

Y/N put her oar back into the water and wondered how good it would feel if she just _slipped_ a little and let her elbow fly back into Sokka’s nose. Just how cute would the Water Tribe boy be with two black eyes and a broken nose? 

Y/N swallowed down her anger. “Oh shut up, I haven’t done this since I was nine.”

The Water Tribe had found a treeline to camp in for the night. At dusk the next day, they would attack the Fire Nation ship. 

Y/N lay in the grass a few feet away from the Chief, Katara and Sokka and Toph, staring at the stars. She traced the constellations she knew with her eyes, she was just looking for ‘the dragon’ when the stars were blotted out with a figure standing over her. 

“Come sit with us by the fire. It’s cold out.” Sokka crossed his arms. 

Y/N shook her head and sat up. “Thanks, but I’m good.”

He dug his toe into the grass. “They won’t let me come back until I bring you.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Y/N smiled and flopped back onto her back. “Guess you won’t be eating dinner!”

Sokka raised an eyebrow. “Is this punishment for being mean to you?”

Y/N rolled her eyes. She could tell him that, yeah it probably was, but it wouldn’t be fair of her. Y/N was pretty sure he had a right to be mad with her for joining out of the blue. 

“If you can be nice over dinner, I’ll go over there with you.” Y/N nodded towards the fire. Katara turned away quickly when she locked eyes with Y/N. 

“Deal! I’m starving.” Sokka held a hand out to help her up. Whether it was because he was trying to be nice or force of habit, she accepted it and let him pull her to her feet. 

They let go of each other quickly and didn’t look at each other on the walk over. 

Turns out it was easy for Sokka to keep his promise because he ignored her the whole time and spent the entire meal chattering about the plan for tomorrow with his dad. It was fine with her, Y/N was more interested in Katara’s silence than anything. Anytime either of the men tried to talk to her she shut them down or snapped at her father. 

She nudged Katara’s elbow. “Are you okay?”

She looked up from where she was scowling into her bowl of food. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” 

Y/N nodded. Katara was lying but Y/N didn’t want to press. She could have been stressed about Aang who was still unconscious in the tent behind them. And if there was anything going on between her and her dad, it wasn’t Y/N’s place to meddle in, especially when her relationship with the Water Tribe was as precarious as it was. But something gnawed at the thought of leaving it completely alone. “Let me know. If you want to talk, or something.” Y/N shrugged noncommitally.

Katara didn’t say anything the rest of the night to her, not until they had snuggled into their sleeping bags around the dying fire and Sokka had already started snoring. Somehow, Katara knew Y/N was still awake. 

“Thanks, Y/N.” She whispered the words so quietly that they could have been Y/N’s imagination. She figured out it was real when she opened her eyes to find Katara closing hers. Y/N smiled and tucked her head closer to her chest and fell asleep to the buzzing of cicada-bats in the trees. 

\---

The next day, Hakoda did something that surprised her. “Here.” He thrust Y/N’s sheathed sword under her nose. She was seated on a rock next to their smoldering fire, just hours before the Tribe planned on leaving to raid the Fire Nation ship. All around her, warriors were sharpening their swords and spears. 

“Um, thank you?” Y/N hesitantly reached out for it, wondering if this was a trick. She had turned it over to him the moment she slid off of the Appa’s back. And to be completely honest, she wasn’t expecting to get it back at all. 

“I want you to come with us.” 

Y/N widened her eyes. No one had explicitly told her, she _wasn't_ going, she just expected to be left behind. “Why?”

“I heard you can fight.” 

Y/N wondered which sibling gave him that information because that could be an good or a bad thing. She lifted one shoulder in a small shrug. “A little.”

He chuckled. “I also heard of a few of my warriors making a bet on when you would turn on us.” He started to walk away. “Don’t make me lose silver to Bato because I think you’ll stick around.”

The only sound around was the soft lapping of water against the metal sides of the ship. Y/N’s heart began race and her muscles tensed in anticipation. She drummed her fingers on the side of the canoe, not able to keep still.

Behind her, Katara was less enthused about being brought along. “I should be with Aang, not here.” She muttered to Toph. 

“Aang is going to be _fine_. And once we take this ship he’s going to have somewhere safe to recover.” Katara went silent. 

As quiet as possible, the Water Tribe warriors scaled the side of the ship with grappling hooks and rope. Y/N could hear shouts of surprise come from the soldiers on the deck as they jumped over the railing. 

When it was Y/N’s turn, she landed on the metal deck next to Toph and Katara. Some warriors had split off to taken down any in the bridge as well as look for soldiers sleeping below deck. Katara bent water over the railing to knock down three soldiers that rushed them. Two more came from the right; one of them wielding a spear, the other a dao. Y/N deflected the tip of the spear and sliced down, snapping the wood in half. She kicked him in the chest, and he skidded backwards on the deck. She parried a striked from the other soldier, and sent her elbow flying into his face, bringing him to his knees. 

Y/N watched in awe as Toph ripped a piece of the railing off the boat and bent it around the two of them on the ground, restraining them back to back. Y/N looked around the deck and noticed Sokka kneeling, tying another soldiers hands behind his back. What _he_ didn’t see what the Fire Nation soldier who was sneaking up behind him.

Y/N’s breath caught in her throat and she ran. 

She got there just in time to intercept his sword with her own. But catching him so late in the blow cost Y/N her upward momentum and the tip of her sword scraped the deck. She grabbed his wrist and pushed it away. She brought her left knee up into his side, using their closeness as an advantage. He groaned and bent forward. She swung the flat of her blade against his wrist, forcing him to drop his sword on the deck. And for good measure grabbed the back of his head and sent her knee into his face. The soldier sprawled back on the deck; dazed with a bloody nose. 

Snickering behind her drew Y/N’s attention. She watched as Hakoda elbowed Bato in the chest, and Bato, irritated, pushed him away. “I told you so!” Hakoda called after him. 

\---

Y/N was surprised when Katara said that she could have her own room. 

“Everyone else, has their own. We figured you would want one too.” she shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal and left. Except it was a huge deal. Y/N grinned. They weren’t worried anymore that she was going to wake up in the middle of the night and go on a murder spree. They were giving her an inch of trust and that meant everything to Y/N. She knew that she had a long way to go, but this was something. 

She pulled her hair out of it’s tangled braid and dropped her sword–which Hakoda had let her keep–next to her bed roll before collapsing onto it. She sat back up immediately as someone knocked on her door. 

“Yeah?” she called, crossing her legs. She began to comb the knots out of her hair with her fingers. 

She dropped her hands in surprise when Sokka opened the door. He closed the door behind him and leaned on the wall just inside. 

Suddenly the room felt stiflingly hot. He had traded his blue Water Tribe clothes for a soldier’s uniform and replaced his wolfs-tail with a Fire Nation top knot. 

“What’s up?”

Sokka shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “I want you to teach me how to swordfight.”

“Oh?” Y/N was surprised to hear that come out of his mouth. “Why?”

“I would have died if you hadn’t been there.” Sokka admitted. “I feel like I rely on the others too much in a fight. I’ve never had a Master to teach me anything.” 

“Well, I’m not a Master,” Y/N said apologetically. She could understand where he was coming from. She was born into a family of firebenders as the only nonbender and it made her special in all the wrong ways. She _had_ to be good at something to survive.

“Maybe not in title, but you’re good. _Really_ good. I–actually never mind.” Sokka turned the handle to the door.

“No, wait! I’ll do it!” She shot up and grabbed his arm. It didn’t matter how much he had hated her twenty-four hours ago. This was something they had in common and if she ever wanted to be in their good graces, she needed to do this. 

“Yeah?” He looked hopeful, A little surprised like he figured she would have said no. 

“How about we start tomorrow?” Y/N asked. She realized her hand was still wrapped around his wrist. She pulled back and crossed her arms. 

Sokka nodded. “Tomorrow.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments give me life, ily all so much!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when I say Sokka is a simp for Y/N, I am saying it with my whole chest

“And this is supposed to train me how?!” Sokka asked. His arm dropped six inches. Y/N lifted it back up so it was even with his shoulder and straightened out his elbow more. 

“Holding my sword out straight for hours will not only show me that you have the dedication to learn but it will also help you build up strength.” 

“Hours,” he echoed. 

“Look, if you don’t want to do this, that’s fine!” Y/N started to walk away. 

Sokka grabbed her shoulder and spun her back around. “I’ll do it. I’m not happy about it. But I’ll do it.”

Sokka widened his stance and looked out over the water as he settled in. Y/N joined Toph in leaning up against the railing. “Is this really something that your teachers made  _ you _ do?”

Y/N thought back to when she learned how to use a sword. She was young when her father told her she needed to choose something to master. If she couldn’t train to be a firebender, she was going to train to be  _ something _ . She’d picked the sword because she’d seen him practice with her two older brothers in their courtyard, and spirits, she just wanted to make him proud for once. She worked nonstop and became the best she could be because there was no margin for error. Failure wouldn’t be tolerated.

“The sword was much lighter but yes, Father said it was essential that I show my commitment.”

“Sounds like a nice guy.” Y/N didn’t miss the sarcasm in Toph’s tone. She also couldn’t refute it. He wasn’t a nice guy, and he was a worse father. 

\---

Half an hour and Sokka’s arm was shaking, Y/N could see it from across the deck. 

“Tired yet?” she asked. Even though it was still morning, the sun was blazing. A drop of sweat dripped down his face and the tip of the sword dipped before he corrected it. “Nope,” he grunted. “Just peachy.”

“Sure. Let me know when you’re done?”

“What?!” the sword dipped again. “I thought you were the one telling me how long I was doing this.”

“I never said that.”

“But… that’s what you meant right?”

Y/N shrugged. And Sokka didn’t move. 

\---

“How long has he been at it?” Katara asked as she sat down next to Toph and Y/N. She handed them each a bowl of rice and smoked fish. 

“Three  _ hours, _ ” Toph said around a bite of fish. Katara’s eyes widened in disbelief. “And whenever Y/N goes to check on him, his heart races like he’s afraid she’s going to make him do something else ridiculous.”

“Hey!” Y/N protested. “It’s not ridiculous. He’s  _ training. _ ” Even Y/N couldn’t keep a straight face while saying it. She hopped to her feet and approached Sokka. 

“There it goes again!” Toph yelled.

Y/N ignored her. “You hungry?” she asked Sokka. 

Sokka’s arm seemed to tremble a bit more. He forced a stoic look across his face. “Nope.”

“Are you sure?” Y/N asked. She picked up a piece of fish with her chopsticks and held it out. “If you’re so adamant about holding the sword, I can feed you lunch, if you want.” 

An expression that Y/N didn’t recognize crossed his face and for  _ a moment _ she thought he was actually going to say yes. But then he looked over her shoulder. “I’m good.” His voice was strained. 

“Oh, for spirits sake, Sokka put the sword down and come eat!” Katara called from where she was sitting. 

Sokka looked back to Y/N, his bright blue eyes drilled into her own. She held his gaze longer than necessary, because this was more fun than she had anticipated. And then Y/N realized what was happening. He was waiting for her to say something. Her stomach flip-flopped.

“Put down the sword.” She murmured. 

She flinched when the blade clattered to the deck and her reverie broke. Sokka’s arm hung limply at his side and he collapsed on one knee. “Tui and La, that was the worst thing I’ve ever done!” He fell sideways on the deck and rolled onto his back. “My arm is  _ numb. _ I can’t feel it. Is that normal?”

Y/N picked up her sword and examined the edge for nicks. “Sure.” 

He leaned up and snatched the bowl of food from Y/N’s hands. 

“Hey!”

Sokka balanced the bowl on his stomach and shoved the biggest piece of fish in his mouth. “I desermph it!”

“You didn’t have to hold it that long!” Y/N exclaimed. “I told you, you could stop anytime you wanted to!” 

“I thought you were joking!” he shouted back. 

Y/N turned back to the girls. “Is he always this dramatic?” She asked.

“All the time.”

“Always.”

“I am  _ not _ dramatic!”

\---

“No. Do that move again. Your shoulder is flying open too far. You’re leaving yourself vulnerable.” Y/N poked Sokka in the stomach to prove her point. 

Sokka did, lunging forward with his sword but keeping his shoulders turned inward. He looked towards Y/N for any critique. 

She leaned back on the rail with her arms crossed. “Much better.”

Sokka grinned. “Can we spar now?” He was always tired of just practicing new moves. He wanted action. 

Y/N unsheathed her sword. “If we’re careful. Katara nearly  _ killed _ me when I cut your arm last week.”

They’d been at sea for a few weeks now. Sokka and Y/N practiced every morning and every evening on the deck of the Fire Nation ship. There wasn’t much else for them to do but spar which meant that Sokka was learning a lot, and learning it fast. Only last week had she started letting them use real swords though; Sokka had taken a Jian sword similar to Y/N’s from the ship’s armory. In the weeks before, they had just used broken broom handles to make sure no one got hurt. After days of splintered hands and bruises all over from the “beatings” he said Y/N gave him, Sokka begged to use swords. With great reluctance she’d said yes, as long as he made sure he listened to her. It was an extra precaution for Y/N too, she was worried that if something happened to Sokka, they’d throw her overboard. 

“Arm up, yes!” Sokka parried as Y/N thrusted her sword. She ducked under his sword and landed a punch to his side. “Gotta be faster though!”

She quickly backed away smiling as he caught his breath. “Was that necessary?” He asked with his hands on his knees. 

“Absolutely. How else will you learn?”

Y/N waited a beat before she threw an overhand cut that Sokka blocked, reflexively. He swept at her in a long arc that she knocked away easily. They danced in a few lazy circles, blocking and striking before Sokka got bored. He moved to disarm Y/N, twisting the flat of his blade under her wrist. And lucky for him, she didn’t expect it and the pressure caused her to drop it. He let the point of his sword fall just beneath her chin. 

Sokka’s eyes widened. “I won!” 

Y/N pressed the flat of his blade between her two palms, moving it away from her face and kicking him in the wrist. The sword dropped from his hand as he sucked in a sharp breath. She swung the blade up and caught it by the hilt. She dragged her leg behind his and shoved him to the ground. He fell hard on his back and she pressed a knee to his chest. 

“What did I say about being cocky?”

“It gets you killed,” Sokka grumbled. 

“It looks like you lost!” Bato shouted from where he and Hakoda watched from across the deck. Hakoda laughed loudly and then said something unintelligible that sent them both into fits of laughter. 

She moved off of Sokka’s chest and helped pull him to his feet. She held the hilt of his sword out to him and retrieved her own from the deck. “Again?”

“Will you please let me win one so my dad and Bato will stop making fun of me?”

Y/N looked over at the two men, who were just getting over their fit of giggles. Momo was perched on the chief’s shoulder and Hakoda reached up to pet his head.

She smiled at Sokka softly, he grinned back. 

“ _ No _ .”

Sokka’s face fell. “Oh come on!”

\---

Y/N leaned her back up against the railing of the ship as she watched Sokka put his Fire Nation armor back on. She bit back a laugh as he slid his helmet on over a fresh bruise on his forehead. He caught her anyways. 

“Yeah, thanks for that!” He kicked the bottom of her boot. 

“Sokka, I told you I was sorry! If you’re in a high bind like we were you need to expect that the other person is going to hit you with the hilt to knock you down.”

“It hurt.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, I know it does. And I’ve had much bigger people do it to me so you should be happy.”

Sokka sat next to her and tapped her foot with his. “Thanks for teaching me.” He said that a lot. Y/N was pretty sure there wasn’t a day that went by when he didn’t say it. 

His face was covered by the helmet. It made it easier to talk to him when he looked like a nameless, faceless Fire Nation soldier. “Oh you know. The price for my life,” she sighed. 

“You know that’s not how it is anymore, right?”

Y/N blinked up at the sky and fiddled with the clasp to her Fire Nation cape around her neck. It was dark and the air was humid. “It’s going to rain.”

After a minute, Sokka looked away from her and looked up too. 

Just then, there was a crash on the deck. Sokka and Y/N both jumped to their feet and went running towards the sound. 

“Twinkle Toes, that’s got to be you!” Toph exclaimed. They all created a semi-circle around the airbender, who stood hunched over with Momo on his back. The lemur was furiously licking the side of his face. Y/N was surprised to see the Avatar's head covered in dark brown hair.

“Aang, you’re awake!” Katara moved to embrace him in a hug. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I feel like I’m dreaming.”

“You’re not dreaming! You’re finally awake.” She promised. 

Sokka brushed past Y/N to hug him as well. “Aang, good to see you back with the living buddy.”

“Sokka?” Aang muttered. And then he fainted.

After making sure Aang woke up okay on the deck, Sokka nudged Y/N and walked her back to her room for the night. 

“So, he’s awake,” Sokka said. Y/N didn’t meet his eyes; just looked back down the hallway to the staircase that would take you above deck. “I’m sure Katara will tell him everything. Nothing to worry about.” Then he did something unexpected. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “Don’t worry about it,” He repeated. 

Y/N shook her head, at a loss for words. Sokka had never initiated contact with her when they weren’t sparring. In fact, he actively avoided it. 

“Training tomorrow, before breakfast?” he asked. 

“Yeah.” And then he was gone. Back down the hallway to his room. 

Y/N closed her door and leaned up against it. She  _ was _ worried. And somehow Sokka had figured out exactly what she was anxious over. Being on the ship with Aang unconscious was one thing. They had nothing  _ better _ to do other than stay and let him heal there. But now that he was awake, he, Toph, Katara and Sokka were going to complete their mission to save the world and there was no place for Y/N in that story. Her point of leaving was never to join the Avatar’s mission, that just happened to be a side to the same story. 

And she was sure the others didn’t want her to join either. It didn’t matter how nice they were to her, or how friendly her and Sokka had gotten over the last few weeks; she was still Fire Nation. And she wasn’t one of them.

\---

A knock at the door startled Y/N. “Come in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little bit of a cliffhanger for you. as always, kudos and comments keep me running 💙


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more hakoda love in this one, also you asked for mom-friend Katara, i raise you best girl friends Y/N & Katara

Katara peeked her head in. “Can we talk?”

The sound of her voice didn’t soothe any of Y/N’s fears. “Yeah, sure,” she said shakily. 

Y/N sat on her bed roll and left room for Katara to sit across from her. She pulled her knees up and played with her hands. _They aren’t your friends. They aren’t your friends_ , Y/N chanted inside her head. She willed herself to take this well. She always knew this was going to be the ending, that this was going to happen–

“You know how you said I could talk to you?”

Y/N let out a huge breath she had been holding. Maybe this wasn’t a send off, no _hey, thanks so much for your help so far, Sokka really appreciates you teaching him to sword fight, but we’re off with the Avatar now!_

“What’s wrong?” _More importantly, what’s so wrong that you wanted to come to me to talk to?_ Y/N wanted to say. She settled herself a little more comfortably against the wall. “Is it about your dad?” Y/N guessed.

Katara froze, halfway between pulling her legs into cross them, her face a mask of shame. “Gods, is it so obvious?”

“Oh–um…” Y/N trailed off, not sure of what to say. 

“I don’t know why I feel this way,” Katara stuttered out.

“Don’t you think that you should talk to Sokka or Toph?” Y/N wasn’t sure that she was the best person to talk to about father-daughter relationships, seeing as she didn’t have one. They knew her better. Although, that might be the exact reason why she _wasn’t_ going to them. 

“No,” Katara waved her hands. “Sokka, he wouldn’t get it. He _loves_ my dad–not that I’m saying I don’t but–ugh,” Katara groaned and dropped her head in her hands. When she looked up again her eyelashes were wet. “Sokka doesn’t get what I’m feeling. _I_ don’t understand what I’m feeling. I really do love Dad and I missed him every single day, but the moment I saw him I just felt this anger towards him. He was gone for so long and I was forced to grow up more than I should have with both my parents not being around. When I _needed_ him the most he _left_ . How–how can I just ignore that? How do _you_ love someone and still be so unhappy with them?”

“ _Oh,”_ Y/N realized now what this was all about. Everything always comes back to Azula. Every decision she makes, every conversation she has, Azula still dominates her life. 

Y/N didn’t realize _she_ started crying until Katara grabbed her hand. “No, no. I’m sorry! Don’t cry.”

Y/N squeezed Katara’s in a vice grip. “It’s not the same. Your dad, I’ve seen him look at you. He _loves_ you and Sokka, he cares about you so much. He never meant to hurt you by leaving, but you don’t need to ignore it either. I love Azula because I’m weak. You love your dad because you know that no matter what he did, it was for the best even though it hurt.” Y/N wiped at her cheeks. “You need to talk to him. Tell him everything you told me. He’s probably hurting because you’ve shut him out, but he’ll understand.” 

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Katara sniffled. 

Y/N gave Katara’s hand another squeeze, not trusting her voice at the moment. She wished she had the courage to ask what was going to happen to her. It meant so much more now, but they were both teary-eyed and vulnerable; Y/N wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer. 

\---

There were always distractions on the deck while Y/N and Sokka sparred, other warriors stood around eating, talking, watching them; the two of them had gotten used to it and ignored most of the voices, focusing on the task at hand. The difference that morning being that Aang was awake, and Aang didn’t know that she wasn’t their enemy anymore. 

“What are you doing?!” Aang’s voice broke through her concentration. A small gust of wind knocked her to one knee. Sokka’s inexperience didn’t give him the ability to pull back when going in for a strike and his sword glanced across her leg. 

Y/N didn’t feel it right away, in fact she thought he had missed until she looked down and saw the hole in her pants and the blood seeping through the fabric. It was the first blood they’d draw while sparring, and in the back of Y/N’s mind, she was thankful it was hers and not Sokka’s. 

“Oh shit. Oh _shit,_ I am so sorry.” Sokka grasped her wrist and pulled it away so he could look at the wound. “Katara?!”

“It’s just a scratch.” Y/N waved her away after noticing that Aang was leaning heavily on his staff after airbending at her. “I’m fine, Katara.” 

“It’s like the size of my hand. Let her heal it,” Sokka protested. 

“Sokka,” Y/N growled through her teeth. “Let her help Aang first.” 

\---

“Sorry, Aang. We should have told you when you woke up last night. I just didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Katara explained as she mended the gash on Y/N’s leg. The water soothed the sting, and when she was done all that was left was a pink scar. 

Aang rubbed his neck. “Sorry, Y/N.”

“No harm done. I probably would have reacted the same way if I saw someone beating up on my friend,” Y/N reassured. 

“You weren’t beating up on me,” Sokka muttered. He was quickly silenced with an elbow to the ribs, courtesy of Toph. 

“Maybe we should tell Twinkle-Toes what’s happened these last couple weeks.”

“Right, so after Ba Sing Se, we had to get you to safety. We went to Chameleon Bay and found Dad and the rest of his fleet. But the bay was full of Fire Nation ships and we wouldn’t stand a chance against them. So, we stole one.” Sokka gestured happily around him.

“So, what now?” Aang asked. “What are we going to do now that I’m awake?”

“My dad and I have been working on the invasion plan,” Sokka said. 

Y/N knew of the invasion plan. They didn’t act like they were trying to hide the plans from her, but it wasn’t like they included her in them either. 

“We won’t have the Earth King’s armies but we’ll have our allies from the Earth Kingdom, the eclipse and _a surprise_ on our side.” Sokka wiggled his eyebrows. 

“What’s the surprise?” Aang asked.

“You! The whole world thinks you’re dead! Isn’t that great?” Sokka jumped to his feet.

“Great?!” Aang stood up too, albeit unsteady, and leaned over the railing. “That’s terrible!”

“No, it’s _great_.” Sokka countered. “The Fire Nation won’t be hunting us anymore and they won’t expect you the day of Black Sun.” 

“No, no, no! You have no idea. This is so messed up!” Aang ran his hands through his short hair and opened his mouth to say something else when a foghorn interrupted him. 

Everyone’s faces whipped around in the direction of the sound. A Fire Nation ship was approaching. 

\---

The five of them huddled on the staircase that led below deck, each one peeking their eyes (or ears) over the railing to catch what was happening. A metal gangplank was dropped between the ships and two soldiers and their captain approached Bato and Hakoda. Words were exchanged between the men but Y/N couldn’t hear a thing. 

“Gods, he looks familiar,” Y/N mumbled to herself. 

“Something’s wrong. They know!” Toph grabbed the edge and was about to haul herself over to tell everyone. 

But Y/N grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back. “Wait.”

“What?!” she shrieked. 

Y/N ran up the steps. Sokka grabbed her calf but she shook him off and put on her most confident walk; long legged strides and her billowing cape hid her shaking hands. Y/N still wasn’t sure what she was doing. 

“Captain, what is going on?” She blinked at Hakoda and begged the spirits to tell him what she was doing. 

“My Lady,” He said gravely and Y/N held back a smile. “This Captain tells us that we need to be headed back to Ba Sing Se to support the occupation there.”

“Absolutely not!” She shouted. 

She stepped up on the gangplank and walked towards the three enemy soldiers who had frozen in the middle at her voice. “What is your name?” she pointed at the Captain.

He looked at her, taken aback. “I am Captain Sato. And who are you?” 

His eyes moved up and down her body and she stood a little taller. She put on her most diplomatic voice. “My name is Y/N, daughter of Commander Zhang. Right now you are delaying a very important mission. I command you to disembark our ship immediately and let us be on our way.”

Captain Sato let out a chuckle. “And what mission would that be? Your Captain is heading in the opposite direction of where he should be going and doesn’t even know which Admiral is in charge.” 

“That’s the point, you idiot! I’m on a secret mission for Fire Princess Azula, one of which you aren’t privy to the facts of and neither are they! Get off my ship!” 

He took an intimidating step towards her but Y/N didn’t back down. “I will be sending a messenger hawk to Capital City to confirm this, of course.” His voice was slimy, and she finally knew where she recognized him from. Some dinner party or something. His eyes always lingered too long. 

“You can do that, but know that I will be sending my own to make sure you are stripped of your title, stripped of your ship and you will go back to the Fire Nation as a disgrace. How does that sound, Captain Sato?” she sneered. 

She was met with silence. His face was red and he was breathing heavily. He wasn’t going to risk his job for his, Y/N knew it. “You’re free to go, My Lady.”

“Yes I am,” she growled. 

She marched back to Hakoda and Bato with wide eyes. She stood shoulder to shoulder with them as the Fire Nation ship pulled away. 

Toph grabbed her from behind and spun her around. “Y/N, I laughed so hard when you said you were going to strip him of his title, I thought they were going to be able to hear me.” The younger girl threw her head back and laughed some more. 

“You did good, kid.” Hakoda patted her shoulder, and that little action took a huge weight off her shoulders. Y/N let herself laugh loudly and freely; she laughed so hard that she could barely pull a breath back in. 

“I–I don’t even remember what I said. I think I blacked out.” Y/N giggled again and she felt good. 

\---

The ship docked in a Fire Nation port at dusk. Food was getting low on the ship but that was just the essentials they needed. It was also _exhausting_ being at sea for so long. They all needed to stretch their legs on _dry land_. 

Toph, Sokka and Y/N waited just inside of town. It was beginning to get dark outside and Sokka was pacing. “Where are they? I’m _starving_.” 

“Calm down, Snoozles,” Toph said. “Katara said they’d be right behind us.”

“But what if they got _captured_ ? We _are_ in the Fire Nation.” Without meaning it, he looked very pointedly at Y/N. She in turn focused her eyes anywhere but him. 

“Wait!” Toph said. “I can hear Katara…” She trailed off and gave them both a confused look. “It’s just Katara.”

Y/N followed Sokka and Toph as they ran to meet her. 

“There you are!” Katara’s cheeks were red from running. “Aang is _gone.”_

“What? Where did he go?” Sokka inquired. 

“I don’t know! He said–he said he needed to redeem himself. He took his glider and left! I think he wants to finish this on his own. He said he needed to defeat the Fire Lord alone.” Katara shook her head, not even she could understand the reasoning behind it. 

“Well come on! We have to go find him!” Toph was already running back in the direction of the ship. Y/N hesitated, but then followed them. The least she could do is give them a proper send off when they took Appa. 

\---

Katara climbed up and took the reins while Sokka and Toph clamored up into the saddle. Y/N opened her mouth, but she didn’t even know what to say. Was good-bye something even appropriate? Good luck? Sokka interrupted her thoughts and she realized she was standing there staring at them like a fish out of water.

“What are you doing?”

“Saying goodbye?” Y/N replied. 

“Why are you saying goodbye?” Toph asked. She nudged Sokka in the arm. “Why is she saying goodbye?” 

“I’m not a part of your team.” Sokka and Katara shared a look. Y/N felt stupid, like she was missing something very important. 

“You’re coming with us.” Katara declared. “We thought you knew. You became a part of this the moment you fought with us, fought _for_ us. Aang would want you here. I–We want you here.”

Y/N couldn’t help the small smile that drifted across her face. Finally, here was her answer. And it was as simple as Sokka leaning down to grab her hand and help her climb up Appa. She finally had a cause that she could be proud to serve. Because this was what it was all for; uniting the nations. And here they were, five kids doing it themselves on the back of a sky bison. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, kudos and comments make my day!!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst, that is all.

“I don’t know about this,” Aang whispered. “It feels wrong to steal someone else’s clothes.”

Katara and Y/N exchanged a look. “I call the silk robe!” Katara shouted as she jumped over the rocks they had hidden behind. 

“But I guess if it’s for the good of humanity… I call the suit!” Aang followed her. 

The rest of them joined and ran between the lines of clothes looking for anything that might fit. Y/N was reaching for a pair of pants when Katara stopped her. “Pick something else.”

“Why?”

“People are used to seeing you wear Fire Nation clothes. You’ll be more recognizable if you pick something you always wear.”

“Fine.” Y/N wrinkled her nose and pulled a deep red skirt from the clothesline. 

“This too.” She whipped a shirt at Y/N’s face. When she caught a look at it she shook her head wildly. “No way!” Y/N worked to keep her voice low so the man they were stealing from couldn’t hear her. “It’ll be hard enough to fight in a skirt, Katara. I’m  _ not  _ wearing it.”

\---

Y/N poked at the bare skin of her midriff. “I mean seriously, Katara. I have to shrug this shirt on like it’s a robe and it ties in the  _ back _ . If a bad guy gets ahold of that I’ll be _ half-naked. _ ”

Katara pulled her hair out of its braids and hair loopies and didn’t spare a glance at the other girl. “You complain almost as much as Sokka.”

Y/N huffed and crossed her arms. “I  _ don’t _ .” She unwound the leather tie around her braid and let her hair hang loose down her back, tying a similar top knot to Katara’s. “Let’s just go find the others.”

\---

“How do we look?” Katara asked the other three. Y/N gave a very unenthusiastic twirl. Y/N turned back to notice how Aang’s eyes widened and he blushed as he looked at Katara. Y/N raised an eyebrow and glanced at Katara’s face, who was looking  _ back _ at Aang with soft eyes.  _ What is going on here?  _ Y/N hummed in thought.

“You look like a girl,” Sokka said as his eyes bounced from Y/N’s skirt to her face. 

“Thank you for that astute observation. I  _ am _ a girl,” Y/N replied drily. 

Sokka was blushing furiously. “No, I mean–”

“Oh, Katara. Your necklace,” Aang interrupted. 

Katara rubbed the carved bone. “I guess it’s pretty obviously from the Water Tribe.”

“Don’t worry,” she patted Katara’s shoulder. “We’ll get you something else in town so it doesn’t feel like you lost it.”

\---

Y/N slid the new bracelet she had bought around her upper arm while she listened to Aang talk. All of them bought something to make their disguises more authentic, while also being able to feel more like themselves; a new Fire Nation necklace for Katara, a flame pin to hold together Sokka’s top knot, a headband for Toph and the bracelet to help hide the burn scar on Y/N’s deltoid. 

“I used to visit my friend Kuzon here a hundred years ago. Just follow my lead.” Aang confidently turned the corner of the building they were behind and winked at a guy on the street. “Greetings, my good hotman!”

Toph pulled on Y/N’s elbow. “Is this really how they talk in the Fire Nation?”

“Uhh.. you know, I didn’t go into the city much but I’m almost one hundred percent positive that no they don’t,” Y/N whispered.

“Spirits, do  _ not _ stop him. This is hilarious,” Toph laughed as Aang tipped his head to another man walking by, calling him ‘hotman’.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. I  _ wish _ you could see the looks people are giving him.” 

The five of them stopped in front of a restaurant. “Oh, I didn’t know we were going to a meat place,” Aang said a little dejectedly

“Everyone here eats meat!” Sokka exclaimed. “Even the meat!” He pointed over to a cow-hippo who was eating meat off the ground. Y/N’s stomach turned at the sight. Maybe she didn’t want to eat meat today either. 

Aang left, promising to meet them in the same spot outside after he found something vegetarian. Ten minutes had passed and there was still no sign of him. Katara was beginning to pace with worry. 

“He could have gotten lost looking for something to eat, right?” She asked the rest of them.

“We could go look around for him?” Y/N offered. When she noticed the hint of fear in Katara’s eyes, she added, “Nothing happened to him of course. He probably just got lost! Or he’s looking at some shop. How about you and Toph stay here, wait for him to see if he comes back. Sokka and I can wander the town looking for him.”

“We can?” Sokka asked. 

Y/N nudged his ribs. 

“We can,” he confirmed. He popped the last bit of his elk-caribou kebab in his mouth and threw the stick away. “Aang will come back and we’ll feel silly for being worried about him.”

“I hope you’re right, Sokka.” Katara said. 

\---

“Ooh, let’s look in this shop,” Sokka marveled, pulling Y/N along with him. It was only a shop full of little trinkets and bags but everything Sokka saw excited him. 

“What do you think of this bag?” Sokka tossed the strap over his shoulder and posed. 

“You have an Earth Kingdom bag back at camp that looks the same,” she retorted.

Sokka rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but now that we’re here, I need a Fire Nation one.” 

Y/N shrugged and Sokka took that as her statement on what she thought of the bag. He placed it back on the table and picked up a ceramic box. “What about this box?” he asked.

She took it from his outstretched hands and inspected it. It was a black box with a golden Fire Nation flame on top. “What are you going to put in the box?” she asked as she handed it back to him.

“I–um, cool rocks that I find?”

Y/N hummed, amused. “And what are you going to do with the box full of cool rocks?”

“Put it in my bag,” Sokka muttered. “Fine! I won’t get it!” 

\---

“You’re not very fun to shop with.” Sokka said when they left. 

Y/N looked up at the sun to check the time. “We’re supposed to be looking for Aang, not shopping.”

Sokka waved his hands. “Aang is  _ fine _ . He’s the Avatar, he can take care of himself.” 

“I’m assuming by the way Katara reacted that he doesn’t necessarily go off by himself a lot.”

“Katara–” he paused to think of the right word, “–she mother-hens us.” He held up his hands defensively. “Not that I’m saying we don’t need it, because sometimes it’s nice, but she worries  _ entirely _ too much.”

Y/N stopped a fruit stand and picked up a ripe peach. “I don’t know, it’s kind of nice.” She passed along a few coins to the merchant and handed a second one to Sokka. 

“How is it nice?” Sokka asked, then bit into the flesh of the peach.

“I don’t know. The way I grew up there was never anyone worried about when I would come home, you know? I just came and went as I pleased and then when I moved to the palace it was the same way.”

“You lived at the palace?” Sokka blurted out.

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Y/N watched as Sokka cut the pit of the peach out with a small knife and tossed it into the road. He nodded at her to continue. “I moved to the capital to go to school and about a year after, I moved into the palace.” She bit into the peach and wiped the juice off her chin with the back of her hand. 

“Why though? Why not live with your parents?” He asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“Do you always ask this many questions?”

“I’m just trying to figure you out,” Sokka stuttered. 

“Why?” Y/N giggled. She abruptly stopped when Sokka blushed and gave her a look she couldn’t decipher. 

“I just want to,” he finally said. “We don’t know anything about you.”

“Well, if you  _ must know _ –it’s embarrassing–but my parents encouraged it actually. They were ecstatic that I was able to get close to the Royal Family and even though we weren’t nobility they had this absurd fantasy that I could marry  _ Zuko _ .” Y/N covered her face in humiliation. 

Sokka shared a look of disgust. “Fire Prince Ponytail, huh?”

She smiled at the joke, but it faded quickly; the hurt of Zuko’s betrayal still heavy on her heart. “He wasn’t always like that.” Y/N ran quickly to his defense. “I knew him when he was still good.”

Sokka collapsed on the ground and leaned up against a wall. “So tell me about it.”

Y/N sat next to him and bumped his arm with her shoulder. “About what?”

“Your palace life, Princess.”

\---

The sun was setting when her and Sokka headed back to the cave. The streets were lined with paper lanterns and Y/N could hear lively music being played somewhere. It was busier than it was during the heat of the day and Sokka and Y/N were frequently bumped into from all sides, right into one another. Finally, after losing him twice in the crowd she looped her arm through his. She felt him tense up under her touch, but immediately relaxed. 

“Oh, hey, what’s that?” She pointed off in the distance to a wooden board that looked like it had pictures posted all over it. She weaved them around the crowd to stand in front of it. It was a bulletin board full of advertisements, lost items, found items, and wanted posters. Her eyes ran across the assortment of them–The Blue Spirit, an Admiral named Jeong-Jeong–until her eyes landed on one in particular. 

“Yeah, they put these out when we first started traveling with Aang.” Sokka poked at a yellowing poster of Aang in his airbender clothes. “Luckily they won’t be hunting for him anymore.”

“Yeah. They aren’t hunting you,” Y/N pointed at the only poster that drew her attention. The one with a similar likeness to her face. “But I think they’re hunting me now.” 

Sokka peered around them to see if anyone was watching and ripped the poster down and shoved it in his pocket. “We need to tell the others.”

\---

They only stopped running when they reached the mouth of the cave, the sun low in the sky. 

“Where were you two?!” Katara scolded. “We waited for you to come back but you never did!” 

“We looked around for Aang but–” Sokka started. He unfolded the poster from his pocket. 

“Well did you find him?” She asked.

Sokka and Y/N shared a look. “You mean  _ you _ didn’t?” Y/N fretted. 

“No and Toph and I came back here when we couldn’t find anyone–”

The four of them jumped a noise outside. Y/N reached back instinctively to grab the hilt of her sword just when Aang strode in with Momo perched on his shoulder. His clothes were muddy and there was dirt on his face like he’d been chased through the woods but he was smiling. “Hey guys!” 

“Where have  _ you  _ been? We’ve been worried sick!” Katara raced to pull him into a hug. 

Aang sheepishly pulled off his headband. “I got invited to play with some kids after school.” 

Sokka’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. “After  _ what _ ?!”

“I enrolled in a Fire Nation school and I’m going back tomorrow.” 

“Enrolled in what?!” Y/N thought Sokka was going to pass out. 

“Let’s just sit down and talk about it.” Y/N suggested. 

“I’m learning about all the propaganda they teach–”

Behind her, Y/N knew that Sokka was still talking, still flailing his arms around but she couldn’t hear the words he was saying because–

“Propaganda?”

Everyone froze, unsure of what to do next. Y/N could hear Toph behind her by the fire. “Oh no.”

“Um–”

Y/N wasn’t sure what to think. “No, don't even think about not telling me! What do you mean they teach propaganda at Fire Nation schools?”

\---

Y/N sat there in silence after Aang told her what he had learned in just one day at a Fire Nation school. What did that mean for her education of five years at one? She tugged one of their blankets around her shoulders because even next to the fire she was shivering. She felt like she had been punched hard in the stomach and all the wind was knocked out of her. 

What did Sokka, Katara, Aang and Toph think of her as they realized that these were the things that she grew up learning? That she had foolishly believed that the Air Nomads– _ known pacifists _ –had created an army big enough to destroy the Fire Nation so they had to be taken out first. That the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes, after hearing of the destruction of all the Air Temples and supposedly the Avatar, had joined together and invaded the Fire Nation. That she had believed in and supported the idea that the Fire Nation was doing the right thing, that  _ cleansing  _ the world of troublemakers and creating obedience and peace in the villages was ‘the only way’. 

In the back of her mind, Y/N was trying to reason with herself,  _ You knew the whole time. That’s why you left, that’s why you're trying to do good with the Avatar; to right the wrongs of your Nation _ . But it didn’t matter. She’d believed long enough for it to be harmful.

“Not to take away from the frankly  _ alarming  _ things we just learned but–” Sokka handed Aang the poster. “–we also found this when Y/N and I were in town.”

“What is it?” Toph asked. 

“It’s a wanted poster for Y/N,” Aang muttered. 

Katara jumped up to join him in reading it. Y/N didn’t need to see it again. She’d memorized it the first time she laid eyes on it. 

And suddenly, her day was ruined. She couldn’t remember the taste of the peach she had eaten that afternoon or the feeling of the sun on her face. She couldn’t remember what the music sounded like as her and Sokka wandered out of town or what it felt like to spill her life story to someone who wanted to listen. 

“Maybe I should go,” Y/N said numbly. 

“What?” Katara said looking up from the poster. 

“I’m putting you all in danger by being around you. Without me you’d be free to roam without the fear of being caught in the back of your minds all the time. It would be better for all of you like that!” Y/N was starting to get mad. Why couldn’t they see it? Why couldn’t they understand that this is the best option for everyone? That she was trying to save them?

“Why would you say something like that? How is that better?” Toph argued. 

“Because you don’t need me here anyways? How could you want me around after hearing what Aang learned at school. Mind you, up until ten minutes ago, I believed every one of those things to be true!” Y/N stood up and paced around the cave, no longer able to be sitting still. Their campfire threw wild shadows of her form on the walls. 

Y/N was beginning to feel like her outburst was due to more than just learning about Fire Nation propaganda but she couldn’t stop her mouth from moving. She stopped in front of them all for a second. “Tell me exactly what  _ purpose _ do I serve on this mission?” 

She took their silence for an answer. “Exactly,” Y/N growled. 

Sokka stood up with her. “Not everything needs an exact purpose! You just fit with us!”

“But I don’t!” Y/N shouted. Her eyes and nose were stinging with unshed tears. Y/N rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands to keep the tears at bay for just a second longer. “I need a reason. I  _ need _ a purpose. I have to have one! I don’t know how to describe this feeling. I’m just... lost. And–and I don’t even know how to explain it to you. How do I try and explain that my life has no meaning when I have no one to serve? I sit here with you guys and I’m wondering how you even wanted me to come when there was no reason for me to be here? I can’t even be your Fire Nation guide because I’ve never even seen most of the cities and apparently, I don’t even know my own history!”

Y/N looked at Katara. She blinked and twin tears traced down her cheeks. “I told you. I’m  _ weak _ . I care about someone who wants me  _ dead _ so badly she made me a wanted person. And all I want is to make her better so I can go home and I just can’t get past it all.”

Y/N put her head in her hands and sobbed. She felt two arms wrap around her waist and a head lay on her shoulder. Two more arms wrapped around the both of them. And pretty soon all five of them stood huddled in the cave in a group hug. 

Y/N sniffled. “Why are you all hugging me like you’re my friends?”

“You are our friend,” Katara murmured into Y/N’s shoulder. “Don’t you want to be friends with us?”

Y/N whimpered. “I really do. I guess I just needed to hear you say it.”

“If it makes you feel better. I have no problem bossing you around.” Toph’s voice was muffled from the pile they were in. 

Y/N smiled through her tears. “Thanks, Toph.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments!! i love them and they feed the writer


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen here, friendships are hard to maintain and the Fire Nation sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll probably see that I've added this work to a series. The first part of the series is a sort of 'prologue' to Traitor. I got a lot of asks in my tumblr askbox about Azula x Reader and how Azula is so so soft for Y/N. Someone headcanoned that they probably shared an awkward middle school kiss that they never talked about again and I wholeheartedly agreed so I wrote said drabble. Give it a read! ❤️

Seeing the rundown fishing village was the worst part of their journey so far. Y/N had never imagined in her wildest dreams that there were Fire Nation citizens living in such poverty. At home, in Capital City, a pretty picture was painted of all the towns in their nation, even towns like this one, where steel mills were built to provide their armies with weapons; actually, especially these towns.

“Look at this place. We have to do something!” Katara said as soon as they stepped onto one of the docks. 

Sokka stopped in his tracks. “Uh no, we can’t waste our time here. We have a bigger mission we need to focus on. These people are on their own.” He waved his hands, signifying the end of the discussion. 

However, Katara was just getting started. Aang and Y/N shared an uncomfy look as the two Water Tribe siblings began arguing. “These people are starving, but you’d turn your back on them? How could you be so cold and heartless?”

“I’m not turning my back!” Sokka said defensively. “I’m just being realistic. We can’t go around helping every rinky-dink town we wander into. We’ll be helping them all by taking out the Fire Lord.”

“Hey, Loudmouth!” Toph smacked a hand over Sokka’s lips. “Maybe we should be a little quieter when we talk about ‘taking out the Fire Lord’.” 

“Katara, be reasonable about this,” Sokka said quietly. “Y/N gets it.”

At the sound of her name, Y/N looked up from where she was dragging her sandal between the slats of wood, trying to become invisible. Katara and Sokka both looked at her expectantly. “Katara, I’m sorry but I think Sokka is right.” She frowned at her own words. “The mission needs to come first. It will help everyone in the long run.”

“Let’s just get what we need and go.” Aang tried to sound upbeat but everyone knew he was just trying to defuse any more arguments. 

\---

Sokka laid out his schedule across their campsite right over Y/N’s lap. As Toph, Aang and Katara bent mud out of the river’s water and boiled it to drink, Sokka and Y/N peered over the paper. She couldn’t read any of Sokka’s messy handwriting but she was able to get the gist of things with the copious color coding. Sokka was crouching over her shoulder mumbling to himself. 

She turned to him. “Does it ever stop?” She asked.

Sokka grunted, “Huh?” he continued to look over the schedule, tracing the lines with a finger. 

“That little hamster-weasel running on the wheel that powers that brain of yours. Does he ever stop?”

Sokka narrowed his eyes and stood up, completely ignoring her which made her giggle. “Because we spent  _ the whole day here _ , we’re going to have to wake up every morning forty-three minutes earlier to make it to the Fire Lord in time for the invasion.”

“Forty-three minutes,” Katara deadpanned. 

“Well I’m not waking up early,” Toph said, lying back on the dirt. 

Y/N reached up and yanked on the hem of Sokka’s tunic until he paid her attention. “Yeah, me either, bud. I don’t get up before that sun rises.”

“Then we’re just going to have to take potty breaks with food breaks.” 

There was a chorus of, “ewww” from the rest of the group but Sokka looked unperturbed. “It’s efficient!! It doesn’t matter, we have to leave first thing in the morning.” Sokka rolled up his schedule and stomped off to his sleeping bag leaving the four of them to wonder how he became the one in charge.

\---

Y/N couldn’t sleep that night. They had all decided to turn in early since Sokka wanted them up at the crack of dawn, but Y/N couldn’t stop tossing and turning, thinking about the little village on the water down below them that was suffering so much. Suffering because of her nation.  _ Their nation.  _ Katara was right, she felt cold and heartless doing nothing, but Y/N wasn’t sure of what she even  _ could do _ for them.

Y/N sighed and turned over for what seemed like the fiftieth time that night. She grimaced as her shoulder rolled right onto her hair, yanking it painfully from her scalp. She sat up pulling her hair around to the front. She’d never thought much about it before, always putting it in a braid to keep it out of her face while sparring. Now that she was walking around the Fire Nation with it down all the time to hide her identity, she was much more aware of it. She couldn’t remember the last time it was cut, it was as long as Katara’s and the humidity had made it wavy. It was heavy and thick and always made her hot when the sun was shining. 

She ran her fingers through it a couple times, pulling at some tangles (that was another downside to it being down all the time) then slid out of her sleeping bag. She padded quietly barefooted past Toph, who was next to her and walked in the direction of the village. She climbed a little hill and sat with her knees pulled up in the grass overlooking the small water town. Thick black smoke billowed from the towers, even though it was well into the night. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” Y/N jumped at the sudden voice but settled as Katara sat next to her, pressing their arms together. “Sorry.”

“I see that you couldn’t either.”

“Every time I close my eyes I see those villagers,” Katara mused. 

“Me too.”

“Oh?” She raised her eyebrows. “I thought you agreed with Sokka on leaving them to deal with everything on their own.”

“I was wrong,” Y/N admitted. “I think I wanted to ignore what was happening because I didn’t want to believe that my nation would let this happen, but it’s right in front of my eyes. They let these people down. I want to help in some way.” 

“Do you have a plan?” Katara was smiling now. 

Y/N smirked. She hadn’t known the girl for long, but it was like their minds had already melded. “Kind of. But I think I need the help of a really powerful waterbender.”

\---

“My mom used to tell me stories about the spirits,” Y/N used her thumb to wipe a line of red paint down Katara’s chin. They were sitting on the edge of the bank near the muddy water. The tiny village was across from them, quiet for the night. “There was one that was my favorite and she was called The Painted Lady. Close your eyes–” Y/N wiped the red paint over Katara’s eyelids and made curling lines over cheekbones. “–she was a river spirit. It’s the best persona you could have for where we are. If anyone sees you they’re going to think that’s who you are.” She wiped the leftover paint on her skirt. 

Katara donned the wide brimmed hat they had found and Y/N helped her position the lace netting around her face. Y/N pulled the hood of her black cloak up and she hopped in one of the canoes. She crouched down on the bench as Katara created a mist to hide the boat and began to bend the water around them and push them towards the factory. 

It took most of the night to distribute the food they had stolen. The boat was only so big and two trips had to be made to get enough which made it all more risky but both of the girls knew that it would all be worth it in the end. When they reached the shore Y/N collapsed with fatigue on the sand while Katara washed the paint off with clean water. 

Katara sat down heavily next to her. She sighed but she was clearly pleased with what they had done. 

“Katara… I need your help with something.”

\---

“Are you sure you want to cut it all off?”

Katara hovered over Y/N’s shoulder holding the blade Y/N had stolen from Sokka’s bag when she stole his cloak. Slowly, she reached out and touched a few strands of hair at Y/N’s back.

Y/N nodded. “Right here.” She pointed to her shoulder. She stared straight ahead into the water as she spoke, not trusting herself to look back at her friend. “Hair is our honor. I know it’s silly, it feels so stupid to be so attached to something so insignificant like hair but, I just couldn’t do it before. I think I still believed in the back of my mind that I could go back; that I could be accepted back. But, not anymore. And I don’t think I want to. Not until it’s some place I can be proud of again. I cannot have honor in a nation I don’t even find honorable. I  _ need _ redemption for myself. I need to prove to myself that I am not like them anymore. And step one is cutting  _ all _ ties,”–Y/N took a deep breath–”so get to cutting.”

\---

The next morning, Y/N woke to shouting. Before she was able to even see clearly she had jumped to her feet and grabbed her sword. Only then did she realize it was Sokka yelling. 

“What’s going on you guys?” Y/N rubbed her sleep bleary eyes. Katara and her had walked back with the sun on the horizon. Neither one of them could have gotten more than an hour of sleep. 

“Appa’s  _ sick _ ! It’s awful!” Sokka wailed.

Y/N reached over and patted the sky bison on the snout. He gave a large groan as if to emphasize he wasn’t feeling well. “Aw, poor guy.”

“I didn’t know you cared so much, Sokka,” Toph said as she scratched under Appa’s chin.

“We might as well just throw out the whole schedule!” One look at the others, who were glaring in his direction, sent him stumbling forward to hug Appa’s huge neck. “And I’m concerned because my big furry friend doesn’t feel well.”

“Uh-huh, sure.” Y/N rolled her eyes in Katara’s direction.

Sokka did a double take. “Your hair.”

Y/N reached up to touch the ends self-consciously. “Yeah.”

“Who’s hair?” Toph asked.

“Y/N cut her hair!” Aang exclaimed. 

Toph’s glassy eyes widened. “How short!?” 

“It’s at my shoulders,” Y/N replied. 

“When did you cut it?” Sokka furrowed his brow.

Y/N shrugged. “Last night.”

Before Sokka could ask more questions, Katara broke in. “I think we should head into town for some medicine for Appa.” 

\---

Y/N walked in the back of the group next to Katara. “How did you… you know?” She cocked her head back in the direction of their camp.

Katara smiled mischievously. “I found these purple berries and fed Appa a  _ ton _ of them. He just has a stomach ache.” Both of them began giggling which earned them a suspicious look from Sokka. 

“What are you laughing about?” 

“Nothing!” Y/N waved a hand around her. “We’re talking about how much the village has changed.”

Indeed the village was much livelier due to the food Katara and Y/N had delivered. And like Y/N suspected, they all thought it was because of The Painted Lady. Shoe had commended her for bringing them food in the night. When they found out that there was no medicine in the town, Y/N knew what Katara had planned for the extra night they were going to have to stay. 

\---

Sokka had ignored Y/N the whole day. If he had done so a few weeks ago, she wouldn’t have thought for a second about it. But now, they were friends, they sparred every evening but even when they weren’t sparring they still talked. She watched him plan for the invasion or he watched her and Katara make dinner. 

Silence had never been so deafening. 

And finally the silence was broken during dinner. 

“You said that you went and cut your hair in the middle of the night.” 

The spoon that was halfway between her bowl and her lips almost slipped through her fingers. “Yeah, so?” Y/N asked. 

“Well, Shoe said that The Painted Lady was delivering food to the village in the middle of the night but you didn’t say anything about seeing her.”

“I didn’t see her,” Y/N said defensively. “I’m not sure why you’re interrogating me.” 

“I’m not interrogating, just wondering.”

Y/N watched as Sokka went back to eating his dinner like nothing happened. She narrowed her eyes at him. There was only one reason why he would be asking such weird questions...

“I just think it’s a little weird that you  _ cut _ your  _ hair _ in the  _ middle of the night _ .”

A shot of anger coursed through Y/N’s body. She couldn’t stop herself from leaning forward. “Sokka, go ahead and ask it because I know you’re dying to.”

“Are you The Painted Lady?”

“ _ No,”  _ Y/N dropped her bowl next to the fire. “I’m going for a walk.” 

“I’m coming too!” Toph chirped.

Y/N turned back to look at the girl. “No, you’re not.”

“Too late, Not Painted Lady.” She was already pushing Y/N’s back, guiding them away from the campsite. 

\---

“You know I’m really not The Painted Lady,” Y/N said. She began to balance herself on a pointy rock but thought better of it when she felt it begin to shift underneath her. She sent a dirty look in Toph’s direction.

“I know, but  _ Katara _ is. And there’s no way  _ she _ knew about an obscure Fire Nation spirit.”

“Um...”

“You guys weren’t necessarily quiet when you came back this morning.”

“Riiight.” Y/N bit her lip. “You’re not going to tell Sokka are you?”

“What Sokka doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Y/N sighed, relieved. “Thank you, Toph.”

“You’ll owe me of course.” Toph began to balance herself on the same rock, Y/N had just been on. 

Y/N laughed. “Owe you?”

“Yeah. Like, sometime, someday I’ll come to you and you owe me for keeping your secret.” Toph grinned. 

“I’m going to come to regret this, I think.”

“Probably.”

\---

Y/N stayed behind that night. Sokka had been too suspicious of her and besides there wasn’t much she could do while Katara healed all of the sick villagers. The next night, however, Katara shook her awake after only a few hours of sleep. She held a finger to her lips and led her away from the campsite, far enough so they could talk without being heard. 

“I need your help tonight,” she whispered.

Y/N didn’t need to be told twice. “What are you thinking of doing?”

Katara’s eyes were wide. “Sokka was right. These villagers need to be able to help themselves but they can’t while that factory is still polluting their water.”

“Oh, you’re gonna–”

“Yeah, we’re going to blow it up.”

“I’ll get my sword.”

\---

Y/N sure wasn’t expecting Aang to be so open to the idea of ecoterrorism considering his usual passive nature, but he was a big help with destroying the factory. They were lucky that he had woken up and caught them when they were leaving. 

The sun was shining when the three of them got back and it was already starting to warm up. Y/N had her black cloak thrown over her shoulder and she was laughing at something Aang had said. 

“–and when you unscrewed those screws with your sword and water came bursting out and flooded the whole floor.” Aang made an explosion noise and started giggling all over again. 

Katara shushed them both. “Quiet, we don’t want to wake Sokka up–oh  _ hey…  _ Sokka _.” _

Y/N tucked her cloak behind her back but the damage was already done. “We were just out on a morning swi–”

“ _ Walk,”  _ Katara corrected. Y/N bit her tongue. How had she almost said  _ swim? _ Swim?! The river was literally polluted with probably dangerous levels of chemicals and she had almost said they went swimming in it. 

“I know you’re The Painted Lady, Y/N! I know you’ve been sneaking out at night and helping the villagers but I didn’t think that you would recruit my  _ sister _ to help you!”

Y/N was taken aback at the anger that was radiating off of him. It was so different than just a few days earlier when they were sitting in Appa’s saddle joking with one another. As a matter of fact, Y/N wasn’t sure he’d ever shown this much outward fury to her when he hated her. 

“Sokka, leave her alone!” Katara stepped in. 

Y/N grabbed her arm and pulled her back. It was better for him to be mad at her than his sister. “No, it’s fine. He’s right. I shouldn’t have done it.”

Sokka was fuming. “You put this whole mission at risk while you were off being reckless. We’re leaving  _ right now. _ ”

Normally she might have said something to defend herself but instead Y/N just bumped their shoulders together as she walked past him. She packed her bags silently and rolled her sleeping bag before tossing it all into Appa’s saddle. 

Her feelings were hurt that Sokka would think that she would intentionally put them in harm’s way or mess up their mission. But something about his anger seemed misplaced; like there was more to it all. She could have expected that reaction if she had gotten caught, but she hadn’t been. As Y/N tried to rack her brain to figure out what made him tick she heard a buzzing out on the river. Even from where she was standing she could see the Fire Nation soldiers from the factory riding jet skis towards the village. 

“Oh no. No, no, no.” Y/N ran to the cliff overlooking the village and fell to her belly. Katara dropped down next to her and Sokka and Aang on her other side. 

Toph came up last. “What’s going on?”

Y/N watched in horror as the Fire Nation soldiers rode up alongside the dock and jumped off their jet skis. They began to approach the large group of villagers who had come outside to see what the noise was about. 

“What did you do?!” Sokka accused Y/N. She shook her head, unable to speak.

“We destroyed their factory,” Katara muttered.

“You what?!” Sokka yelled.

“It was  _ your  _ idea!” Katara yelled back at him.

“It doesn’t matter whose idea!” Y/N shot to her feet. “I’ve got to help them.”

“You can’t!” Sokka grabbed her wrist to keep her from running away. He was holding on a little too tightly and Y/N desperately wanted to yank out of his grip. She looked at his wild eyes and it finally clicked what the other emotion was. He was  _ scared _ . Afraid that they were going to get hurt. Afraid that  _ she _ was going to get hurt. “Those soldiers are out for blood. They want revenge.”

“Well, she’s not going alone!” Katara ripped Sokka’s hand off of Y/N. “We can’t turn our back on people who need us.”

\---

Katara and Y/N ran side by side down the trail that led to the water. “I’ll go buy some time. You go put on The Painted Lady costume. If the soldiers think that this village is protected by her they’re less likely to come back.” 

“Got it,” Katara ran off in the direction she had stashed her cloak and hat. 

“I’m coming with you,” Sokka panted as he ran down the hill followed by Toph and Aang. 

“I thought you wanted to leave them,” she retorted. Y/N was done being nice if he wasn’t going to be. 

“I’m not going to leave you.” Sokka held her gaze. “Or Katara,” he added quickly. 

Y/N blinked. “Oh. Okay, come on.” She pushed one of the canoes into the water. “Aang, can you push us over to that dock there?” She pointed to a deserted dock on the back side of the village. The soldiers wouldn’t see them there. “And then go help Katara.”

“You got it!” He said brightly.

“What do I do?” Toph asked, clearly feeling a bit left out. 

“Go make scary spirit noises for Katara,” Sokka instructed.

“Ugh, okay.” Toph ran off among the rocks and cliffs. 

\---

Aang used water bending to push their canoe. They each grabbed the wooden dock and hauled themselves up it, their boat floating under the dock and off with the current. No going back now. Sokka and Y/N snuck up to the back of the group of villagers and caught the tail end of whatever the soldier had been telling them. 

“–destroyed our factory! We’re going to cure the world of this wretched village.”

Y/N pushed her way to the front of the group. “No you’re not.” She held her hands in loose fists by her side. She was itching for her sword but she had left it at camp in her rush to get here. 

“And who’s going to stop me?” the large soldier taunted. 

Y/N didn’t spare a second thought. She leapt forward and punched him in the chest twice. The armor made her knuckles ache and sent reverberations up her arms. She ducked under a flaming punch from him and kicked his kneecap. He grunted and fell to his knee. He reached forward and before she could jump away, grabbed one of her ankles, pulling her feet out from under her. She shrieked and twisted midair, landing on her shoulder. 

That’s when a boomerang came from behind her, looping around to hit the soldier in the back of head, only to be caught again by it’s master. It only gave Sokka enough time to pull Y/N to her feet, because the soldier barely flinched.  _ Agni, his head must be thick _ , Y/N thought. 

The soldier pulled back his fist ready to throw fire at them when it was quickly stifled by a stiff breeze that whipped Y/N’s hair around her face. 

He tried again, only for his fire to be blown out again. He growled and went to try a third time. He was interrupted by another soldier. “Uh, boss? What’s that?” He pointed in the direction that the wind came from. A large wall of fog was moving their way. In the distance, there was a rhythmic thumping that could only be a large boulder being lifted and dropped over and over again on the ground and Y/N was sure she could hear Appa growling as well. 

The fog parted and Y/N could see Katara standing between two rolling, white clouds. Then, she was moving towards the dock at frightening speed, gliding over the water like she was flying. She landed gracefully and stood there staring at two soldiers in front of her. 

“Come on, let’s move the people further back.” Y/N patted Sokka’s shoulder and the two of them guided the villagers further back onto the platform to keep them out of harm’s way. 

Behind her, Y/N heard a yelp and two of the soldiers ran back to their jet skis and drove off without another thought. Only after they left did their swords hit the deck with a  _ clang _ , evidently bent out of their hands by Aang and thrown to the sky.

“Stand your ground!” their leader shouted. Katara bent the water around two more of their jet skis and lifted them high in the air. Y/N watched in complete awe as she threw them sideways into the face of the cliff where they exploded on impact. The rest of the soldiers sprinted back to their jet skis leaving their leader alone. 

“I’ll take care of this myself,” he growled. It was like it all happened in slow motion. He created a whip of fire and bent it at Katara. Y/N was sure it was going to hit her, she didn’t even move to block it. Y/N gripped Sokka’s arm and then Katara was gone. 

From below the deck, Aang had bent the air around Katara and lifted her high above them. Another gust of wind knocked the soldier into the muddy water. Katara floated on mist above him. 

“Leave this place and never come back,” The Painted Lady commanded. 

Y/N had never seen someone swim so fast. That was when she realized she was still holding her breath. She sighed in relief as Katara landed back on the platform. Aang crawled out from under the dock and Sokka and Y/N ran to join them. 

Behind her, the villagers were cheering but the sound was muted because Y/N didn’t care about that, all she cared about was that her and her friends had made it in one piece. 

A loud bang sounded from the shore and everyone went silent, their eyes searching for where the noise came from. 

“HELLLOOOO!” Someone shouted angrily from the bank. 

Sokka and Y/N shared a confused look before she burst out laughing. “Oh my spirits, it’s Toph. She can’t get over here.” Y/N grabbed Sokka’s hand and pulled him to one of the canoes to paddle over and pick up their friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments and bookmarks fuel me, ilysm thank you for reading!! also, my tumblr is [sokkascroptop](https://sokkascroptop.tumblr.com/) if you want to give me a follow or send me a message ❤️ I post a lot of headcanons that I think of about Traitor there so there is a lot more background information about Y/N there :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so soft, so sweet, also so dumb

“Wow, I’ve never seen a meteor shower before.” Y/N stared in awe at the falling stars in the sky.

“Isn’t it cool? Makes you realize how insignificant we are,” Sokka said absently. 

“Eh, you’ve seen nothing once you’ve seen it a thousand times,” Toph informed them. 

“Oh my spirits,” Y/N sat up suddenly from where she was laying in the dirt. “What the hell?!” One of the meteors had broken off from the rest of the shower and looked like it was flying right towards them. 

“You’ve never not seen anything like this,” Sokka trailed off as what looked like a ball of blue fire whizzed hundreds of feet above their heads and landed somewhere in the mountains behind them with a loud bang. The ground vibrated beneath Y/N’s feet and she knew Toph could probably see exactly how and where the meteor hit the ground off in the distance. The five of them clamored onto Appa without saying a word to one another because there was no way they were just going to not find out what happened. 

\---

“The fire is going to destroy that town!” Katara shouted. 

“Not if we can help it!” Aang said.

Toph, Aang, Sokka and Y/N slid off of Appa’s back. Katara jumped to sit on Appa’s neck and grabbed the reins. “I’m going to bend water from that creek onto the fire.”

“Come on Toph, let’s make a trench to keep the fire from coming any closer.” Aang and Toph ran off closer to the crater.

“What are we gonna do?” Sokka grumbled. 

Y/N shook her head and smiled. “Let’s allow the benders to save the day for once. We’ll get the next one, yeah?”

Momo sat on Sokka’s back and rested his head on the top of Sokka’s as they watched their three friends from a small hill away from the fire. It was still amazing to Y/N to see the different types of bending. She’d always known they existed of course but she’d never seen them before leaving the Fire Nation with Azula. Y/N looked up to see Katara flying overhead on Appa with a large bubble of water that she dropped into the middle of the fire. Toph had raised a slab of stone and was flipping it end over end, using it to stifle some of the flames.

Katara dropped another bubble of water to Aang and Y/N felt the wind pick up as he used airbending and waterbending together to cover the fire completely. Unfortunately for Y/N and Sokka, they were right in the blast zone. It happened so fast by the time she had blinked she was waist deep in something that was cold and wet. 

She stood up and shook her legs letting the white, fluffy stuff fall to the ground. Her teeth began to chatter. “What is this?” She asked Sokka. 

He held up a handful of it and raised an eyebrow. “Um, snow?”

Y/N bent down and picked up her own handful. “No way! I’ve never seen it before. I’d always imagined it would be hard or something.” She stuck her tongue out experimentally, and licked the snow in her hands. It was  _ cold _ and immediately melted to water on her tongue. 

Suddenly she was hit in the shoulder with something. She looked down to see snow dripping down her arm. Katara quickly pointed at Aang who ducked his head. Y/N took the snow in her hands and threw at the two of them but the flakes just fluttered harmlessly to the ground. She gasped. “How did you make it so you could throw it?!”

A snowball sailed over her shoulder and hit Aang in the chest. “Snowball fight!!” Sokka shouted. 

Y/N watched Sokka pick up more snow from the ground and pack in between his hands. She did the same and threw it at Katara. She bent it away like it was nothing and it fell on Toph’s head. “Hey, no fair!!” Y/N yelled. 

Toph wiped her face. “Yeah, I’m going to second that!”

Y/N made another snowball to throw but by the time she was done she was soaking wet from the onslaught of snow Katara had already bent at her. Katara was laughing so hard she could barely catch her breath and the sound made Y/N start laughing too. Y/N threw the snowball and Katara was distracted enough that it slammed into her cheek. “Oh it’s on,” she grumbled.

Y/N shrieked and started to run away but someone grabbed her around the waist and pulled her behind a snow drift. 

Sokka leaned close to her face. “Rule number one. Don’t start a snowball fight with a waterbender. Let alone  _ two.” _

“You were the one who started it!” Y/N protested. 

“Actually, Aang did. He threw the first one,” Sokka said matter-of-factly. He leaned up and cocked his arm back to throw but was subsequently hit in the forehead with a snowball. Y/N could hear Aang cackling from wherever he had hid himself. Y/N giggled at the look on Sokka’s face as the snow dripped down it. 

He turned to her and Y/N thought her heart was going to slam right out of her chest. “Stop laughing or I’ll kick you off my team!” He tried to say it seriously but his own laugh tumbled out of his lips and betrayed him. He smashed the snowball in his hand above her face and let it rain down. 

Y/N’s heart was so full, at the feeling of playing around with her friends in  _ snow. _ Y/N wasn’t sure she’d ever have this feeling again. This immense joy that came with letting go for a moment. Y/N wanted so badly to just take a snapshot of this in her mind so she could go back and replay it over and over; watching her friends pelt each other with snow and laugh about it. Her cheeks were hurting from smiling so much and her hands were red and numb but Y/N was sure she’d never felt better. Her chest was heavy with… some type of feeling she couldn’t describe. Affection? Love? But it was all moot, she couldn’t waste any more time trying to figure it out. Y/N grabbed another handful of snow and packed it into a ball. There was a snowball fight to win. 

\---

At the moment, Y/N was trying to pinpoint exactly when their sparring matches became less about her teaching Sokka and more about practice between the two of them. Somewhere in the last few weeks, Sokka and Y/N had become equal partners because he knew everything she could teach him. Sure, she still beat him, she was faster and more agile and smarter about the moves she used but each match was longer and more grueling and they usually stopped after a few because they’d both be soaked with sweat and panting for air. 

Sokka slammed her sword with a downward cut. She pushed his sword away, but she was still on defense. She was so distracted by her thoughts and how  _ good  _ Sokka was getting she didn’t see the rocks behind her–which she most definitely should have noticed–and she tripped. She didn’t fall, just lost her balance but Sokka’s sword still ended up pointed at her chest. He smirked as Y/N sighed. She really needed to stop thinking when they were sparring. 

“What’s wrong?” Sokka asked, fixing her with an intense gaze. He sheathed his sword.

Y/N let the tip of her sword dig into the grass. “Nothing, I’m just distracted.” She didn’t feel like elaborating anymore on that so she added, “I can’t focus enough to kick your ass.”

“Come on, I’m done anyway.” He threw an arm over her shoulders and guided them out of the clearing and back to their camp. 

It was meant to be a friendly gesture, it wasn’t the first time he’d done it either, but Y/N didn’t miss the way her heart sped up at being pulled so close to him. And it wasn’t the first time  _ that _ happened either. She was always searching for an excuse, a reason other than the most obvious. Her mind supplied the most logical ones:  _ Her heart was beating fast because they were sparring five minutes ago! She couldn’t catch her breath because she was tired!  _ It made a little bit less sense when it was dinner time and he smiled and she couldn’t help but grin back  _ just because he smiled at her _ . But you know! Friendly! 

She matched her steps with his and let their hips bump as she racked her brain to figure out when she started to feel like this around him. When had this all happened?  _ How _ had it happened without her knowledge? Y/N was pretty sure crushes didn’t come in a day so how did she not see this coming? Now Sokka was beating her at swordplay because all she did was think and that just couldn’t happen! Spirits, she felt so silly, having a girlhood crush. Sokka was her  _ friend  _ and yet her mind kept telling her that wasn’t enough.

Sokka settled his back against a rock and pulled out some of the invasion plans he was always pouring over in his free time. Y/N leaned against a rock opposite of him and started sharpening her sword. No one was at camp when they arrived, Y/N knew that Katara had talked about taking Appa to the town to get some food and Aang and Toph must have tagged along. 

\---

It wasn’t long before Y/N realized that she was spending more time watching Sokka work than she was sharpening anything. Sokka frowned over something on the paper he was looking at and marked it away with a pencil. He tapped his fingers on his knee in thought before writing something else down. Y/N set aside her sword and whetstone and made her way over to sit next to Sokka. 

She peered over his shoulder at the paper he was holding. “You.. _ made _ this?” She asked and pointed at the drawings. 

Sokka looked up like he didn’t even know she was there and then back down over the plans. “Yeah, I mean. I drew this out, I have to send it off to the machinist to actually build it but, yeah.”

She traced a finger over the lines. Most of the work was way above her head. “You’re actually a genius,” she muttered. “Can you tell me about it?”

Sokka’s face grew red. “Uh yeah! So these are waterbender-powered submarines. They’re gonna take us underwater so we can’t be seen by the Fire Nation scouts as we’re sneaking in.” Sokka began explaining the more complex details of how they worked. Y/N knew Sokka was dumbing it down for her but it didn’t matter that she still couldn’t grasp most of the concepts, Sokka liked to talk about it and Y/N liked to listen to him.

\---

Y/N woke with a start. She looked around for the reason she woke up but she couldn’t find any. Appa was nearby, Aang snoring softly on one of his legs. Toph’s rock tent wasn’t too far away on the other side of her. Katara was sleeping next to her and Sokka–wait where was Sokka?

Y/N didn’t have to look long, he was next to the fire with his legs pulled up, staring at the orange embers. His hair was down and he looked a little sad. 

Y/N slid out of her sleeping bag and kneeled next to him. “Are you okay?” She whispered. 

Sokka shrugged and nodded his head. “I had a nightmare.”

Y/N let out a sharp exhale. “You want to go for a walk?”

Sokka nodded his head again and Y/N led them to the lake they’d camped by. The moon was full enough that the reflection on the water made it easier to see one another. 

“Do you think that Azula really killed the Kyoshi Warriors?” Sokka picked a blade of grass and began splitting it down the middle. 

Y/N drew in a deep breath and let it out of her mouth. Y/N wasn’t aware Katara had told him. She had kept Suki and the other warriors out of her mind for far too long. Y/N thought, naively, by not thinking about them, by ignoring the glaring problem, it might have all been a dream. That none of it had ever happened. 

“No, I don’t think she did,” Y/N said honestly. There was a little twist in her gut at the fear that she might be wrong but she pushed that aside because she was sure she wasn’t. “I thought maybe that she did at first but then I remembered something Zuko told me: Azula lies about everything. I think she knew saying it would hurt me. She knew that I let them go and her punishment for me was to take away the good I’d done; to knock me down a peg so I had no choice but to go crawling back for her forgiveness.”

Sokka seemed to be relieved by her answer. “But you didn’t.”

“No.” Y/N remembered the way Katara had come running into the throne room yelling for Suki. It had never occurred to her that they were all _actually_ _friends_ and that they all cared about each other; that it was more than just ‘yeah we’re all on the same side’ type of deal. Y/N thought about how sad Sokka had looked when he was staring into the fire like it was the only thing that existed around him. She _definitely_ hadn’t thought that it was possible that Sokka could have cared for Suki in the same way that Y/N did. Jealousy burrowed into her heart but she couldn’t even tell who it was directed at; Suki or Sokka. 

Y/N needed to switch gears before she fell way too deep into that thinking. “Is that what your nightmare was about?”

“Something like that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No–just. You don’t need to apologize for everything. You know that right?” 

“Sorry.” Y/N smiled sheepishly. “Do you want to talk about the nightmare?”

Slowly, Sokka nodded. “It was just a dream where I lose everything. I feel so responsible for everyone, being the oldest–well, before you came. I have to keep everyone safe and I just feel like everything is on me. I can’t lose anyone,” Sokka said desperately. “I can’t.”

Y/N didn’t know what came over her when she reached for Sokka’s hand. She was more surprised when he laced their fingers together. They stood there for a moment, just staring at the water, both of them lost in their own thoughts. 

She rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand absently. “You are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Literally, since Aang is supposed to save the world and you’re taking responsibility for him. Don’t do that to yourself. We are all capable of taking care of ourselves. No one is going to get hurt.” 

It was wishful thinking on Y/N’s part. This was war. It didn’t spare anyone because of their age. But she didn’t need to tell Sokka that. 

Sokka didn’t reply but picked up a few rocks and chucked them into the water. His face was half-hidden by his hair but she could see the upturn of a wistful smile. 

“I get nightmares too,” Y/N murmured. “It’s usually the same one. Me, Katara and Aang are in the crystal catacombs but we don’t make it out. I’m all alone again. Azula makes me choose, you know, ‘live with me or die with them’.”

“What do you choose?”

“I don’t know. I always wake up before I do. Part of me wishes I would stay asleep long enough to find out.”

“I know what you would do,” Sokka said softly, skipping a flat rock on the water. 

“I think I do too.” Y/N watched him for what felt like a minute too long. She was a little struck by the way the reflection of the moon lit up silver on his face. Y/N thought about what she wanted to say to him because she wasn’t done, not even close. She couldn’t just go back to her sleeping bag and fall asleep now. Not when the world was silent, waiting with bated breath for her to confess. Right now was the perfect time, they’d already laid the foundation of trust between them weeks ago. They’d just told each other innermost secrets of nightmares that haunted them. She had thought, and thought and thought all day and she was tired of it, she wanted to  _ do _ something.  _ Sometimes when we spar or sit next to each other during dinner I think I like you. You’re funny and smart and you believe in me which is more than I could ever ask for. And sometimes I think you like me too. _

Y/N squeezed Sokka’s hand, which she couldn’t believe she was even still holding and he turned his head. His azure eyes seemed to burn into hers and her heart sped up. Y/N opened her mouth to say it, just three little words but, she took too long and she lost her nerve. If she had even had it to begin with. Both of them seemed to be holding their breath with the world. 

“Can you teach me to skip rocks?” Y/N asked. Sokka laughed; and the bubble around them was broken. There was something so carefree about his laugh and Y/N wondered how this boy who was just lamenting his friends’ possible death could still find enough joy to laugh like that. 

“Yeah, of course!” Sokka pulled his hand from hers but immediately replaced it with a cool, flat rock. 

Y/N hoped she would find out where that laugh came from when she finally told him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments and bookmarks give me life, ily all!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst

Everything had gone back to normal the next morning; it was like nothing had changed. Y/N didn’t know how to feel about it. On one hand she was grateful that they were able to go about their days like they always had, on the other hand she wished that they had achieved something more. If only Y/N could have opened her damn mouth. At which point she had to remind herself that  _ there’s a very large possibility that Sokka liked Suki _ which sent her head spiralling into a completely different and unwanted direction that she avoided thinking about at all costs. What did it mean for her to like two people that might like each other? Honestly, Y/N had never realized her life was so complicated. In fact, Y/N had almost convinced herself their midnight confessions were a dream until a week later when they were flying on Appa and Sokka leaned close to her. 

“Do you think we’ll camp by a river we can skip rocks at?”

Y/N cocked one eyebrow. Sokka already knew the answer. He didn’t need her to tell him they always camped near water. “I hope so,” she replied.

The wind was howling in their ears enough that Y/N didn’t think anyone would hear but Toph scoffed from her place near the edge of the saddle. “When do you guys go out and skip rocks?”

At the sound of Toph’s voice, Aang and Katara turned to look at them. 

“Uhhh…” Sokka scratched the back of his neck nervously. 

“Sometimes when we’re not sparring we do fun things!” Y/N said defensively.

“What other fun things do you get up to?” Toph’s voice was innocent, but her face was mischievous. She knew exactly what she was asking. Y/N could hear Aang snicker from Appa’s head. 

Y/N noticed Sokka scooted farther away from her in the saddle, keeping a  _ very _ appropriate distance between the two of them, his cheeks were a fiery red. She didn’t give Toph the satisfaction of an answer. Mostly because she didn’t even know  _ what  _ to say back.  _ Hahah, Toph, I wish!!  _ Y/N groaned internally at the thought. 

Y/N caught Katara’s eye from the front of the saddle. The girl narrowed her eyes at Y/N. Y/N blinked and looked towards the clouds, when she looked back Katara was still staring at her. She flicked her eyes between Sokka and Y/N in wordless conversation.  _ You two? _ Y/N furrowed her brow, glancing at Sokka and then returning to Katara. Y/N shook her head violently.  _ No way! _ Katara raised a solitary eyebrow and smiled. Her thoughts were clear,  _ I don’t believe it _ . 

If the embarrassment of a one-sided crush wasn’t enough, now if Katara got a hold of Sokka, Y/N would get to hear him adamantly deny liking her. Y/N slid down in the saddle until her head rested on the edge.  _ Oh endless sleep, take me now!  _ She begged the spirits. None of them ever got back to her. 

\---

“You guys, it’s your turn to go to town to get food.” Y/N turned around from where she was setting up her sleeping bag to look at Katara.

“Who’s ‘you guys’?” She asked.

“You and Sokka.” Aang floated a moonpeach towards Momo who snatched it out of the air and tore into it. 

Y/N groaned and flopped down on her blankets. She looked towards the sky. There was probably a few hours before sunset. “But it’ll be dark by the time we get back,” She pouted. 

“Then I guess we just won’t eat tonight,” Toph snarked. She was laying back on the bare dirt with one leg crossed over the other. Y/N kicked out her leg at Toph’s ankle making her legs fall to the ground. Toph waved a finger and a rock shot up from under Y/N’s sleeping bag, knocking her in the head. 

Y/N sucked in a sharp inhale. “Toph, I don’t care if you’re twelve  _ and _ blind, I’ll still punch you in the face.”

“Do it.” Toph dared. 

A bag of coins was dropped next to Y/N on the ground before she could get up and threaten Toph properly. Katara stood above her with her hands on her hips. “Maybe the next time you mouth off,” Y/N said as she looked at Katara with a sweet grin.

She grabbed her sword and the money and at the last minute leaned over and flicked Toph on the forehead. She ran away quickly only to be tripped by a stone that wasn’t there a second before hand. 

Y/N sprawled on the ground. She lifted her head just enough to yell, “Aang, it’s not FUNNY!” 

She rolled to her feet and shot a glare back at the others who were trying to contain their laughter and went off to find Sokka who was collecting firewood. She caught him just as he was heading out of the small strip of woods they were near. 

Her eyes immediately bounced down to look at his bare arms and his bulging bicep. Y/N looked away quickly and gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Hey, we’re on shopping duty.” She lifted the pouch of coins and jingled it.

“Oh. Okay, here take some.” Sokka unceremoniously dumped half of the logs he was carrying into her arms, ignoring her protests. “We’ll drop that off at camp first and then leave.”

Y/N hummed. “I don’t think I wanna go back. I pissed Toph off and I think she’s got a rock for me to stub my toe on ready and waiting.” Y/N pointed at her already scraped knee. 

Sokka chuckled. “We have to get Appa anyways, come on. I’ll protect you.” He wiggled his eyebrows. 

Y/N’s heart fluttered in her chest. Of course, she knew Sokka was just joking. “My hero,” she said sarcastically. 

\---

Y/N hefted the basket in her arms and peered over the top to read the list in her hands. “Do we have everything?”

Sokka looked into her basket and then into his. “I think so. Let’s go back, it’s getting dark.” He was right; the sky was red with fading light. If they wanted to make it back to Appa before the sun set completely, they’d have to hurry. 

Y/N knew the moment they left the streets of that town something was bound to go wrong. That niggling intuition of hers, the one that made her ears ring and the hair on her neck to stand up, was at full attention. They’d reached the woods. Trees lined a small trail and up a good sized hill was Appa waiting for them in a cave. 

Y/N heard a stick snap behind her, but when she whipped her head around there was nothing there.

“What’s up?” Sokka turned his head to join her, giving her a confused glance as he swung his head around. 

“Uh, nothing. I think.” Y/N shook her head and faced forward again. She quickened her pace a touch and Sokka easily caught up with her. Y/N kept her ears pricked for the slightest of sounds around them. She worked to drown out the regular noises like the cicada-bats and the occasional badger-frog and listen for the more unusual sounds; the breaking of twigs under feet, swords being pulled from their sheaths, bowstrings being pulled back…

Then she heard it, the unmistakable sound of a heavy boot on packed dirt. Y/N turned to face them and threw her basket to the side. Damn, the dumplings and the fruit, she’d pay Katara back personally if she and Sokka didn’t die. 

“Sokka, we have a slight problem,” Y/N warned. In front of her was a short man. She could see the sword at his waist but his face was hidden by a broad brimmed hat. Only then did she realize she had seen the same man in the market. She recognized the hat from the stand where they got the fish and the stand where they had bought vegetables for Aang. 

Sokka’s back bumped into hers. “We got a slight problem from this direction too, Princess.” 

Y/N didn’t even spare a glance over Sokka’s shoulder. “Two on two wouldn’t have been so bad if you’d remembered to  _ bring your sword,” _ Y/N chastised quietly. 

Sokka grumbled something intelligible and Y/N drew her sword. “Who are you? What do you want?” She shouted at the man in front of her. Slowly, Sokka began to shift around to her right side. She saw why, the man in front of them was circling the two of them. He only stopped once he reached his companion. 

“I think it’s obvious what we’re here for,” the first one said. 

Y/N sneered. “Not really. You saw us at the market, we spent almost all of our money on food. If you wanted to rob us you should have done it then.”

“They were following us?” Sokka elbowed her in the side.

“ _ Shut up,” _ Y/N growled. 

“We’re here for the girl who betrayed her nation.”

Y/N stopped breathing. They’d found her. They’d caught her. Even with traveling to a new place everyday and the fancy clothes and the cut hair, someone still recognized her. Y/N could feel herself starting to spiral. She knew this would happen, she  _ told _ them this would happen...

It was taking too long for her to say something, so Sokka stepped in. “We don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The second man chuckled at them. 

“She does.” The first man had drawn his sword and pointed it at Y/N who snapped her jaw shut. “You think with that new haircut that  _ I  _ wouldn’t recognize you? I’d know those pretty eyes of yours anywhere.”

Y/N’s breathing quickened and a shudder rolled through her body. Who was behind the shadow of that hat?  _ Who _ knew her face so well? But that wasn’t the only thought running through her mind. She was racing to think of a solution to the problem at hand. It was one on two. She had to get Sokka out of there. He wouldn’t do anything but keep her distracted. She was far too invested in his life for him to stick around. 

Y/N shoved Sokka away from her. “Go! Run and get Appa. Get the others!”

Sokka didn’t stop to question her and Y/N was oh so grateful. 

\---

She went for the second man who had yet to pull a weapon. She understood why he hadn’t pulled a weapon when she got within ten feet of him and a knife sliced through the slide of her skirt, ripping the material.  _ Lovely,  _ she thought.  _ A knife thrower like Mai _ .

The knives were thrown so hard they were almost invisible and she used all her concentration to block them and knock them down. When she got close enough, he pulled a dagger to fight her off with but he was fat and much too slow to be fighting sword against dagger. Her blade pushed cleanly through his abdomen. He fell heavily to the ground, a pool of blood pushing out from underneath him. 

Y/N smacked a hand over her mouth and willed herself not to throw up even as bile built up in the back of her throat. 

“Nicely done,” the other man said. 

Y/N gasped in and let out a shuddering breath.  _ Why was he just standing there, watching her kill his friend? _

He lifted off his hat and threw it to the side and the breath was knocked out of her all over again. “Kaito.”

\---

Kaito flipped the blade over in his hand as he walked closer to her. Y/N walked backwards until she could no more. “You’re sticking to the shorter attacks like I suggested. That’s good.”

“W–why did you let me  _ kill _ him!” she screamed. It had been  _ easy _ . Kaito didn’t even try to help.

Kaito shrugged and looked at his dead companion. “I wanted the reward money for myself. He won’t mind.”

Kaito’s first blow nearly knocked her to her knees and she realized stupidly that this was the real deal. This wasn’t a sparring match on the ship a month ago where Kaito went easy on her; this was the two of them fighting for their lives. This was the match he had patiently explained to her, what seemed like a lifetime ago. She had to win. She could not let the others come back to her dead body in the woods. She wouldn’t make Sokka have to see that. Not after what he told her a week ago. She was not going to let his biggest fear come true. 

\---

Blow by blow they were evenly matched. Y/N fighting for her life, Kaito for his honor. He talked while they fought, anything to distract her or throw her off so he could get a stab in. “We’ve been following you for a while. Heard about a little Fire Nation girl who blew up a factory. I knew that’d be you.”

“That was The Painted Lady,” Y/N grumbled as she blocked a swift uppercut. Y/N’s energy was fading fast. She felt like she was being drained by the second. She was sweating, her heart was pounding, her vision blurred with adrenaline. 

She side-stepped and allowed his sword to slice the flesh of her left arm so she could stab at his bum leg. Kaito screamed and fell, clutching his knee. Y/N kicked his sword away in a cloud of dust. She held her sword out threateningly, already beginning to back up to make a run for it. “You aren’t going to keep following us.”

Kaito chuckled darkly. “I’m never going to stop hunting you down. No one will. I’m a soldier and  _ I follow my orders _ . The penalty for treason is  _ death _ , and that’s what a traitor like you deserves. You don’t have long anyways,” He smirked.

Y/N saw red. Those words echoed in her head over and over. Traitor. That was her label for choosing the side of the light, the side that believed in harmony and peace. Well then,  _ let it be. _

Kaito slumped face first into the dirt, his head lolling at an unnatural angle. Y/N’s sword was tipped with fresh blood. 

Y/N bent to retrieve his sword from the ground when a stitch tore through her side. It felt like a pulled muscle but that was not a pulled muscle when she looked down; that was a knife in her side. So that’s what Kaito meant by ‘she didn’t have long’. 

\---

Y/N let out a hysterical laugh as she pulled the knife out. Blood began to seep out quickly and she vaguely wondered if she should have done that. It didn’t hurt but–woah–that was a lot of blood. The knife slipped from her fingers to the ground. That guy must have had better aim than she thought. 

\---

Y/N blinked and Sokka was shaking her shoulders. Where did he come from? His mouth was forming words that Y/N could not hear.

“What?” She asked loudly. That ringing in her ears was  _ loud. _

“I was yelling at you not to pull it out!” 

“Oh.”

Sokka grabbed her jaw with one hand, forcing her to look directly at him. “Focus! Are you okay?!” 

Y/N smiled. His eyes were such a pretty blue. Like the deep ocean or the eastern sky when the sun was setting or– “I am now.”

“Yeah, okay.” Sokka peeled her fingers away from her sword and sheathed it. He wrapped her arm around his shoulder and slipped his around her waist. Y/N didn’t know why, she didn’t feel like she needed help walking. 

\---

That fuzzy-brained, painless period didn’t last long. 

“Sokka,” Y/N sobbed. She grabbed onto a tree and would have slid down to her knees if Sokka hadn’t been there to catch her. Her other hand clutched her side. “I can’t–I can’t go any further.” She gasped as a sharp pain shot through her side. Every time she breathed it was worse and she was  _ hyperventilating _ . She squeezed her eyes shut and a few tears leaked out. When she opened her eyes, Sokka was kneeling beside her with a very uncharacteristic serious look on his face. Y/N could have laughed if she wasn’t in so much pain. 

“Just a little farther. We have to get back to Katara.” He shook his head. “Giving up is not an option.”

“Okay, okay.” Y/N scrubbed her face. As she looked to him her chin began to wobble with an impending rush of tears. “I’m scared,” she murmured. It was not something she would normally admit but this was anything but a normal moment. Kaito’s words from the ship echoed in her mind: she had never actually had to face her own death before and now she was. 

“Me too.” Sokka’s face was stoic, but she could hear the shaking of his voice. She held out her hand that wasn’t trying to stop blood from gushing out of her side and Sokka hauled her to her feet. 

\---

Y/N was pretty sure in the last one hundred yards it took to get to Appa, Sokka and Y/N tripped over every single root in that part of the forest. It was pitch black, their way only lit by the faint lines of the moon through the tree branches. 

Y/N was relying more and more on Sokka’s strength to get her back to Appa; he was half-carrying her and they were both breathing heavily. 

Appa grunted when they reached him. Y/N didn’t know the context of said grunt. Was he mad that it took them so long? Was he worried because he could smell blood? She was thinking about asking Aang if he could tell what Appa meant by the certain noises he made when Sokka snapped her out of her thoughts. 

“Y/N!” He said sharply. She looked up at him from where she was standing. When did he climb up to the saddle? Y/N started climbing up after him and Sokka reached down to help her. Her arms felt like they weighed a thousand pounds and under any other circumstances her face might have flushed pink if Sokka had grabbed the back of her thigh like he just did to haul her in. She collapsed onto her back, staring at the stars. 

Y/N was pretty sure that Sokka was talking to her but his voice was distorted like she was underwater. Every blink of her eyes lasted longer until she didn’t have the energy to open them anymore. 

Her last thought before fading to black was  _ “Who’s Yue?” _

\---

Y/N woke up sweating. She automatically began kicking the blankets off, anything to get the heat away from her; she felt like she was suffocating. The motion set off a familiar pain in her left side that left her gasping for air. Finally, after she threw the last fur off, she stubbornly pulled herself to a sitting position. She looked around her. She didn’t remember falling asleep in a tent. Wait, was this Sokka’s tent?!

Y/N pressed a hand against her side, the pressure made it feel better and worse, and crawled to the tent opening. She pulled back one of the flaps just as someone was barreling in.

“Sokka?

“Y/N?”

“I thought I heard you wake up!” he exclaimed, pulling her in for a tight hug. 

Y/N wrapped her arms around him and rested her chin on his shoulder. Her head was throbbing worse than the first time she drank rice wine. “What happened?”

Sokka ignored the question and his arms tightened around her. “How do you feel?”

“I’m...okay.” Pieces of the night before were beginning to flood back. Kaito and knives. “I am so sorry for scaring you like that.” 

Y/N pulled back from their hug. Their faces were inches apart. She could feel the heat of Sokka’s breath on her cheek. Y/N’s eyes flicker to his lips and then back up to his eyes. Slowly, she backed away from him, but Sokka had other ideas. He grasped her face with both hands pressed his lips against hers. Y/N felt her stomach drop and she squeezed her eyes shut.  _ Maybe she was dreaming.  _

He pulled back sooner than Y/N would have liked, but left his hands on her cheeks, tracing over her cheekbone lightly with his thumb. There was a dazed expression on his face. 

He immediately jerked his hands away and clasped them in his lap when he noticed her widened eyes. “I’m so sorry. Spirits! I should have asked! I just couldn’t–last night, I couldn’t leave you! I got half way back to Appa and turned around! You almost  _ died _ and I almost didn’t get to tell you I liked you.” Sokka ran a hand down his face. “Well, I guess I’m telling you now.”

Y/N sat there in stunned silence. Sokka liked her. Sokka liked  _ her _ . Not anyone else. Y/N was starting to wonder if she was having some type of vivid hallucination from blood loss because this was all too good to be true. She studied Sokka’s face which looked like he wanted to evaporate on the spot. 

“I’ll just go get the others and tell them you’re awake–” Sokka had started to stand up to leave but Y/N grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. She wasted no time in wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for another kiss. 

“I like you too, Sokka,” Y/N mumbled against his lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments and bookmarks feed the writer!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> best girls katara & Y/N

Their second kiss was everything that the first wasn't. Where that one had been quick and desperate; one that felt like it held all the words Sokka didn’t know how to say, the second was soft and full of happiness that they didn’t have to say anything at all. It was almost enough to make Y/N forget the dull ache in her side and the pounding of her head. But it wasn’t long before they were interrupted. 

“I’ll check in here–woah.” Aang stood just outside the tent with his jaw on the floor. “Sorry!” He squeaked, a pink blush lighting up his cheeks. He ran off and Sokka and Y/N were alone again. They shared a look of horror and scrambled apart. 

“Do you think he saw?” Sokka grimaced. 

Y/N widened her eyes. “‘ _ Do you think he saw?’” _ she mimicked in his deeper voice then promptly shoved her face in her hands. Oh gods, Y/N didn’t know that this level of embarrassment existed. 

She only had a second to think of an excuse for what they had been doing, because as soon as Aang had disappeared, Katara replaced him. 

She paid no attention to Y/N who was furiously blushing and smacked Sokka’s shoulder. “Sokka, she’s hurt! What are you  _ doing _ ?!”

“Ow, hey! Katara!” Sokka rubbed the place she had hit him. “Aang, why did you tell her!”

Aang peeked his head in the tent. “I didn’t say anything!” 

“He didn’t have to!” Katara chastised. Her eyes softened as she looked at Y/N. “How do you feel?”

“Much better, thanks to you.” Y/N wrapped her arms around the girl in a tight hug. 

Katara held her shoulders. “Come on. Now that you’re awake we need to get moving.”

Y/N’s stomach flipped anxiously. “Why?”

“While we were out, we spotted more Fire Nation soldiers coming into the village.” Katara must have felt Y/N tense under her hands and gave her a squeeze. “It’s okay, but we don’t want them to find us. Come on.” She helped pull Y/N to her feet, glaring at Sokka when he reached out to help. He shrank away from them both and started to collect the blankets. 

Y/N allowed herself to be led out of the tent with Katara’s arm around her waist. Y/N was grateful for it, she didn’t realize she’d be so dizzy standing up. “You know, it’s really okay, Katara. I kissed him,” She murmured. 

Katara let out a great sigh and gave Y/N a smile. “I knew you liked each other but I’m allowed to question your sanity because Sokka’s my brother.”

Y/N laughed but immediately clutched her side and doubled over as a stabbing pain shot through her body. “Ugh, don’t make me laugh.” She collapsed next to Toph on the ground and leaned her back against Appa’s side, out of breath from the short walk from the tent. 

“Are you going to help them clean up camp?” Y/N asked the younger girl. 

Toph picked at her fingernails. “Nah, I’m keeping you company.” She paused and then turned to look at Y/N–well, as close as she could, she was looking over Y/N’s left shoulder. “You scared everyone last night.” 

Y/N looked to the other three; Katara was rolling up sleeping bags, Aang was covering the smoldering fire with dirt, Sokka was wrestling with his tent and losing. Toph’s voice had been low enough that no one but she had heard. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Y/N didn’t know if she could possibly feel worse about everything. 

Toph shrugged and gave her a light punch on the leg. “Don’t do it again, yeah?”

Once everything was packed and Appa took off, Y/N leaned against Sokka in their usual spot at the back of the saddle as a silent apology for what had happened after their interrupted kiss. Sokka draped his arm over her shoulders and at sight of that, Katara sent her a wry smile. 

Y/N leaned close to Sokka’s ear. “Did you tell them what I did?”

Sokka didn’t need her to elaborate. He sucked in a sharp breath before he answered. “I just said we got ambushed. No details.”

Y/N stared off into the distance at the fluffy clouds. “Don’t tell them.” She slid down further and let her head fall heavy on his arm. She was exhausted, but she was afraid to close her eyes, afraid for what would haunt her behind her eyelids. Eventually, she succumbed to sleep, and was blessed with a dreamless, weightless nap. 

\---

However, not all her sleep was so uninterrupted. 

_ The logical part of her brain knew this was a dream, but it didn’t make it any less terrifying. She was stuck in a loop, forced to relive killing Kaito over and over. If that wasn’t bad enough. It wasn’t always Kaito, it was Aang and Sokka and Katara and Toph. Sometimes it was Zuko and Azula, even Mai and Ty Lee. Everyone Y/N cared about, everyone she loved and yet here she was, letting her sword slice cleanly through their throats like it was nothing. Eventually, Kaito’s face stopped showing up, and so did his voice. It was replaced with pleas from her friends, “Please Y/N, don’t kill me!” “Y/N, I promise I’ll never leave you again, please don’t do this.” “Y/N, you know this is right!”  _

_ Each of their voices echoed in her ears until they bled together and she couldn’t decipher who was begging for what. Y/N had had enough, she wanted out of this nightmare– _

Y/N woke with a start. Her face was stiff with dried tears. Luckily for her, she didn’t wake up screaming. She rolled onto her side and looked at who was closest to her. It was Sokka. She focused on his drooling face until her heart rate slowed down and she was able to drift back to sleep. 

\---

Y/N wanted to sleep, but Sokka wanted to train, so that’s what they did. Though she wasn’t much of a training partner while she was half-awake and lying in the grass at his feet. 

“You know, you’re supposed to be critiquing me,” Sokka said, finishing a move with his sword. “Not just admiring the view.”

Y/N shaded her eyes from the sun. “I’m not admiring the view.” That might have been a lie, but she was never going to tell Sokka that. “I was just waiting until you were done to tell you what you were doing wrong.” Y/N squinted up as Sokka approached her.

“What did I do wrong then?” Sokka’s eyes were crinkled in a smile. Y/N was silent. “That’s what I thought.” he said proudly.

“Come on, help me up”–She held out her hands and allowed Sokka to pull her to her feet–“I’m done watching you show off while I have to sit on the sidelines.” 

“Does it still hurt?” he asked, swinging the hand he still held between them. It was an honest question, but there was a hint of worry behind it.

It had been two days and Katara’s water healing was doing more for her than any Fire Nation healer could ever do. Y/N poked at the pink scar on her stomach “Only when I move fast which is why Katara won’t let me spar,” she said begrudgingly. It was partially true. Katara  _ had _ told her she needed to take a break from sparring, but Y/N was grateful for the break. As much as she loved it, and sometimes needed it, she couldn’t imagine picking up a sword,  _ her _ sword, that killed two people and using it against Sokka. Even if it was a sparring match. It felt wrong. 

As they crested a hill they noticed Aang standing on the side of a large mud pit where Toph and Katara were wrestling. The two of them joined him and watched as Toph kicked mud in Katara’s face. 

“What are they fighting about?” Sokka asked Aang.

“I don’t even know.” Aang shook his head. “Hey guys! I thought we were supposed to be training me?” 

Both girls quickly stopped their fight when they realized they’d garnered an audience. “Very well, pupil. I believe we’ve had enough training for today.” Katara spoke in a sharp voice that sounded like she was a Fire Nation teacher or noblewoman and Y/N bit back a snicker. 

Katara pulled herself out of the mud pit and stomped back to camp while Toph bent the mud off herself and waded back to the other three. “While Katara cleans up, let’s go have some fun!!”

“Yes!” Y/N shouted along with the two boys. Finally! Something that she was actually going to be allowed to do. For the past two days she had sulked around camp doing nothing except help Katara with chores. Not to mention all the down time meant her mind was racing. She needed a break to get away from flashbacks of that night that plagued her every waking moment. 

“Y/N, you should stay back and let me heal you some more before dinner.” Katara waved her over.

Y/N immediately deflated. “No. Come on Katara. I’m so  _ bored _ . I want to go have fun with the others!” She pouted. She felt like a little girl who was begging her mother for candy. But the look on Katara’s face said she wasn’t budging. 

Y/N turned to the other three. She squeezed Sokka’s hand. “Have fun guys.”

\---

Katara hovered her hands over Y/N side. The water was soothing and made Y/N sleepy. It was probably best she stayed behind, or at least Y/N kept telling herself that.

“How am I doing, Master Healer Katara?” Y/N murmured. 

Katara chuckled and removed her hands. “I’m not a Master Healer.”

Y/N sat up and stretched her back. “I think Aang and I would both beg to differ. If I was in the Fire Nation, I’d probably still be on bedrest like, dying from infection or something. Not able to walk around and do things.”

“I guess I just always wanted something different. I didn’t want to be  _ just _ a healer.” Katara began to putter around camp, pulling out bowls and rice, preparing to make dinner. 

“Well, you’re really good at it. Not that you're not good at combat waterbending, because you’re amazing at that too.”

Katara pursed her lips. “I trained in the Northern Water Tribe with Aang. There they don’t let women learn fighting styles.”

“That’s awful!” Y/N was so surprised to hear that there were still places around their world that didn’t lend the same opportunities to men and women. “But you obviously know them so how did you learn?”

“I had to challenge the Master to a duel for him to take me seriously. I know healing, but it isn’t enough for me.” Katara looked at Y/N in the eyes with a determined furrow of her brows. “I never want to have to beg for someone to take me seriously ever again.”

“No one should have to do that.” Y/N knew what Katara was feeling, she just wished she could apply the same logic to her own life when it came up. Katara was an accomplished waterbender, there was not a doubt about that, and some might say that Y/N was an accomplished swordswoman, but she could never take that seriously. She always needed to be better–no–the  _ best.  _ Of course none of that mattered to her now. She was  _ her best _ and look at what that had done. 

“Are you...okay?” Katara had stopped what she was doing and looked at Y/N earnestly.

“What do you mean?” Y/N twirled a piece of her hair around her finger.

“You’ve been acting differently. You’re quieter around everyone. And you’re always tired.” Katara pointed out as Y/N yawned.

“I’m fine. It’s all probably because I got hurt. My body’s recouping or something.” Y/N didn’t know whether Katara believed her, but she stopped asking questions. 

\---

“Oh spirits, Katara is going to be so mad that we’re doing this.” 

Sokka slung an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “We are not thinking about Katara’s wrath right now. We are thinking about  _ fun _ .” 

Y/N slipped an arm around his waist and watched as Toph handed over their bag of coins–all the money they had–to the scam artists in the street. “What is the point of this game anyways?”

Aang answered her. “You throw those sticks with the symbols on them. You win if both sticks have the same symbols face up.” 

Y/N bit her lip as she watched Toph take the sticks from one of the sneering men and toss them onto the stones underfoot. Both she and Sokka leaned forward, waiting with bated breath. Just as it seemed that one of the squared off sticks was going to flip, it stopped. Three painted red circles were face up on both sticks. 

“Yes!” Y/N jumped in the air. The rush was instantaneous. Her heart was beating fast and she was lightheaded. No wonder the others didn’t want to stop doing this! This was the first thing in days that actually felt good, and Y/N wanted as much of that as she could get her hands on.

Toph snatched their bag of money back from the stunned men and Aang grabbed the bag of money they had bet against her and the four of them ran off down the streets. 

“What are we going to buy first?!” Aang asked.

“I think I have an idea.” Y/N smiled mischievously. 

\---

The four of them were lounging in the center of town, around the giant statue of Firelord Ozai spitting fire. It was so grotesque that Y/N laughed when she first saw it. She also might have mused low enough for only Sokka to hear about what the Firelord might have been compensating for with such a large, scary statue. 

“I don’t care what any of you think, the Fire Nation has the best chocolate  _ anywhere _ ,” Y/N sighed happily. She was laying on the stout wall surrounding the statue. None of them knew if it was disrespectful, but no one had come to chase them away either. Y/N hoped that it was. 

Aang was laying in the opposite direction as Y/N with his head just brushing hers. He held his fist above her face and she bumped it with her own. “Agreed,” he said.

“I finished mine.” Sokka tilted his head back from where he was on the ground and laid it on Y/N’s arm. “Can I have some of yours?”

Y/N broke the tiniest piece she could manage and placed it in Sokka’s hand. “You should have savored it instead of eating it all in one bite.”

“I can’t–” Sokka popped the piece Y/N gave him in his mouth. “–no self-control.”

“If you guys are done flirting. I want to get back to scamming,” Toph droned from the ground next to Sokka. Y/N didn’t have to turn and look to know the face she was making. 

Y/N grinned. “That’s not flirting, Toph. This is–” Y/N grabbed Sokka’s chin and laid a loud kiss on his cheek. “Mwah!”

Y/N would have been satisfied just hearing Aang and Toph make fake retching sounds behind her back, but she was even more pleased when she saw Sokka’s reddened cheeks. She poked one lightly before saying, “Let’s go scam some people!”

\---

This was the second fight in as many days between Katara and Toph that Aang, Sokka and Y/N had to witness. The three of them shared a look as the girls argued in the middle of camp as if no one was around. 

“I’ll stop when I want to stop!” Toph stomped away and made a rock tent around her, shutting herself from the rest of them. 

“Welllll,” Sokka snatched a bag of coins from next to Y/N’s leg and held a hand out to her. “Speaking of money, we’re off to spend some. Come on, Y/N.”

Katara stepped in front of her. “Y/N, you shouldn’t keep going into town.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow and looked down at the younger girl. “Why? Considering what happened in the last one? Or is this just another one of your new rules?” 

Y/N was half-joking but something about how Katara was acting rubbed her the wrong way. She didn’t like how Katara was blaming everything on Toph and she didn’t like that she was trying to tell them what to do. Then again, everything put Y/N on edge lately, so she didn’t know what was real or imagined anger. She knew that Katara was just trying to be protective of her, whether she meant that she was still healing or that she meant that she was in danger from being attacked again, Y/N didn’t like either one. The only joy that Y/N had had in the past few days was going to town with the others and stealing from the scammers. Otherwise her mind was flooded with images of blood and dead friends. Y/N hadn’t even drawn her sword since, not knowing if the blood had stained the steel red. Sokka promised her he washed it off, but it felt cursed now. 

A hurt look crossed Katara’s face and she stepped out of the way. Normally they agreed with nearly everything. Y/N felt bad but that feeling left as soon as it came. Y/N needed this. She didn’t need Katara protecting her. 

\---

“This is the dumbest purchase you could have made, Sokka.”

“But also the coolest, right?!” The beady eyes of Sokka’s new messenger hawk bore into her, asking her to give another answer other than  _ yes _ . 

“I guess. I like mine better.” Y/N drew the new dagger at her side and checked her reflection in it. It was a ceremonial knife; heavy and would be hard to wield, but Y/N couldn’t help that shiny–and sharp–objects caught her eye like she was a magpie. It also made her feel better, having a weapon other than her sword. Something that was clean and untainted, something that was still beautiful. 

“Now Hawky–”

“I beg of you, pick a new name.”

Sokka frowned at her, then turned back to his hawk. “ _ Hawky _ , we already have a lemur at camp, so I don’t want to see any fighting.”

The hawk screeched in Sokka’s face.

Y/N dragged one finger down one of the hawk’s red wings. “Okay, he’s kind of cool. Do you think he’s saying, ‘ _ Yes, I promise not to fight’  _ or _ ‘I’m waiting until you go to sleep to rip your eyes out’ _ ? _ ” _

“Oh, this is really not good.”

“Yeah, I  _ know _ . I tried to tell you not to buy–”

“No,” Sokka grabbed Y/N’s elbow before she could walk too far away. “This.”

On the wall was a wanted poster for one, ‘The Runaway’ with a very accurate, yet crude drawing of Toph on it. “They’re not going to let us come to town alone if we keep finding wanted posters of all of us.” Y/N ripped the poster down and rolled it up. 

\---

“What is this?” Katara dropped a piece of paper in Y/N’s lap. It was Toph’s wanted poster. The same poster that  _ should be _ in the bottom of Y/N’s bag, hidden, never to see the light of day again. Toph had asked Sokka and Y/N to keep it between the three of them and Y/N had kindly hidden the poster to do just that. They’d be leaving soon anyways, so what was the big deal?

“Why were you going through my things, Katara?” Y/N asked calmly, but underneath, her blood was boiling. Why did Katara think she had the right to go searching through her things when she felt something amiss? 

“I–” Katara knew she didn’t have any defense for going through her bags. “Why would you hide this from me? You of all people know that this is not okay!” 

“Me of all people? What’s  _ that _ supposed to mean?” Y/N had stood up now. She towered over Katara but that didn’t mean she was backing down. The girl was a spitfire.

“I thought you would be on my side!” Katara shouted. 

Y/N scoffed. “Why? Because I’m used to following orders?” 

“That’s not what I–”

“Just accept it, Katara! You’ve started to treat us like we’re all children. I don’t need your help, I don’t need your protection. I don’t want it! You’re not Sokka’s mom, you’re not Toph’s mom, you’re not Aang’s mom and you’re definitely not  _ my mom _ . So stop asking me if I’m okay and stop telling me what I need!” Y/N grabbed her sword, hellbent on getting out of camp as fast as she could. 

“Where are you going?” Katara asked. 

“I’m going to train, Master Healer Katara! If you’ll let me!” Words that she once meant as a compliment, lashed out venomously. That sweet conversation where it felt like they were spilling intimate secrets was a million miles away. And for the first time since they had met, Y/N hoped that she had hurt her friend. Maybe then Katara could understand what Y/N was feeling in her chest everytime she breathed. 

\---

Y/N sat on one of the many cliffs around their campsite with her feet dangling over the edge. It reminded her of the cliffs around her home on Ember Island. When she was younger her brothers had taken her out there and let her jump with them as long as she kept it a secret. Y/N wondered absently if she’d ever feel that rush again, the rush of jumping into the water from a cliff or the rush of keeping a secret like that. Now that she was older, secrets were just heavy burdens one was forced to carry. 

Y/N touched her sheath next to her. She didn’t even know why she brought it. She didn’t even want to look at it, let alone draw it and wield it. It still was a comfort to have it near, just as it had been her whole life. 

“Hey.”

Y/N didn’t turn to acknowledge Katara. Despite this, she sat down next to Y/N. They both stared at the water hundreds of feet below them. Y/N was starting to feel the guilt for yelling at Katara creeping up. 

“I made up with Toph. I also talked to Sokka.” Y/N flinched but Katara continued like she didn’t notice. “I don’t expect you to tell me everything. But I know when something is bothering you. You’re on edge, you barely sleep. Something  _ happened _ in that forest and I don’t mean you getting hurt. Something else, something they did or said. Or something you did.”

Y/N violently shook her head. She felt like she was going to be sick. “I can’t–”

“You don’t have to.” Katara wrapped her in a hug that Y/N didn’t think she deserved. “Whatever it was, it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.” Y/N returned the hug. She had changed her mind. Sometimes it was nice to have someone to look out for you when you were used to looking out for yourself for so long. It didn’t mean she was going to tell Katara, or any one else, for that matter, but having the option was nice too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments feed the writer. I love you all!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> always angst

Y/N looked up fondly at Sokka as he recounted what he called, “the scariest story he knew”. It was not scary in the slightest and from the other disinterested looks Y/N got from Katara and Aang and the way that Toph lolled her head back in boredom, none of the others thought so either. Every now and then Sokka would glance down at Y/N, and she would give him an amused smirk and however he took it spurred him on through the story. When he was finished, he waited with a sly smile like he thought the four of them were about to start screaming. 

“I don’t know, I liked the story about ‘the man with the sword for a hand’ better.” Aang shrugged. 

Sokka pouted and sat back down next to Y/N. “You thought it was scary, right?”

Y/N raised her eyebrows and nodded. “Terrifying.” She linked an arm through his and they both leaned back on the fallen tree behind them.

Y/N watched Toph wrinkle her nose. “Water tribe slumber parties must  _ suck.” _

“I have one. And it’s a  _ true _ Southern Water Tribe story.” Y/N’s ears perked up at the sound of Katara’s voice. She hadn’t spoken all night and she was the only one who hadn’t recounted a scary story. Her knees were pulled up and she had her arms wrapped around them, and the light from their fire danced across her face. 

Sokka seemed unperturbed. “Is this one of those ‘a friend of my cousin knew this one guy’ stories?”

“No.” Katara’s voice was sharp. “It happened to Mom.”

Y/N didn’t know what about Katara’s story scared her the most. Maybe it was her voice, or the way she told the story. Or maybe it was the way Sokka tensed underneath her arm that led Y/N to believe that there was more truth to this story than she originally thought. 

But the thing that freaked her out the most and had her jumping from Sokka’s side immediately to Katara’s was Toph’s gasp. 

Toph jumped to her feet, her milky eyes widening. “Wait. Guys did you hear that?!” 

Sokka bumped into Y/N’s side, pressing her against Katara even more. Y/N wrapped an arm around Katara and grabbed onto Aang shoulder, pulling them all into an impossibly smaller ball. 

“I hear people under the mountain! And they’re screaming!”

Chills worked their way down Y/N’s spine and she shivered between the two Water Tribe siblings. She recalled a story she heard at school, something about full moons and missing people… but it was just a story that little kids told to one another. Albeit, one that Toph shouldn’t have known.

“No, no… you’re lying. You don’t hear anything.” Y/N’s voice was shaking. 

Sokka scoffed. “Nice try, Toph.” He started peeling himself away from Y/N’s side and moved back to their seat. 

But the look on Toph’s face didn’t look like she was joking. “I’m serious! I hear something.”

Y/N tugged on Sokka’s arm and pulled him back, closer to her. “Uh, I really don’t think she’s kidding, Sokka.” 

“Wait, you believe this?” Katara asked, her eyes wide with fear.

“Kids at school used to tell these scary stories about a witch or evil spirits who would take people and hide them in a space between the spirit world and our world. They’re everywhere around us but we just can’t see them.” Her voice trailed off as the wind picked up and began howling through the trees, almost as if it was in response to what she said. “But it’s a Fire Nation story, Toph wouldn’t know it.” Y/N said quietly. 

Aang looked up to the tops of the trees above them. “Spirits aren’t evil,” he ventured, his voice small. 

“Hello, children.” A voice said behind them.

\---

Y/N didn’t think that she could scream as loud as she did. Aang, Katara, Y/N and Sokka, who had been huddled together on one side of the fire, holding one another as close as possible, suddenly shoved each other away, each of them trying to get as far away from whoever had just walked up behind them. Y/N in her haste, leapt over the fire nearly knocking Toph over in the process. Her heart was pounding as she stared at the woman. Y/N just kept telling herself,  _ this is not the same as before, this is not the same as before.  _ That, and she wasn’t alone this time. Aang could airbend the woman away or Toph could knock her off her feet before Y/N could even reach her sword. Nobody had to die. 

“I’m sorry for scaring you. My name is Hama. You children shouldn’t be out in the woods by yourselves at night. I have an inn nearby, why don’t we go there for some spiced tea and warm beds?” The old woman had white hair and her shoulders were hunched but Y/N could see her bright blue eyes even from how far away she was. She seemed sincere. Y/N couldn’t find a reason  _ not _ to take her offer. Normally she was suspicious of everyone, but this old woman wasn’t going to do them any harm. 

“Yes, please.” Y/N said gratefully. 

\---

A couple of torches and the almost full moon lit their way back to Hama’s inn. Sokka was holding Y/N’s hand and she appreciated the contact. The trail, the cool night air, the darkness was eerily similar to that night that wasn’t so long ago. Every now and then she felt like she was transported back there; that she and Sokka were running through the woods back to Appa, stumbling over uneven ground, trying to get back to Katara so Y/N didn’t die. Then, a stiff breeze or a snap of a stick under their feet would bring her back to the present. 

Sokka leaned over to whisper in her ear. “So we just trust anyone we meet in the woods now?!”

“I know it’s kind of weird, but she doesn’t seem that bad to me. Besides being in these woods is  _ really  _ starting to freak me out,” she admitted. “I think if she turns out to be some criminal mastermind, the five of us can take her.” 

Sokka’s face softened. “Sorry. I didn’t even realize…” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Y/N squeezed his hand, grateful for the comfort of her friends around. This time was different, that was for sure. 

\---

Y/N hadn’t slept in a real bed since she was in the Fire Nation palace. Sure, in Ba Sing Se, she and the girls had been given nice beds, but Y/N hadn’t done more than sit up against the headboard and worry all night before she left Azula. 

Just as she was pulling back the covers she heard a light knock at the door. Y/N brushed it off as just the old house settling but then she heard it again, this time a little more forcefully.

Sokka was standing on the other side of her door when she opened it, clutching his pillow. She looked at his bare chest and his hair that was down and framing his face. 

“Um. Whatcha doin’, buddy?” Y/N greeted, trying to keep her voice light despite her being a little breathless that Sokka was shirtless, in the middle of the night, standing in the doorway to her room. 

“I’m freaking out.” Sokka didn’t wait for an invitation, just pushed the door open further and walked inside. Y/N shut the door behind him, only to open it once again to scratching on the wood. Momo ran around Y/N’s legs and jumped onto her bed, making a spot for himself on one of the pillows. 

“This house is creepy. Can I sleep in here?” Sokka asked, looking at her hopefully.

“Yeah,” Y/N sighed. “But on the floor. I haven’t slept in a real bed in forever and I’m not about to give half of it up because you’re a scaredy cat-snake.” She tossed one of the spare blankets at the end of the bed at him and crawled under the covers. 

Sokka settled on the floor next to the bed and Y/N moved to the edge so she could look down at him. She rolled onto her stomach and dangled one of her hands down next to him. “Night, Sokka.” 

He grabbed it and intertwined their fingers. “Night, Y/N,” He yawned and snuggled his head into his pillow. 

Y/N waited until she could hear soft snores coming from him before she let her eyes fall heavy and drifted off to sleep.

\---

“So, Hama seems suspicious to everyone else, right?” Sokka leaned on the counter in Hama’s kitchen while they unpacked the food she’d bought at the market. 

Katara exchanged a glance with Y/N who just smiled and shrugged. 

“She reminds  _ me _ of Gran-Gran.” Katara said. 

“Didn’t you hear that comment that she made about us being ‘mysterious children’ before she left us to go run more errands?” 

Y/N burst out laughing. “Sokka, she found five kids camping in the woods last night. That’s strange, don’t you think?”

“If we’re so strange and mysterious, why did she let us come back to her house without her?” Sokka pressed.

Y/N looked to Katara for help. “I guess that is kind of weird…”

“Yeah! So let’s go have a look around!” 

The four of them followed Sokka as he picked his way upstairs peeking into every unlocked room along the way. 

“Sokka! What are you doing?” Katara exclaimed. 

“You shouldn’t go snooping around someone’s house!” Y/N echoed. She looked wildly to the front door, expecting Hama to be walking in on them wandering through her house at that moment. 

Sokka slid open another door and stepped inside. “It’s fine, you guys.”

“She could be home any minute,” Aang warned. Sokka ignored all of their protests and went deeper into the house. He came across a cabinet built into the wall. He began pulling on the handles but it wasn’t budging. Y/N against all better judgement nudged one of his hands away and began pulling on one of the doors to help him. 

Suddenly, the doors gave way and both of them stumbled backwards, Y/N falling to the floor. Katara was able to catch the dolls before they tumbled out. She quickly shoved them back into the cabinet and shut the doors but Y/N got a good look at what was in there. Puppets. And scary ones. 

“Okay, that’s pretty creepy,” Aang admitted as he helped Y/N back to her feet. 

“She has a hobby, what’s wrong with–Sokka, stop!” Katara jogged after her brother who was now climbing the steps to the attic. Toph, Y/N and Aang followed them and watched as Sokka yanked on the door handle. 

“If she’s so  _ ordinary _ , why does she have a locked door?” Sokka demanded.

“Probably to keep people from snooping in her stuff!!” Katara was getting increasingly louder each time Sokka said something new, so if Hama didn’t know they were skulking around her house yet, she would now. 

“Guys, we still have time to go back downstairs and act like we weren’t looking through her stuff.” Y/N was trying to placate the siblings. She  _ really _ didn’t want to get kicked out of the inn because Sokka’s curiosity got the best of them. That meant more sleeping in the woods. “Let’s just go and finish putting the groceries away–”

“Yes! I got it open!” Y/N watched Sokka sheath his sword that he had just used to pick the lock and she wondered why she even tried to be the voice of reason. 

Sokka picked up the box that was sitting in the middle of the empty room. “What do you think is in it?” He asked the group.

“Treasure!” 

“Toph, don’t encourage him,” Katara chastised. 

“It’s locked,” Sokka said with disappointment. “There’s got to be a key around here.”

“Here.” Toph took the meteorite bracelet off her arm and melded it into a key shape. Sokka handed her the box and she began wiggling the key inside the keyhole. 

Aang, who initially followed Sokka into the room, started inching back towards the door. “Guys, I don’t know about this…”

Katara joined him. “This is crazy. I’m leaving.” 

Y/N was caught somewhere in the middle of them. Both siblings stared her down, trying to work out who she was going to ultimately side with. On one hand she wanted to see what was in the mysterious locked box that sat in this locked room. Hama  _ was _ weird and Y/N was naturally curious. Who knows what she would keep hidden away? On the other hand they were invading this woman’s privacy. Even if she was strange she had taken them in in an effort to protect them from the angry spirits kidnapping people, and if they betrayed the trust she’d given them they would be back to sleeping on the ground outside. 

Luckily, the choice was made for her. Y/N heard the pins click. 

“Got it,” Toph smirked and gave them a thumbs up. All five of them rushed around her, trying to get the first look at what was in the box, when once again, they were startled by a voice from behind. 

“I’ll tell you what’s in the box,” Hama stated. 

Y/N bit her lip and looked down, not willing to meet the woman’s eyes. Sokka held the box out guiltily in front of him. Hama opened the top and pulled out a comb. 

“This is my greatest treasure. The last thing I own from growing up in the Southern Water Tribe.”

\---

“I’m excited for you to try Southern Water Tribe food.”

Y/N looked up from where she was setting the table for dinner. Sokka was fiddling with a spoon, messing up what she had just set out. 

She giggled. “Excited? Why?” She slid the rest of the silverware towards him to finish and began working on setting out the plates. 

Sokka spun a fork in his hand before setting it down. He moved it around until it was more than perfectly straight, ignoring her question. The tips of his ears were turning red. Finally when he spoke, his voice was sheepish. “Maybe you can come visit me. You know, if you like it.” He didn’t meet her eyes. 

Y/N smiled. It was sweet that he was thinking of her, but he knew that just liking the food wouldn’t warrant a trip all the way to the South Pole, he wanted to know what was going to happen after the war. Y/N leaned across the table. “Even if I didn’t I’d still come visit you.”

\---

Hama being a waterbender wasn’t surprising in the least to Y/N. The part that surprised Y/N–no, it was wrong to say that–the part that  _ scared _ her the most, was that Hama then told them that the reason Katara had never met another waterbender from their tribe was because the Fire Nation had wiped them all out;  _ stolen  _ the waterbenders from their home.

Hearing the story Hama told about how she was the last waterbender to be captured, how she was led away in chains and taken to an awful prison, here in the Fire Nation, made Y/N want to cry. She wanted to cover her ears and leave the dining room so she didn’t have to know what her people had done to Hama. 

_ And Katara and Sokka _ . Y/N reminded herself. 

It was evil, what they had done. It was vile and Y/N felt sick about it. Oddly enough, as mad as those things made her–as awful as it felt to hear them–she welcomed the uncomfortable feeling it gave her. It reaffirmed that she was different. She had changed and that she was moving in the right direction. 

Something that also soothed her was that while Hama was speaking, Sokka noticed the bouncing of her knee under the table.

Y/N always did it when she was nervous and what could make her more nervous than a woman sitting in front of her telling her story to all of Y/N’s friends about the viciousness of Y/N’s people. 

Sokka reached under the table and tapped her knee with one finger. She slowed her knee to a stop and looked down at her bowl filled with soup, not able to meet his eyes, or the eyes of anyone at the table. Sokka didn’t care, he grabbed her hand from her lap and rubbed comforting circles on the back of her knuckles. On one hand she was thankful for it, but that little voice in the back of her mind told her that she should be comforting _ them _ . They were the ones that had been wronged. She should be begging for  _ their _ forgiveness. The back and forth of it all was beginning to become exhausting. 

\---

Y/N caught Katara in the hallway before she retreated to her room. “Hey,” Y/N’s voice was quiet, even though it was just the two of them. It was the first private conversation they’d had since their fight a week ago. Y/N didn’t realize it would be so awkward. Especially, since before their friendship had been so effortless. 

“What’s up?”

Y/N was at a loss for words, she had been since dinner. She knew she wanted to say something to Katara, but now in the moment she couldn’t even remember what she had been thinking about. Y/N dug her big toe into the wood floor. “I guess I just wanted to say that I’m happy for you. Finding Hama was a blessing but then, you know, she turns out to be from your tribe and it’s just really amazing–sorry I’m rambling–” Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to get back on track. “I guess what I’m trying to say is you should learn everything she has to offer to you. You told me the other day that you wanted more, more than healing, more than the fighting you knew. This is an opportunity to connect with someone who is special to you in more than one way. I’m excited to hear what you get to learn.” Y/N ended with a small, noncommittal shrug and an embarrassed smile. 

Katara, however, was not embarrassed by Y/N’s awkwardness at all. She pulled her in for a hug. “Thank you, Y/N. It means so much to hear you say that.”

“I’ve missed talking to you,” Y/N mumbled into the other girl’s shoulder. 

“Me too.”

\---

“I think you might be lying to me,” Sokka stated as Y/N walked ahead of him.

She jumped up to pull down a dangling leaf and turned back around to see his skeptical face looking back at her. “I swear! As we were walking to Hama’s the other night, I  _ thought  _ I smelled firelilies! If I can just find the trail we took maybe I could find the patch!” Y/N had been itching to do something all day. Being cooped up in Hama’s inn after weeks of traveling and doing anything they wanted was wearing thin on her patience. Evidently Sokka’s too. All Y/N had to do was ask for him to come with her and he’d jumped at the chance. 

“What’s so important about some flowers anyways?” He asked, catching up with her. 

“Nothing really I guess. I just haven’t seen any in forever and they only bloom in this really short window so if I miss them I’ll have to wait a whole year before I can see them again.” Of all the problems they’d come across as a group, this was by far the silliest, but firelilies were so  _ pretty _ . “Ooh, wait! I think I can smell them.” Y/N stuck her nose in the air and inhaled deeply. There was just the hint of a sweet aroma that reminded her of home. 

Sokka sniffed next to her. “I don’t smell anything.”

“Come on!” Y/N took off running, every now and then sniffing the air like Momo did when they would cook dinner. And then there it was. And it was much bigger than just a patch, it was a whole  _ field  _ of firelilies. “I told you!” She socked Sokka in the arm and ran off into the field. 

\---

Sokka found her sitting in the middle, surrounding herself with the flowers. She reached for one and picked it, holding it up for Sokka. “Aren’t they pretty?” 

“You’re prettier.” 

Y/N rolled her eyes and smiled. She tucked the stem of the one flower she had picked behind her ear and patted the ground next to her. “Come sit.”

“Since I called you pretty, does that mean I get a kiss?” Sokka sat and smiled cheekily. 

Y/N hummed in thought. “Can I braid your hair?” 

Sokka furrowed his eyebrows. “If I say yes do I get to kiss you then?” 

“Maybe!” Y/N said brightly. She moved to kneel behind him and pulled out his wolf tail. She raked her fingers through his hair before starting to braid close to his hairline. “I really appreciate you guys,” She said quietly. 

“What do you–” Sokka moved his head to turn and look at Y/N but she grabbed the sides of it and forced it to stay forward. 

Her deft hands moved halfway through the braid before she spoke again. “After everything you’ve heard about what we’ve done to you. None of you think of me differently. You look at me the same–well, I guess Toph doesn’t.” Y/N laughed quietly. 

“You say ‘we’ like you’re still part of the Fire Nation. Y/N, you don’t still think that you’re like them, do you?”

Her hands lingered on the last bit of Sokka’s hair. “I _am_ Fire Nation. I was just like them, Sokka. For a long time. It’s hard to separate who I was before and who I am now, because they’re almost the same person.” She tied off his wolf tail. 

Y/N rested her hands on his shoulders and stared out into the sea of red. “After hearing Hama’s story, hearing what  _ my _ people did to  _ your _ people, I’m just surprised you can look at me; let alone come out here and sit in a field of firelilies or let me braid your hair,”– Y/N ran a finger down the center of the braid–”or say you want to kiss me.” 

When she finally sat back down she noticed Sokka’s face was crestfallen. “I don’t care that you’re from the Fire Nation,” He stressed. “You didn’t do any of those things.”

Y/N let her head fall back. She closed her eyes and felt the sun warm her face. “I know. I do. I’m just so ashamed of it.”

Soft lips pressing against hers made Y/N crack open her eyes. “One of these days you’re gonna understand how we can’t hate you for things you haven’t done.” Sokka shook his head in disbelief. 

_ What about the things I have done? _ Y/N wanted to ask. Instead she stayed silent and licked her lips, the taste of Sokka’s still lingering long after he was gone. 

\---

“I want everyone to know–” Y/N panted “–that I do not like this plan.”

“We know!” Toph yelled from in front of her. Y/N wished she had seismic senses, Toph ran gracefully over the dark forest floor while the other three of them tripped over roots every other step. 

Y/N sword thudded heavily between her shoulder blades, that and the darkness of the night flashed terrifying images behind her eyes. All she could do to keep herself from having a full on breakdown was focus on the ties of Aang’s headband flying in front of her. 

She could tell they were getting higher into the mountain; the ground was getting steeper and the trees were thinning out, the moon lighting their way. They ran until they came to the mouth of a cave. 

Y/N squinted into it. “I can’t see anything.”

“That’s why you have me.” Toph grabbed Y/N’s hand in her much smaller one. Y/N reached for Sokka’s and then they were running again, except this time she was relying on the girl next to her to tell her when to jump or dodge a rock in her path, because otherwise it was pitch black. 

They spent so long running through the dark that when they saw light again, it burned Y/N’s eyes. In front of them was a reinforced metal door. Toph made quick work of it, folding it into a ball as easily as one could a piece of paper. Down a short, rocky corridor was a cavern with high ceilings. Y/N stopped cold when she saw them; inside the cavern were ten, maybe twenty people chained up to the rocks. The worry on their faces was quickly replaced with relief when they saw the four of them enter. 

“We’re saved!” One of the men shouted.

“I didn’t know spirits made prisons like this,” Aang muttered to no one in particular. 

“It was no spirit who brought us here, it was a  _ witch _ ,” Another man said. 

“It’s a old woman!” A woman spoke up. Toph began unlocking her chains with her makeshift key. “She looks harmless but…”

Y/N’s heart stopped.  _ Hama _ . That’s why she was out in the woods and that why–

“Hama!” Sokka growled next to her. “I knew there was something off about her.”

“You guys,  _ Katara is with her!” _ Y/N yelped.

A look of fear passed through Aang’s eyes. “We have to stop her!” 

\---

The guilt was crushing Y/N’s chest as she ran with Sokka and Aang to find Katara in the woods. Toph had stayed behind to free all of the people Hama had captured but she would be on their tails soon. Y/N felt so bad. Sokka had known something was up and she had totally disregarded what he had said, even encouraged Katara to go out with Hama! Y/N should have known. If people were going missing from the woods, why was Hama out there alone two nights ago! 

Just off in the distance, Y/N could see Hama and Katara squaring off. Katara knocked the old woman to her knees and she was just rising as the three of them ran up. 

“Give up! You’re outnumbered, Hama.” Aang shouted. 

“No,” she said sinisterly. “You’ve outnumbered yourselves.” 

Y/N’s whole body tensed as her legs went numb. She slowly marched forward even though she was desperately trying to stop. By the looks of Aang and Sokka next to her, whatever was happening to her, was happening to them too. 

Y/N gasped as her arm reached back and pulled out her sword. “No! What’s happening?!” She swung at Katara but was pushed away by a blob of water before she could even get close. Y/N’s movements were stiff and she teetered over like a falling tree but whatever was controlling her muscles had her standing back up in an instant. 

Over her shoulder, Y/N could hear Katara dealing with Aang, but Y/N was more concerned with what was in front of her. Y/N’s arm straightened, pointing her sword right at Sokka’s undefended chest; his own sword dangling from the tip of his fingers.

His eyes widened just a fraction. “Y/N…”

“I–I can’t stop it!” She sobbed. Y/N fought against her own body so forcefully that she thought she was going to break her arm. It was futile, her arm drew back in what would be a deadly blow, and Y/N had no say whatsoever in it. Y/N was going to kill Sokka. Her nightmares were coming true right in front of her. She did the only thing that she could think of; called out for the only person she knew could come to her aid. 

“Katara, help!” Y/N screamed. She squeezed her eyes shut. If this was going to happen she couldn’t watch it. She’d die before watching herself kill someone she loved. Just as her arm swung down, Y/N regained control. Y/N twisted her wrist and stabbed her sword straight into the dirt. She fell onto her hands and knees, her legs no longer able to hold her up. 

Y/N looked up in horror to see that Hama’s body was contorting just as hers had been seconds earlier. Hama fought it, but much like Y/N, it was useless. She glared at someone behind Y/N. A shudder rolled through Y/N’s body when she turned to see Katara’s determined face as she used her bending on Hama. 

\---

Y/N didn’t move from her spot. She watched from her knees as Hama was led away in chains, sputtering drivel about how Katara had betrayed her culture by saving the little Fire Nation girl. Y/N didn’t know what to feel but rage at the whole thing. It was mostly directed at herself. She’d become complacent, she’d allowed Hama into their lives and hurt Katara by doing it. She’d encouraged Katara to learn from her without even  _ knowing  _ this woman. The way Hama had used Katara, well, Y/N thought this might have been one time she wouldn’t have been afraid to use her sword on someone. 

Over and over she’d proven to herself that she was the worst judge of character. When would Y/N learn that trust was earned and not given freely to every person who asked for it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments feed the writer as always :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Invasion

Y/N’s arms were pillowed under her head; her elbow pressed against Toph’s as they laid on their backs lounging in the sunlight. Beside her, Toph was tapping one of her feet on the ground. It was the only indication that she was nervous for what was going to come today. The Day of the Black Sun, the invasion, and hopefully, an end to The Hundred Year War. The most jarring part was that today felt like any other day. Y/N could smell the salt from the ocean beneath the cliff they’d camped on, there was a warm breeze that carried the only relief from the blazing heat. Summer was hitting full force now and even though it was morning, Y/N was sweating. 

Y/N’s eyes were closed but she could feel the shadow of a person stand over her. She peeked one eye open and regarded Katara standing above her, her face hidden by the halo of sunlight behind her. 

“Do me a favor,” Katara said quietly.

“Yeah?” Y/N sat up and took the two cups Katara held out to her. “See if you can get Sokka to drink this tea. He didn’t eat breakfast this morning.”

Y/N nodded and walked over to where Sokka was sitting near the edge of the cliff. He was pouring over his maps for what seemed like the thousandth time in the past few days. He didn’t even acknowledge Y/N when she knelt next to him. She balanced her cup between her knees and tugged at the hand that his chin was propped on. She pressed the cup into his hands with a soft smile, one that he returned. 

Y/N traced a finger around the caldera on the map that was home to the Fire Nation palace. “Are you ready?” She asked Sokka. 

He took a while to answer because he was drinking down half of his tea in one go. “As I’ll ever be. What about you? You’re the only one who hasn’t said anything about it.”

Y/N kept her eyes fixed on the maps under her hand. They were accurate but not elaborate. You couldn’t see how beautiful the city was from the paper underneath her fingertips, or how blue the lakes were around the palace walls. Somewhere underneath the pile was her own map that she’d drawn for Aang. She was the only person who knew the inside of the palace and he needed her knowledge to find Ozai when the time came. While explaining the best path to take to get to the Fire Lord’s throne room, she’d forced herself to stay on task, no matter how badly she wanted to use that time to point out where her room was, and where the training grounds were, and the kitchens where she would sneak down and steal pastries and fruit in the middle of the night. 

She wondered absently what was going to be left when the invasion was over and the Fire Lord was taken down. 

“I’m fine. I’m more worried about everyone else.” It wasn’t that Y/N didn’t want to  _ tell _ Sokka her feelings, it was that she was having trouble identifying them. Going home was supposed to evoke nice, wonderful feelings but all she felt was dread in the pit of her stomach. Throughout their travels she knew her place in the Fire Nation had changed, but actually going back, and attacking them as an enemy was _ confusing _ . And  _ scary _ . 

She’d also begun thinking more about her friendship with Azula. Time that was usually spent with Sokka training, was instead spent alone practicing sword fighting forms and climbing the few and far between trees around them, and it gave her a lot of time to think. 

It was odd because she had spent the last few months trying her hardest  _ not _ to think of her and to hopefully forget everything that had happened, to no avail. It was as if a wave had been hovering over her for so long and finally it had crashed down threatening to drown her. When had her friendship with Azula become so manipulative? Would she even know what a healthy relationship was like anymore? And that thought just brought her into territory that she didn’t like to think about. Her friends and  _ Sokka _ surely weren’t manipulating her too? Right? She was the only person who knew how to get around the palace and they needed that… Y/N sighed out loud and ignored the raised eyebrow Sokka gave her. No. These friends wouldn’t do that to her.

Y/N wanted to change the subject as quickly as possible so she nodded her head towards the bay. There was a fog rolling in off the water. “What’s that?” she asked Sokka.

Sokka frowned at the fog, then a smile broke out across his face. “That’s the invasion!”

\---

The five of them climbed down a makeshift set of stairs Toph earth bent into the side of the cliff. She and Aang used earthbending to bring up slabs of rocks from under the water to create docks for the five Watertribe boats. Y/N hung back near the cliff, watching her friends greet their other recruits. Sokka had mentioned that he had asked his dad to find the people they’d made friends with along their travels, but Y/N hadn’t expected that there would be so many of them. And she had never realized that she was just another one of them. 

The thought made a smile flit across Y/N’s face. She was seen just as useful as these benders around her. And that was something she never thought would happen. She was actually literally told the opposite, and yet here she was. 

Y/N was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t even notice Aang approach her until he sat next to her on the rocks. 

Y/N nodded at his staff. “New glider?”

Aang nodded and turned to point at a boy in a wheelchair and an older man at his side. “Teo and his dad made it for me.” Aang took a long pause. “Normally you’re never this quiet.” He commented. 

The corner of Y/N’s mouth turned up. “I’m just watching. I’m meeting your friends from afar.” She gave a nod to Bato who raised a hand to wave at her. “I wasn’t sure if they knew...” She pulled absently at her red pants. 

“They know.” 

Y/N smiled. “You look better now. Less tired.” 

“I feel better too. I haven’t had any more nightmares about Ozai.”

“That’s good,” Y/N said. She was worried about the younger boy and his frequent nightmares about the Fire Lord. He was normally so relaxed and confident, seeing him so anxious about the upcoming eclipse was so uncharacteristic. 

“Sometimes when I would wake up from the nightmares, I would see you were awake too. Why didn’t you tell anyone you couldn’t sleep?” Aang asked.

Y/N shrugged. “It didn’t seem important.” Her nightmares were nothing new to her. 

“Why? What was it about?” Aang sat forward, intent on listening to her.

Y/N didn’t want to elaborate on who was the subject of most of her nightmares but Aang was persistent and he would want to hear something, so she gave him something that sounded like an answer. “I’m going home, Aang. But it’s not my home anymore. I’m a stranger now, an intruder.” Y/N let out a long, shaky breath. “I knew this day was coming...and yet it’s like it never registered. I was lying to myself like it wasn’t ever going to really happen and now it’s here and I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean you don’t know what to do? We’ve gone over the plans like a million times. Sokka practically branded them in our brains.” Aang flashed a goofy smile and Y/N was forced to confront the fact that Aang was only twelve. Most of the time he acted so mature it was hard to remember that he was just a kid. 

“No, no, not like that.” Y/N shook her head. “I know the plan. I know my job. But what comes after? What happens from there? With me? I won’t have a family to go back to.”

Aang didn’t miss a beat. “That doesn’t matter. We’re your family. You don’t have to go anywhere because you’ll be with us.”

Y/N could feel the familiar prick of incoming tears behind her eyes. She liked that answer. A lot. It gave her some comfort knowing that the moment the war was over she wasn’t going to be alone. 

However, something was still bothering her. What Aang had said ignited something in her brain;  _ you’ll be with us. _ Somehow it didn’t feel like it was enough. Y/N didn’t know why she got that feeling but the words made her feel half-empty where she didn’t feel that before.

\---

Y/N knew Sokka was embarrassed about his big speech to the rest of the warriors the moment he sat down next to Katara. He’d given Y/N and the others the speech hundreds of times effortlessly–and Y/N knew he had what he wanted to say memorized. But the moment he stepped out in front of the warriors he froze and it was like he hadn’t planned anything at all. 

All Y/N wanted to do was squeeze from between Aang and Toph and crawl over to Sokka and comfort him but it would have caused too much of a distraction. Instead, she fiddled with her hands in her lap until she heard her name. 

“–from the tower we’ll move towards the Royal Palace where Y/N will lead us through to the Fire Lord.”

Y/N lifted her head and squared her jaw. She expected to see angry or disgusted faces in the crowd but no one even gave her Fire Nation clothes a second look. 

\---

Hakoda finished his speech and the crowd began to disperse to ready themselves for the battle. Y/N tugged on Sokka’s arm before he could walk away, “Hey–oof,” 

Sokka wrapped Y/N in a bone crushing hug. “I messed up.” He mumbled into her shoulder. 

“Sokka, it’s okay. It doesn’t matter!”

“But it does! I’m supposed to be a leader!” Sokka pulled out of the hug and frowned. 

“You’re still our leader.” Y/N murmured as she slipped one of her hands into his. “You still made all of those plans for the invasion, whether you’re good at public speaking or not.” 

Sokka shook his head at her words. “I don’t know. I think I’m just going to take a walk.” Sokka dropped her hand and made his way back to the cliffs, leaving Y/N wondering if she had said the wrong thing. The last thing she wanted before heading off to invade the Fire Nation on a dangerous mission was to have Sokka angry with her. 

\---

They were about to leave and Sokka still wasn’t back from his walk yet. Aang had left to go find him while Y/N paced the deck of the boat. Y/N was staring out to the cliffs and just as she turned on her heel to head below deck she bumped into someone. Metal crashed onto the deck.

“Oh! I’m so sorry! Y/N bent down to pick up the pieces of armor that the man had dropped and handed them back to him. 

He raised one, patchy eyebrow at her. “You’re Y/N?” There was a sharp glint of humor in his eye and Y/N knew he wasn’t asking but confirming who she was. 

Y/N nodded. The mechanist dropped the armor she had just handed back to him into her arms. “This is for you.”

“What?” Y/N looked at the metal in her arms more closely. The craftsmanship was beautiful, but she didn’t  _ have  _ armor anymore. And she sure didn’t ask for any. 

“Along with the plans for Aang’s new glider, Toph’s armor and the sky bison’s armor, Sokka sent me plans for your armor.” The mechanist didn’t linger, Y/N blinked and he was already headed back below deck. 

Y/N blinked again because she wasn’t quite sure she had heard that right. Sokka had… asked the mechanist to make her armor? 

Y/N dropped the arm guards on the wooden deck and took a closer look at the chest piece. She ran her fingers over the slick metal. It was exactly like Fire Nation soldier armor. It had the same lines and curves to the shoulders but it was only black and gold. No red. 

As she slid it over her head and tied it closed at her ribs, Y/N nearly started crying. It was such a thoughtful gift and Y/N wished she knew how to repay Sokka for thinking of her. Downplaying his embarrassment over his speech was the worst thing she could have done after all he’d done for her. 

\---

When she saw Sokka again, he had his wolf helmet tucked under his arm. The deep blue of his Watertribe armor matched his eyes. 

“Thank you for the armor, Sokka.” Y/N leaned back against the railing of the ship and felt the spray of seawater on the backs of her arms. Sokka leaned his elbows on the railing next to her. 

He seemed happier than when she last saw him. The corners of his mouth raised in a smile and he blushed. “It was nothing.”

“No, it wasn’t nothing.”  _ It was everything. _ But Y/N didn’t exactly say that. Instead she held out her left arm. She tapped the black arm guard with her other hand. “I think this one could use some tightening.” Both of them could see it was perfectly fine, but Sokka appeased her, untying and retying the leather straps on not only that one, but her right arm as well. 

“No red though?” Y/N asked, almost as a last minute thought. 

The smile that was playing on Sokka’s lips faded and he pulled a serious face. “I didn’t want anyone to see you and accidentally take you for a Fire Nation soldier.”

Y/N was speechless. She wanted to say thank you again; to thank Sokka for always thinking ahead, for always  _ thinking of her _ . But that didn’t feel like it was enough. She wanted to say a million words to him but she couldn’t think of a single one.

\---

Luckily, she didn’t have to think about it too hard because at that moment, Hakoda spotted the gates. “Katara, you and the swamp benders whip up some fog to hide us.”

“The Great Gates of Azulon,” Sokka whispered. “I didn’t expect them to look like that.”

It was true, they weren’t really gates, just statues that held a hidden length of chain that could be raised and lowered. Even when the Fire Nation wanted to pretend that they were still a part of the rest of the world, they had a trick hidden up their sleeve to cut themselves off. As Katara’s fog rolled around the boats, shielding them, it also hid the statues from Y/N’s sight. Seeing the large effigy of Azulon in the distance had started to make her heart beat a little faster; they were that much closer to the Fire Nation Capital and she was glad that he was no longer visible.

As soon as the alarms sounded from the land and Y/N could hear the tell tale sound of jet skis on the water, racing towards them, Hakoda ordered everyone below deck. Y/N felt like she didn’t breath again until she crawled up through the hatch when they surfaced the submarines for air. They didn’t make her seasick like Toph, but the combination of being deep underwater as well as gearing up for the invasion made her chest feel like Appa was sitting on it. 

Y/N looked around all sides of them. They were surrounded by water like they were in the middle of the ocean but just on the edge of her vision in all directions she could see a line of black–cliffs that had created the bay. 

“We’re here,” Y/N breathed. 

“So this is it, huh?” Aang tapped the end of his staff nervously on the submarine underneath their feet. The five of them looked at each other with hopeful eyes. 

“Are you ready to show the Fire Nation that the Avatar is alive?” Sokka asked. 

Aang furrowed his brow with determination. “I’m ready.” He reached forward and grasped Sokka’s outstretched forearm, then immediately pulled him into a hug. The three girls joined in on the group hug. 

“You got this, Aang,” Y/N said squeezing the boy extra tight. 

“Kick some serious Fire Lord butt, Twinkletoes.” Toph snuggled herself deeper into the hug affectionately.

Hakoda’s voice broke them apart. “Listen up, everyone. The next time we surface we’ll be on the beaches. Stay alert and fight smart. Back in the subs, we’re moving out!”

Sokka and Toph went down the ladder into the submarine first, Y/N waited back to see if Katara was going to follow but then she remembered Aang was taking his glider to get to the palace and that meant Katara would have to ride Appa. 

As Y/N reached the bottom of the ladder Sokka grabbed her waist to help her down. “Was Katara still up there?”

“Yeah, her and Aang were talking. Why?” Y/N smoothed out her shirt where Sokka’s hands had bunched it up. 

“Go tell her to hurry it up. We’re about to dive down and she’ll be pissed if she gets dunked in the ocean.”

Y/N shrugged. “Okay.” Katara was a waterbender so it wouldn’t matter if she had gotten wet anyways, but Y/N climbed the ladder again and opened the hatch. She opened her mouth to yell Katara’s name only to slap a hand over it when she saw Aang surge forward and kiss Katara. He pulled back, opened his glider and soared away in the direction of the palace. 

Y/N waited a beat before she gasped. “ _ Katara! _ ” 

The younger girl whipped her head around, cheeks blazing. “Y/N?!” 

Y/N grinned. “Do  _ not _ think you’re going to get out of talking about this later just because we’re fighting in a war.”

“Stop it!” Katara shook her head and hopped on Appa as Y/N closed the hatch to the outside world and made her way back down the ladder. 

\---

Y/N stood next to Sokka, surrounded by the Water Tribe warriors waiting for them to hit land. Like usual when something big was going to happen, adrenaline coursed through Y/N’s body and she bounced on her toes to relieve some of her anxiety. For once, Sokka didn’t try to stop her extra movements. Y/N could feel them jerk to a stop and doors opened. The next thing she knew she was running at a full sprint with her group between two of their metal earthbender tanks.

The tanks were meant to take most of the hits from the firebenders but the guard towers were what Y/N was worried about. Suddenly she wished she had a helmet like Sokka to protect her head. 

Without trying, the group of warriors began splitting off in different directions, running at the nearest firebender to them. Y/N did the same, leaving Hakoda and Sokka somewhere behind her. It was a mess. Y/N felt like the firebenders she was battling were endless. She would knock one out and another would be in their place. 

Suddenly, someone grabbed her shoulder. Y/N swung her sword first, only for her to be blocked by Hakoda’s spear. He was sitting on a Fire Army rhino behind Sokka. 

“We have to destroy the battlements!” Hakoda yelled over the battle, just as another fireball hit one of their metal tanks and exploded it. He was right, Y/N realized. The towers were causing most of the damage. Without them, the invasion had a much better chance of turning the tides. Y/N reached out and Hakoda grabbed her forearm, pulling her onto the rhino behind him. 

\--

With the help of Appa and Katara, Sokka and Y/N managed to slice most of the tower's guns to pieces with their swords. There were only two left. Katara had Appa land between them and Hakoda pointed the brother and sister in the direction of one. 

“You two take that one. We got this one.” Hakoda nodded his head back to the one behind them. Hakoda and Y/N stealthily climbed the tower using the rocks that stuck out a bit too far as handholds. They both crept along the metal roof silently. Y/N tried not to look over the edge at the dizzying drop. Hakoda nodded at her, and mouthed, “One, two, three.”

On three, both of them grabbed the edge of the roof and swung in the window. 

Y/N kicked one of the firebenders in the chest as she swung in. She landed on him and for good measure smashed him in the head with the hilt of her sword. His head lolled to the side, clearly unconscious. Y/N stood up and was just about to turn around to see how Hakoda was faring when there was an explosion behind her. 

Y/N dropped to a crouch with a shriek and covered her ears, though it was no good. All she could hear was ringing. Y/N turned and peered through the smoke to see the other firebender lying on the ground; there was a fire raging in the corner where she must have firebent at Hakoda and hit some of their explosives. 

Hakoda was standing over her holding his side, his club dangling from limp fingers. He swayed on his feet and in a second Y/N was at his side ducking under his arm and taking some of his weight. “Come of Chief Hakoda. We need to get out of here!” Y/N didn’t know if she was shouting or speaking because she still couldn’t hear anything but ringing. 

The two of them stumbled down the stairs coughing through the smoke. Y/N could barely see through the tears of burning eyes as she kicked at the door until finally it opened. They only made it a few steps before Hakoda’s full weight fell on Y/N’s shoulders and she dropped to her knees and lowered him to the ground. 

Y/N shook his shoulder. “Chief Hakoda?!”

Katara and Sokka were immediately at her side. “Dad?!”

\---

There had never been any doubt in Y/N’s mind that Sokka was brave. He was smart and funny and sometimes a little silly, but he was so brave and Y/N was lucky to have met him. All that being said, Y/N was spellbound watching him take over leading the invasion force for his father. She knew he had it in him, but she never thought she would be lucky enough to see him do it. 

Sokka and Y/N crouched behind one of the metal tanks while the fight raged on around them. They’d taken a moment to go over the map and Sokka asked for her opinion. Y/N pointed out potential routes they could use to get to the Fire Palace on the map in front of them. 

“–but it doesn’t matter which way we go,” Y/N sighed. “All of them are going to be armed to the teeth with Firebenders.”

Sokka was about to reply when he looked up. “Dad!” 

Hakoda sat heavily with some help from Katara on a stray rock which must have gotten away from one of the earthbenders. Toph was right on their heels. “How’s it going, son?”

Sokka nodded to the map. “We’re trying to find the best way to get to the palace.” 

Y/N dragged the map over and set in front of Hakoda where he could see easier. The three of them peered at it together, looking for the best course of action. However, Y/N quickly realized that they were missing someone. 

Katara wasn’t looking at the map with the rest of them. She was looking to the sky. “Hey, what’s–”

“Is that Aang?” She pointed over Y/N’s left shoulder.

Y/N’s heart dropped to her stomach. “What?!” She and Sokka said simultaneously. 

Sure enough when Y/N turned around, Aang was landing behind them. And Y/N did  _ not _ like the expression he was wearing. 

Sokka evidently didn’t either and got right in Aang’s face. “Gods, please tell me that the Fire Lord was a wimp and just gave up.” He clasped his hands in a prayer. 

“He wasn’t there,” Aang growled. 

“What do you mean he wasn’t there?” Y/N asked. This  _ couldn’t _ be happening. Not now, not when they were  _ so close  _ to the end. 

Aang shook his head angrily. “The whole palace city was empty.”

“They knew,” Y/N seethed. She wanted nothing more than to pick up her sword and throw it as far as she could out of anger. She didn’t have to ask how the  _ Fire Lord  _ knew because, “–how did  _ she _ know?!” Y/N buried her face into her fisted hands. 

Aang, oblivious to Y/N’s breakdown, kept talking. “He’s probably hidden away on some island where he’ll be safe during the eclipse.” 

“No,” Y/N snapped. “He wouldn’t leave.”  An idea was forming in her head, even as she spoke. “I think you were just looking in the wrong place.” Y/N’s eyes glazed over his shoulder to stare at the mountain. “There are secret tunnels hidden all under the palace. Azula and I used to play in them. There’s sure to be a bunker down there where Ozai can hide.” Y/N left out the fact that she knew that Azula knew that  _ Y/N knew _ about these tunnels and would likely be waiting for her there. 

“If it’s secret underground tunnels we’re looking for, I’m your girl!” Toph exclaimed.

Katara was less enthusiastic. “If they know about our plans, you’d be walking into a trap,” she warned.

“It’s a risk worth taking, Katara. We all knew the risks when we signed up. I think you should do it, Aang.” Y/N said. This was the job. Y/N would risk everything for her friends and she wasn’t ready to give up yet. 

“Whatever you choose, I’m with you.” Sokka piped up beside Y/N. 

Aang was staring at the dirt, his brow furrowed. Suddenly, he looked up, his grey eyes filled with determination. “I’ve got to try.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments bring me great joy, as always


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula and Y/N just keep running back to each other. Talk about toxic, am I right?

Y/N jumped down from Appa’s back on to the rocky edge of the mountain. She grabbed Sokka’s hand and the two of them picked their way over to where Toph was checking out the ground. 

“There are natural tunnels running all over inside the mountain. We have to be in the right spot.” 

Y/N nodded once. “After you, Dirt Queen.”

Toph smiled with sharp teeth. “My pleasure.” It took only a flick of her wrist for the ground to crumble under her bending. She led them through the hole she made, directly into one of the tunnels. 

“What would we do without you, Toph!”

“Well you wouldn’t be here, that’s for sure.” She quipped back at Sokka. 

At first they were able to walk up-right through the tunnels, ducking here and there to avoid stalagtites, but the farther they went into the mountain, the lower the ceiling got; and the hotter the air. Eventually, all four of them were on their hands and knee crawling. 

“Toph, I’m not one to question you, but–” Y/N wiped an annoying drop of sweat tickling her forehead, “–I’m questioning you.” She looked uneasily at the lava over her shoulder. That was new in the last hundred feet. It dripped from the walls into pools on the ground next to them and below them. It was unsettlingly silent. 

“Well, don’t!” Toph shouted back from the front of their line. “We’re close, I can feel it.” 

Y/N groaned wearily. She was not a fan of tight spaces. In front of her, Y/N heard Sokka shout like a stuck pig as he narrowly avoided getting lava dripped on him. He turned to give Y/N an incredulous look. “ _ These  _ are the tunnels you played in as a kid?”

Y/N shook her head and felt her topknot brush the ceiling. She grimaced and ducked down, not wanting to even  _ think _ about what was living up there… “Not exactly like these.”

\---

Toph had been telling the truth, much to Y/N’s relief. Despite still being underground in tunnels that were hundreds of feet from the surface, running through them felt a whole hell of a lot better than crawling through them. She gulped in each and every breath like it was going to be her last. It smelled like wet dirt but that was more pleasant than singed skin. 

The only sound was the four of them; their feet pounding on the packed earth as they followed Toph. Y/N could see the clear prints of soldiers who had marched through these tunnels hours before. The halls were lined with sconces that lit the way to the Firelord’s safe haven. Y/N was curious though, for such a heavily guarded nation,  _ where _ were all the guards that should be lining the hallways? 

They hadn’t met another soul until they ran into the Fire Sage at a fork in the tunnels.

At least that was who Y/N assumed he was. 

He was bald with a long brown beard and nice robe; nicer clothes than he should be wearing in tunnels underneath the palace. His hands were hidden behind long, wide sleeves and they only peeked out when he held up his hands in defense. 

Y/N and Sokka had already drawn their swords, both of them pointed at his chest. The man backed against the wall and never took his eyes off of Y/N’s face. “He’s that way.” He pointed in the direction he had just come from. 

Y/N frowned at his clear recognition of her. She was sure she’d never seen him before. Y/N didn’t get to question it because Sokka was already pulling her after Aang and Toph. 

They’d only gone a few feet around the corner before Y/N yanked her arm out of his grip. “Wait! What if he’s lying?!” Y/N began backpedaling, dead-set on marching back and making sure that what he told them was the truth, no matter what. 

Sokka furrowed his eyebrows and gave her a confused look. “Why do you assume he’s lying?”

Y/N scoffed. “Of course I would assume he is! His job is to protect the Firelord no matter what! He wouldn’t give up his whereabouts just like that!”

Sokka pulled the timer that the Mechanist gave him from his pocket. “We don’t have time to discuss this!”

Y/N ground her teeth and relented. She didn’t like the idea of leaving someone that had seen them free to run and tell the nearest guards, but she knew that Sokka was right, they had to keep moving, no matter how angry it made her. 

\---

They arrived at a large metal door in no time. Y/N was panting through her mouth from running so much and her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest from the combination of anticipation and exertion. 

Toph cracked the door open as easily as ripping a piece of paper and the four of them climbed through the hole into the chamber. 

It was actually more like a cavern, one that might have been hundreds of years old where magma might have lived before it was overtaken by the Firelords and used for a bunker. Atop an ornate throne at the end of the room was Azula. She was lounging in it like a cat; like she had been waiting for them to show up. Like she had been waiting for Y/N.

Y/N barely even noticed that her three companions had stopped in their tracks at sight of Azula. She kept walking, letting the flat of her blade rest on her shoulder. “Where’s Ozai?”

Azula ignored her, instead choosing to look over Y/N’s shoulder to Aang. “I figured you’d still be alive. I’ve known about your little  _ invasion _ for months, if you’re wondering why I’m here.” Azula’s gold eyes slid to look at Y/N for the first time. “You would have too if you’d just waited a  _ little  _ bit longer to betray me.” Her words were sharp as a razor, but her voice was sweet as honey, immediately soothing the hurt. A paradigm that Y/N had been used to through her years with Azula. 

The reminder cut Y/N to her core like the wound of leaving was still fresh. She had never been able to control her emotions as well as Azula. She wrinkled her nose at her own guilt and clenched her jaw. “Where is he?!”

Azula stood suddenly. “What?  _ I’m _ not good enough for you?” She let out a bark of laughter and brushed her shoulders of invisible dirt.

Y/N opened her mouth to shoot off a quick reply only to find that her voice wasn’t working. 

Sokka’s however, was working just fine. “Stop wasting our time!” he shouted.

Azula smiled. “Oh come on, I’m having so much fun!”

“You don’t have any powers right now, Azula. Who says we can’t just  _ peel _ the information out of you.” Y/N let her sword tip from her shoulder to point at Azula. They were still feet from one another but she could see the girl swallow, though her facial expression didn’t change. 

“–And don’t think about lying either! I’ll know.” Toph added from behind Y/N.

Azula quirked one eyebrow at Y/N. “Are you sure? I’m  _ very _ good at it.” Azula winked at Y/N. Azula then began walking in a wide circle, Y/N mimicked her movements stepping to right and keeping Azula in front of her. She might not have her firebending but she was fast and had a wicked left hook. 

“Don’t you know the rules of an Agni Kai, Y/N? Even for a non-bender you’ve seen enough to know that you don’t bring friends to a duel.”

Y/N’s stomach flipped but she kept her composure. “I wasn’t aware you’d challenged me to a  _ firebending _ duel during an eclipse, Azula.”

“What else would you call a fight for your honor?” Azula’s voice was light. They’d reached halfway through their half-circle around each other. If Y/N looked to her left she could lock eyes with Sokka. Not that she was going to take her eyes off of Azula. “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You knew I’d be down here and yet you still came running.”

“We’re here for Ozai–”

“No, _ they’re _ here for my father.” Azula’s head tipped to the direction Y/N’s friends stood in. “ _ You’re _ here for me. If you win maybe you can come back. Things are just now getting  _ fun _ .” 

Y/N rushed Azula, but she didn’t even get a chance to get near her before someone dropped down between them. Y/N recognized the Dai Li uniform immediately and jumped back. 

Azula laughed at Y/N astonishment.“I brought friends too!  _ Loyal ones. _ ” 

Before Y/N could even breathe, the Dai Li agents bent an earth wall up and up and up and  _ right _ in between Y/N and her friends. She caught a glimpse of Sokka’s face before he was completely hidden from her, his eyes were widened with terror and she was sure that he yelled her name, but his voice was overtaken by her own scream. “ _ No!” _

Suddenly Y/N was very sure that there were things that she wished she had said to him before they had traveled in those rotten tunnels to the bunker. So many things. 

She was also very sure that she was about to be smashed to death by a pile of rocks.

She squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the impending pain but when she opened them, the Dai Li were completely ignoring her, building and rebuilding parts of the rock wall that Aang and Toph were tearing down to get to the side that Y/N was on. 

Y/N whipped her head around the cavern looking for the now missing Azula, just to catch her running down one of the many tunnels that exited the chamber. 

\---

Y/N took off after her. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do when she caught her; but she was _ going to _ catch her. Y/N was far behind her, just able to catch the tail end of her turning corners. It was on purpose, Y/N figured, Azula was running just fast enough to evade Y/N, but slow enough that she could follow her. She was taunting Y/N, and for what reason, she’d yet to figure out. 

Finally, Y/N caught up to her. Right where Azula wanted her to. She was perched on a big rock against the side of the tunnel and was smirking like she was the most clever Fire Princess ever to have lived. Y/N wanted to wipe that look right off her face. 

“You’re so different,” Azula said thoughtfully. Y/N wrinkled her nose, mad as a tiger-wasp, ready to spit back a retort before she processed the words that came out of Azula’s mouth. 

“W–what?” Y/N stuttered. 

“You’re softer.” Azula jumped down from the rock and stood in front of Y/N with her arms crossed. “Where’s the girl who would set the world on fire if I asked her to?”

Y/N didn’t know what to say. Her mouth took over what her mind couldn’t supply. “You’re wrong. I’m the same person. I just think for myself now. I’m not a mindless soldier. That’s why you think I’m different. You’ve never seen me so independent.”

“You didn’t look so independent to me. If you were, you wouldn’t have brought friends to protect you. You would have faced me on your own!”

Y/N’s mind bounced to Sokka who was probably still trapped on the other side of that wall. “Shut up, Azula.”

“Make me.”

Y/N threw her sword on the ground and surged forward. She shoved Azula hard in the chest like they were two kids on the playground. Azula, stumbled backwards and nearly lost her footing. She gave Y/N a wide grin. “I never would have imagined you would ever leave me. And look at you, you  _ need _ me. You’re so helpless, you’re  _ crying _ at the sight of me.”

Y/N scrubbed angrily at her cheeks, rubbing the tears into her skin. This was the last thing she wanted to do, stand here and cry in front of Azula. She was right, Y/N was weak, and it was Azula who always made her feel that way. 

“Why wouldn’t I leave?! You asked me to kill for you!” Y/N swung a fist at Azula, which she blocked with her arm and a grimace. She had never trained in hand to hand with Y/N at the palace and wasn’t much of a fighter, but Azula knew enough to defend herself. 

Azula’s eyes softened. “I never would have really made you kill her.”

“Shut up!” Y/N’s voice trembled. 

“Every leader has to test their followers. Even their most loyal. I  _ never _ would have made you go through with it.”

“Stop lying to me, Azula!”

“I’m not lying!” 

Y/N froze. Azula looked at Y/N so sincerely, she seemed like she was being genuine. But Y/N knew the mind games Azula liked to play and this was her favorite one. Lying and teasing you only to pull the rug out from under you moments later. And yet, Y/N wanted to ignore her self-warnings and believe every word that came out of her mouth.

Before coming here, back to the Fire Nation, Y/N had imagined an epic battle between the two of them–her and Azula–always to the end. One where they were finally on an equal playing field and Y/N could get back at Azula for all the things she’d said and done to Y/N but now, she’d lost all her courage to do so. Because now, all she could think of were all the good times; all of the good things that came out of their friendship. 

And Y/N felt like anything she said, anything she did, was only going to ruin what was already broken between them even more. As much as Y/N hated the idea of going back to what life was like before, that’s also  _ all _ she wanted. It was easier that way! She wouldn’t have to start over with anything–or anyone–new! They could go back and act like nothing had happened after the war and everything that had happened could have been avoided had Azula not been so conditioned to not outwardly show affection and love in the same way that Y/N did. But Y/N knew that wasn’t what she was really like deep down, she’d seen Azula in her most vulnerable states, late enough in the night that her façade faded like the sinking sun and she was  _ real _ with Y/N. 

Y/N knew Azula loved her, probably more than was healthy. And it was the same for Y/N. Azula just didn’t know what to do with it, which is why she lashed out so violently when she was confronted with it. They had relied on each other for companionship for so long, only having each other, that losing one another was one of the most painful things they could have gone through. 

“Why are you  _ trying _ to make me angry with you?” Y/N asked hopelessly. 

Azula shook her head. “Aren’t you already?” 

“...I don’t know anymore,” Y/N whispered. She didn’t. Things used to be black and white, but with Azula in front of her and the opportunity to actually do something, shades of grey faded in. 

“Yes you do,” Azula goaded. 

“I don’t! What I do know is that I should hate you for what you’ve turned into and I can’t.” Y/N took a deep, stabilizing breath. “I couldn’t figure out what made me feel so empty about coming back here until I  _ saw _ you.” Y/N finally realized why she felt so off when Aang told her that she would always have them; her friends, Toph, Sokka, Katara and Aang. Her new family. It didn’t feel right because it wasn’t ever going to be enough for Y/N. She would never be truly content with  _ herself _ if she didn’t try to bring home back  _ with _ her. 

“What?” Azula seemed shocked.

Y/N took a hesitant step in Azula’s direction, closing the distance between them. “You make me so sad, ‘zula. I hate seeing you so angry all the time. I hated it before and I hate it more now. I–I want to fix you and redeem you and make you see things the way I do, but I can’t because you’re still  _ you _ and you’ve  _ never _ had to learn to be anyone else.” Y/N sucked in a breath because her chest ached with the words she was saying. “I just want my friend back and I can’t understand why you’re trying so hard to make me hate  _ you _ !”

“I–” Azula’s hands were shaking at her sides. 

“You know what you’re doing is wrong. Ozai is  _ wrong– _ ” Y/N felt a cold tear drip down her neck and into the collar of her shirt. “–so come with me.”

The words shocked them both. Azula didn’t move; she didn’t speak. And Y/N was sure this was the first time ever that Azula had ever been rendered speechless.

But Y/N wasn’t able to stop there. She reached out to Azula and grabbed one of her hands hanging at her side. It was the first time ever Y/N had felt Azula’s fingers be so cold. “Come with me–with us and I can help you. I know you’re miserable but I can fix everything–”

Y/N didn’t have time to finish her thought, nor did she have time to actually think about the words she had said because she was jarred back to reality by Sokka calling for her. 

Y/N’s head snapped in the direction of his voice like she had been caught doing something bad and both her and Azula untangled their fingers. 

When she looked back to Azula, it was like a switch had flipped. Any softness that had been there before as she was looking at Y/N was long gone now, replaced with a cold stare. If Y/N hadn’t known better, it was almost as if the last few minutes hadn’t even existed between them. They had been in some alternate universe where they were finally able to be themselves together for the first time in a  _ long _ time and they had just been violently jerked out of it, back into the real world. 

“Finally,” Sokka sighed in relief. “We found you.” Sokka placed a hand on Y/N’s shoulder. Y/N could see the wrinkle between his eyebrows that he only got when he worried about something. Sokka shot a glare in Azula’s direction, which she returned. 

“Come on, we don’t have much time and she’s just baiting us. We need to find the Fire Lord,” Aang stated. 

Y/N edged around Sokka and grabbed her sword, which was still lying in the dirt, never once taking her eyes off of Azula. “Yeah, okay.”

The only indication that Azula was irritated by the sudden arrival of Y/N’s friends was an upward twitch of her eyebrow. She immediately slid back into her cool and collected exterior. “Going so soon, Y/N? We were just getting to the good part of our confessional. Don’t you want to know where your little warrior friend is?”

“What?” Y/N’s sword slid from her hand back into the dirt. It seemed like Azula had one more trick up her sleeve and Y/N was going to fall for it every time. 

Azula smiled, but it was a nervous looking grin, not taunting like she might have wanted. Y/N had the feeling like Azula was trying to compensate for something. As if she felt she needed to show off for Y/N’s sake. “She’s not really dead. But I’m sure you’re figured that out by now. You know, she is such a fighter; I knew that when she almost had you beat in the woods.” Azula twirled one of the front fringe pieces of her hair around her index finger. 

“Where is she?!” Y/N growled. She felt a hand brush her wrist. It was Aang, behind her, ready to pull her back at a moment’s notice.

Unfortunately, Toph didn’t have the same luck with stopping Sokka. In the blink of an eye Sokka had Azula shoved against the tunnel wall, his arm against her throat. They were so close their noses nearly touched. “Where’s Suki?!”

Memories of the day Y/N had met Suki flashed through her mind. Suki and her fighting in the woods, the moment when she felt like she had finally found someone who might understand her, only to have those hopes dashed when Suki found out who she really was. 

It didn’t matter at the time that they were enemies, because Y/N had already been changing long before that day. That free-falling feeling, the sweeping of her stomach that she had felt when Azula told her Suki was dead was back again. She could hear blood rushing in her ears as her vision tunneled. Suki  _ was _ alive, but she wasn’t free like Y/N had hoped. She still had been captured–by who–Y/N didn’t care to know. And in Y/N’s opinion, being in a Fire Nation prison was worse than death. 

Y/N’s voice broke the tense scene. “She’s not worth it, Sokka.” Y/N didn’t know if her words were meant to convince him or herself. She had just spent the last few minutes trying to appeal to the side of Azula that she knew was buried deep down, only to fail spectacularly. And yet, she knew– _ she knew– _ she had been so close to breaking her. She was so close to making her brainwashed friend see the light. 

A hand on his shoulder was enough to break him apart from Azula. She backed up quickly, as far as she could get in the small area. 

Y/N waited for her to quip something sarcastic about how she never was really in any danger from the ‘Water Tribe boy’, but she didn’t. Her eyes were zoned in on Y/N’s hand pressed against Sokka’s chest, holding him back from charging Azula again. 

A crash in the distance drew her attention and she sneered at Y/N. “Ooh! Looks like firebending is back on!” 

Azula kicked her left leg in a roundhouse kick at Y/N and Sokka, blue flames shooting out from her foot. Y/N shoved Sokka to the ground and landed on top of him, protecting him from any flame that might touch them. But it didn’t even have a chance, Aang jumped in, spinning his glider and blowing the flames out before they could reach Y/N and Sokka. 

Azula raised a hand to wave to Y/N. “Dad’s at the end of the hall. I’m sure he’d be happy to see you now.” 

And then she was gone.

Y/N sat up from her place on the ground. “I’m so sorry. I wasted all of our time by chasing her. I fell for her trap.”

“It’s not your fault, Y/N.” Toph reassured. “Azula had everything planned out. She knew we would be here.”

“Now that the eclipse is over, we have to go back and help everyone.” Sokka helped pull Y/N to her feet. “They’ll be overrun with Firebenders at any moment.”

They started off, back the way they came, but Y/N looked back to see that Aang wasn’t following. He looked at her hesitantly and shook his head. “I don’t know if I can just leave knowing I didn’t even try.”

Y/N nodded, understanding more than he even knew. She held out her hand to him, motioning that he should come with them. “You’ll have another chance, Aang. Today just wasn’t the day.”

Y/N breathed easier when he nodded and took her hand.  _ They would both have another day. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments fill me with so much joy. I love to read your reactions/feedback!!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not originally how the story was meant to go, but someone said "what if Y/N goes to a Fire Nation prison?" and I said "say less"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heed the new tags added for tw

Y/N huddled between Sokka and Katara as the Fire Nation army dropped bombs over where they hid. Aang and Toph had resurrected a small cliff jutting out of the mountainside to protect them, but even that was cracking under the pressure. 

When the bombing stopped, Katara crawled out first. She pointed out towards the water. “Why aren’t they turning around and attacking? They’re headed towards the beach.” 

Aang joined Katara, Sokka and Y/N at the edge of the path. The four of them watched as the airships seemingly retreated from them, headed in the completely opposite direction. 

“They’re going to destroy the submarines!” Aang shouted suddenly. 

As Y/N watched the Fire Nation balloons fly towards the beach, hurrying to destroy their only way out, the pit in her stomach grew larger. After the rest of the failures of today, Y/N wasn’t even surprised. 

“We’re trapped,” she muttered. 

“How are we going to get out of here now?” Sokka asked no one in particular. He was voicing the same question they all had. 

“We aren’t,” Hakoda said from just under the cliff. He leaned on Bato heavily, still holding his injured side. 

“Then we have to stand and fight,” Sokka furrowed his brow in determination. “We have Aang, we can still win.”

“With the Avatar we could still win, but on another day.” Hakoda, with effort, took his arm from around Bato and pulled himself to his full, brawny height. “You kids have to leave.”

_ Leave _ ? Y/N’s eyes widened at the thought. Was Hakoda possibly suggesting that they leave the rest of his fleet here to fend for themselves?

“What?!” Katara rushed forward to grab her father’s arms. “We can’t leave you behind. We’re not leaving anyone behind.” 

Hakoda bent down to look his daughter in the eyes. “You’re our only chance in the long run. You have to take Aang somewhere safe. You  _ have _ to keep hope alive.”

Katara looked away from her father, back to her friends. Y/N could see the tears flooding her eyes at the thought of leaving her father behind–losing him–once again. Y/N’s heart ached for Katara. It ached for Sokka too. He was about to take on so much responsibility. He was also about to shove the full brunt of the blame for the invasion plan not working onto his own shoulders; Y/N could already see the guilt wearing on him with the way he looked at his father.

“The adults will stay behind and surrender. We will be prisoners, but we’ll all survive this battle,” Bato said, his voice morose. 

Y/N felt a rush of urgency roll through her body. As much as she could see that Katara and Sokka didn’t like the idea, they weren’t speaking up against it. No one had an idea that was better. Except for maybe Y/N. She couldn’t let the rest of them stay behind like sitting turtle-ducks, waiting to be picked up and imprisoned. She had to do something.

“No way. I’m not going to let that happen.” Y/N’s voice rang through the troops. She didn’t stop there, not after stunning everyone into silence. She approached Hakoda and Katara stepped away to stand next to him. “I can get you out of here.”

\---

Sokka erupted. “You can’t stay behind! You’ll get thrown into prison. You can’t!” He grabbed her hand like he wanted to plead with her but Y/N was already twisting out of his grip. She didn’t need him to make this harder than it already was. 

“No! I can’t just leave knowing I could have _done_ something,” She shouted at Sokka. Y/N turned back to Hakoda. “I _know_ this island. There are forests and mountains and there are thousands of caves to hide in. I can take us there and then no one needs to get caught!” She stared into Hakoda’s eyes with each word she spoke. 

As much as she wished Hakoda would jump at the chance to save himself, he didn’t look convinced that it was worth risking Y/N’s freedom as well. He opened his mouth to speak, to no doubt turn Y/N’s offer down and send her on her way with her friends on Appa, with the adults left behind in the dust to suffer the consequences. 

But Y/N was faster. She spoke around the lump in her throat. “If you stay behind, you won’t live to see the end of this war. And I  _ know _ that too.” Her voice was low enough that only those around her could hear her words; Katara gasped at her bluntness. 

Even then, Y/N was surprised when Hakoda gave a curt nod to her, much to Sokka’s disapproval. He didn’t have time to give Y/N the lecture he so badly wanted to because just then, The Duke hollered, “They’re at the beaches!”

Y/N turned around to watch in horror as the Fire Nation airships dropped bombs onto the submarines that they had ridden in not 30 minutes ago. They were completely and utterly decimated with so much excessive firepower that Y/N could smell the burning from where they were. With their only escape officially cut off, a nervous murmuring broke out among the troops, and suddenly Y/N was extremely anxious for herself. 

How was she supposed to get a group as large as theirs around in the jungle  _ silently,  _ looking for a hiding place? What had she just gotten herself into?

\---

Their goodbyes were quick. They had to be. Katara hugged her first, squeezing her so tight that Y/N thought she would stop breathing. It was a welcome comfort. 

“I trust that you know what you’re doing.” Katara bit her lip. “As much as I hate the idea.” 

“This is our only chance,” Y/N replied. Because what else was she supposed to say? How could she comfort someone else and when she couldn’t even do that for herself.

Katara squeezed her arm. “I know.”

She left only to be quickly replaced by Toph who gave Y/N a very uncharacteristic hug. “You better come back soon. I can’t deal with all of Sokka’s whining while you’re gone.” 

It was meant to be lighthearted, something that would make Y/N giggle, but there was a seriousness to it as well. Did Sokka really rely on her company so much? They hadn’t been separated for more than a few hours since she had joined them. She didn’t want to think what a few days would do to either of them.

“You got it, Toph. Keep everyone safe for me, alright?”

The younger girl nodded and earthbent herself up to Appa’s saddle. 

\---

Aang was still staring off at the burning submarines when Y/N approached him from behind, laying a soft hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Everything is going to be okay. I told you, you’re going to have another chance at taking down the Firelord.”

Aang turned to look at her, his eyes were filled with tears. “Only because I have people sacrificing  _ everything _ for me.”

Y/N nodded. “Sometimes–” she sighed and chewed on her chapped lips. She didn’t need to give the boy a lecture on the hardships of war. He knew far too much of that already. “We know what we’re doing. We want to do this  _ for you _ . You’re the most important tile on the pai sho board, Aang.”

He shook his head like he didn’t believe her. “I’m taking everyone to the–”

“No.” Y/N broke in and looked away. “Don’t tell me where you’ll be. Just in case.”

Aang looked at her with sad, grey eyes, knowing exactly why she didn’t want to know the location of where he would be hiding out. He squeezed his eyes shut and hugged her before airbending himself to Appa. Y/N watched as he hid his head in a way so that he didn’t have to look at anyone that he was leaving behind; his shoulders shook with sobs. 

\---

When Sokka approached her, Y/N unstrapped her sword from her back and held it out to him.

“What are you doing? You might need this.” He said, surprised. His voice was thick with unshed tears. Y/N could tell he was trying to stay strong at the thought of leaving behind so many. His jaw was set and he couldn’t quite look at her directly. 

Y/N did the same, looking everywhere but Sokka’s eyes, after realizing that was the only thing that was going to stop her from crying in the moment. “I have my knife. Besides, this is assurance that I’ll come back to you. I wouldn’t let you keep it forever.” Y/N let out a watery laugh. 

She wrapped her arms around Sokka and hugged him like she’d never hugged anyone before. She felt so much more grounded when she was around him. She felt like she was finally accepted. It was so hard to let go of that feeling that she had been searching for her whole life. She wanted to remain there, bathed in warmth forever, but she knew she would have to let him go sooner than she wanted to.

“I’m sorry. I’ll see you later.” She whispered the words into his shoulder, because saying goodbye made it too real. 

A quick kiss to the lips and then Appa was gone, carrying her friends and disappearing in the smoke like they had never been there in the first place. Which is exactly what she wanted. 

Y/N allowed herself to take a shuddering breath in and out. She wiped at her tears with the back of her hands and turned to face the troop of warriors she was meant to lead to safety. 

“Let’s go.”

\---

They moved as quickly as they could for a group of 20-some-odd warriors and a young girl at their helm. 

In those early years, before she lived at the palace, she would explore her new home in the Fire Nation with her brothers; before Ren joined the army and before Haruki got mean. That meant she knew the terrain well enough to get them around, but keeping them hidden, well that was a whole other story. 

Everytime that Y/N heard a branch snap, her head would turn back expecting to see them overrun with Fire Nation soldiers, but it hadn’t happened. And the farther they got from the Royal Caldera City, the easier she began to breathe. That was until she heard shouting in the distance.

Their words weren’t discernible from where she was at, the wind was whipping too hard in the tops of the trees above her, but it was clear that they weren’t safe yet. She had the men pause and crouch down as she pressed a finger to her lips, signaling them to be quiet. It was a pointless motion, no one had said a word since they’d left the cliffs behind. 

“There’s some large caves about 100 yards ahead through the trees,” Y/N whispered to Hakoda. She clamped her lips together as she heard another yell, off in the trees. Much closer this time. 

“Why are you telling me?” Hakoda shook his head. 

“Because I’m going to go draw those soldiers away so you can take everyone there?” Y/N stood up and drew her knife. 

“That’s not a good idea, Y/N.” Hakoda warned.

Y/N wasn’t sure it was either, but she’d made it her duty to get these warriors to somewhere where they could hide. She made a promise to herself that she would do it. “I’m fast. I’ll meet you back there.”

Y/N took off before Hakoda could say anything else to her. 

\---

Y/N found the soldiers. She hid between a fork of trees watching them traipse around making far too much noise to be any good at tracking. It didn’t matter though, if they saw them they’d capture them. Y/N chewed on a nail as she thought of a plan to lure them in the opposite direction just to give Hakoda and Bato extra time to lead their group to somewhere safe. 

Y/N flinched as she heard the snap of a twig behind her. She ducked further down into the brush, hoping that the black of her armor and the setting sun would hide her. 

A hand clamped down on her shoulder and Y/N whipped around with her knife ready to embed it in the poor soldier who decided to mess with her.

She pulled back just in time to save Hakoda’s face from a fresh wound. 

She dragged him down next to her in the brush quickly to avoid being seen. “Why did you follow me?”

“Why didn’t you go with the other kids?” He retorted.

Y/N looked away ashamed. She didn’t know how to answer him. How was she supposed to admit that if she had left she would have felt like she was running away. Even though she didn’t think that of Sokka or Aang, she felt it about herself. She never would have been able to justify leaving people behind for her own sake. She deserved it. It was her punishment to stay behind and risk her life. Punishment for leaving Azula, punishment for even thinking like that still, punishment for asking Azula to come with her, punishment for getting Suki thrown in prison. Y/N couldn’t stop the sins she had committed from filling her brain and swirling around until her ears rang. 

“So what’s your plan?” Hakoda asked, interrupting her from her thoughts.

Y/N hadn’t gotten as far as already having a plan made but she wasn’t going to tell him that. “You shouldn’t have come. You’re still hurt.”

“I’m not going to leave you out here alone.”

“You should,” Y/N muttered. 

“Come on,” Hakoda bumped her elbow. “I’ll go around to the other side and we’ll split up and lure them off in that direction.” Hakoda nodded his head in the direction of Capital City. “Then, we’ll double back and head to the cave.”

Y/N nodded and waited for Hakoda to get in position, then she took off running, cutting directly through the group of Fire Nation soldiers in front of her. 

Y/N made as much noise as she possibly could as she ran away from the soldiers, snapping branches and kicking bushes to make sure they were following her. She could hear the pounding of their boots as they chased her through the thicket and distant yelling as they ordered her to stop. Y/N’s heart raced everytime she slipped in the mud or stumbled over roots, thinking that every second would be the one where she was caught. 

\---

What eventually caught her attention was the sound of silence in the forest. Well, as silent as a forest could get. Sure, she could still hear birds in the trees and the wind blowing, but the only sound of footsteps were her own. 

She spared a glance behind her and didn’t see anyone either and so Y/N began to slow to a jog. She was very suddenly aware that if no one was chasing  _ her _ anymore, the only other person there was to chase was Hakoda. 

But then Y/N ran into a wall.

Except that wall was a person in Fire Nation armor.

And he was grinning like he had just won the lottery. 

\---

Y/N pulled her knife but before she could take a stab at him, he grabbed and twisted her wrist, forcing her to drop it. She shrieked as her wrist popped; any more force and it would have broken. Y/N kicked the soldier in the shin and the man grunted, but never let go of her hand. She pulled and pulled against him, but he was easily twice her weight and it was no use. 

Y/N grabbed at his fingers and began pulling them off of her wrist. “Let go!!”

“Stop!” The soldier made a grab for her other hand and Y/N kicked out at him again, trying to keep him as far away as possible. “Stop kicking me!” He yelled.

“Then let go!!” Y/N growled as she grabbed his pinky finger and bent it backwards.

He did at that, yanking his hand away from Y/N’s fingers hastily. 

Someone grabbed her from behind and spun her around to face them. An orange flame danced much too close in her peripheral. Y/N froze in fear as a voice muttered, “If you keep that up, you’ll lose those fingers.” 

\---

Y/N didn’t have much to say after that. She allowed the two soldiers to tie her hands behind her back and lead her to a small clearing where the rest of the soldiers waited. Kneeling in the middle was Hakoda. 

He looked rough. There was a fresh bruise above his eye and there was fresh blood on his shirt; Y/N thought he might have reopened his previous wound on his side. 

Y/N was so embarrassed that she couldn’t even meet his eyes when she was shoved to the ground next to him. Instead, she focused on what was being said around them. Behind her, she could hear the soldier’s whispering about them. They knew who Hakoda was; that one was apparently pretty obvious with his Water Tribe armor, but her, she was an anomaly to them. 

“It doesn’t matter,” one of the soldiers who had captured her said. “They’re both going to the same place. The commander is going to want to talk to anyone who was possibly involved in the invasion. Then he’ll send them off.” 

Y/N wasn’t sure if she recognized the compound or not. She’d visited so many when her father was first moved to the Capital City and all of them looked the same. Large stone walls, look-out towers where guards were stationed, gates with metal bars as thick as Y/N’s arms at every entrance and exit. 

The sun was gone and it was pitch black, save for the lanterns lit around the grounds. The cool air had settled and Y/N shivered as her metal armor did nothing to keep her warm. Her hands were still tied behind her back so she couldn’t even wrap her arms around her torso to provide some windbreak. But then again, she also could have been shivering at the anticipation of what was going to come next. 

\---

They were met outside a set of large doors by someone who was high ranking; Y/N could tell by the way the soldier at her side stiffened up at his arrival. He stood just outside of the lamp light and Y/N’s eyes strained to get a look at him. 

“Sir, we found these two running through the woods near where the invasion force was sighted.”

“And the others?” his voice was gravelly and familiar. Y/N held her breath awaiting the answer.

The soldier shook his head shamefully. “No sign of them.”

Y/N was able to relax for a second.  _ Okay, the rest of them were still safely hidden _ .

The man took that moment to step out of the shadows and Y/N gasped. She  _ knew _ him, and he knew her by the smile on his face. She flashed back to stuffy dinners at her house where they entertained army officers almost weekly. This was one of her father’s best friends, and if this man was here,  _ he  _ would be too.

“No matter.” He unfolded his hands from behind his back and grabbed Y/N’s chin gruffly. “Look who we caught.”

Y/N jerked her head out of his hand and glared. He pretended to not be perturbed and motioned for the other soldiers to take Hakoda away. 

Y/N freaked out. She thrashed around and did everything in her power to block the soldiers from even touching him. 

“You can’t take him!” she screamed. “Leave him alone! He wasn’t a part of this!”

It took two of them to hold her back.

“Y/N,” Hakoda said. His voice made her grow quiet, her legs felt like jelly underneath her. The look he gave her was grave and it made her heart thud with uncontrollable worry. “It’s okay. Don’t—“

They were already pulling him in the opposite direction they were taking her.

“I know!” She yelled back. He _ had _ to know that she would follow his instructions, he had to know that she would do everything in her power to keep quiet. She wasn’t going to turn on them at the first sign of trouble. Never. 

She chanted the words in her head like a psalm: Don’t say anything about Aang. Don’t say anything about the invasion. Don’t say anything.  _ Don’t say anything. _

\---

Y/N was led gruffly through one set of doors and then another and shoved onto her knees in an office. She was left alone, which wasn’t at all surprising. She was about to get interrogated by the only man she’d never been able to fool. And he wouldn’t want anyone around to witness his disgrace of seeing his own daughter being the enemy.

The door behind her was opened so forcefully it nearly fell off the hinges and Y/N flinched. He took no time walking around her and leaning on the front edge of the desk in the corner. 

Y/N couldn’t see him though, she’d only heard the stomp of his boots on the floor. She had turned her face into her shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut, waiting with bated breath for the yelling.

She could feel his eyes travel over her short hair, her black armor, the red clothes that she still wore; as if she couldn’t choose between familiarity or blatant treason.

With a stroke of bravery that came from within, Y/N took a deep breath and faced him. “Hi Dad.”

\---

Y/N was sure flames were going to leap out of his eyes. He was dressed in all his Fire Nation armor as if he had just stepped onto the base from his ship. Y/N used to think it made him look important and regal, the high points on the shoulders of his chest piece and the arm guards that had had the Fire Nation symbol up the sides in gold. All of that coupled with his build and height made him an intimidating man. Y/N wanted to be like him for so long; now it just looked like he was compensating for his own inadequacies. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Her father’s voice shook with anger. Each word he said was clipped like a punch to the gut. 

“I’m saving the world.”

He scoffed. “You’ve always thought that you were more important than you ever were.” 

“I’m finally doing something for myself.” For some reason Y/N felt like she needed her father to see the reasoning behind her actions, as if he could understand them, he would be more sympathetic. But he’d never been sympathetic towards her. 

“This is the opposite of for yourself!! You’re working against us! Against your family! You’ve betrayed us all, worst of all, you’ve  _ betrayed  _ me.” Y/N’s father began to pace in front of her. 

“It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve ever disappointed you,” Y/N muttered. 

“I always knew there was something wrong with you. I thought when you became friends with the Fire Princess, you’d finally found a purpose, but you’ve always been weak-minded. You’re so easily swayed one way or another by the words of others.” 

“No one said a word to sway me in  _ any _ direction! I made this choice for myself!” Y/N shouted defensively.

“It’s why you can’t firebend.” He continued, not listening to a word that came out of her mouth. “You’ve never been strong enough, you don’t have an inner fire.” 

Y/N sighed as the same song and dance of her childhood circled around her. Her father had always believed that the only reason she was a non-bender was because she simply wasn’t powerful enough to produce flames, not that it was possible she just wasn’t a bender. 

“Why does the conversation always lead back to–”

“Silence!” Y/N’s cheek stung as the back of his hand collided with it. 

Her father stood in front of her and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You always make me so mad, Y/N.” he said, almost sadly. “I tried to take care of this weeks ago, the second I learned of your rebellion–”

“What?” Y/N whimpered, she looked up at him through wet eyelashes. “What do you mean take care of this? Did–did you send those men after me? To kill me?!”

“You think I wanted to?! You’re a traitor, you turned your back on your nation. You’ve embarrassed me enough. What are they going to think of a commander who’s 15 year old daughter attempted to stage a coup with the  _ Avatar _ and the Water Tribe savages?” 

Y/N felt lightheaded. She wasn’t even listening to her father anymore. Azula didn’t try and kill her, her own father did. She had blamed Azula for so many things and this was one thing that she was completely innocent of. 

Finally he turned his back on Y/N. The action was terminal and unwavering. “No one can know you were involved. It will ruin my reputation and I’ll be damned if you do anything more to tarnish the family name.”

Y/N dropped her chin to her chest and let her tears flow freely, now that this eyes were off of her. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever think that her father would do anything as drastic as this. She wouldn’t expect forgiveness from him, that just wasn’t his way, but he was still her father. 

What would he have done if Kaito had been successful in his attempt on her life? How could her father have gone home to Y/N’s mother and acted like he didn’t have a part in her death? Would it roll off like water on a turtle-duck’s back, or would he have regrets? 

The worst part was the waves of disappointment that rolled through Y/N’s body. She wrestled with anger and embarrassment for her part in it all. She fought her whole life to gain the approval of the man standing in front of her and with one fell swoop she had knocked down everything she had already built up as if it was nothing, not the blood, sweat and tears she had put into it for so long.

Nothing could ever remedy the choices she had made in her father’s mind. Once he put his mind to something, he wasn’t one to change it. And while Y/N still stood by them for being the  _ right _ decisions, she couldn’t help but think of the possibilities that they could be, had everything been different. The outcomes were endless, but one thing was always certain; her father couldn’t have ever really loved her if he was so easily able to dispose of her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, kudos and comments give me life


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> long one, settle in. this is Y/N's take on the Boiling Rock

Y/N had heard all about The Boiling Rock. 

It was the most notorious prison in the Fire Nation which meant kids at school had endless stories and rumors about the place. That also meant that any knowledge that Y/N could remember about the place was probably not true. 

She spent the whole balloon ride there chewing on the skin around her nails and wondering what was going to happen once she got there. 

Y/N tried not to think about the harsh words her father had said to her. It had been the same rhetoric he had spouted over the years, before and after bad training sessions, or any time she got into any type of trouble. It didn’t matter that it was the same thing she’d hear time and time again–about how she lacked the strength and determination that all of her ancestors had carried high on their shoulders–it all still hurt. Each and every time she heard it, she started to believe it a little more. The games her father liked to play on her mind were always bound to catch up to her. Even though she had just learned that her father would rather see her dead than alive on the other side of the war, she was still feeling guilty for disappointing him again. 

Y/N took a deep breath through her nose filling her lungs with the hot air from inside the airship. She held for a pause and let it out slowly; she kept doing that, staving off the tears that were bound to come. It would be better for her if she didn’t cry in front of her fellow prisoners. She would only need to keep her cool for a little bit longer, tonight, when she was alone in the cell she would get to call home, she could muffle her cries into the lumpy pillow that was bound to be under her head. And then she could be happily numb to it all. Her father, the war, her friends. Sokka. Feelings couldn’t be felt at Boiling Rock. The only way she was going to survive was if she felt nothing at all. 

Y/N spent the day as they travelled looking around the airship at the rest of the prisoners on board. They were all in separate cells and she was only able to visualize a few of them. Large men with lots of tattoos seemed to be the main character, but one thing was certain. Hakoda wasn’t one of them. Y/N didn’t want to think about why he was left behind.

The farther they traveled the warmer it got too. The metal that surrounded them was unforgiving and trapped the humidity making it hard to breathe. Y/N wanted to drop to her knees and thank the gods when she finally felt the airship touch the ground. Except that outside it was just as hot as inside and smelled like sulfur from the volcano the prison was situated on. 

Each and every prisoner was handcuffed before they stepped off the airship. The guard that had waved fire in her face and threatened to burn Y/N’s fingers off latched hers. He was young and smirked at her as he tightened the cuffs to the point that her hands went numb. Y/N leaned forward and spit on his boots before she stepped away.

She was shuffled onto one of the gondolas with the rest of the prisoners in a single file line. Y/N did her best to school her expression. Terror spread through her body like a wildfire, so strong that her knees shook, but this was the last place she needed to look scared. She tightened her jaw and stared blankly ahead of her. Staying blissfully numb wasn’t working quite yet. She began to think about her friends; where they were and how they were doing. Was Aang still worried about firebending? Or had his worries shifted to the comet by now? Was Katara trying to mediate the situation? Was Sokka mad at Y/N? She groaned inwardly. Oh man, he  _ would be  _ mad when he found out what she got herself into. 

\---

Y/N picked at the collar of the shirt they’d made her change into. It was thick, almost burlap material. They even smelled like it too. It itched her neck and her back where it touched her skin just a little too much. The pants were no better on her waist. After making her change in front of them, the female guards had let her into the yard that Y/N had seen from the gondola. Y/N kicked her shoe against the packed dirt and looked at her surroundings. High walls surrounded her, topped with razor-sharp wire. It was a meaningless deterrent, the whole prison was surrounded by a boiling lake, no one could get out of here. 

Y/N leaned against the wall as she surveyed the prisoners around her. 

Then, Y/N did a double take.

It was impossible. It couldn’t be.  _ Suki? _

Y/N felt her feet fly under her as she ran to the girl; she paid no mind to the people she bumped into or pushed out of the way, Y/N just had to know if it was true. 

“Suki? Is that you?”

She looked so different from the last time Y/N had seen her. Her face was free of the pale Kyoshi makeup and much tanner than Y/N had remembered.  _ How long had it been since they’d met? _ Y/N asked herself. Weeks? Months even? 

She was sitting on a bench in the middle of the yard, leaning back on her hands, but quickly stood up when Y/N approached her. Y/N was sure the girls hair was longer too. Half of it was pulled up and tied at the back of her head. It was choppy at the ends, much like Y/N’s was when Katara had first cut it, like she had been cutting it herself since being here. Suki’s brown eyes were expressionless when she looked back at Y/N. If she recognized Y/N, she didn’t show it. Either Suki had mastered the look of emptiness that was needed to survive, or she had fallen into a pit of despair. It had been months, Y/N concluded.

Suddenly, as if she had been struck by lightning, she cocked her head to the side. “Y/N?”

Y/N grinned and walked directly up to Suki. She didn’t know what she expected from the girl. A bow? A handshake? Maybe even a hug for having slipped her that fan before leaving? I mean, Y/N didn’t exactly know about Azula’s plan in the first place and she surely didn’t realize that even after trying to help them escape Azula would have the Kyoshi warriors captured and imprisoned. Suki would understand.

Suki did not understand. 

She wound her arm back and punched Y/N so hard in the mouth that she saw stars. 

Y/N crouched on the ground holding a hand against her throbbing bottom lip. Her eyes watered from the pain and when she pulled her hand away it was spotted with blood. More blood from her cut lip dripped onto the ground and balled up in the dirt. Y/N spit what was in her mouth out to the side. She ran her tongue against the cut her tooth made, lapping up any blood before it could run down her chin. She could hear the ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ of the other prisoners around them; they had formed a tight circle around her and Suki, itching to watch the cat fight they knew was bound to ensue and protecting them from the prying eyes of any guards near.

Y/N stood up and faced Suki. “That hurt.” Was all Y/N could think of to say. 

Surprisingly, she wasn’t even mad. Somehow it made her feel good. Suki was still there. She wasn’t as empty as Y/N thought her to be from first glance. Something about the presence of Y/N reawakened something in Suki. Y/N could see fire in her eyes as she held up her hands, preparing for a defense she wasn’t going to need. 

“Good,” Suki smiled. 

“Now what?” Y/N asked. She brushed her thumb past the cut and licked the blood off it. 

“Now, we’re even.” 

\---

\--- a few weeks later

Sokka peeked around the corner of the wall. “I still don’t see her.”

“Well, she’s gotta be around here somewhere.”

“What if she’s  _ not _ here, Zuko. What if you heard wrong from Azula?” Sokka’s hands were sweaty and it wasn’t because of the heat. 

“She’s here.” Zuko’s words didn’t necessarily comfort Sokka’s pounding heart, but it was nice to be able to rely on someone else’s confidence for once. 

Sokka looked from side to side, scanning each and every prisoner. It shouldn’t have been so hard, most of them were huge guys with beefy arms, he was looking for the only teenage girl within miles. He was just about to suggest to Zuko that they find somewhere else to continue their search–maybe somewhere higher where they could look down–when he spotted her. 

“There!” Sokka pointed at her for Zuko. Her arms were resting on her thighs and she was staring at the ground between her feet. “I’ll go pull her aside and tell her what’s going on.” Sokka stood up from their hiding place only to be immediately pulled back down by Zuko. 

“Hey, what are you–” he started.

“Sokka,  _ look.  _ That girl, next to Suki. Is that–?” Zuko trailed off with wide eyes, his hand never leaving Sokka’s biceps as he stared. 

Sokka looked back to Suki and–

Sokka couldn’t stop staring either. That was Y/N. His Y/N. Here. At Boiling Rock. Standing right there in front of him. 

The last image he had of her was burned into his mind. Her standing on the cliffside with his father and half his tribe behind her as she watched him go. He’d hung over the back of Appa’s saddle until they were miles away and it had been hours since he’d seen her. 

And now she was here with her hand on her hip, looking–surveying the yard around her. Suki was doing the same from her seat next to her. As Y/N turned more his way he could see a bruise high on her cheek and split lip even from how far away he was. She was practically looking directly at him but there was no recognition on her face. Of course there wouldn’t be. He was wearing a guards helmet. He was dressed like one more of her enemies. 

Suddenly her face broke into a smile as she began to laugh at something Suki had said. Sokka could feel his heart skip three beats. He wanted to run to her, but he knew he couldn’t. Everything in their original plan had changed now. If she was here, was his father here too?

\---

Y/N lay curled up her side on her cot. Even though it was the middle of the day she was trying to fit a nap in. Hell, there wasn’t anything else to do. The darkness of her cell helped but trying to fall asleep was always half the battle, day or night. She was exhausted, never getting more than a few hours a night, but even then sleep evaded her. The mattress was too lumpy and the clothes were too itchy and the cell was too hot but the worst part was that she was alone. She hadn’t slept alone in months, and it showed now. She used to think that Appa’s snoring was annoying and that Katara talking in her sleep was distracting but now, Y/N missed it. She missed the crackle of the fire and the soft breathing of all her friends around her. She missed the wind in the trees, rustling the leaves and the gurgle of creeks nearby. Most of all, she missed the comfort of her friends being near. The secure feeling of being able to sit up after waking from a nightmare and count the sleeping bodies around you and know that you were safe because they would never let anything happen to you. 

Thinking about being near them again allowed her to drift off into a doze. She was in that state of half sleep when she heard the click of metal as her door was opened. Y/N’s eyes snapped open, but she didn’t move. Whoever was in her cell with her was trying to be quiet. Y/N waited until they got close enough to surprise them. 

She sat up quickly and turned on them. “What are you doing in here?”

The guard jumped back like they didn’t expect her to wake up. “I–”

“What are you  _ doing _ ?” Y/N stood up and took a step towards them. 

The guard held up their hands defensively. “Wait, Y/N it’s me!”

Y/N gasped when she heard his voice. It was unmistakable, she didn’t need to watch as he lifted his helmet off because she was already barreling forward to pull him into a hug. 

“Zuko, what are you doing here?” Y/N asked, her nose pressed into his chest. She hadn’t hugged her friend in a long,  _ long _ time. After everything they had been through, she didn’t know if she ever would again. Despite everything that had gone down between the two of them in the last few months, it was a relief to see a friendly face. Even if the last time she saw him he was throwing fire at her. “How did you know I was here?”

“We didn’t–”

Y/N pulled away as her eyes widened. “We? Is Azula here?” Y/N could feel her heart beat a little faster. Of course Azula would be there too. Probably the second they heard of her capture they came to rescue her. Even after all of it, Y/N still meant that much to them, right? Azula and Y/N might not have parted on the best of terms but even she was smart enough to know that Boiling Rock wasn’t where Y/N belonged. Zuko standing in her cell was proof enough of that. 

It might have been child-like wishful thinking, but maybe Azula had rethought Y/N offer to come with her. Maybe both her and Zuko had changed their minds...

Zuko shook his head slowly, then began to chuckle. “I guess it’s been a long time since we talked.”

_ Azula wasn’t there to save her. _ Y/N hated that she deflated with disappointment. Y/N was silent which Zuko took as his cue to explain. 

“I left the Fire Nation—“

Y/N’s jaw dropped. 

“—the day of the Black Sun. And I–well, I joined up with your friends. I’m the Avatar’s new firebending teacher.” Zuko scratched the back of his neck and laughed uncomfortably. 

Y/N shook her head to clear it. Her thoughts were whirling inside her brain. No Azula but–“Wait, so does that mean Sokka is here? Toph? Where are they?” Y/N grabbed hastily at Zuko’s sleeves.

“Sokka is getting Suki.”

“Suki?” For a brief moment, Y/N forgot that her friend was even in the cell down the hall. 

“Well, yeah we decided that it wouldn’t be the best  _ I _ went in there.”

“Wait… so if you didn’t even know I was here until you got here, were you coming to get her?” Y/N couldn’t help that jealousy crawled up her throat and forced its way into her words at the thought that somewhere very near her, Sokka was meeting up with Suki and not  _ her. _

“Why do I feel like I said the wrong thing?” 

“No!” Y/N said defensively. “No, just..” Now it was Y/N’s turn to laugh awkwardly. “What’s the plan?” 

“I’ll let Sokka tell you that, he’s the plan guy. Come on, we’ll meet at Suki’s cell.” It was almost like Zuko was trying to reassure her. Sokka was here. Not just here at Boiling Rock–but near her–just walls away. Y/N wanted to feel embarrassed at the way her heart sped up, embarrassed at how much she had missed Sokka and how much she had realized that she relied on him for so much since they had met. Y/N wasn’t supposed to rely on anyone. 

Zuko opened Y/N’s cell door, motioning for her to go out ahead of him. Out of an abundance of precaution, Y/N glanced to the left and then to the right first, looking for any sign of a real guard outside making rounds. When there was none, she stepped out, and felt a weight lift off her chest. Y/N wondered if this was all really happening or if it was some cruel dream she would wake up from. 

However, that was a mistake on her part–to hope for something that hadn’t happened in the first place. She should have waited until she was miles away to let out that breath she had been holding since she arrived. 

Stepping from around the corner was the female guard that was always assigned to this cell block. Y/N forced her feet to keep moving forward and hastened to remind herself that to an outsider, neither her or Zuko had done anything wrong; yet. Y/N nudged him in the ribs and hoped that he would take the hint. Luckily, Zuko was on the same page and grabbed her bicep roughly, like he was escorting an unruly prisoner.

Y/N turned her head slightly to the side, letting her hair fall across her face, hiding her identity. This guard in particular was not the biggest fan of hers, always saying Y/N was too mouthy and threatening to send her to the cooler every chance she got. Even if Y/N had been led out of her cell for a legitimate reason, she still probably would have stopped them. 

The guard was easily two steps away and had barely made a glance in Y/N’s and Zuko’s direction. At first Y/N thought they were home free. That is until the female guard slid in front of Zuko, blocking their path. “Where are you taking her?”

Y/N’s head snapped up and she felt instant regret as the guard realized who Zuko was escorting. Beside her, Y/N could feel Zuko tense up, his hand tightening around her arm unconsciously. “I was uh, taking this prisoner to the yard,” Zuko stuttered out. 

Y/N wanted to facepalm. 

The guard frowned deeply. “This cell block has already been to the yard this morning. You should know that.”

Zuko’s hand was now a vice on Y/N’s arm, begging her to help him. He chuckled awkwardly. “Oh. Yeah, I’m–um–new?”

“I was unaware that we had anyone new working on this block…” The guard’s eyes widened underneath her mask and Y/N knew it was now or never. 

“Oh, for god’s sake,” Y/N growled. She ripped her arm out of Zuko’s grip and pushed the other woman down to the ground, holding her forearm to her neck. “Run!” She shouted to Zuko. 

Zuko took off immediately, his boots slapping against the metal floors. Y/N tried to watch him go while holding the guard down but she caught a knee to the stomach that made her wheeze and the woman tore into Y/N’s arm with her nails. “What are you doing?!” She screeched at Y/N.

The two of them rolled around on the ground, fighting for an advantage. Y/N grasped the guard’s long ponytail hauling her back and gripped her in a headlock. 

Zuko was nearly to the stairs, as soon as she could no longer see him, Y/N would let go and accept whatever punishment that would be thrown at her for attacking a guard, even if it meant going to the cooler. She could take it.

Just at that moment another guard came racing up the steps, apparently having heard the ruckus that Y/N had started. Except it wasn’t just another guard. It was Sokka. His helmet was hanging loosely from his hand, and it nearly slipped out of his grip when he saw the scene before him. 

Y/N and Sokka locked eyes for a beat and all of the air rushed out of her lungs as she gasped. 

It took just that moment of distraction for the female guard to gain the upperhand. She leaned forward and using Y/N’s arm, pulled her over her shoulder. Y/N landed hard on her back with a groan. She let the guard push her onto her stomach and kneel on her back as she yanked Y/N’s arms behind her. 

“Get him! He’s an imposter!” the guard shouted to Sokka. 

Y/N couldn’t see–her face was pressed into the cool metal floor, but she could hear the two boys scuffle before Sokka’s voice rang out, “Don’t worry, he won’t get away with this.”

The woman leaned close to Y/N’s ear. Her breath was hot and it made Y/N shudder. “Yeah, and neither will you.”

Y/N wasn’t focused on that right now. Not the interrogation or the punishment for whatever they thought her and Zuko were planning on doing. No, the only thing she focused on was Sokka’s words echoing over and over in her head.  _ Don’t worry, don’t worry.  _

She would never worry as long as Sokka was around to save her. 

\---

Y/N leaned her back against the wall of the cell they’d thrown her in. It was in a completely different part of the prison, one she had never seen before. So that couldn’t be good. 

The door slid open with a bang and Y/N couldn’t help but flinch at the sound. The warden smiled cruelly at her. “How did Prince Zuko know you were here?” He asked, right to the point. 

Y/N scoffed and crossed her arms. “Who?”

The warden chuckled darkly. “I know of your connection to the Fire Palace. You might pass anonymously through the crowds of criminals here, but your father sent a warning letter when you arrived, laying out everything you’ve done and everything I should be worried about when it comes to his  _ precious little rebel _ .” 

Y/N raised her eyebrows but otherwise didn’t make a sound. The warden paced in front of her like her father had so many weeks before, taunting her with hurtful words. Y/N let her eyes slide out of focus as they tracked his movements across the room. 

“How did you get a message out of Boiling Rock to him?” He paused, standing in front of the open door. Y/N cocked her head and looked to the small opening between his body in the door. She couldn’t help the thoughts that intruded her mind about how small in stature the warden was and how fast she could run. There was a slight opening that she could take to run, given the chance, but there were guards posted outside and she’d be caught quickly and easily. 

Y/N shrugged noncommittally. It was no use trying to argue against him, he wouldn’t believe anything she had to say. And she and Zuko had literally been caught doing exactly what they had been accused of. “Maybe I’m just that good.”

Besides anything she  _ did _ say could risk Sokka’s disguise. 

“Normally for a stunt like you just pulled, I’d lock you in the cooler for a week. I’d like to see how a non-bender would fare in there for that long.” A smile stretched over his wide lips. “ _ But _ it might be more entertaining to just leave you to the masses. Everyone here might be a criminal, Y/N, but they are still mostly loyal to their country. And they don’t like people like you or Prince Zuko. It would be a shame for them to find out you were traitors to the Fire Nation.”

“Are you threatening to tell them?” Y/N couldn’t help but ask.

The warden mimed the same disinterested shrug she gave him earlier. “I won’t say anything. They’d have my job for that. But I can’t guarantee someone else won’t have a slip of the tongue in the future.”

The warden turned around and walked out, leaving Y/N with a feeling of urgency. She still didn’t know what Sokka’s plan was, but it was now or never for her and Zuko. Otherwise she had a feeling they could be in real danger. 

\---

It was hours before the guards let her out of that cell. She was led back to her cell block and told to do her chores like she had never been taken to be interrogated by the warden in the first place. Y/N spotted Zuko in Y/N’s usual spot next to Suki, mopping the floor by the staircase. 

Y/N took the steps two at a time to get down to the both of them. She slid into the shadows, hiding from any guards who might see her not doing her job. 

“Y/N!” Suki’s eyebrows knitted with worry. “I heard what happened. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, the warden was just trying to scare me. Zuko, are you okay?”

He paused his mopping. “What did he say to you?”

Y/N shook her head. “Just some things about how we were working together. He was wondering how I got you to help me escape. He said that it would–” Y/N deepened her voice to mimic the warden, “ _ be a shame if the other prisoners found out who we were.” _

Zuko frowned. “He said that to me too.”

“That’s not good. We have to get out of here as soon as possible,” Suki said. 

“And we will.”

Y/N looked up to see Sokka hanging over the stair railing looking down at the three of them. 

“Sokka,” Y/N breathed in relief. As he came down the stairs to meet them, the only thing Y/N wanted to do was run and jump into his arms, but she knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t risk  _ anyone _ seeing them. After what had happened with her and Zuko earlier, the guards were sure to keep a close eye on her. She settled for reaching a hand out and squeezing his tightly, trying to convey every emotion she was feeling into that single touch. 

Suki sent Y/N a pitying look. She knew how much Y/N had missed being back with her friends. Prison wasn’t good for a lot of things, but it was good for catching up between two people. And slowly through that, her and Suki had become friends, even if it was a bit unwilling at first. Suki and her had spent the first two days of Y/N arriving just recounting what had happened between the two of them. Y/N learned of the early days of Aang, Katara and Sokka’s travels, the first time they met Suki, even Suki teaching Sokka how to fight like a Kyoshi warrior.  _ “He was so hopeless,”  _ Suki had giggled.  _ “It was like teaching a platypus-bear how to dance.” _ And Y/N had laughed.  _ “He was the same when I first taught him how to sword fight!” _

_ “I thought he had a little bit of a crush on me, you see,” _ Suki smiled slyly,  _ “but when we met the second time in Ba Sing Se, I was sure he didn’t. He was different. More protective, but not in a love-type way. Like he was afraid for me, or what might happen to me.”  _

_ “I don’t know why he’d ever be afraid of that. You’re tough as nails, Suki.” _ At that point, Suki had flipped her hair over her shoulder and grinned.  _ “I know.” _ but then her voice lowered. _ “I don’t know, but I think something happened to him when he was in the North Pole. He didn’t elaborate, but he told me that he lost someone he was close to, and he just couldn’t have it happen again. That’s why he pushed me away. Well,”  _ Suki rolled her eyes,  _ “he kept me close just to keep me at arms length. And then I left them there, at the wall, so me and my girls could go back and help more refugees.” _

_ “And then me.”  _ Y/N chewed on her lip.

Suki watched her.  _ “And then you.” _

Suki was giving her that same look now. The one where her brown eyes could dig wells into Y/N’s soul. It was like she knew Y/N better than she knew herself. Although at one time there might have been jealousy hidden in those dark eyes, there was none now, just sadness, and understanding. She had spent countless hours with Y/N sharing even the most mundane details about their friends. It passed the time and kept hope alive that someday they might be rescued, even if it took until the end of the war for liberation. 

The foursome crouched down, hiding from any prying eyes. “I think I may have found a way out of here.” Sokka grinned mischievously.

\---

Y/N stood on the banks of the boiling lake with Suki, waiting for Sokka to come back with Zuko and the cooler. The wind that blew in off the lake was hot and stifling but at least it was dark now. The night air gave some relief from the humidity. Y/N couldn’t wait to be off the island and well,  _ anywhere else _ . 

“That was some fight,” Suki kicked at some of the rocks on the beach, doing her best to look disinterested.

She was talking about the fight that had been staged between Y/N and Zuko hours earlier to get him thrown in the cooler. At first it had been just that, a fake fight for a means to an end, but by the end the guards really were pulling them off each other, trying to stop them from killing each other. Y/N rubbed her bruised arm, the one that Zuko had kicked when she had blocked him. It was better than a busted face.

“It got out of hand. We both have tempers.” Y/N had no idea what had set either of them off. One minute they were throwing fake insults at one another, and the next minute Y/N had her hands fisted in the front of his tunic hoping to get another punch in before she was hauled away from him. She hadn’t even realized how mad she was at him until she had come down from the adrenaline high in her cell. And she had yet to figure out why it all came about.

Suki smirked and held up her hands, “Hey, no judgment from me. He burnt down my village, Y/N. He deserves the black eye I hope he gets.”

Now it was Y/N’s turn to smile.

“But–

“Oh my spirits.” Y/N’s smile faded instantly.

Suki huffed. “But, you two need to get along for the time it takes for us to escape. After that, feel free to beat on him as much as you want.” Suki wiggled her eyebrows. “I’ll even help hold him down.”

\---

Y/N could tell there was something on Sokka’s mind once the four of them slid the cooler down the hill and into the water. At first the idea of knowing someone that deeply shocked her to her core; the last time that happened it didn’t exactly go well. The second she had that thought the fear melted away like an ice floe. Of course Y/N knew Sokka like that! They spent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week together for weeks on end as they traveled through the Fire Nation. He was her best friend! 

His gaze was downcast and he definitely wasn’t acting like the same person who 30 minutes beforehand had come to her cell and hugged her tightly, sliding his hand into her hair and  _ promising  _ with such conviction that he was going to get her out of there if it was the last thing he did. 

\---

Y/N knelt beside Sokka as he pulled out his blue Water Tribe clothes from behind a rock. Y/N laid a hand on his back and felt him tense up. 

“What’s going on?” she murmured. She couldn’t help but think Zuko must have said something to him just as she and Suki had while they were separated. Was he trying to make Sokka think that their fight was her fault?

“We heard some guards talking–”

Anger flared in her chest as Y/N heard Zuko speak. “I didn’t ask you,” she sneered. The only thing that quashed some of her irritation was the beginnings of a bruise on his cheekbone.  _ A black eye for sure,  _ Y/N thought. 

“You know what, Y/N–” Zuko started. 

Y/N didn’t expect Sokka to stand up so suddenly, turning on the both of them. “Knock it off, both of you!” Sokka rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed in exasperation. “While I was getting Zuko out of the cooler, he and I overhead some guards passing by. They said that there would be more prisoners coming tomorrow. War prisoners.”

“Oh, Sokka, your dad…” Suki left the edge of the lake where she was holding the cooler from floating away and joined the three of them on the rocks. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Sokka shook his head with a look of resolution in his eyes. “Let’s go.”

“Are you sure?” Zuko asked. His voice breaking the thick silence falling over the group. 

“Of course I’m not sure.” Sokka admitted. “But we came here with the purpose to save Suki, and–and we were  _ lucky _ to find Y/N here too. I feel like we’re risking too much now. If I had cut my losses at the invasion none of this would have happened in the first place. Maybe I need to do that now.”

“No, Sokka,” Y/N stepped in front of him, forcing him to look at her. “We stayed behind and that was our choice. Hakoda and I did not get captured because of you.” Y/N didn’t mention that it was because of  _ her _ they were all in this mess.

“It’s better to call it quits before you lose.” Sokka’s voice was morose.

“Not in this case,” Zuko said. “You can’t quit because you’re afraid you  _ might _ fail.”

“Even if I stay, what about you two?” Sokka grabbed at Y/N’s hands. “You and Suki should leave, you’ve been here long enough. And you too Zuko, you can get them out of here.  _ I’ll _ stay behind and find my dad.”

“Not happening,” Y/N muttered. When Sokka opened his mouth to protest she quickly shook her head and added. “We all care about you Sokka. I’m staying.” 

“Me too,” Suki seconded. 

“Me three.” Zuko shared a look of understanding with Y/N. Whatever was happening between them could be figured out later. For now, they needed to work together. 

Sokka pulled Y/N in for a hug. “I hope we’re not making a huge mistake,” he murmured into Y/N’s shoulder. 

“I’m not too sure we have a choice anymore.” Suki pointed out. “The cooler is floating without us in it in the middle of the boiling lake.”

It had been a long time since Y/N had laughed that hard. 

\---

Y/N paced around her cell. She wished that patience came easier to her but everytime she sat down, she stood back up and began walking in circles again. Hakoda was here, they’d all seen him come off the gondola, but now that they were all separated again, it felt like she was in the dark. 

Sokka had told them he was going to talk to his dad and hopefully the two of them could come up with a new plan that could get everyone out of Boiling Rock. But that had been hours ago and Y/N was starting to get worried that she hadn’t heard anything from him.  _ What if he had gotten caught sneaking into Hakoda’s cell?  _ Different scenarios swirled through her brain and they all ended the same way. Sokka, locked up, wearing the same prisoner’s garb that she was. 

Y/N pressed her palm into her forehead. “Well at least all of us would be together here if that happens.” Y/N muttered to herself. 

“If what happens?” Y/N could see Sokka’s blue eyes peering through the slat in her cell door. 

“Oh thank Agni, you’re here.” Y/N rushed forward to embrace Sokka. 

“Of course I’m here. I told you I’d come back.” Sokka said. 

“Yeah, but I have this very rational fear that you’re going to get caught masquerading as a guard.” Y/N flicked Sokka’s visor with her index finger. 

“I won’t get caught,” Sokka grabbed her hand before she could pull too far away and linked their fingers. “I saw my dad. He told me what happened.”

“Oh?” A lot had happened the day of invasion. She just wasn’t sure what Hakoda had shared. 

“He said you saved the rest of the warriors by luring off the Fire Nation soldiers. Otherwise everyone would have been captured. I couldn’t be more grateful for what you did for them.”

Y/N’s cheeks grew hot. “You would have done the same.” 

“It was kind–” Sokka kissed one blushing cheek. “–and brave–” he kissed her other cheek, “–and very stupid.” He finished by kissing her lips.

Y/N groaned and snaked her arms around his neck. “Please tell me you have a way out of here. It feels weird kissing a guard.”

Sokka laughed. “I do. We’re leaving on the gondola;  _ today _ . 

Y/N eyes widened. “I’m not even going to ask how we’re going to pull that off.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got everything planned out. I’ve already talked to Suki but…” Sokka paused.

“But what?”

“I can’t find Zuko,” Sokka admitted. 

“Well that’s not good.” Y/N might not have thought too highly of Zuko at the moment but Sokka seemed to be friendly with him and she knew that he wouldn’t leave without him. 

“I’ll keep looking.” Sokka said resolutely. “I’ve got to go. Find me when they let everyone into the yard.” 

“Be careful.” Y/N watched him step outside of her cell and slide the door shut, darkening the room once more. She was halfway to her cot when she heard Sokka’s voice, still outside her door, and it didn’t sound like he was talking to her. 

Y/N tiptoed closer so she’d be able to hear what he was saying. 

“–they’ve really got to get their act together.” A voice that Y/N didn’t recognize said. 

Sokka chuckled nervously. “Uh haha, yeah. Well, I got this one, you just get the next one, okay?” Y/N could already picture him doing a set of cheesy finger-guns at whoever he was just talking to. 

Just then, the door to her cell slid open again and Sokka stood there with a worried look on his face. 

“What’s going on?” Y/N whispered, unsure whether the other guards were somewhere near. 

“The warden wants to see you.” 

\---

The only thought that was rushing through her head as Sokka marched her back to the interrogation rooms was that she needed to keep one foot in front of the other. Her knees shook the whole way there and Sokka could tell that she was a bundle of nerves. 

“This is why you couldn’t find Zuko,” Y/N said matter-a-factly. 

“What?” Sokka’s head turned to look at her.

Y/N looked straight ahead. “You couldn’t find Zuko because they already pulled him aside to talk to the warden. They probably found that cooler floating in the middle of the lake and assumed that him and I had something to do with it. They’re going to lock down the whole prison trying to figure out how we did it and who helped us and you’re gonna get caught and th–” 

“Y/N, relax,” Sokka squeezed her arm. “You’re hyperventilating.” He looked around the hallway, looking for some place to stop but it was too big of a risk; so they kept walking, albeit Sokka had slowed them down significantly. “No one is going to get caught. I don’t know why the warden wants to talk with you again, but it doesn’t matter. I said we’re getting out of here today and I  _ meant _ it.” 

“I’m not worried about me,” Y/N said through gritted teeth. “I’m worried about  _ you _ .”

“I  _ know.  _ But don’t, I can take care of myself.” 

“I know that.” Y/N hoped that what she said didn't offend him. Of  _ course _ she knew that Sokka was a perfectly capable warrior who could protect himself. But it was just so much easier to be  _ with _ him every step of the way to watch his back and make absolutely sure he was okay. It was the most frustrating thing about imprisonment. The control that she held so dearly was gone while she’d been here, and she was clawing at the walls trying to get it back. 

“I’ll find Zuko and I’ll come back to get you,” Sokka muttered under his breath as he left her with the pair of guards standing outside of the room. 

\---

Y/N had prepared to expect anything when the door slid open, but seeing Azula standing there waiting for her was the last thing Y/N expected.

“Azula? What is going on?” Y/N jumped as the door slid shut behind her, leaving her alone, locked in a windowless cell with one of her enemies. 

“Why did he send you here?” Azula asked.

“What?” Y/N was extremely confused. 

“Your father. Why did he send you  _ here _ ?”

“I am a traitor to the Fire Nation, I thought you would be happy to see me imprisoned. It’s what you would have done.”

“Not here. Not with these people.”

“So what? Why do you care about me all of a sudden?” 

“Not all of a sudden,” Azula murmured. “I can overrule your dad’s orders. I’m bringing you back to the Fire Nation with me.”

“What? No!” Y/N felt like she couldn’t breathe, like she was being backed into a corner with no way out. 

“Why not? Why don’t you want to come back with me?!” Azula shouted.

“Why would  _ you  _ want me to?”

“Because you don’t belong here! You told me that you could change me–why can’t I do the same to you? Why can’t I bring you back to the Fire Nation and make you Y/N again, because that’s not who you are right now.”

“Oh yeah? Well who am I then?” Y/N taunted.

Azula completely ignored her question. Opting to cross her arms and roll her eyes. “You don’t have a choice. You’re coming back to the Fire Nation.”

“I won’t be your puppet anymore.”

“You think that.” Azula’s gold eyes bore into Y/N’s. “But at your lowest, I’ll be the only one that’s there, and you’ll come back.”

Y/N was seconds away from screaming.  _ How dare Azula think that she would even stoop so low as to come crawling back into her good graces _ .  _ Did she ever really know Y/N as deeply as she claimed? Because if she did she would know that it would never work on her. _

Suddenly, a guard slammed the door open, breaking the reverie between the two of them. “Princess, there is a riot in the yard. We have to get you to safety.”

Y/N scoffed at the idea of someone Azula away from the fight to keep her safe. She would want to be right in the middle of it. But Y/N didn’t have time to think about it much more. She assumed that was her cue to leave. 

\---

Y/N shoved past the guard in the doorway, grabbing the ring of keys on his belt as she ran past. She slammed the door shut and locked it. Y/N felt the door shake as both Azula and the guard threw fire, trying to break it down, but Y/N knew that they would have a rough go at that. It was a prison after all. Everywhere was meant to keep angry firebenders locked in. 

She took off in a dead sprint backtracking the way that she and Sokka came. She turned the corner and ran smack into someone. Y/N fell hard to the ground but immediately rolled to her feet, in a fighting stance. 

A hand gripped the front of her shirt, his other hand poised over her face. “Oh, it’s you.”

Y/N pushed Zuko away. “Get off,” she growled. 

Zuko rolled his eyes, “Come on, we have to go.” his voice was gruff.

\---

Zuko and Y/N pushed their way through the rioters to get to where they had spotted Sokka through the crowd. 

“How’d you get out, Y/N? I was just about to come and get you.” Sokka asked, shocked. 

“I’ll tell you later, right now we need to get out of here. Fast!” Y/N looked around her and counted heads; they were all there, including Hakoda and Suki. Y/N didn’t know how long the cell could keep Azula contained. If she was as mad as Y/N thought she was, it wouldn’t be nearly long enough. 

“We just need to grab the warden and get to the gondolas.” Sokka promised.

“How are we going to do that?” Zuko asked. 

“I haven’t figured that part out yet,” Sokka cringed. 

While Zuko and Sokka argued over the plan to escape not being fully developed, Suki tugged on Y/N’s arm. She pointed up to the main tower; guards rushed across the balconies, but one person didn’t move, just stood watching over the mayhem happening in the yard. 

“There he is,” Suki muttered. 

“Let’s get him.” Y/N grinned.

\---

Suki and Y/N ran, dodging and weaving between the prisoners and guards fighting. They scaled the tower using the balcony railings as handholds and footholds together, until they landed on the same level the warden was on. 

Suki took on the first guard they encountered, ducking under his fire punch and tripping him. Y/N slid under another’s legs, and grabbed the only weapon the guards carried, a heavy baton meant to scare the prisoners into submission. She smashed it into his face as she rolled to a stand. 

The warden made a run for it, but Y/N caught up to him, holding the baton against his neck. “I didn’t take you for a coward.”

Suki came around the front of him and smiled at Y/N who was hovering over the man’s shoulder. “Of course he is, Y/N. You should see his face, he looks like you’ve got a sword held to his throat.”

“I wish it was a sword,” Y/N grumbled. 

Suki quickly tied his hands and gagged his mouth. Y/N pushed him to the ground and the two girls stood over him. A satisfied expression crossed Suki’s face. “Sorry warden, you’re our prisoner now.”

\---

Halfway to the gondola, more guards showed up to stop them. Everyone ducked as Zuko blocked the guards firebending. “Stop! Back up! We have the warden!” 

Each and every one of the guards looked to one another to figure out how they were going to handle this type of situation. Slowly, as a collective, they backed away, allowing five of them to pass along with the warden who seemed to be screaming obscenities behind his gag. He began to struggle against his bindings and Hakoda, who was leading him. 

Y/N hefted her baton and pushed the warden’s cheek. “We don’t  _ have _ to let you walk. One swing and you’ll be out like a light.” That seemed to quiet him down.

Zuko started the gondola and then repeatedly kicked at the lever, breaking it in half so the guards had no way of stopping them once they started. He jumped from the platform and landed on the edge of the gondola; Sokka pulled him inside one of the windows. 

It was slow moving but Y/N could feel the gondola climbing the cable, dragging them out of the Boiling Rock. It was surprisingly silent, like none of them could really believe it was happening, and so easily at that. Everyone shared a cautious look. 

“Is that it?” Suki asked warily. “Are we really on our way?”

“Uh, who’s that?” Hakoda asked, pointing over Y/N’s shoulder back to the platform.

Y/N turned around and stuck her head out the window. When she caught sight of who Hakoda had seen, her whole body tensed up. “That would be what I was going to tell you about.”

“That’s a problem,” Zuko said, his head peeking out the window next to Y/N’s. “It’s Azula and Ty Lee.” 

Suki joined Y/N at the window. “I’ve been waiting for this rematch.”

“Me too,” Zuko said. 

Y/N couldn’t say she agreed; in fact she definitely disagreed. It felt her story was never-ending at this point. She would feel much better if she never had to see Azula again. 

Azula smirked and Y/N could feel her eyes on her face. By the time that Y/N had climbed to the top of the gondola with the others, both girls had made it there. Ty Lee gunned for Suki and Y/N at one end of the gondola, while the boys took care of Azula at the other end. 

Y/N immediately noticed something different about Ty Lee; her brow was furrowed at Y/N and her eyes narrowed. She was  _ angry _ . 

Y/N was so shook to her core at never seeing Ty Lee angry–ever–that she was almost chi-blocked in her left arm. Luckily, Suki wasn’t phased in the slightest and stepped in to block. Y/N quickly ducked out of the way to get her bearings.

“Why did you leave?” Ty Lee shouted over the wind whipping in their ears. 

“What are you talking about?” Y/N blocked a hit from Ty Lee and kicked out, trying to trip the girl. She was much too agile and backflipped over Y/N’s leg like it was nothing. 

“No explanation, not a word to me about anything!” Ty Lee took a moment to throw a savage punch at Y/N’s head. “What happened?”

Y/N ducked to the left, grabbed her arm and bent it behind Ty Lee’s back. “She asked me to kill someone!”

Ty Lee was like an eel-snake and slipped right out Y/N’s hands, chi-blocking her right arm along the way. Y/N’s arm went numb, pins and needles traveled down from her shoulder all the way to her wrist. Ty Lee chuffed at Y/N’s words and held up her hands, ready to jump right back into the fight. Suki squared up alongside Y/N, ready to finish things. But Y/N was so tired of fighting her friends. She stepped forward, but made no move to attack the other girl.

“I found a better way!” Y/N held her limp arm to her chest and she noticed a waver in Ty Lee’s normally steady hands. “I saw my chance at a life where I wasn’t fighting every second of every day!” She shouted. “Now, are you mad at me for leaving, or are you mad at yourself for not?”

A look of realization passed across Ty Lee’s face, just as she heard Suki shout. “Guys! I think they’re going to cut the line!”

Y/N’s eyes snapped from Ty Lee’s to the platform where she could see guards working on cutting the cable holding the gondola up. 

“Then it’s time to leave,” Azula smirked and used her firebending to blast herself up on top of an incoming gondola. When Y/N looked back, Ty Lee was already jumping to the other gondola sparing a concerned look in Y/N’s direction.

\---

Y/N crawled back into the gondola through the window, landing next to Suki on the floor. Her arm was just regaining part of its feeling as she made her way to the front of the gondola with the boys to watch the guards cut only thing still holding them in the sky. 

“I hope this thing floats,” Hakoda said absently. 

“Yeah, if we don’t die from the impact of it hitting the water,” Y/N couldn’t help but add. 

“Wait, look!” Zuko exclaimed. He pointed out a dark figure flinging knives at the guards cutting the cable. 

_ Mai! _ Y/N quickly leaned out the window to the other gondola, where Azula and Ty Lee were standing, hoping to gauge a reaction from them. She shared a worried look with Zuko. They both knew what it meant to cross Azula when it came to something she wanted. 

\---

Just then, the gondola shuddered to a stop on the far rim of the volcano and they all hopped out. 

“If Azula’s here she must have brought an airship,” Zuko said. He walked up a large hill by the sea, looking for it, but Y/N was still stuck staring across the boiling lake. 

Sokka grabbed her hand. “Come on, we have to go. Azula could be right on our tail.” He began tugging her in the direction the rest of the group had run and she let herself be pulled along because Y/N had seen all she needed to see. 

\---

“I don’t think she is,” she said to Sokka moments later, as they boarded the airship. 

“You don’t think what?” Sokka asked, confused as to what Y/N was talking about. 

Y/N slid down the wall of the airship, all the adrenaline leaving her body at once. “I don’t think Azula’s going to be after us right away.”

Sokka sat beside her and quirked an eyebrow up. “Why not?”

“Because I’m pretty sure while I was still up there I saw Ty Lee chi-block her.”

Sokka’s eyes widened, recognizing how big of a deal that really was. 

Y/N’s emotions crashed down on her like a hefty wave. There was so much to process, so much to mull over. She simultaneously wished she could take a hot bath and drink a hot cup of tea, hell she would settle for a bath in the river if nothing at the moment changed. But one thought dominated all the rest. Home. She dropped her head into her hands and stared at the floor between her legs. 

“Spirits, you don’t know how happy I am to see you,” Y/N murmured.

“You’ve been with me for the past two days,” Sokka replied, his voice muffled into her hair. 

Y/N snorted. “That’s not what I mean.”

“I know what you mean.” Suddenly, like it was the last thing he would ever do, Sokka tipped her head up and pulled her in for a bruising kiss. 

It felt like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, kudos and comments make my day! i hope you enjoy!


	23. Chapter 23

On the flight to the Western Air Temple, Y/N couldn’t help stare out the window for most of it. It was more than refreshing to be able to see mountains and trees again. She never realized how much she missed them until she thought she’d never see them again. 

“Are you excited to see your friends again?” Suki asked as she snuck up behind Y/N. She wondered if Suki was always so light on her feet.

“Extremely,” Y/N admitted. “As much as I enjoyed our time in prison together…” Y/N laughed at the joke and Suki joined in. 

She grabbed Y/N’s hand and joined her at the window, together they watched the trees below them blur into a dark hazy patch as the sun began to set. “I know we made a lot of jokes about how well we did in prison, but I really thought we wouldn’t get out of there. I mean,” Suki sighed. “There’s always a chance we don’t win this war. No one wants to say it but, I know you understand it.”

Y/N nodded in agreement. It was true. Keeping hope alive was good for them all, but once in a while you needed to look at the reality of a situation. Y/N’s friends didn’t always like doing that. (They were all so optimistic. It was refreshing, and tiring all at the same time)

Suki shrugged. “Anyways, enough of  _ that _ talk. I’m excited to see Team Avatar too.  _ And _ , I can’t wait to have more room than just my cell to train!” 

“Yes!” Y/N said. She squeezed Suki’s hand in excitement. “And I’ll have my sword back! I swear, I’ll probably be training all day; Sokka’s going to get tired of me asking him to spar with me.”

“We should spar, Y/N! I can teach you all of the Kyoshi warriors moves and you can teach me some of those Fire Nation hand-to-hand combat moves I saw you using on that acrobat!” Suki exclaimed.

“That sounds amazing, we–” Y/N was interrupted by Sokka meeting them in the hallway. 

“Guys, we’re gonna be landing soon–” He paused, eyes flickering down to their hands and then back up to meet their faces. “If you wanted to come to the doors.”

Y/N smiled. “Of course. We’ll be right there.” 

Sokka opened his mouth to say something else but immediately closed it, turning away with a blush high on his cheeks. Only then did Y/N realize that she and Suki had never untangled their hands. 

\---

Sokka had mentioned to Y/N when they boarded that he and Zuko hadn’t exactly been honest with the rest of the group when they left. They had made up a lie about going fishing which, honestly, Y/N didn’t think Katara or Toph would have believed anyways. So when they pulled up to the courtyard, Sokka and Zuko went down the ramp first to calm the three of them down. Rightfully so, Toph, Katara, and Aang were probably worried to see such a large Fire Nation airship pulling up to their newly found safe haven. 

From the shadows behind the door where she, Suki and Hakoda waited. Y/N could hear Toph’s cheerful voice carry to the airship over the stones of the courtyard. “Well, did you catch any fish?”

“I think you’ll appreciate what we caught more than some fish!” Sokka’s voice was showy and projected. Her and Suki shared a giggle before they walked out the doors side by side. 

By the looks on everyone’s faces when they came bounding down the ramp, seeing Y/N was the last thing they could have imagined. She took a moment, where she paused at the bottom of the ramp just taking them all in. Not like they had changed much in the time she was gone. Katara was still Katara, standing with her hands on her hips and her piercing blue eyes widened in surprise. Aang was still Aang, though Y/N could admit he  _ might _ have been a hair taller. And Toph was still Toph, but the smile on her face grew when she heard Y/N’s voice. 

“I missed you guys so much!” Y/N felt like her face was going to break in half, she was smiling so widely. She pulled Aang and Toph into a hug all at once, just as she felt Katara brush past her arm to engulf Hakoda into a bear hug. 

Aang, ever the affectionate one of the group, squeezed Y/N so hard that she felt like she would pop. Even Toph who was never big on hugs, let the both of them wrap their arms around her as they laughed together. 

“How did you get here?!” Toph finally pulled herself out of the hug, but stayed close enough that her arm touched Y/N’s. 

“A Fire Nation airship; surely you heard the other’s say.” Y/N smirked.

Toph pinched the back of Y/N’s arm. “You know what I mean.”

Y/N turned around as she heard Katara speak up. “How did you do this?” she asked Sokka, as she rested her hands on her fathers arms, unable to pull herself away like she was afraid he could disappear if she stopped touching him. 

Sokka scratched the back of his neck and gave Zuko a sideways glance. “We might have gone to a Fire Nation prison on a hunch.”

Katara reached out towards Sokka and he flinched as if he expected a thump on his forehead for being so foolish. Instead, Katara pulled him in for a hug with their father. Y/N watched on with a heavy heart. It was the best outcome she could have hoped for when she was taken from Hakoda’s side at the Fire Nation naval base. But it was painful to watch a father love so openly, knowing she would never have that. As if Zuko was thinking the same thing, the two of them turned away simultaneously to look at each other. His gold eyes burned into her own and Y/N looked away again. 

She knew that they needed to get along. It was the best course of action if they were going to have to work together, but she wasn’t sure if it was the best thing for her heart. 

She had put so much trust into Zuko only to have it dashed away with the very action of turning against her and rejoining his sister and the nation that banished him. She couldn’t help but wonder if he would be willing to do it again if given the chance. Would he betray her again for the sake of his honor? At the same time a little voice in her head told her she had done the same thing. That there was always the chance  _ for her _ to recant and go crawling back home, looking for remorse. Even Azula thought she could do it. 

She quickly shook that image out of her head. She wouldn’t go back, not until it was a place she could be proud of again. And well Azula, she was best not to be thought about  _ at all _ . No one knew of Y/N’s hasty, last minute plan to bring Azula back with her and fix her, and no one needed to know either. She didn’t need the tuts of disapproval echoing from all sides. 

“It seems like we’re going to have a lot to talk about tonight,” Aang commented as he looked over their prison uniforms, his eyes lingered on Zuko’s bruised eye for just a second too long, and Y/N could already hear Aang’s voice of reason telling her that she shouldn’t have done that. He would be right of course, but Y/N wasn’t going to admit that out loud. 

“So much,” Y/N agreed. 

“I guess I’ll make tea,” Zuko said.

\---

Turns out that even with as many stories and explanations as they had to tell, the five of them conked out within minutes of sitting down. Sokka was first, which was unsurprising, he’d done so much running around at Boiling Rock between her, Suki and Zuko that she didn’t know if he’d eaten the entire time he was there, let alone sat down and rested. And that was even before Hakoda had shown up. 

Y/N snorted at the way his face was smooshed up against the ground and leaned her head up against one of the walls near the fire. She tried to focus on whatever was coming out of Zuko’s mouth. Her eyes grew heavy until the next thing she knew Suki’s head had fallen onto her shoulder, and Y/N wasn’t far behind. Y/N couldn’t say what happened after that, but there was no chance that Hakoda nor Zuko stayed up to talk long after they realized that half of their boarding party had already called lights out. 

Despite the unforgiving–and frankly  _ cold _ –flagstone floor, it was the best sleep Y/N had gotten in weeks. 

\---

“Okay. And what do I do after that?” Y/N asked, her hands raised in a defensive stance. 

Suki walked around Y/N with her arms crossed against her chest, examining Y/N like she was one of her warriors. As she walked behind her, Suki tapped the inside arches of Y/N’s shoes with her toes. “You need your feet a bit wider. The last thing you need is to tip over while you’re trying to use your opponent’s weight against them.” She came around and stood in front of Y/N. She narrowed her eyes and looked Y/N over. A shiver rolled over Y/N’s shoulders as Suki’s eyes traveled down her body. 

Suki could be really intimidating when she wanted to be, with her deep brown eyes and pouty lips, she could send someone a look that could kill. Y/N had felt the brunt end of that side of her more than once. But when she was on your side, she was a  _ really _ good friend. Y/N had figured that out that day she’d met Suki in the yard of Boiling Rock, and she was reminded of it everytime Suki sent a smile in her direction, like she was now. 

“Explain that more, using their weight against them?” Y/N asked. 

Suki nodded and wrapped her long fingers around Y/N’s wrists and pulled them down slightly. “As you probably know, the Kyoshi warriors are mostly made up of young girls. We had to learn how to take down people who are bigger and possibly stronger than us. You probably already do it to an extent, having trained with larger men most of your life.”

Suki gave a quick shake to each of Y/N’s wrists, feigning like she was going to let Y/N punch herself in the face. “Buuuut, I also know that most Fire Nation moves are a bit more sharp. You’re always on the offensive. And  _ you– _ in particular–can be a bit punchy.” 

Y/N laughed and twisted her wrists outwards and slipped easily from Suki’s grip. “I am not.”

Suki leaned close and whispered conspiratorially, for Zuko and Aang were just on the other side of the courtyard doing their sunrise  _ katas _ . “Tell that to Zuko’s face.”

Y/N bit her lip to keep herself from laughing again. “It was one time.”

“I’m sure there were others,” Suki hummed. 

“So then what do you want me to do?” Y/N asked. 

“Learn to be more defensive.” Suki poked Y/N on the forearm, directly across one of the many bruises that popped up overnight. “You’re covered in bruises from the fight with Ty Lee because you were–and forgive my stupid analogy–fighting fire with fire.”

Y/N rubbed her arm. “I don’t know what that means.”

“You were hitting her with the same force she was hitting you. Her arms and legs probably look just like yours. You know, if you’re any good.” Suki smirked.

Y/N let her head fall back and whined. “Why did I let you teach me first? Can we switch? I wanna be in charge.” 

“Too late!” Suki said cheerfully. Suddenly, her demeanor changed and Suki was looking up at Y/N through her lashes. A devious smile spread across her lips. “Don’t you want to be more like me?”

All of the air left Y/N’s lungs. Y/N stared at Suki without even making a motion to hide her blush. “Yes,” she breathed. 

\---

Y/N landed hard on her back again with a thud and a groan. She couldn’t help the rage that boiled in her gut as she continued to get beat up by Suki. Y/N hated losing but she hated quitting even more. Even though this was purely a training session, more teaching than anything, Y/N refused to stop until she learned at least one thing, and if that meant losing over and over to Suki, Y/N could take it.

Out of pure frustration, more at herself than anything else, Y/N made a fist and hit the ground with the side of her hand, letting out a guttural growl. 

Y/N sat up and narrowed her eyes at Suki, who was standing over her with her head cocked to the side. “I’m going to get this if it  _ literally _ kills me!”

“Okay.” Suki held out her hand to help Y/N to her feet. She was a little surprised that Suki wasn’t telling Y/N they were going to stop and try again later. Anyone else would have told her to take a break or to take a walk, but Suki was showing that she trusted Y/N enough to know her own limits.

Y/N got back in her wide-legged stance. “Agni, I can’t wait to kick your ass tomorrow,” she said angrily.

Suki, who was in the same stance as Y/N, doubled over laughing. Y/N straightened up and blinked wildly, walking back over her words carefully to figure out what was so funny. Seeing Suki laugh made a smile work it’s way across Y/N’s face. She tried to fight it off but failed miserably. 

“Stop laughing,” Y/N giggled. 

“Yeah, stop laughing! We’re trying to concentrate over here!” Zuko shouted. He and Aang were both frozen, staring at the girls like they’d each grown two extra heads. 

“Oh, don’t be such a grouch, Zuko,” Suki waved her hands in his direction. And Y/N slapped her hands over her mouth and snorted, which sent both girls into another fit of giggles. 

\---

That was evidently the end of their training session for the day; their laughs having given them a better workout than the actual fighting. Both girls laid opposite directions with their heads next to each other, splayed out on their backs staring at the roof of the courtyard. Y/N muscles hurt in ways that they hadn’t in a long time. She missed training, she missed  _ learning _ . She had spent the past few years practicing with guards, and the last few months teaching Sokka, but she had forgotten how invigorating and exciting learning something new could be, even if it was immeasurably frustrating the first few tries. 

Suki turned her head to the side and looked at Y/N’s profile. Y/N took a few beats before she turned her head. It was hard to meet Suki’s eyes anymore and Y/N couldn’t put her finger on why; but this time Y/N steeled herself and did. It was sort of like free falling or making a dive on Appa’s back; for a second it was scary, and made her heart leap into her throat, but soon enough it settled and she got used to the weightlessness. Y/N didn’t think she was  _ supposed _ to enjoy either part, but she did. 

Or maybe Y/N  _ did _ know why it was hard to look at Suki and just didn’t want to dwell too long on that imagery. That was… complicated. Y/N liked being friends with Suki, that was good enough. It  _ had _ to be good enough. Even though Y/N couldn’t stop thinking about their dynamic. Where Sokka made her feel appreciated and whole, Suki made her feel alive. 

“I was laughing because I don’t think you know what you look like when you’re mad,” Suki murmured.

“Huh?” 

Suki rolled her eyes playfully. “You think you look so badass, but you really just look like an angry Momo.”

Y/N shuddered. “Angry Momo  _ is _ scary.” 

“No, he’s always cute.” 

Y/N swallowed the lump in her throat and looked back up at the tiles on the roof. Y/N’s whole body flushed.  _ Suki had just called her cute. _ Y/N stole a glance that felt scandalous and noticed a pinkness to Suki’s cheeks too. Y/N looked away and gave a hard blink, trying to wipe it from her mind. 

“Hey, there you are.” Sokka approached the both of them. Y/N stood up hastily and brushed the dirt from her clothes. His hair was still down, framing his face and he was rubbing his bleary eyes like he had just woken up. 

“Hey!” Y/N’s voice was high-pitched. Her heart raced like she had been caught in the act of doing something she shouldn’t have been doing. “What’s up?”

She could feel Suki’s eyes on her back, and Y/N so desperately wanted to retreat to the inside of the temple. Being around the both of them at the same time was too much. She wished she had a shell like a turtle duck that she could crawl into and hide in. 

“I woke up and you were gone. It freaked me out a little,” Sokka admitted. “I just wanted to find you. And you know, make sure everything is okay.”

“Oh.” Y/N’s eyes softened. “I’m sorry. I’m used to earlier mornings now.” Suddenly, her heart was filled with sympathy for Sokka. She didn’t realize how jarring it might have been to wake up alone, with the people you had rescued nowhere to be found.

“Right.”

Y/N glanced over her shoulder. “Suki and I talked about sparring and we wanted to come out here before breakfast.” 

“Breakfast”–Sokka leaned back and stretched–“now  _ that’s _ got my name all over it. Come on, let’s go see how much noise we can make until Katara wakes up and just does it for us.” He threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and pressed a tender kiss to her temple. It was something he’d done dozens of times, something that she’d never paid attention to before. But now she was highly aware that someone was watching. 

Y/N turned around abruptly. “Suki, are you coming?” 

Suki smiled gratefully from her seat on the ground where she had watched the interaction between Sokka and Y/N. “Sure.”

Y/N spent the rest of the day doing everything she could to avoid Zuko and it seemed like he was trying to do the same thing. Neither one of them wanted to apologize to one another, or talk about what had happened between them at Boiling Rock. Which meant they couldn’t look at each other either. Making every exchange between the two of them extremely awkward for the rest of the group around them. 

It was so bad that that morning at breakfast Y/N had shooed Zuko away when he offered a tray full of cups of tea towards her, nearly spilling them in Katara’s lap. And later that day, when Zuko dropped the strap that hooked his dao sheath around his back and Y/N picked it up automatically, he snatched it out of her hands so quickly that the leather chafed her palm. 

\---

“I thought you and Zuko were friends in the Fire Nation,” Katara muttered over her shoulder to Y/N who was braiding Katara’s hair. 

Y/N bit her lip and glanced out to the courtyard where Sokka and Zuko were sparring (which had apparently become a thing while she was away and no, she was not jealous) She knew where this was going. “We were,” Y/N said simply. 

“So I thought you would be happier to see him.” 

Y/N heard Suki snicker behind her as she weaved her own fingers through Y/N’s hair in their braid train. Y/N frowned. “He betrayed us in Ba Sing Se.” 

“Didn’t you leave the Fire Nation with Azula to specifically capture him and his uncle?” Toph said as she sat on the fountain’s edge near them and swung her legs back and forth.

“Toph, if you are not braiding, you do not get to participate in braid train talk,” Y/N nagged.

“I’m blind.”

“Poor excuse. You still have  _ hands. _ ” Y/N leaned sideways to flick the younger girl in the shin, but was pulled away by Suki. 

“ _ Anyways _ , I’m not saying I like him either.” Katara shrugged. “But I didn’t think I’d see it from you.”

Y/N paused her hands. “There are a lot of issues between the two of us.”

“Clearly.”

“ _ Toph. _ ” Y/N grumbled then she sighed. “I don’t know how to fix it.” 

Katara turned her head to watch her brother and Zuko spar for a minute before replying. “You’ll figure it out.”

Y/N followed her gaze to the two boys.  _ Yes, Katara. Let me just add that to the list of things I need to figure out.  _

\---

“I know you better than you think.” Suki grabbed a few dry twigs next to her foot and added them to the pile in her arms. 

Y/N almost dropped the kindling in her own hands. She quickly recovered and shifted its weight to her other arm. “What are you talking about?” She asked coolly. 

The two of them offered to collect firewood for dinner that night, Toph had piped up and said that she and Zuko could help too, but as they reached the woods they split off from each other; which meant that somewhere off in the trees were two people that Y/N really didn’t need hearing whatever was going to come out of Suki’s mouth next. 

“I know I haven’t known you as long as the others, but I think that I know you pretty well, and something has been bothering you.” 

Y/N only hummed in acknowledgment. It was true, Y/N had been juggling with a  _ few _ different things. Her strained relationship with Zuko was at the top of the list, because that affected the others the most, but the weird fluttering of her heart when she was around Suki was catching up fast. Y/N tried to swallow but her throat was too dry. 

It felt a little chilling for someone to read her so clearly, but surprisingly, Y/N found solace in it as well. She hadn’t had that since–well– _ Azula _ . Y/N didn’t feel like lying to Suki  _ or _ herself anymore. “That obvious, huh?”

The corner of Suki’s mouth lifted in a soft smile. “The others will find out eventually, if that’s what you’re asking.”

That’s what Y/N was afraid of. Was she really showing her emotions so candidly? How embarrassing was it going to be when the rest of them found out that she was dating Sokka while crushing  _ hard _ on Suki at the same time. Agni, this was humiliating. Y/N was a terrible person.

“When did you find out?” Y/N stared at her toes.

“It was when Zuko and Sokka were talking about the fight on the gondola this morning. Whenever they mentioned Azula, you clenched your hands into fists.” Suki chewed on the inside of her lip. “You only do that when you’re trying to distract yourself from something that’s bothering you.

“We both know that I have no love for that girl,” Suki continued, when Y/N stayed silent. Mostly from shock, the conversation was not going in the direction she had seen coming. “But I know you knew her differently than the rest of us.”

“Oh,” Y/N murmured. She broke eye contact with Suki and tried to recover herself. “Yes, I guess so.”

Somehow this conversation was better and worse at the same time. For another day she was going to be able to hide whatever it was she was feeling, but now she was going to have to talk about something that was so much harder. 

“So what’s bothering you?”

Y/N clutched the dry kindling to her chest tightly, letting the bark and branches dig into her stomach through her thin shirt. “I might be hiding something,” Y/N said without thinking.

Suki paused and then nodded slowly, like she was talking to a startled animal. Which Y/N figured was accurate, considering she was about 5 seconds from dropping the kindling and running. “What happened?”

“Azula came to see me at Boiling Rock. Right before we left.”

Suki frowned. “Why would she do that?”

_ She was kind of just doing exactly what I did. Maybe she knew her friendship with the other girls was slipping.  _ “Well…”

Suki widened her eyes. “That’s not a good way to start, Y/N.”

“I talked to Azula on the Day of the Black Sun,” Y/N said. And once Y/N started, she couldn’t stop. “I was foolish and naive and I thought that I could change her if I offered. So, I–I asked her if she would come with me.”

“What??” Suki cringed at her own shout and quickly quieted her voice. “Y/N, what were you thinking?” Y/N didn’t miss the way Suki’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. 

Y/N blinked away impending tears, thankful for the darkness that had spread through the woods. She didn’t think that it would ever come to this. “I think she’s confused and messed up. I miss her,” Y/N sniffled. “The old her. Not the person she is now.”

“Y/N…”

“I gave her the wrong idea. By telling her that I believed she could do better, now she thinks that I can come back to her too.” Y/N sucked in a gasping breath. “I feel bad because I haven’t told anyone. And now everyone’s going to be mad at me because I’ve been hiding it for so long.”

Y/N suddenly turned on her heel and began marching back to the temple. They had enough kindling and she felt like she was suffocating in the humid air. 

Suki rushed to catch up with her. “I’m not mad.”

“You should be,” Y/N quipped.

“I’m processing,” Suki insisted, matching her strides with Y/N’s. 

Y/N glanced at Suki and was surprised to find her looking at Y/N with worry. Despite Y/N’s admission, Suki still looked at her without malice. She could have done anything, Suki could have yelled, she could have ran off to tell the others, but she didn’t. She gave Y/N the one thing she wasn’t expecting: an opportunity. An opportunity to talk about it, a space to bear her soul and explain herself. It should have made Y/N feel better, that's what friends were for. Instead, it just made her feel worse, and made feel like what she did was that much worse. Regret rolled through her body like a tsunami and she immediately dug her heels into the dirt and dropped the kindling on their feet. 

“I shouldn’t have told you.” Y/N ran her hands through her hair. “I should have just made something else up.” 

“Like I said, I'm processing it.” Suki tugged on Y/N’s hands where they were tangled in her hair. “Stop worrying about what I think. What are you thinking?”

Y/N felt like she was exposed to the bone. “I’m so mad at myself for doing it in the first place but I’m mad at myself for being mad at myself! How does that even work?”

“I don’t know.” Suki shook her head. 

“Everyone’s going to hate me.”

Suki laid a comforting hand on Y/N’s shoulder. “They might not understand, but they aren’t going to hate you.”

Y/N could only hope so.

\---

“Why would you do something so selfish?!” Zuko busted out of the treeline, just before Y/N and Suki had made it back to the courtyard of the temple, Toph trailing behind him. Sparks ignited behind his teeth as he surged forward right to Y/N. 

His shout startled her so much she dropped the wood she was carrying. It took a moment for Y/N to realize that he was talking to her. They had been avoiding each other at every turn. “What are you talking about?”

The shouts had brought Aang, Katara and Sokka running out of the temple and to the edge of the woods where Y/N and Zuko were having their face off. 

“Tell them. Tell them what you told Suki.” He glowered.

“Tell us what?” Aang asked. He stood to the side of them like he was planning on jumping in at the first sign of trouble.

Y/N shared a look with Suki and then looked back to Zuko, shaking her head minutely. She was not planning on being bullied into confessing secrets that were better left untold.

“She tried to get Azula to come back with her on the Day of the Black Sun,” Zuko tattled like a petulant child, sending a glare in her direction. Before waiting for anyone else’s reaction. He continued his barrage. “How could you be so stupid?”

“Wait, did you really?” Katara asked.

Y/N barely even heard Katara speak, she was deaf to all noise except for the blood rushing in her ears and Zuko’s voice. “Stupid?!” 

Y/N was filled with rage. She could accept Katara yelling at her, she could accept a sad, disappointed look from Aang that would make her heart ache. Y/N could get over Sokka and Toph ignoring her for a few days, she wouldn’t expect anything less from them, and it would be well deserved for her moral slip-up. Azula  _ hurt them. _

But Zuko’s outburst? Y/N was not going to accept that from  _ him _ . Not from the boy who was just as bad at her at being good. 

“Fine! I did it! And I’m  _ not _ stupid just because I still care about her. Look at you and I; We changed! Why can’t she have that chance too?! What about Mai and Ty Lee?! You watched Mai save us and I  _ told _ you I saw Ty Lee save  _ her  _ from Azula. That was for  _ us _ !” Y/N leaned forward and poked Zuko square in the chest. 

Zuko batted her hand away, his own hands scalding hot, just seconds away from flaming. “Azula is loyal to Ozai! She would never leave.”

Y/N scoffed. “We all were.”

“What?” 

“We  _ both _ took orders from him. We were all props used by our fathers in this war started by our great grandparents. That is all the more reason that  _ she _ should deserve a second chance! We know how it is to be under his influence! You weren’t there that day, she was going to do it! She would have taken my hand!”

“What did she say when you met her at Boiling Rock? I know you talked to her,” Zuko growled.

Y/N blinked, taken aback. How would he know that she had spoken to Azula that day? Though she guessed that conclusion wasn’t that hard to get at.

“She told me she was going to take me back to the Fire Nation; probably back to my  _ dad _ ,” Y/N choked back a sob. “She was going to let me hit my lowest point so I would come crawling back to her, ready to be their puppet again. And yet here I am. I didn’t go with her even though it would be easier to give in and do whatever they wanted. Just because I believe that everyone is worth change, doesn’t mean I think what she’s doing is right.”

Y/N brushed past him easily, avoiding everyone’s eyes. All she wanted to do was curl up in her sleeping bag and pass out, maybe to dream up a solution to her and Zuko’s anger at one another. 

“You’re delusional.”

Y/N paused. She  _ could _ ignore him and keep walking. She could be the bigger person and not continue the argument, silencing him where he stood. But Y/N had never been one to leave things left unsaid once it started. She needed the last word. 

She turned around and lifted her chin. She smiled even though she wanted to scream and she bathed in the sticky, deafening silence around her. She wanted everyone to hear what she had to say. 

Without another thought, she felt something fierce and terrible leap out of her throat. “You of all people don’t get to say that to me. Not from the boy who went running back to the Fire Nation to try and get his  _ daddy _ to love him again.” Y/N spit the words at him and he took it like a slap to the face. 

Y/N could hear someone yelling at her for what she had said. It might have even been more than one voice, they had all become so attached to Zuko so quickly. But she wasn’t listening to the words anyone was saying; her head was pounding too loudly and she was too focused on the sudden heartbroken look that crossed Zuko’s face. Somewhere inside she felt good; she liked that she wasn’t the only one hurting at that moment in time. She knew exactly what she was doing and not only did she twist the knife while she was there, she plunged it in deeper too. 

She watched Zuko turn on his heel and walk deeper into the forest, likely to go where he could take out his anger on a tree out of earshot of the rest of her friends. 

Her friend’s faces were masks of horror–wide eyes, jaws agape–and Y/N didn’t even have the decency to care. No, not while she was riding the high of taking Zuko down. 

“Spirits, Y/N…” Aang looked at her like she was a completely different person. Okay, so maybe that one hurt a little. Or a lot. 

Okay, so maybe Y/N wasn’t as cold-hearted as she wanted to pretend she was. Their shock at her words made her embarrassed. Y/N could feel her face redden. If the whole Azula thing didn’t get her trouble, this surely would. Where would they draw the line in the sand? When would they stop tolerating her and realize that she was really no different whichever side she was on?

“I think I’ve had enough socializing for today.” Y/N didn’t wait for a response, she just turned around again and headed back to the temple. She would grab her sleeping bag and head deep into one of the private rooms in the temple where no one could hear her cry. 

Y/N knew it was wrong of her.  _ She knew it _ . She knew that it would disappoint her friends to hear her be so hateful and she knew it would hurt Zuko but it was like she couldn’t help herself. And she hated the way she loved how it felt. (There was a lot of that going on with her at the moment; hating something she loves so much.)

\---

It was no surprise that Y/N had trouble sleeping that night. 

She went over and over the fight, replaying every moment. The euphoria of hurting someone was gone and replaced with shame. She was ashamed of her words and actions and it made it worse when she thought about how the other’s took it. 

It was cold without a fire, but Y/N was stubborn. There was no way she was going back out to sleep with the rest of them. She’d rather freeze. She gave a violent shiver in her sleeping bag, but she wasn’t sure if it was because she was freezing or because she just thought how Sokka was looking at her as she taunted Zuko. 

What would he  _ think _ of her? Sokka was close to Zuko; he  _ liked _ him. Sokka was going to hate her for her cruel words. They all would. The last thing she needed to do was  _ divide  _ them all again, just when things were beginning to work out. Once, Sokka had told her that they couldn’t hate Y/N for things she hadn’t done, but what about things that she  _ had _ done? 

\---

She’d chosen a room higher up in the temple, figuring that if someone  _ did _ come looking for her, they’d stop looking on the ground floor. Y/N slipped out of her sleeping bag and walked to the window. A cloudless, midnight sky stared back at her. It was a strange feeling, to be inside of a building as vast as the Western Air Temple, but have no noise around her. No lanterns outside or in the hallways to light the way for anyone awake late at night. It felt ghostly; otherworldly. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she almost missed a familiar boy with dark, scruffy hair sitting alone in the courtyard, despite the time of night and the cool temperature. Then again, the cold didn’t ever get to firebenders. 

Y/N didn’t know what carried her feet down the stairs and towards Zuko. He was sitting on the edge of the courtyard, with his legs dangling over the edge. 

“Can’t sleep?” she asked quietly, a gust of wind nearly taking her words right over the cliff. 

Zuko whipped around and Y/N took a step back, knowing that his flames would be on the tips of his fingers. 

“Y/N,” Zuko frowned. “You’re always so quiet.” There was none of the expected malice in his voice.

Y/N wasn’t sure if that was an invitation, but she sat down next to him anyways, leaving a comfortable amount of space between them. “I can’t sleep either,” Y/N said after a few beats of silence. 

“I can’t imagine why. You said what you’ve been wanting to say for days now, you should be sleeping like a baby.” And  _ there _ was the malice. It cut like a knife through Y/N. 

She bit her lip to keep her from saying,  _ you’re right I should,  _ because it would have been a lie. Instead, she said “What I said was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Zuko was silent. And Y/N couldn’t have that. “You probably remember I don’t know how to shut my mouth when it’s good for me–”

“Apparently you still haven’t learned–”

“ _ Okay _ .” Y/N pressed her hands together to stop herself from reaching over and throttling Zuko. “But the faster you let me say this the faster I will leave you alone.”

Zuko stared down at the abyss below them, but then nodded slowly. 

“I want to apologize because I don’t like fighting with you, I never have.” Y/N took a breath. “I think that I’ve been mad at you for so long it just kind of exploded out of me. It’s just really complicated.”

“How can it be so complicated? I figured we’d both done enough bad to one another that we’d be even.”

Y/N chewed on her lip. “That’s not a great way of putting it but I understand what you mean. But that doesn’t mean we should leave everything unsaid.”

“Then what do you want to say?”

Here came the really silly part. The thing that Y/N never allowed her to think about because of how absurd it sounded. A memory of the days leading up to Zuko leaving to fulfill his banishment flashed before her eyes. Them holding each other, crying, promising things children shouldn’t need to promise one another. 

“I told you to come home safe and you never did. You left me alone, with just her.” 

Zuko scowled. “That’s why you’re mad at me? I didn’t have much of a choice in that matter, I was  _ banished _ .”

“ _ I know that _ .” Y/N rolled her eyes. “I know it’s stupid, but 12 year old girls don’t have the most rational thoughts when it comes to stuff like that. In my mind, you were always headed home, Avatar in tow. But month after month you were still gone, and I started to become mad at the wrong person; not the person who sent you away, who  _ burned you _ , but at you for leaving me, forgetting about me.”

Zuko’s molten gold eyes glowed in the dark. “I never forgot you.”

Y/N had to look away from him. Guilt racked at her. He might have not forgotten about her, but it felt like she’d forgotten everything about him. “But we grew into completely new people. How–how can I miss you? When you’re sitting right next to me? I’m looking for a Zuko that I don’t think exists anymore. The first time I saw you after those 3 years apart, I didn’t even recognize you.”

Zuko ducked his head, letting his hair cover his scar. “Oh.”

“Not because–” Y/N wanted to reach out and touch him, to reassure him that that was not what she was referring to. “You were so angry when Azula and I showed up. But it didn’t seem like you were mad about anything in particular. It’s like bitterness had seeped into your skin and became you. Like it was the only thing that was keeping you standing up straight. I don’t remember a time you ever looked at me like that–except for now maybe.”

“Well you’re different too,” Zuko countered childishly. “You’re impulsive and rude–the Y/N  _ I  _ grew up with was kind and patient even though she was...aggravating,” He mumbled through the last part like he didn’t really want her to hear it, but wanted to say it anyways. 

Y/N felt similar to a bug under a magnifying glass. It didn’t  _ feel _ like she had changed all that much, but Zuko had known her better than anyone. If anyone could see it, he would. “I think we can both agree that we can’t revert back to who we were before. We’re both much too stubborn for that.”

Zuko scoffed but it wasn’t mean, there was a small smile on his lips. “ _ I’m _ stubborn?”

Was he? He was  _ teasing _ her. Okay, Y/N could work with that. She nudged his shoulder playfully. “You always have been.”

Y/N let a moment pass before she spoke again. “We just have to start over. Learn how to be friends again.”

“Then I forgive you.”

“That’s a really good start.” 

They both let a silence fill the air between them. It was calming and it made it feel like the night would never end. 

“I wish I had the same faith in my sister as you do,” Zuko said suddenly.

Y/N found that to be a hard statement to reply to. Because on one hand, she wanted to risk it all for Azula. She _ would _ burn down the world if it meant saving her. But the real question was, did Azula want to be saved? 

Ozai had her so tightly bound to him, Y/N was afraid breaking the ties would break Azula. “It’s not that I have faith in her, I just have enough faith in myself to bring her back from the brink of destruction. Ozai is going to use her until she is burnt out and I can’t help but think I can fix it.”

“You always thought you could fix everyone around you. That hasn’t changed.”

“I  _ can _ fix her.”

“You don’t think she’s too far gone?”

“Not yet.” 

Y/N laid back on the ground behind her. From here she could see the stars again. She kicked her heels against the side of the cliff, nervous to ask her next question. “If you’re not tired. Will you talk to me?”

“What do you want to know?”

Y/N closed her eyes, the constellations were burned in her memories. “Everything.”

\---

And they did talk about everything. From how Y/N met Suki and how she got thrown into the crystal caves; to how Y/N got on the good side of Team Avatar and trained Sokka to sword-fight.

(“I saw you two sparring today.”

“He’s not bad.”

“Yeah, because  _ I _ taught him.”)

Zuko talked about his life in Ba Sing Se with Iroh and about the little tea shop they ran together. He told her about Jin and Jet and explained how he felt after betraying her and Iroh in Ba Sing Se. 

Zuko was on his back next to her with his head propped on his arms. “Even on the boat back to the Fire Nation, I knew I had chosen wrong. But by then it was too late, Azula had her claws in me and you and Uncle… well, I knew you would hate me for what I did. I just… I wanted to go home.” 

Y/N rolled over on her stomach and looked him in the eyes. “Neither one of us could ever hate you for that. We both know why you did it. It’s not your fault.” Y/N was completely sure if she was given the same opportunity at the time by  _ her _ dad she would choose the same as Zuko. Pride, honor, it was so precious in their culture, but Y/N didn’t want to be honorable if it meant hurting other people. 

\---

Y/N woke up to the sun streaming in the window, warming her face. She didn’t know when she and Zuko had parted ways last night, but by the position of the sun it was early afternoon that she was just now waking up. 

She stumbled bleary-eyed and hungry down the stairs feeling lighter than she had in days. Zuko was the only one around, sitting in a patch of sunlight by the fountain sharpening his dao’s and looking very tired and scowly. Somewhere down below the temple, Y/N could hear the pounding of large rocks and boulders being thrown about which probably meant Toph and Aang were practicing earthbending. 

Y/N snagged an orange from one of their baskets of food and laid on her stomach on his right side, propping herself up on her elbows. She began peeling the orange, dropping little pieces of the rind on the ground next to Zuko’s knee. 

“Where is everyone?” Y/N asked, popping the first section of the orange in her mouth and handing Zuko the next.

He talked around the orange. “You’d know if you woke up before lunch.” 

“You guys already ate lunch without me?” Y/N asked, shocked. 

“Nobody wanted to mess with you.” Zuko dragged his–no wait, that was  _ her _ whetstone–down one of his blades. Y/N wrinkled her nose and bit into another orange slice. Good to know he was comfortable enough with her to go digging through her bag to get that out.

“But you told them we talked right?”

“Nope.” The corner of his mouth was lifted in a smirk.

“Ugh, Zuko.” Y/N let her head hang down between her arms. “Help me out here, don’t make me talk to my friends.” Y/N didn’t know if it was too early to say, but their banter felt a bit like old times.

“Don’t make  _ me _ .”

Y/N groaned again, but she really only did it for show. This was her mess to clean up. “But where are they really? Do I have enough time to prepare a long apology for being a bitch or is this going to be freestyle?”

“Sokka and Hakoda are fishing. Teo and the Duke are exploring the temple. Haru, Toph and Aang are earthbending–”another great clash from below shook the temple and Y/N heard Toph whoop excitedly “–and Katara and Suki went to do laundry.”

“Why do the  _ girls _ always have to do laundry?” Y/N grumbled and rolled over on her back. “Why didn’t you go help them?”

“Because I’m here–”

“–sharpening your swords?” Y/N snickered. 

“ _ Yes.” _

“Because that’s  _ so _ important.” Y/N poked Zuko’s kneecap and grinned. “Don’t worry, you’ll grow on them.”

“I don’t care if they like me.” 

“You do,” Y/N teased. “You want all of them to like you, just like I did. You can’t help it. They’re all just too nice.”

“Whatever,” Zuko dropped his swords to the side and leaned back on his hands. 

“You’re so irritable. Did you and Aang still do  _ katas _ at sunrise?”

Zuko closed his eyes against the sunlight. “We do  _ katas _ every morning.”

“You can take a day off, you know.”

“We can’t.” His voice was clipped and Y/N knew if she pushed any harder he’d either stop talking altogether, or start yelling. 

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows in concern and spoke anyways. “Don’t burn him out, Zuko. Don’t burn yourself out either.”

“I’m not _.” _

“Okay, but I just–”

“ _ I’m not!” _

Y/N smiled sheepishly. “Okay! Don’t yell at me.”

“Sorry.” Zuko murmured quietly.

\---

The two of them lazed around the temple until the others came back, group by group. Y/N hadn’t felt this uncomfortable around her friends since she had joined with them after leaving Ba Sing Se. She could feel the tension in the air and Y/N kept cracking her knuckles to have something to do with her hands. They all looked at her warily, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even Sokka kept his distance, which broke Y/N’s heart.

“I’m surprised you haven’t killed one another or at least destroyed the temple,” Sokka chuckled a bit awkwardly, trying to ease the tension. 

Zuko and Y/N stood shoulder to shoulder in one of the many doorways of the temple. Y/N raised her eyebrows at Zuko and he shrugged, seemingly disinterested. “We’re friends again.” 

“Well that must be nice  _ for you _ ,” Katara spat back. 

Y/N and Zuko shared another sideways look. Katara never hid her dislike for Zuko, that much was obvious to everyone, but now it seemed like that dislike was shared partially with Y/N. She and Zuko making up and being friends again only added fuel to Katara’s anger. 

Y/N twisted her finger around a strand of hair anxiously. “Can we talk?” 

“Uh, sure. Guys?” Aang looked around at the others to see if anyone else was going to speak up. There was a chorus of affirmations but Katara just crossed her arms and huffed. 

They all sat in a circle in the middle of the courtyard. The air was colder in the evenings, since it was mostly hidden from the sunlight. Y/N shivered at the way the biting wind slithered up the back of her shirt like a cold hand. 

The seven of them stared at each other for a few beats, sharing glances among themselves and then quickly looking away. Sokka pulled his knees to his chest and twirled a stick between his fingers and Y/N stared at the graceful way it moved in a circle, she longed for those fingers to be intertwined with her own. 

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. 

She bowed her head slightly in submission before scrunching closed her eyes. She’d thought of her words carefully as she waited for them to come back. It didn’t mean it was any less humiliating. “Obviously that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I’m so sorry for how I acted last night and for what I did. It was never my intention to lie to you.”

“But you did. Why didn’t you tell us?” Toph asked. Her voice wasn’t angry, it was disappointed. 

“I hid it because I knew you wouldn’t be happy with me and I just wanted to keep the peace between us. I didn’t want anyone to question my motives. I know it’s wrong to think that way, to be so defensive. I trust you guys and you should be able to trust me too. I just didn’t want you to have doubt in me or to question my loyalties.”

“It’s not about sides!” Katara exploded. “We’re your friends, you don’t hide things from us.”

Y/N flinched back. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had to hear me sympathize with someone who’s done so many bad things to you.”

“She’s done bad things to you too,” Suki reminded her softly. 

Y/N’s eyes fixed on Suki’s brown ones. “Not like you,” Her eyes flitted to Aang’s soft grey ones. “Or you. Zuko was right last night,” Y/N heard him snort softly next to her, “I am selfish. I want pieces of my old life back and while I’m looking behind me for something I’ll never get, I’m ignoring the good that’s in front of me.”

“You aren’t like her.” 

Y/N’s eyes found Zuko’s. “Not anymore. But we but we both know there are more similarities than differences between us.” 

That sentence seemed to weigh on everyone’s mind heavily. They sat and stewed in their own thoughts, and for the first time ever, Y/N was worried about her own future with her friends. It made her nauseous to consider the idea that she was no longer a trusted friend because of one awful mistake. It was a sobering thought; Azula–how she was now–would always be Y/N’s downfall. Azula had been correct in that aspect, what would Y/N have if she didn’t have her friends?  _ Nothing _ . She’d be alone, just like Azula was now. It made Y/N’s regret spread that much deeper. 

“It’s okay,” Aang’s voice was the first to break the silence. “I can’t blame you for wanting to see the best in someone.”

“I–Thank you.” Y/N blinked back tears. It didn’t matter that the rest of them followed suit and murmured their forgivenesses to Y/N, because while she was soothed by Toph’s arm punch and Sokka’s hug and the way Suki pressed her knee into Y/N’s at dinner that night, Aang’s forgiveness was the most needed. While his death in the crystal cavern had not been her turning point, it had still been her catalyst. It had changed her in ways she could never imagine. They all had. Maybe the reason why she  _ wanted  _ to see the good in Azula, wasn’t her own doing, but something that had been rubbed off by him onto her. Even through the hardship and the oppression, he was still a blinding light in the darkness and was just one of many that Y/N was trying to imitate more and more each day. 


	24. Chapter 24

**[Sokka's POV]**

The next few days passed without interruption. The sun still rose and set, but it felt like no time was passing at all. One minute you would be eating breakfast, the next minute you’re watching the sky turn into an orangey-pink haze as the sun dipped behind the mountains. At least that’s how Sokka felt. 

Everyone seemed to be enjoying their time at the Western Air Temple, and Sokka couldn’t blame them. It was a safe place to relax while still training. They didn’t have to move to a new camp everyday; it finally felt like things were looking up for them, even if a little bit. Not to mention it was beautiful there. The architecture was amazing, and in the first few days there Sokka had explored every bit of the temple he could get to on foot. 

Sokka should have been at the top of the list of people spouting love for being at the temple, but he wasn’t. He didn’t even know if he remotely  _ liked  _ it. Because the only thing he wanted to do was hang out with his girlfriend; find somewhere to watch that hazy sunset with her, wander through parts of the temple he hadn’t quite gotten to yet, walk along the creek at the bottom of the canyon, their held hands swinging between them. Hey, what could he say, Sokka was a romantic. However, Y/N was rarely to be found since her rescue. And today was no exception. 

Sokka sidled up to his sister in the courtyard. She was sitting up against one of the tall pillars watching Aang and Zuko practice firebending. She bounced a small bubble of water up and down with a couple of her fingers while she watched. It was still amazing to see how far she had come with her waterbending, almost a year ago she could barely lift water into the air with absolute concentration, now she was doing it without even looking. Wait, who was she staring at?

_ Oh.  _ Sokka wrinkled his nose and wondered if it was well within his Big Brother Rights to tell her to stop staring at Aang, or maybe even tell the boys to move elsewhere. Sokka chose to stay quiet and instead slipped into her line of vision. 

“What’s up, Sokka?” At a wave of Katara’s hand the bubble dissipated, joining with the muggy air. 

“Have you seen Y/N? I wanted to hang out with her.” 

Katara shook her head but then perked up. “Oh! I think she said that she was going swimming with Suki at the pond since it was so hot.”

Sokka frowned. “Oh.”

Katara’s face softened into that look of pity you’d give a kid when they were picked last to play games. Sokka  _ hated _ that face. “Did she not invite you?”

“No.” It was hard to keep the disappointment out of his voice. 

“What’s going on with you two? Are you guys fighting or something?”

Sokka came around to her side and slid down the stone and stared at the cracks in the flagstone. “We’re not fighting.  _ Why? _ Did she say something to you?”

Sokka could feel Katara’s eyes on the side of his head but he didn’t feel like facing her. Not with the conversation they were having. “She hasn’t really talked to me much since she came back actually.” Katara lined her foot up next to Sokka’s, digging the heel of her boot into the dirt. “I was just wondering is all.”

Sokka waited a few beats before asking the question he really wanted to ask. Even as he said it, a flush crept up his neck and over his cheeks. “Do you think I need to be worried? About them spending so much time together?”

“Worried?” Katara furrowed her brow. A small smile flitted across her face like she was about to make a joke about his jealousy but it faded and a look of realization came over her face. “Oh. Um.” 

She seemed to think on his words for a moment, maybe even replaying the moments when she saw Suki and Y/N together, though she didn’t know everything; he was the only one who had seen them holding hands on the airship. And training together. And  _ looking _ at each other...

Katara folded her hands in her lap, clearly just as uncomfortable as Sokka felt. “I think we both know that Y/N has trouble with friendships and boundaries. I have no doubts that she likes you. But maybe she doesn’t realize she’s pushing you away. Maybe in their eyes, everything they’re doing, they’re doing as friends.”

Sokka wasn’t sure if anything she said had helped but it had definitely made him think. “Yeah…”

\---

“What are you guys talking about?” It was hard to miss Aang bounding up to them, sweaty from practices–Zuko right on his heels–wondering why the Water Tribe siblings were trading hushed whispers. 

“Nothing,” Sokka stood up too quickly and shoved his hands in his pockets. His eyes slid over the both of them and he began walking away. “See you guys later.”

“Uhh, okay? See you later?” Sokka didn’t turn around to look at Aang’s face, just kept walking, back inside the temple. 

Sokka didn’t need to be Toph to hear Katara mutter. “I’ll tell you later.” 

He decided to ignore that in favor of sulking. He’d already planned how he was going to climb up to the highest level of the temple, maybe sit on the edge of one of the many windowsill and stare at the sunset all by himself. 

But it was as if talking about Y/N manifested her. She and Suki came back up from  _ wherever  _ they were, laughing and carrying on, dripping water everywhere. Sokka watched as she came up behind Zuko and wrung her hair out on the back of his shirt with a giggle. Zuko made a strangled noise and pushed her hands away.

“Why would you do that?”

Y/N grinned. “‘Cause.”

Sokka either lost interest in being alone the moment he spotted her, or gained a lot of nerve. “Hey, Y/N,”

All of their heads turned in his direction but Y/N was the only one he was focused on. “Yeah?”

“You wanna go for a walk around the temple?”

“Sure!” Y/N’s smile brightened a fraction and she skipped over to him, reaching for his outstretched hand. 

\---

“What do you think this room was?” Y/N dragged her hand over one of the benches and then twirled around with her arms outstretched in the middle of the circular room. 

“How would I know?” Sokka didn’t mean to sound so unkind and cursed himself for how it came out. 

However, Y/N let his words breeze by her, only playfully pouting in return. “You’ve been to more Air Temples than I. I thought you might know.”

Sokka took the time to look around, breaking his gaze from her. “It looks like a place for praying or meditation.”

Y/N replied with a hum. At the peak of the roof were small skylights that would have allowed more sunlight to enter had it been earlier in the day and Sokka could hear the wind whistling through them, he could even feel it flutter across his face. Y/N could too, she was still standing in the middle of the room but her head was tilted back and her arms were thrown wide and her eyes were closed, feeling the wind. 

Why did she have to be like that? 

So..  _ her, _ sometimes. 

Sokka didn’t know how to describe what he was thinking other than that’s just how he felt. It was all consuming, being around her. Something about Y/N was magnetizing, she commanded every room she entered, and that meant he couldn’t be mad at anyone for looking at her the same way he did. Sokka decided this was a place for prayer, even if it wasn’t for the Air Nomads. It was for him, simply because Y/N was in the room. 

“Why’d you bring me up here?”

She was done basking in the middle of the room and now stood there watching him watch her. Sokka shoved his hands deeper in his pockets, embarrassed that she had caught him staring. 

Her expression made him want to forget everything he wanted to say and just spend time with her. She looked so carefree and happy. Happier than he’d seen her in days. Y/N’s hair was still damp from swimming and hung around her shoulders in waves and tangles. 

Sokka could already hear her, hours from now, begging for someone to help comb the tangles out her hair because she didn’t do it while it was wet. He should have reminded her to do that before calling her away to go on a walk. 

He scuffed his foot on the floor awkwardly which seemed to catch Y/N’s attention more than anything. Sokka still hadn’t said anything and now he was shifting around nervously. He scrambled to figure out how he wanted to say what he had to say. “I thought we should talk.”

“Oo-kay,” Y/N blinked and crossed her arms across her chest. Sokka knew better, it wasn’t defensive, it was protective. “What about?” She asked coolly. 

He’d brought her upstairs, away from the others, to talk about Suki, but now, Sokka was unsure if he wanted to say anything at all; worried more about the backlash of his assumption and the subsequent ignoring that would follow. He didn’t want to accuse Y/N of anything. Like Katara had mentioned, it was likely  _ she _ didn’t even know what was going on. Was he being too clingy? Was he being possessive? 

\---

“I’m not here to talk about any of that stuff with Azula, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Sokka trailed off.

“I wasn’t.” But Y/N’s shoulders visibly relaxed. “Then what was it?” She asked quizzically. 

Sokka sighed through his nose. “What’s going on with you? Since we got back from Boiling Rock you’ve been–” Sokka wanted to say distant, but she hadn’t been distant with  _ everyone _ , just him. “If you’re not out training with Suki, you’re nowhere to be found,” he mumbled. 

Sokka didn’t quite like how he sounded: whiny, jealous. But he was in uncharted territory right now and he was letting his emotions get the best of him. He cared so much for Y/N he couldn’t stand not being able to talk to her. She still acted like a wild animal, like she was ready to get kicked out of the group at the slightest misstep. She took the blame for everything, she made it up by sacrificing herself for others, unaware of what it could cost her and those around her. 

So maybe Sokka was more than just confused, maybe he had another agenda too. Maybe he was a little mad at her for making the choice to save his tribe instead of herself, when getting caught had been his fault and maybe he was mad that she was always telling him to run and he _ did _ , instead of standing and fighting by her side. 

“I guess the better question is what’s not going on.” Y/N’s voice was clipped, she looked pissed–eyebrows furrowed and her lips set in a hard line–but she wasn’t looking at Sokka. She was staring at her hands, fisted in front of her. “I’m having a hard time readjusting, that’s all.”

Sokka’s eyes softened and  _ whatever _ he was feeling faded into a dull ache. “Right. I’m sorry.” He looked down at his feet, embarrassed that he even brought her up here. 

“Was there anything else?” Y/N asked. 

Sokka fidgeted with his tunic. He paused, hyping himself up. It was now or never. “Should I be worried about you and Suki?” His words came out quickly, in one long breath. It took so long for Y/N to answer he was hoping she couldn’t understand him. 

“W-what?” Y/N sputtered. 

Sokka swallowed. “I noticed that you spend a lot of time together. And–and I don’t know, I thought that maybe you were mad at me or something. But then I kind of was thinking it was something else.” 

Y/N cocked her head. “Something else?” Her voice was a whisper.

Sokka could feel his face heat up and he couldn’t quite look at Y/N. “Do you...like her?”

Y/N’s nervous laugh echoed around the grotto. She walked over to sit down heavily on one of the benches, curling her legs under herself. She opened her mouth to speak but… nothing came out. She was at a loss for words, and Sokka knew why before she even said it.

“Y/N?” Sokka said desperately. 

“Sokka, I like  _ you.” _ Her voice was just as desperate, her eyes were pleading with him.  _ Don’t ask anymore questions, just take it. _

But Sokka had never been one to just “take it”. He didn’t move from his spot, his feet felt like they were glued in place. “But there’s more to it isn’t there? I’m just really confused right now.” He ran a rough hand over the short section of his hair.” You’re ignoring me, you’re spending all your time with her and you honestly look at her like she hangs the stars!”

Y/N leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. “I–I don’t know what to say.”

“Just tell me the truth, it’s okay I can take it.” Sokka straightened himself up like she was about to punch him.

Y/N twisted her hands in the legs of her pants, looking extremely uncomfortable. “I don’t want to say it out loud.” 

Sokka deflated. “What?”

“If I tell someone, it means that it’s true,” Y/N murmured. Y/N  _ never _ sounded like she did right now. She was normally so loud and confident and right now she looked so small and childlike in the way she blinked up at him. 

“That  _ what _ is true?” Sokka asked just as quietly.

Y/N chewed on the inside of her lip. “Sometimes my eyes linger a little too long on other pretty girls, and sometimes I think of them the way I should only think about boys.” 

The words left Sokka breathless, like he actually had been punched in the gut. The dull aching in his chest became the twisting of a knife. But if that wasn’t hard enough to hear, Y/N kept talking like she needed to explain herself. 

“It’s illegal in the Fire Nation. It’s wrong. In the end, I’ll just marry a boy so it doesn’t matter if I like girls too.” 

Sokka froze and shook his head, wondering if he’d heard her right. It didn’t matter if he was about to lose his girlfriend, Y/N needed a  _ friend _ right now. “That does matter!”

“Why? It’s silly! I’m half-convinced it’s not even real. That I’m just making it all up,” Y/N wrapped her arms around herself.

Well this was a turn of events that Sokka did not foresee. “But it’s a part of you! You can’t just ignore it because some stuffy, old guys in charge say so.” 

“I don’t want it to be a part of me. That’s why I’ve always ignored it!” 

Sokka tipped his head to the side and Y/N looked away. “You’ve felt like this before?”

“I think forever.”

“Oh, Y/N.” Sokka sat on the bench next to her. He didn’t touch her, he didn’t even come near her. Y/N seemed grateful and despite everything, she seemed to relax a little when he got near her. Sokka felt like he was going to throw up. 

“It’s not wrong to feel that way, Y/N,” Sokka said after a while.

She started to refute him but Sokka interrupted her. “It’s not. I know you think it is, but I’m telling you it’s okay to feel that way.” 

“It’s not an option,” Y/N said, sounding very exasperated with Sokka.

He didn’t care, he would scream it if he had to. She had to know that there was nothing wrong with her. She had to know it. “It  _ can be _ an option. When the war is over you can be with whomever you like, girl or boy. You can do whatever you want.” Sokka took a deep breath and let it out through his nose. “So, if you wanna break up….”

“What!” Y/N grabbed his arm. “No! I don’t want to break up with you!”

Sokka felt his knees go wobbly at the sudden rush and subsequent loss of adrenaline. “Oh thank Tui and La.” His head dropped into his hands as he felt tears of relief prick at his eyes. He was definitely  _ not _ going to cry. 

Y/N rubbed a hand over Sokka’s back. “Did you really think that was going to be it? Is that why you brought us up here?”

Sokka sighed a little wistfully. “I didn’t know what was going to happen. I never know what is going through your head, Y/N.”

Out of the corner of Sokka’s eye he could see Y/N wringing her hands in her lap. He sat up and pulled her hands apart, his fingers sliding across her wrist before pulling away completely. 

“I don’t mean to be distant with you. I’m just not used to being open with anyone. I’m working on it. If you’re ever unsure, you can always ask me what I’m thinking about.” 

And it really was that simple. Y/N didn’t have to be as closed off as Sokka had made her out to be. Here was a door and she was opening it wide for him to come inside. He couldn’t help but look at her with adoration. He really couldn’t think of anyone else he would ever want to be with. 

Y/N pulled him out of his thoughts with a squeeze of her cold hand around his wrist. “Why do you look at me like that?”

Sokka’s body went cold. “Like what?” he managed to choke out. 

\---

**[Y/N’S POV]**

The thought was so absurd, Y/N almost didn’t say it. But the look in Sokka’s eyes told her to do otherwise. “Like you love me.”

“So what if I did?”

Y/N’s breath was stolen from her lungs. She turned her face away because staring at Sokka’s hopeful eyes was the last thing she needed. 

She wanted to tell him not to; to change his mind or maybe get it through his thick, but hopelessly sweet brain that this was never going to go past where it was. 

_ So what if it did?  _ Her own brain mocked. 

She was so in her own head that she almost missed what Sokka was saying. 

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same right now. But I also can’t help how I feel.” His head was bowed and Y/N could see the flush on his cheeks. The last thing Y/N wanted was for him to be embarrassed for telling her something so personal and meaningful. She quickly pushed aside her own feelings and laid her cheek on his shoulder. 

Y/N willed herself to put as much emotion as possible into the words she was going to say next. “I’m sorry but I can’t say it now. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you though.” 

“I know that,” Sokka muttered. He was still disappointed, she could tell. 

Y/N felt her heart racing in her chest. She felt like she was losing control over something. On one level, she was  _ excited _ , of course she was excited; a boy she liked just said he  _ loved _ her. But on another level, Y/N’s brain was just screaming at her, telling her to figure out  _ why _ he would say something like that to her. 

And that carried on through the rest of the night, even as they sat down for dinner. Y/N was squished between Aang and Zuko on one side of the fire, Sokka between his sister and Toph on the other side, Hakoda, Suki, Teo, Haru and The Duke filling in the gaps between them. 

Loving her friends wasn’t absurd. Loving Sokka as a friend wasn’t absurd. She already knew those things to be true. She could look at each and everyone of them and list off the things she loved about them. But  _ Loving _ Sokka? 

It wasn’t unimaginable. 

It was strange nonetheless. 

_ I love you _ . Those words were heavy on Y/N’s mind. They signaled a change, an acknowledgement of something different. One that Y/N had never thought of and one she wasn’t sure she wanted to admit to just yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments make me so happy!! i'd love to hear what you have to say :)


End file.
